Writing Competition #3: New Beginnings

[TKing]

Writing Competition #3:
New Beginnings

Theme:
This is your chance to create the first scene of X-Men 4. In X-Men, we had Magneto's origin. In X2, we had Nightcrawler's attack on the White House. And in X-Men 3, we had Jean's first encounter with the Professor. So, what will be the opening sequence for the next X-sequel? You decide.

Rules:

• One entry per member
• Only post the final product
• Scene must be completely original (i.e., NO REWRITES)
• LIMIT: 100 LINES (If you feel like you can make a scene that long and keep people interested enough to finish it, all the power to you. If not, you can opt for a shorter length that fits with your scene.)
• Violation of any of these rules will result in an immediate DISQUALIFICATION. No exceptions.
  
• Winner of the contest will choose the next competition
  

I'm not sure how much interest there is left in these competitions, but I thought I'd produce one more with an entirely different topic; perhaps, as the last theme (rewrite of X3) had been done several times before.

There are plenty of opportunities for this theme. Be creative and have fun! I hope we have a few more entries this time round.

COMPETITION WILL END 12AM ON NOVEMBER 7th
(3 WEEKS)


GOOD LUCK ALL!​

Entries to date
TKing
ToriL90

 

[Nadino]

Sounds great TKing!! And congrats on winning the last one! t:

 

[ToriL90]

Yeah, congrats, TKing. This competition should be fun. i thought we were limiting our theme pool to X3, but I actually prefer writing X4 scenes.

I'll be fine-tuning my first scene in my script in the next few days. wrote it a long time ago, but I want to make sure it's competition-ready, and I've got TWO tests on Thursday I've gotta study for that'll eat up most of my time 'til then.

For the first time, I'm actually worried my scene might be outside the length boundaries.

 

[La_She-Beast]

Oooh sounds exciting. Hope to participate this time.

 

[ToriL90]

Geez, I almost forgot! Okay, I started today. Hopefully, I'll be posting it tomorrow; but I've got a test on Friday and a couple term papers due soon, so it might take a little more time (especially if it's over 100 lines, which I fear it is). I'll get it in on time, though.

Anybody else working on a scene?

 

[TKing]

Good to know we've got at least one entry.

 

[ToriL90]

Good to know we've got at least one entry.

What about you? I like being in a class by myself, but not in the literal sense

 

[TKing]

I might have a go at an entry.

 

[TKing]

She-Beast, are you still considering entering? I do hope so.

 

[TKing]

I'll post mine now. It's only roughly done. At least we'll have one entry I don't want this comp to be a complete failure

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

The city slumbers in darkness. We MOVE PAST the rooftops

finding a GIRL of about fifteen. She is running for her life. We move with her through alleys, past doorways that are either shut or being slammed shut as she approaches. She looks about her, wildly, keeps moving.

INT. HALL WAY

Sleek, super hi-tech.

CLOSE ON THE FLOOR

grazed by a pair of black Prada knee high boots.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

ANGLE: a robe, skimming the ground as her pursuer follows. Another enters frame as well.

The girl hits a dead end.

INT. STAIRS

CLOSE ON THE BOOTS

as they ascend the stairwell.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

The two robed figures appear at the end of the alley. Heads covered in black cloth. Faceless horrors.

She's terrified as they start toward her, but not without resolve. She jumps up on a pile of trash, clings onto a pipe. Starts a desperate climb.

INT. HALL WAY

Three shiny steel doors stand at the centre of the hallway.

CLOSE ON THE BOOTS

as they pause. One of the elevator doors pops open.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

One of the robed men grabs for her ankle but she's too high. She's near the top of the wall --

Another figure appears in frame. The girl screams as he pushes her roughly back.

She falls back. Lands on the alley floor HARD.

INT. LAB

A pristine-RESEARCH LABORATORY. Lab technicians and scientists in clean white suits.

CLOSE ON THE BOOTS

as they purposefully strut through the lab.

LAB TECH
Good evening, miss. Welcome back.

WOMAN
**** you.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

The girl is immobilized and terrified as one of the men holds her down. The other pulls out a horrible, ornate dagger.

Her eyes. The knife.

Her SCREAMS boom on the CUT TO --

INT. CONTROL ROOM

A glass walled control booth looks out onto a long stainless steel corridor. The metal is so highly polished it hurts to look at. The boots come to a final stop.

