Advice and Relationships Again: A Hypester's Tale

[Anita18]

I've half suspected like 90% of what he says is bullsh**.

Like we have this Foundry Guy at work and I dunno, I'm sure it's just been hookers for him since 1986. Yet he knows enough to make up stories.

He's the exact same way always talking about these girls he's "with" even though you can tell from the story they have no real relationship with him. They're all Hooter's waitress.

I work with Ghostrider87 is what I think I'm saying here. Not quite as bad, but eerily similar.

It kind of reminds me of when Steve Carrell tries to feign an exciting sex story in front of the poker game. How the exciting part just starts sounding...wrong.

That's Dreadstar. The "good" parts sound off and over exaggerated.

You mean rape-y?

Would your Foundry Guy make up stories even if there were no other men to brag to? Cause Dreadstar was certainly asking for my advice personally before he took it public here. And I'm the furthest thing from an approval-giving idol of masculinity!

 

[The Guard]

Some of you might have read it in the other thread here, yesterday I cheated on my girlfriend. And I did it on purpose, I guess I can say that much. There was no alcohol, there was no forcing, the girl and I just wanted it. While doing it I did not think a bit of my girlfriend. Afterwards I felt incredibly bad. I felt sorry. Because I feel truly love for my girlfriend (even though she can be annoying). The last 48 hours I was struggeling with myself wether I should tell her or not.

2 Hours ago my girlfriend wrote me a message in MSN, asking why I did not talk to her for the last 2 days. She says she wants to go out with me tommorow. I just dont know what to do!!! Help me!!! I dont wanna dissapoint her, but I also feel like she deserves better than me. I....I cant think of what I should do now. I am a coward, I guess I wont tell her. Maybe I should break up with her for a made up reason? Maybe I can tell her I dont find her attractive anymore or that she is getting fat, that would hurt her too but not so much as the cheating I did.

Please help me. Someone.

What exactly do you want help with?

It doent sound like you're okay with what you did...the longer you wait before telling your girlfriend, the worse a person you're going to look like in her eyes. Understand that your girlfriend will probably want to leave you if she's like most people, but she also deserves to know. There's no point in living a lie. Tell her what happened, and she will react how she reacts. If its meant to be, in other words, if you two are good for each other, then you will work through it. If not, you can both move on.

Just tell her the truth and then leave her the hell alone. I don't care if you think you love her or not, you DON'T. Or you wouldn't have done it at all.

This is the truest thing ever said in the history of this thread.

Ok, these are two of the silliest damn things I’ve ever heard.

I want to slap people every time I hear this.

Of course you can love someone and cheat on them. Saying otherwise is like saying "If you love someone, you will never display weakess or let them down".

It's not a question of love...its often not even a question of respect.

As far as the Dreadstar thing goes...so…the sex went on for four hours? But she didn’t O? Sounds like SHE needs to work on what she's doing, too.

Dreadstar, you’re putting way too much energy into this…she’s not., She gave you lousy, stock reasons to be out of a relationship.

By and large, women definitely don’t want men who are insecure and swear to change, or to be anythig they want.

As far as getting over her...enjoy the time you spent with her, learn what you can from the relationship...and move on to one of the other 3 billion women in the world. Dating is about finding people you’re compatible with. When you play games, you end up with people who play games. You'll have to decide what kind of person you want to be...and maybe this ituation will open your eyes to that. There's a cost and something lost with any lifestyle.

It took me six months to get over a 10 year relationship/marriage Take that for what its worth.

 

[TheComicbookKid]

Nvrmind

 

[Anita18]

Ok, these are two of the silliest damn things I’ve ever heard.

I want to slap people every time I hear this.

Of course you can love someone and cheat on them. Saying otherwise is like saying "If you love someone, you will never display weakess or let them down".

It's not a question of love...its often not even a question of respect.

Then what is it a question of? Uncontrollable hormones?

IMO, cheating is not just "a sign of weakness." It's a long series of very bad decisions. You flirt with this girl who is not your partner. That's one decision. You decide to buy her a drink. That's another. You ask for her number. You book a hotel, or go take her to your place, or hell, do it in your car. You sit her down on the couch or bed. You take one one article of her clothing. Then another. Then one of yours. Etc. And even THEN intercourse is not guaranteed.

