IC: Deadpool
At a small Holiday Inn in New York City...
A man in a very strange costume lays on the bed, tossing and turning on the bed.
A strange mad scientist is putting a needle in...Wait, no, it's Rosie O'Donnel! She wants me to be her Twinkie Buddy! No! I don't wanna be a Twinkie Buddy!
"I DON'T WANNA BE A TWINKIE BUDDY!!!!"
Huh. Must have fallen asleep. 6 hundred-hours, I see. Damnit! I missed X-Play!
Then a 'splosion hits. I dunno why, but it makes me wanna sing!
"If there's some dumb bastard
You want to be dead
Who you gonna call?"
I leap out of the building, ready to do some death-defying stunts!
"DEADPOOL--oof!"
I drop on the rose bushes. I pick one of the broken stems up and crush it, giving my Trademarked "DOINK!"'s. I stand up and walk to my Pento.
"If there's some...uh...stuff
Something something-thing-thang
Oh
Who you gonna call?!
DEADPOOL!"
I screech away into the city, humming the rest of my "Work in Progress" theme song.
"Do do-do do do do-do, do do do do do-do-do-do-do da dum..."
As I got further downtown I...Oh! Deadpool senses tingling! There's a big poster thing of Jessica Alba in a thong! Wait, I just hit the sidewalk, the car's going to explode!
I dive away just as it blows up, picking me up higher in the air, and making me bounce on the pavement.
"Doink--doink--doink--doink--UHNG!"
I stand up, brush myself off, and looked at the flaming whreck. Ooooo, pretty light...
"Who'da thunk a Pinto was such a dangerous ride?"
***
A few minutes later (after taking a good mental picture of the mentioned picture of Jessica Alba), our intrepid hero makes it to the heart of New York's latest crisis...
Woah! There's a lot of fire! And lots of dead bodies, too.
There's a big blue alien thing running around. There's also a guy in a skin-tight red bondage suit that was surely designed by a blind guy, a big red blob, a big black blob, a pretty smokin' babe with spikey hair and tattos and blood all over, and a guy in red spande...WAIT! The little bastard stole my costume design!
Doesn't matter. That blue guy looks like he's causing some bad stuff. He must have killed a whole bunch of people, and he doesn't have any dough on him! That's wrong! He might have killed a whole bunch of women, children...and puppies.
"YOU KILLED PUPPIES, YOU SICK, DEMENTED SPACE BASTARD!!!"
Okay, Wade, it's hero time. Don't screw it up.
I take my sword out and jump on top of one of the turned-over cars.
"Deadpool--AHHH!--Savior of the Universe!"