PAN UP

to reveal the face of a beautiful woman with raven-black hair and piercing dark eyes. WANDA. Dressed to kill. If you're male, you just came.

WANDA
We need to renovate. Starting with axing the Dextors back there.

MAN
They serve their purpose.

A MAN is operating three plasma screen laptops simultaneously. Platinum-blonde hair suits him well. He's handsome. Looks like he works out. PIETRO.

WANDA
Well?

PIETRO
Well what?

WANDA
What is that purpose?

PIETRO
You want me to spoil the surprise?

WANDA
Such a tease.

The chemistry between these two is electrifying. They'd make the perfect lovers... if they weren't twins. Wanda gestures to one of the monitor screens.

WANDA (cont'd)
Anything good on?

PIETRO
We've had reports of another killing. I've sent Forge to head a strike team to clarify.

WANDA
Seems like our star's been busy.

PIETRO
That's not all. Look what else I found.

An IMAGE appears on screen. A grainy close up of a FACE in a department store. A face amongst many. The face of an old man. A face... we recognise.

PIETRO
We got him.

This is ERIK LENSHERR. But how do these twins know Erik? Could it be...? Wanda smirks deliciously.

WANDA
I think it's time to pay father a visit.

--
It's a little out there, but perhaps for a new movie, the studios could take a different direction. I want mystery involved. And suspense. Hope you like it, and I'm hoping for some fantastic entries.
The chase sequence was actually taken from Buffy the Vampire series. I thought it posed for quite a sinister opening (similar to that of the first two X-films).

 

[ToriL90]

I'll post mine now. It's only roughly done. At least we'll have one entry I don't want this comp to be a complete failure

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

The city slumbers in darkness. We MOVE PAST the rooftops

finding a GIRL of about fifteen. She is running for her life. We move with her through alleys, past doorways that are either shut or being slammed shut as she approaches. She looks about her, wildly, keeps moving.

INT. HALL WAY

Sleek, super hi-tech.

CLOSE ON THE FLOOR

grazed by a pair of black Prada knee high boots.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

ANGLE: a robe, skimming the ground as her pursuer follows. Another enters frame as well.

The girl hits a dead end.

INT. STAIRS

CLOSE ON THE BOOTS

as they ascend the stairwell.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

The two robed figures appear at the end of the alley. Heads covered in black cloth. Faceless horrors.

She's terrified as they start toward her, but not without resolve. She jumps up on a pile of trash, clings onto a pipe. Starts a desperate climb.

INT. HALL WAY

Three shiny steel doors stand at the centre of the hallway.

CLOSE ON THE BOOTS

as they pause. One of the elevator doors pops open.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

One of the robed men grabs for her ankle but she's too high. She's near the top of the wall --

Another figure appears in frame. The girl screams as he pushes her roughly back.

She falls back. Lands on the alley floor HARD.

INT. LAB

A pristine-RESEARCH LABORATORY. Lab technicians and scientists in clean white suits.

CLOSE ON THE BOOTS

as they purposefully strut through the lab.

LAB TECH
Good evening, miss. Welcome back.

WOMAN
**** you.

EXT. CITY - NIGHT

The girl is immobilized and terrified as one of the men holds her down. The other pulls out a horrible, ornate dagger.

Her eyes. The knife.

Her SCREAMS boom on the CUT TO --

INT. CONTROL ROOM

A glass walled control booth looks out onto a long stainless steel corridor. The metal is so highly polished it hurts to look at. The boots come to a final stop.

PAN UP

to reveal the face of a beautiful woman with raven-black hair and piercing dark eyes. WANDA. Dressed to kill. If you're male, you just came.

WANDA
We need to renovate. Starting with axing the Dextors back there.

MAN
They serve their purpose.

A MAN is operating three plasma screen laptops simultaneously. Platinum-blonde hair suits him well. He's handsome. Looks like he works out. PIETRO.

WANDA
Well?

PIETRO
Well what?

WANDA
What is that purpose?

PIETRO
You want me to spoil the surprise?

WANDA
Such a tease.

The chemistry between these two is electrifying. They'd make the perfect lovers... if they weren't twins. Wanda gestures to one of the monitor screens.

WANDA (cont'd)
Anything good on?

PIETRO
We've had reports of another killing. I've sent Forge to head a strike team to clarify.