Each one of the above is a separately individual decision, and to insinuate that cheating is as easy as laying eyes on another pretty girl does an extreme disservice to the male sex, just as much as people who claim men rape because male hormones are just that powerful. You are human. You have brains. Use them. I have more faith in men than that.

If you cheat and you feel bad about it, it was obviously very bad judgment and you need to talk to your partner to figure out why. If you feel you've let her down, or if you're done with the relationship and can't acknowledge it, or if you're fine with the companionship but wants some nookie on the side. I'm not saying that cheating is bad for all relationships. Some relationships/marriages are open and that's all great if everyone's okay with it. But it all comes down to communicating like the human beings we are.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Ok, these are two of the silliest damn things I’ve ever heard.

I want to slap people every time I hear this.

Of course you can love someone and cheat on them. Saying otherwise is like saying "If you love someone, you will never display weakess or let them down".

It's not a question of love...its often not even a question of respect.

Obviously you've cheated on someone or been cheated on and taken them back, because you've managed to find a way of completely justifying and excusing it for yourself

That's fine.

I don't.

It damn well is a question of love AND respect. It's also a question of not being a completely selfish ****.

Though IMO, anyone with that level of a selfish nature is not capable of 'real' love as I understand it.

It reminds me of what my mum used to say about my grandad. She'd say he loved her 'in his own way'.

And what that meant was that he was a selfish *****e, and loved her as much as he could love another person, but just wasn't capable of more, and wasn't capable of showing it very well.

Personally, that's never been good enough for me.

If someone cheated on me, intentionally (and by that I mean it wasn't spur of the moment), completely sober, and with no indication of a fight or some massive relationship problems - the OF COURSE then there is one of two options. 1) They are completely selfish, 2) They don't love me.

It's that simple.

I mean, it'd be that simple even without the 'ifs' I included, and I only include them because the guy we are discussing explained that is the situation.

 

[Coca Cola Duracell Franklin.]

I want to slap people every time I hear this.

And I want to slap people every time I hear they cheated on someone and don't have the balls to tell them or break up with them.

 

[Dreadstar]

I am going to take out fling girl for lunch today, see what happens. But she is going away this long weekend, which sucks.

Ok, truth thread:

Basically, fling girl was saying that I took her for granted, which was true.

I did what I did to get back with her because, and I am not proud of this, I AM FREAKING terrified of being alone!

Optimus_Prime_ is correct in what he said, indeed, we might break up again as she said whats the point it will be hard to say goodbye in 1 month! WTF? I told her to fucos on the positives.

Relationships should not be about power, but I had all the power or so I thought, now I have none!

She was very surprized that I wanted her back and started to cry and hold my hand when I told her what I did. I think she really thought I did not give a crap about her and was just using her, in fact, thats what she said when we broke up the first time. I think she does this all the time to end a relationship, thats WHY she hides her past. I am prob the first guy to do what I did. ITS funny, because in the past, when women have come over to pick up their things, they did not come in for a beer or linger, they grabbed their stuff and left. I was surprised at how willing she was to come in and talk.

You would think someone in their 50s would want to settle down or at least really try to make things work. She did acknowledge that she needs to communicate more. She said I am going to get her to talk. She did say that the it is NOT all my fault, she takes some of the blame. But as a man, I took it all. (or maybe this is more ***** actions on my part, hell I dont know)

So now, I have to focus on the little things and pay attention to details, like the little things she likes and all the stuff a normal guy would do but I seem to ignore. I thought she was head over heels in love with me, this caused my head to swell and I took her for granted. She picked up on this and wanted out. My parents and friends all told me I was too cocky, that I was a big jackass, way over the top. I was a different person but I was too stubborn to listen and thought I had everything under control. What a FOOL I was! Its obvious that I AM NOT THE PLAYER I claim to be and I will never be that guy because thats NOT who I am. IF people on this forum can figure that out without ever meeting me, then it must be painfully obvious to the people that do know me! SO all that Alpha Dog crap is over. If I was a REAL Alpha, people would know and an ALPHA never goes around mentioning it. Everyone just knows. Thats not to say I cannot be confident.

