Things Dr. Doom Would Never Say

[MST3K 4ever]

--I love the savings I get at Wal-Mart!

--What kind of fool was I taking Buffalo over Pittsburgh?

--My latest plan for world domination just fell through...I need a hug.

--I would love to rule the world right now, but "Sportscenter" is coming on and you know how I love my ESPN.

 

[The Navigator]

Doom: I have a better idea, Scoot. I'm going to place them in an exotic situation with an easily escapable death trap. BEGIN THE RIDICULOUSLY SLOW DIPPING MECHANISM!

Doom: Well, it got so that every pissant prairie farmer who could hold a gun wanted to try out "The Latveria Kid." I must've killed more men that Cecille B. Demille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. That one day, I was walking down the street, when I heard, "Reach for it, Mister!" I turned....and there was a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my gauntlets down, walked away. ....Little bastard shot me in the ass!

(on failing to bring his dead mother back to life)
Doom: No, no....be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it's to accept our failures, as well as our successes....with quiet dignity...and grace.
(after a pause)
Soom: You son of a b1tch bastard! I'll get you for this!

 

[MST3K 4ever]

Doom: I have a better idea, Scoot. I'm going to place them in an exotic situation with an easily escapable death trap. BEGIN THE RIDICULOUSLY SLOW DIPPING MECHANISM!

Doom: Well, it got so that every pissant prairie farmer who could hold a gun wanted to try out "The Latveria Kid." I must've killed more men that Cecille B. Demille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. That one day, I was walking down the street, when I heard, "Reach for it, Mister!" I turned....and there was a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my gauntlets down, walked away. ....Little bastard shot me in the ass!

(on failing to bring his dead mother back to life)
Doom: No, no....be of good cheer. If science teaches us anything, it's to accept our failures, as well as our successes....with quiet dignity...and grace.
(after a pause)
Soom: You son of a b1tch bastard! I'll get you for this!

Nicely Done and now in honor of our appriciation of "Top Gun"

Doom: I feel the need...the need for SPEED!

Doom: "You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips"

Doom: GOOOOSSSSSSSEEEEE!!!!!!!

Richards:What are you doing?
Doom: Just wondering who the best villain is?

 

[The Navigator]

Sue: Let me get this straight. You were in a four-G, negative dive, inverted, with an enemy MiG?
Doom: That's correct.
Thing: (coughs)Bullsh1t!
Reed: No, man, it was great. I got a picture of it, I should blow it up.
Sue: And when was this?
Doom: That's classified.
Sue: Excuse me?
Doom: That's classified. You know, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Doom: I can't get him off my tail.
Johnny: He's still back there!
Doom: All right. I'm bringin' him in closer, Johnny.
Johnny: You're gonna do WHAT?!

Reed: He's heading for the hard deck, Doom! Let's get down there first and nail him!
Doom: No way, Galactus...you're mine. Let's see what you got now, Galactus!
Galactus: Jeez, this kid's good.
(locks onto Galactus)
Doom: Galactus is dead!
Reed: Yee-haw! Great balls of fire!

Thing: You up for this one, Victor?
Doom: Just another walk in the park, baldy.

She-Hulk: Good morning gentlemen, the temperature's 110 degrees.
Beyonder: Holy sh1t! It's She-Hulk!
Doom: Yeah, she's probably going, 'Holy sh1t, it's Reed and Doom.'
Reed: Yeah, I'm sure she's sayin' that.

Doom: Sorry, Reed, but it's time to buzz the tower.

 

[MST3K 4ever]

Sue: Let me get this straight. You were in a four-G, negative dive, inverted, with an enemy MiG?
Doom: That's correct.
Thing: (coughs)Bullsh1t!
Reed: No, man, it was great. I got a picture of it, I should blow it up.
Sue: And when was this?
Doom: That's classified.
Sue: Excuse me?
Doom: That's classified. You know, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.

Doom: I can't get him off my tail.
Johnny: He's still back there!
Doom: All right. I'm bringin' him in closer, Johnny.
Johnny: You're gonna do WHAT?!