WANDA
Seems like our star's been busy.

PIETRO
That's not all. Look what else I found.

An IMAGE appears on screen. A grainy close up of a FACE in a department store. A face amongst many. The face of an old man. A face... we recognise.

PIETRO
We got him.

This is ERIK LENSHERR. But how do these twins know Erik? Could it be...? Wanda smirks deliciously.

WANDA
I think it's time to pay father a visit.

--
It's a little out there, but perhaps for a new movie, the studios could take a different direction. I want mystery involved. And suspense. Hope you like it, and I'm hoping for some fantastic entries.
The chase sequence was actually taken from Buffy the Vampire series. I thought it posed for quite a sinister opening (similar to that of the first two X-films).

I will enter, I promise. I thought I'd have time to tweak my story here and there; but like I said, I had a test on Friday I had to study for. My professor had a whim on Wednesday and decided to make the test cover 5 more chapters of material than he said it would on Monday, so the last couple of days have been one big blur of reading and re-reading. Well, the test is over now, so it should be easier. I've been busy today placating my waste-of-space "father's" visitation, but let's see what I can do tomorrow.

PS: Cool opening. I'd love to have Wanda and Peitro in X4. They won't be in my opening scene (my opener deals with Gambit), but they will be in the movie.

 

[ToriL90]

Agh, I'm really nervous about this one. >< I changed up the Gambit origins story a little, 'cause I think this form will translate better to the big screen. It starts when he's 18; but don't worry, it's only for one scene. For the vast majority of the movie, he'll be 24.

I wanted to include the second half of the opening (Rogue taking the cure), but it was too long. I kept the stage directions for the transition, though, just so everybody can get a feel for how it flows.

My apologies for the language. I don't curse myself, but I feel like the scene would have felt phony if there wasn't some bad language in it. Don't worry, though, it's all censored here.

Also, my apologies if I stink at writing accents.

I think I should just shut up and post the scene now

----------

EXT. LIQUOR STORE - SIX MONTHS AGO - DAY

A beat-up old car is illegally parked and running outside a liquor store. A group of three 18-ish boys are waiting in the back seats.

Suddenly, another teenage boy runs out of the store, holding a case of beer. REMY LEBEAU just swiped a case.

BOYS: (talking at once) Hurry, Remy! Get up, neg!

Remy throws the beer into the front passenger seat, gets into the driver’s seat, and screeches out of the parking lot. The boys hoot and holler as they speed off.

INT. REMY’S CAR - DAY

Remy throws each of the boys in the back a beer, and grabs one for himself.

BOY 1: Ay, Remy. You really gonna marry Bella?

REMY Oiue, why not?

BOY 2: ‘Cause ‘er grandpa’s head o’ the Assassins?

BOY 3: (sarcastic) Remy thinks he can end world violence by marryin’ dat chick.

REMY: (Smirks)Jean-Luc said I’ma be de one to unite the Thieves an’ Assassins Guilds. To do dat, I gotta marry ‘er. ‘Sides, she ain’t so bad.

BOY 2: So yer marryin’ ‘er ‘cause da boss told you to? (laughs) C’mon, neg!

BOY 1: Remy, would ya jump off de Green Bridge if Jean-Luc told ya to?

BOY 2: He's got about de same chance o' livin'!

The boys laugh.

REMY: (smirking) Shut up.

Remy’s cell phone rings. He picks it up.

REMY: ‘Ey.

As he listens silently, his carelessness gives way to distress. He hangs up and pulls over.

BOY 1: What’sa matter, Remy?

Remy doesn’t answer. He just gets out of the cars, leaving the keys in the ignition for the others, and walks away with determination and rage on his face.

INT. HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY

Remy kicks down the front door of a house and walks in, enraged. A boy who looks to be a couple years older than Remy stands up from the couch, looking very nervous. Remy storms up to him, yelling.

REMY: You killed him!

BOY: (panicking) It wasn’t me!

Remy keeps walking toward the boy, forcing him to walk backward.

REMY: You KILLED him!

BOY: I didn’t kill Jean-Luc, you gotta believe me!

Remy backs him into a table. He goes around the table, hoping it will protect him from Remy.

REMY: Why should I believe you, Julien? You din’t want me marryin’ your sister. You din’t want de feud endin’ that way. What better way to keep it goin’ than to knock off de leader o’ de Thieves, eh? ANSWER ME!

