Falcons to Rest Starters for Remainder of the Season
By Troy McGreggor
After three wins, the Atlanta Falcons have decided to rest their starters as they prepare for the playoffs, head coach Dan Quinn told the Atlanta Bugle.
"We've already pretty much locked up the division," said Quinn during his Wednesday morning press conference. "Seriously, look at the rest of these losers. Who's going to threaten us? Cam Newton has no one to throw to. Jameis Winston is a rookie, and he was drafted by the Bucs, so that means he's a bust. And the Saints lost Brees for God knows how long. You really think they're going to win with... who is it? Cade McNown? Josh McCown? Oh, right Luke McCown. Yeah, good luck with that."
Quinn added that all a team needs to do to win the NFC South is get to 6-10 or 7-8-1, and that should not prove difficult with Falcons' remaining schedule. "We still have all of the divisional games coming up, so chalk those up as another six wins," he said. "Plus, we also play the Jaguars. Hell, I might even start our third stringers in that game."
Reporters reminded Quinn that the Carolina Panthers are also 3-0, but he clearly is not concerned. "Like I already said, that team is Cam Newton and... no one else," he said. "They'll implode, trust me. All defenses have to do is just zero in on Cam because no one else on the field will be doing a damn thing. Hell, Cam knows it. The guy has even taken to wearing
camouflage suits in an effort to keep people from seeing him. He's going to be in a bodycast by week seven."
Falcons Quarterback Matt Ryan was visibly upset by the news that he will be riding the pine for the rest of the season, though he understands Quinn's logic. "It makes perfect sense," Ryan said. "Have you ever watched me play in the postseason? Yecch. I need all the help I can get."
This announcement was unsurprisingly met with an angry response from one key group - the multitude of fantasy football players out there who have Falcons' star wide receiver Julio Jones on their teams. A protest at the Falcons' headquarters in Flowery Branch is planned for tonight at 8 p.m.
"I drafted Julio in the first round, so my season is basically over," said avid fantasy football player Roddy White. "Oh, well. There's always next year."
Darren Sproles and Reggie Bush? lol
Once he retires, it'll mark the end of an era.
I laughed my ass off (because it's true) but Atlanta is still gonna get its ass kicked in the Georgia Dome for the third straight year. That Pigeon defense still has a lot of holes.