Reed: He's heading for the hard deck, Doom! Let's get down there first and nail him!
Doom: No way, Galactus...you're mine. Let's see what you got now, Galactus!
Galactus: Jeez, this kid's good.
(locks onto Galactus)
Doom: Galactus is dead!
Reed: Yee-haw! Great balls of fire!

Thing: You up for this one, Victor?
Doom: Just another walk in the park, baldy.

She-Hulk: Good morning gentlemen, the temperature's 110 degrees.
Beyonder: Holy sh1t! It's She-Hulk!
Doom: Yeah, she's probably going, 'Holy sh1t, it's Reed and Doom.'
Reed: Yeah, I'm sure she's sayin' that.

Doom: Sorry, Reed, but it's time to buzz the tower.

LOL!

 

[The Navigator]

Doom: Clarence....I want to live again....I want to live again!

Doom: Reed Richards? You are under arrest. You have the right to remain silent.
Reed: (spits in Doom's face) F_ck you.
(Doom throws Reed throw a window)
Reed: Wait a minute, man. Wait a minute! I've got protection, man! I'm protected!
Doom: You have the right to an attorney.
Reed: What is this sh11111ttt!
(Doom throws him through another window)
Reed: Goddamn it. Goddamn it! Listen to me, you f_ck! There's another guy! He's--he's OCP! He's the senior president!
Doom: Anything you say may be used against you.
Reed: It's Dick Joooones!
(Doom throws him through yet another window)
Reed: Don't you care.....you Monarch?! I work for Dick Jones! DICK JONES!! He's the number two guy at OCP! OCP runs the sh1t! You're the--sh1t!--
(Doom begins choking him, then relents)
Doom: Yes. I am the sh1t.


Puppet Master: Come in, Doctor! You know I usually don't see anyone without an appointment, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Doom: You are under arrest.
P.M.h? On what charge?
Doom: Aiding and abetting a known felon.
P.M.: Sounds pretty serious. (holds out his hands) You better take me in.
Doom: I will.
(moves in as "Product Violation" flashes inside his helmet--Doom stops and begins to struggle and jerk)
P.M.:What's the matter, Victor? I'll tell you what's the matter. It's a little insurance policy called "Directive 4." Any attempt to arrest a lame-ass villian of the Marvel U results in shutdown.

 

[Zev]

"You make Doom feel like a natural woman."

"The truth is, I have been in cahoots with Oprah for decades! Who do you think framed Martha Stewart!"

DOOM: C'mon, Tony, you'll love Rent.

STARK: I don't know. I am, after all, a middle-aged businessman who makes
weapons for the government. Would Rent really be my bag?

DOOM: Give it a shot.

RENT: Bohemian! Gay! AIDS!

STARK: IT BURNS! IT BURNS!

DOOM: Scratch one hero. Hey Pym, have you ever wanted to watch a Renny Harlin movie?

 

[VICTORVONDOOMX]

"I'm descended from Dracula! Isn't that kewl?"

 

[Ben Grimm]

"Ladies and Gentleman Let us Get, ohh how do you say Jiggy with it,"

"I'm a little teapot...."

His armor comes apart in a fight,
"Damn faulty welding!"

"I conceed Richards you are the most brilliant ans handsomest costumed freak around."

"Where's the Beef?"

"I'm Doc Doom, Biyatch!"

"Yay 20th century Fox and Tim Story have *****fied me down, and made be a buisnessman from New York instead of a Monarch from Latvaria, Yipee!"

I'll Think of more later,
Ben Grimm

 

[The Navigator]

Doom: The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the master.
Reed: Only a master of evil, Doom.
Doom: And a country, bi-yatch Don't forget that.
Reed: Sh1t.

 

[DOG LIPS]

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

 

[Dew k. Mosi]

Hello, Qvc, Doom is calling about the lovely little blown glass leprechaun. Do you have any of those left in stock. It will be delightful in my break nook next to the little statue of the man that says "I Wub Yew Thiiiiis Much"

 

[Lord Valumart]

Doom: well if this isn't funny i don't know what is...
(pause)
*Doom violenly implodes*
Reed: well, noe we need a new archenemy
*shouts casting roles*

mummy mummy, look what doom found in his potty!
(points to richards)

(whilst looking in mirror)
oh, you, handsome devil you. i need a metal shave...

doom believes in all creatures great and small...to be my slaves, in the magical land of Doom's little poney

Doom: Now richards, (chews on pie) you die! *shmack*
Richards: Are you going to eat that pie or fight me?
Doom:...I will do both, for i am doom!!! (puts pie down) give me a second though...(runs to bathroom, while richards eats rest of pie)
Doom: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You have eaten my pie! you will pay richards!!!!!!