Remy shoves the table into Julien, pinning him against the wall.

A girl, about Remy’s age, appears at the staircase.

GIRL: Remy!

Remy looks up at her, then glares back at Julien.

REMY: Stay outta dis, Bella. Your brother’s a f***in’ MURDERER!

He pushes the table again, pressing it harder against Julien’s stomach. Julien groans.

Remy’s knuckles are turning white as he squeezes the table. The table glows pink, but Remy and Julien don’t notice. Bella sees the glowing table, and is confused.

JULIEN: I‘d rather be a f***ing murder than some old man‘s b***h.

Remy loses his temper. His eyes glow red, and he flips the table over. As the table lands, it explodes, knocking Remy onto his back several feet away. Bella screams. As the smoke clears, it reveals Julien’s mangled body is on the floor. Remy looks shocked, as does Bella. They stare at each other for a few seconds. Remy’s eyes still glow red.

BELLA: (Raging) Get the h**l out of here! Get out! You f***ing killed my brother! GET OUT!

In a daze, Remy staggers out of the house, and Bella slams the door behind him. Remy gazes down at his hands.

They look normal.

He looks around as though he’s trying to find something, then slowly and carefully pulls a card - which happens to be a 7 of spades - out of his pocket. He holds it up between his index and middle fingers. The card turns a glowing pink. He quickly throws the card away as if it were a spider about to bite him. It hits the ground and explodes, leaving a crater in the sidewalk.

ZOOM AND FADE

 

[TKing]

Thanks for entering, Tori. Nice job, good to see Gambit on screen.

 

[Canemacar]

One thing: Gambit was born with the black and red eyes. Its because of them that he was orphaned and taken into the guilds in the first place.

 

[ToriL90]

One thing: Gambit was born with the black and red eyes. Its because of them that he was orphaned and taken into the guilds in the first place.

Aren't mutations not supposed to manifest until they're teenagers?

Hm, I'll think about changing that up. I think it's important to show the shift from him being "normal" to him being a mutant; but I like to carefully consider the comic storylines before deviating from them. Thanks for the heads-up.

Aside from that, other thoughts?

 

[Canemacar]

Aren't mutations not supposed to manifest until they're teenagers?

Some do, but others are there from birth, such as Nightcrawler's fur and tail.

Hm, I'll think about changing that up. I think it's important to show the shift from him being "normal" to him being a mutant; but I like to carefully consider the comic storylines before deviating from them. Thanks for the heads-up.

I'd have him wear sunglasses up until that point, maybe with one of his friends back in the car mention he always wears them(and make fun of him for trying to be all cool), and they fall off in the explosion, revealing him to be a mutant. That could be part of why Bella freaked out.

Aside from that, other thoughts?

A few:

I'd bump his age up a few years. You don't have to go into the 30's, but at least late 20's. He's supposed to be world-wise and experienced.

Don't end up making him revolve around Rogue. Nothing gets old quicker than a character who's only purpose is to fuel a love triangle.

Try not to end up writing him as a cliche'd thief with a heart of gold.

 

[ToriL90]

Some do, but others are there from birth, such as Nightcrawler's fur and tail.

Ah, okay.

I'd have him wear sunglasses up until that point, maybe with one of his friends back in the car mention he always wears them(and make fun of him for trying to be all cool), and they fall off in the explosion, revealing him to be a mutant. That could be part of why Bella freaked out.

That's a possibility. I'll think about that.

A few:

I'd bump his age up a few years. You don't have to go into the 30's, but at least late 20's. He's supposed to be world-wise and experienced.

Maybe one or two, put him on the downhill side to 30. I'd like to keep him under 21 in the first scene, 'cause it doesn't matter whether or not he drinks beer after 21. (don't worry, that's not the only reason I put him at the age he's at, lol) I picture his age as being exactly 18 in the first scene, but I don't plan on ever confirming his exact age in the movies. Just 18-ish in the first scene, and mid-twenties for the most part. Actually, the actor I'd like to have play him (Ian Somerhalder) is late-twenties (28 or 29, I don't remember).

[quote[Don't end up making him revolve around Rogue. xNothing gets old quicker than a character who's only purpose is to fuel a love triangle.

Try not to end up writing him as a cliche'd thief with a heart of gold.[/quote]Don't worry, I'm not going to turn him into a romance novel.