And the entire sex thing, she needs to talk to me about that and share some of the blame. You cannot say " I am not have the big O and its all your fault becuase a real man would know how to make love to me!" which is what she said. She must OWN the fact that she does not have them and share with me what turns her on.

SO I really appreciate the advise everyone on here gives me, it seems more right than wrong. Its also true that I have not had that many relationships in the past. So, despite my age, I am behind the curve so to speak. (but am learning )

 

[Erzengel]

So..are you going to stop trying to eff on the side?

 

[Dreadstar]

If I do not stop chasing other women, then fling girl and me will be done. She will pick up on that somehow. I have not had any contact with comic girl for 8 days. I did not go out with the group last night, so I have no idea how she got home.

 

[Darthphere]

Ok, truth thread:

Here comes the ********!

Basically, fling girl was saying that I took her for granted, which was true.

I did what I did to get back with her because, and I am not proud of this, I AM FREAKING terrified of being alone!

Optimus_Prime_ is correct in what he said, indeed, we might break up again as she said whats the point it will be hard to say goodbye in 1 month! WTF? I told her to fucos on the positives.

Relationships should not be about power, but I had all the power or so I thought, now I have none!

You never had any power. She had you by the balls and you were too dumb to even notice it. "I had all the power" seriously dude?

She was very surprized that I wanted her back and started to cry and hold my hand when I told her what I did. I think she really thought I did not give a crap about her and was just using her, in fact, thats what she said when we broke up the first time. I think she does this all the time to end a relationship, thats WHY she hides her past. I am prob the first guy to do what I did. ITS funny, because in the past, when women have come over to pick up their things, they did not come in for a beer or linger, they grabbed their stuff and left. I was surprised at how willing she was to come in and talk.

Again, this never happened. You should write a book call it "50 Years of Grey"

You would think someone in their 50s would want to settle down or at least really try to make things work. She did acknowledge that she needs to communicate more. She said I am going to get her to talk. She did say that the it is NOT all my fault, she takes some of the blame. But as a man, I took it all. (or maybe this is more ***** actions on my part, hell I dont know)

Someone in their 50's settle down? Nah, just be a horn dog the rest of your life, you made it this far. Might as well just die all alone surrounded by women who hate you.

Also, you took all the blame not because you're a man you're 50, it's because it was all your fault.

So now, I have to focus on the little things and pay attention to details, like the little things she likes and all the stuff a normal guy would do but I seem to ignore. I thought she was head over heels in love with me, this caused my head to swell and I took her for granted. She picked up on this and wanted out. My parents and friends all told me I was too cocky, that I was a big jackass, way over the top. I was a different person but I was too stubborn to listen and thought I had everything under control. What a FOOL I was! Its obvious that I AM NOT THE PLAYER I claim to be and I will never be that guy because thats NOT who I am. IF people on this forum can figure that out without ever meeting me, then it must be painfully obvious to the people that do know me! SO all that Alpha Dog crap is over. If I was a REAL Alpha, people would know and an ALPHA never goes around mentioning it. Everyone just knows. Thats not to say I cannot be confident.

No **** you're not a player. But you're not going to change, that last sentence just proves it.

And the entire sex thing, she needs to talk to me about that and share some of the blame. You cannot say " I am not have the big O and its all your fault becuase a real man would know how to make love to me!" which is what she said. She must OWN the fact that she does not have them and share with me what turns her on.

Or, you could just be better at teh sex. You want her to draw a map to her sweet spot for you?

SO I really appreciate the advise everyone on here gives me, it seems more right than wrong. Its also true that I have not had that many relationships in the past. So, despite my age, I am behind the curve so to speak. (but am learning )

Well behind.

 

[Boy Scout]

Obviously you've cheated on someone or been cheated on and taken them back, because you've managed to find a way of completely justifying and excusing it for yourself

That's fine.

I don't.

It damn well is a question of love AND respect. It's also a question of not being a completely selfish ****.

