Night 16
29. Leprechaun (1993) dir. Mark Jones (New)
"I want me gold!"
Thoughts: The skateboard scene... the mother****ing skateboard scene. My best friend told me this movie was a genuine attempt to create a legitimately creepy film. I refuse to believe this. There is no way someone shot this movie, where Francis from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure basically playing Simple Jack. Warwick Davis plays what I can only described is an even more deformed version of Gwildor from
Masters of the Universe, and he has all the wonderful toys. And by toys I mean a vast variety of hilarious modes of transportation, ranging from power wheels, to roller skates to a flippin' wheelchair. I really can't do this movie justice. I mean there is a scene where they actually throw shoes at the little guy to distract him, because he has to shine them. Another where I can only assume where he had a fully grown man hiding in his pocket so he could throw him at an elevator, that mimics one of the best scenes in T2. When it got to the 30 minutes remaining point, I was honestly confused by how it could go on for another 30 minutes. But it did, basically turning into the Evil Dead, but with this little monstrosity. And this thing really does seem to be taking itself completely seriously. Even the jokey bits seem to be an attempt to paint the leprechaun as some sort of Joker-like villain. It's insane, including a discussion about how Jennifer Aniston's character lost her faith when she can't use a ****ing four-leaf clover for... honestly I am not sure.
On second thought, I think I did figure out a way to describe this film. It is the Irish version of
The Birth of a Nation, except somehow more racist. And I just realized, this is T2. Down to amount of times he is just chasing these people down streets and how many shotgun shots this little bastard can take, T-1000 style. Oh, and does anyone know how the well blows up at the end? I am still trying to figure that one out.
30. Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997) dir. David Gordon Green (New)
"Well, I mean, I'm the one who gave him the ***** and all."
Thoughts: When in the first 5 minutes of a movie makes you ask the question, "what is on his head" you know it is going to be bad. But when you get the overtly evil German scientist character who looks like he is in a 90s RTS in the same scene, you just know you are in for something truly horrifying. When the words, "IN SPACE" appeared on the screen, my brother nearly died. And then the leprechaun showed up dressed up like James Bond, trying to woo a space princess and I thought I was having a stroke. This movie legitimately has all the sci-fi tropes. Sexy alien ladies? Check. Space marines? Check. Lightsabers that apparently work like axes? Check. Davros from
Doctor Who? Check. Weird alien spider hybrid from pretty much everywhere? Check. Alien cocoon? Check. Giant queen/king alien? Check. This honestly feels like a porn parody, but with only one topless scene, featuring DJ from Street Fighter (randomly seen on the 25th anniversary of this movie so it must be destiny) and the Tool Time girl from Home Improvement. Everything about this movie is nonsensical, as the leprechaun now randomly speaks in limerick, while also being in search of power, even as he is already a magical being.
This movie ended up giving me my favorite moment of the month so far. When the Leprechaun just randomly shows up with an old fashion six shooter after bustering out of a dude's penis my brother's actual reaction was, "Where did he get the six shooter from? His dick? That's the only place he's been." I died for a solid 5 minutes.
Also, who trades out a lightsaber for a semi-automatic pistol? Which remind me, there are so many random awkward crappy gangster movie style shootouts, almost all involving the leprechaun. Oh, and it ends on a giant space middle finger and he possesses a dude through his dick, man. His dick. Which my brother called a, "dick hugger". So yeah, watch it.