 

[The Navigator]

Doom: So let me get this straight..."Commander." A group of cybernetic creatures--from the future--have travelled back in time to enslave the human race....and you're here to stop them?
Riker: That's right.
Doom: Hot damn, you're heroic.

Doom: So....you people are all astronauts on......some kinda star trek.

Doom: Doom will NOT sacrifice Latveria! WE've made too many compromises already, too many retreats. They depose Doom as king, and we fall back. They put frickin' Zorba on the throne, and we fall back. Not again! The line must be drawn HEYA! This far, no further! And Doom......shall rule them ALL for what they have done!

(OK, he might say that last part)

 

[Zev]

"Oh damn, we're out of sex jelly."

 

[DOG LIPS]

Doom- "Damn... That Aunt Petunia from the SHH! forums is one fine woman."

 

[dos_acoustic]

" Oh, those Golden Grahams.
Oh, those Golden Grahams.
Crispy, crunchy, graham cereal,
brand new breakfast treat... "

 

[Lord Valumart]

Doom: Doom would sell his soul to kill that ocurced Reed Richards
(cheesy special effect, devil appears with reed in a cage)
Devil:: your soul??
Reed: wha..where..Doom!
Doom: Doom has canged his mind. Doom would rather have a bottle of Budweiser
Devil: done*clicks fingers*
(Reed dissappears and a bottle of "bud" is placed in Dooms hand)
Doom: Ha!! Doom has no soul for you to take!!!
Devil: fine i'll take the WD40
(devil dissapers)
Doom: no!!!! Doom needs that to move!!!

 

[bweurk]

"Bite my shiny metal *ss"

 

[Lord Valumart]

don't go changin',
to try and please me,
you've mever letme down before,
mmmmmm,
i made it throught the wilderness,
you knoe i made it through,
never knew how lost i was until i found you,
i like big butts,
and i can not lie,
you other brothers can not lie,
when a girl walks in with an itbity waist,
and that round thing in you face,
you get,
fellings,
it's fun to stay at the,
YMCA,
it's fun to stay at the,
YMCA,
who let the dogs out,
who, who, who,
do you really want ot hurt me,
ow,
do you really want to make cry,
staying alive,
staying alive,
all we need is a drummer,
for people who just need a beat,
yeh,
i can't se me loving nobody but you,
for all my life,
dance to the music,
everybody,
dance to the music,
everybody,
dance to the music,
everybody,
dance to the music,
everybody,
dance to the music,
everybody,
dance to the music,
everybody,
Doom can't breath,
Doom can't breath.

 

[The Navigator]

From the special "Doom in the movies" sction--you've seen him before, you just haven't noticed!

Reed: You have me at a loss. You know my name, but who are you?
Doom: Just the fly in the ointment, Reed. The monkey in the wrench. The pain in the ass.
Reed: Who are you then? Just another American, orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he's John Wayne, Rambo, Marshall Dillon?
Doom: I was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers, actually....really liked those sequined shirts.
Reed: Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?
Doom:....Yippie-kay-yay, motherf_cker.

And an actual quote of something Doom just wouldn't say:

Doom: You know....I tried to convince myself for years that the backstreet boys were straight men. But....even Doom can only fool himself for so long.

 

[TheBlackTiger]

3 things I hope Doom never says???
1.) Can you hear me now?
2.) Supersize it.
3.) Im standing right behind you and no thats not a gun. Doom is indeed very happy to see you.

 

[kang604]

"G-G-G-G-G-G-G UNIT!!!!! DOC DOOM NIKKA"

" i enjoy penis between my buttcheeks"

 

[DOG LIPS]

"See you at dah pawty, Rickta!"

 

[TheBlackTiger]

meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow

meow-meow-meow!!!