Why do men cheat?

[Anubis]

Cuz sex is awesome, and doing it with one person all the time can be boring as s**t.

 

[Scooter]

Granted, some of us are, but some of us prefer doing it with men. What are you doing it with?

******* *****, not ******* *****.

 

[Lantern Venom]

Hello all.

A few days ago, I was having a pretty candid convo with a married friend of mine where he outright admitted that, if given the chance, he'd have an affair. Now this isn't some sleezeball, he's a stay-at-home dad, married for 16-years, moved like 6 times across the country just to be with his wife kind of guy.

So it got me thinking, what is it that drives even guys like that to be okay with cheating on their wives? Is there one universal similarity that causes it? Or does it vary on the person? Why is it that men view affairs as being less...seismic than women do?

Now, obviously, I'm not trying to excuse cheating or condone it in anyway, just answer the question as to why it occurs so readily. And I don't quite believe its as simple as "men are horny".

No there isn't a single answer. I suppose you could say selfishness is an essential element because it does involve putting your base urges over the trust of your spouse/family. However, there is a plethora of other factors that could be at play: mid-life crisis, diverging emotional compatability, immaturity, lack of morality, loss of a child, menopause or illness to the spouse, lack of familial support outside the marriage, over-active sex drive.

Yes, it's a lot more complex than "men are just animals."

 

[The Apocalypse]

Cuz sex is awesome, and doing it with one person all the time can be boring as s**t.

For real, especially at younger ages, both men and women cheat for this reason. People get bored doing the same stuff with the same person, eventually.

 

[Belvedere]

Who exactly are you cheating on? As far as I'm concerned, to suppress your desires and forego opportunities to do things that you want to do in order to fulfil a societal expectation is ridiculous.

You only have one life. Life it to the fullest and, most importantly, live it for yourself.

All you're going to do is sit around wondering what it would have been like or what might have happened.

 

[Mandalore464]

Edit : Deleted

 

[RedIsNotBlue]

Most men are *****es when it comes to relationships. It's as simple as that pretty much. Most men act like jerks and treat woman badly and for some reason most women tend to choose those men to be in relationships with. So if most relationships are like that then of course there is going to be cheating going down on both ends...it all depends on the specific circumstances.

 

[chamber-music]

As others have said women cheat just as much as men.

Alot of men want it both ways. They like the companionship of being in a relationship but they also like having sex with other women.

There are alot of men who I bet if their girlfriend or wife said they could sleep around with whoever they want and the wife would stay faithful to them they would do it.

 

[Mandalore464]

Edit : Deleted

 

[Anita18]

No there isn't a single answer. I suppose you could say selfishness is an essential element because it does involve putting your base urges over the trust of your spouse/family. However, there is a plethora of other factors that could be at play: mid-life crisis, diverging emotional compatability, immaturity, lack of morality, loss of a child, menopause or illness to the spouse, lack of familial support outside the marriage, over-active sex drive.

Yes, it's a lot more complex than "men are just animals."

Yeah, pretty much.

Biologically, I suppose males are meant to spread their seed, but at the same time, monogamy is an awfully good idea because human children are helpless for so long. It's probably prudent to stick around to help with child-rearing, so a competing male doesn't kill your kid to impregnate your mate with his own offspring...Hey, it happens with lions!

So no, the whole "men are pigs because of evolution" thing doesn't quite work IMO because human children are really helpless for years. If human males were really meant to hump and dump, kids would be pretty self-sufficient after a few hours. Kind of like baby wildebeests, which have to be able to keep up with adults only a few hours after birth. Or else they get eaten by lions. And on goes the circle of life...

 

[Mandalore464]

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[KalMart]

Because they can....and don't think about the misery they may cause.


Why don't women cheat as much? Because they can, too....but can find more creative ways to making a man's life miserable.

 

[Lantern Venom]

Who exactly are you cheating on? As far as I'm concerned, to suppress your desires and forego opportunities to do things that you want to do in order to fulfil a societal expectation is ridiculous.

You only have one life. Life it to the fullest and, most importantly, live it for yourself.

All you're going to do is sit around wondering what it would have been like or what might have happened.

The answer is in the statement. When you take wedding vows, you pledge to put your partner's well being before your own. That's a huge undertaking and far too many people make it without truly understanding it.

We are far more complex than animals. We are rightfully expected to control our base urges with higher brain functioning when it comes to injuring (emotionally, financially, physically) other people.

It's OK to choose to live as a single person or join your path with another person's. The middle road, however, only leads to pain and loss.

 

[chamber-music]

But that would be absolute macho nonsense if the wife has to remain faithful. However, if they decide that it's OK for both of them to satisfy their sexual urges with other people and still be a loving couple, then it becomes fair and not unhealthy at all I think.

That was my whole point some men want it both ways.

 

[Mandalore464]

Edit : Deleted

 

[Lantern Venom]

How exactly is sexual attraction to fellow human beings a "base" urge?

Is that a rhetorical question? Hunger, sexual desire, need for warmth/security...they are all basic human imperatives. All three come with certain parameters.

 

[Mandalore464]

Edit : Deleted

 

[Lantern Venom]

I thought you meant "base" as in "vulgar" or "lowly", not "imperative".

No, not vulgar...well, maybe in prison.

 

[Piper Maru]

Most men cheat because they have a pathological obsession with *****. They emerged from one at birth, and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back inside one or many! One is just simply not enough, I guess.

 

[Spider-Fan83]

wouldn't know, never cheated (probably never would) only been cheated on

 

[mrvlknight21]

In my personal experience (either me or my friends) women cheat much more often than men.

 

[THE MR. TERRIFIC]

I think ANYONE who is miserable in their current relationship given the opportunity and the right circumstances MAY cheat. Male or female. Sometimes women are worse because they are better liars! :P

 

[Baneis8feettall]

Women do it as much as men..they just know to how to cover up. t:

 

[Anubis]

Multiple answers, many of which have already been stated.

1/ Being monogamous is not necessarily natural for human beings. It is something we created to show how much we cared about this "one special person".

2/ Marriage, and the concept of monogamy emerged when life expectancy was much shorter than today. It's much easier to find your "one true love" and stay with him / her for your whole life when you're gonna die at 40.

3/ Sex is not meant to be had as a demonstration of love. Society associated the two, and therefore called "cheating" having sex with somebody who is not the person you love. Even though cheating on someone you love would correspond to "loving somebody else", I don't see how "having sex with somebody else" constitutes cheating on your love. Sex is sex, love is love. They are not meant to be associated. That is stupid, and creates a lot of frustrated human beings who have to struggle against their very nature to maintain that lie. We may only have one true love in the world, but we definitely are not meant to only have one sexual partner. A society freed from these lies, that would allow people (both men AND women) to single out one person they love and want to spend their lives with, and then not frown upon this person having sex with whomever he/she wants, would be much healthier. It doesn't take "love" to be sexually attracted to someone. Whoever says otherwise is simply lying.

4/ "Men" don't cheat. Humans cheat. Women probably didn't cheat as much as men 100 years ago because society deprived them of social interactions whenever their husbands weren't around, but as women are getting closer and closer to complete equality (I'm saying they're only moving closer to it because there are still a lot of improvements to be made), they emancipate and have a lot more occasions to cheat on their partners.

5/ Too many people still think love is meant to be eternal by nature, and all they have to do is sit back and enjoy as soon as they've found their partner. That is wrong. Love will only be eternal if you make it eternal, and fight everyday to maintain that love. Love is not a gift, it's a reward.

That's pretty much your answer.

 

[katie_girl09]

I think that people cheat because they are selfish, immature, and cowardly. And for me, there are (generally) no other reasons for being a cheater.

I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason your friend is willing to cheat is to feel like a "man" again. Part of him probably feels emasculated because his wife is the main breadwinner.

And her not being social? B.S. man. I hate excuses like that. If she made him that unhappy, he could leave her and find someone who is as social as he is. But most cheaters don't do that because that would mean telling their partner that they are unhappy (not an easy thing for a coward to do) and actually leaving the stability of the relationship (which goes against their selfish sense of self-preservation). They could also try to work on their relationship and re-evaluate it. But why should they do all that work when they can cheat and get a cheap emotional high instead (immaturity)?

I find that when people cheat, it often has more to do with their own egos than anything else. They want to have a stable, happy relationship and still have the dip on the side. They wanna be able to prove to themselves that they still got it as it were.

My two cents.

I thought you meant "base" as in "vulgar"...

Human sexual attraction is vulgar in the sense that it isn't exactly a refined or polished thing.