Though IMO, anyone with that level of a selfish nature is not capable of 'real' love as I understand it.

It reminds me of what my mum used to say about my grandad. She'd say he loved her 'in his own way'.

And what that meant was that he was a selfish *****e, and loved her as much as he could love another person, but just wasn't capable of more, and wasn't capable of showing it very well.

Personally, that's never been good enough for me.

If someone cheated on me, intentionally (and by that I mean it wasn't spur of the moment), completely sober, and with no indication of a fight or some massive relationship problems - the OF COURSE then there is one of two options. 1) They are completely selfish, 2) They don't love me.

It's that simple.

I mean, it'd be that simple even without the 'ifs' I included, and I only include them because the guy we are discussing explained that is the situation.

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think cheating on someone necessarily means you aren't in love with them.

 

[Erzengel]

She said, they are either selfish or they don't live me.

 

[Boy Scout]

"Though IMO, anyone with that level of a selfish nature is not capable of 'real' love as I understand it."

That's the part I was responding to. Probably should've bolded it.

Cheating is selfish...but again, it doesn't necessarily mean you don't love someone or you're incapable of loving someone in a "real" way.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think cheating on someone necessarily means you aren't in love with them.

I would say to purposefully do so would indicate that.

 

[Boy Scout]

I would say to purposefully do so would indicate that.

Generall, I'd agree. And reading over her post again, I realize I actually don't disagree with her. Missed this part:

If someone cheated on me, intentionally (and by that I mean it wasn't spur of the moment), completely sober, and with no indication of a fight or some massive relationship problems - the OF COURSE then there is one of two options. 1) They are completely selfish, 2) They don't love me.

So my bad.

 

[Thedudehimself]

So, today I broke up with my girlfriend. I told her the truth, that I cheated on her 4 days ago. She cried and was willing to give me another chance but I was serious about it. I said she should look for a better guy than me. When I arrived home afterwards I already had 6 mails from her in my inbox, in all of which she was whining that she want me back, she wants no one else. THIS IS DISGUSTING !! I did bad to her, cheated on her, yet she is not willing to get off her lazy butt and search for a guy who truly loves her more than I do. So lame of her. I did not respond.

 

[Erzengel]

Well some people have low self esteem. Others don't think they are capable of moving on after the comfortableness of being in a relationship. Gone is the familiarity and they are unaccustomed to being alone. Plus there's that love thing she probably has for you that she can't exactly turn off.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It's very possible that she is willing to forgive you.

Even if it isn't a smart decision on her part to get back with you, I feel it's pretty bad form to call her "lame" or "lazy" because of it.

You did her wrong, yet she is willing to forgive, and then you come on here and talk down about her...

 

[twylight]

So, today I broke up with my girlfriend. I told her the truth, that I cheated on her 4 days ago. She cried and was willing to give me another chance but I was serious about it. I said she should look for a better guy than me. When I arrived home afterwards I already had 6 mails from her in my inbox, in all of which she was whining that she want me back, she wants no one else. THIS IS DISGUSTING !! I did bad to her, cheated on her, yet she is not willing to get off her lazy butt and search for a guy who truly loves her more than I do. So lame of her. I did not respond.

Send me her email, I'll respond for you and let her know that the man she loves enough to forgive for an indiscretion that probably hurt her like hell, is calling her lazy and disgusting. I'm sure that will keep her from annoying you.

 

[Coca Cola Duracell Franklin.]

So, today I broke up with my girlfriend. I told her the truth, that I cheated on her 4 days ago. She cried and was willing to give me another chance but I was serious about it. I said she should look for a better guy than me.

When I arrived home afterwards I already had 6 mails from her in my inbox, in all of which she was whining that she want me back, she wants no one else. THIS IS DISGUSTING !! I did bad to her, cheated on her, yet she is not willing to get off her lazy butt and search for a guy who truly loves her more than I do. So lame of her. I did not respond.

 

[steintym]

So, today I broke up with my girlfriend. I told her the truth, that I cheated on her 4 days ago. She cried and was willing to give me another chance but I was serious about it. I said she should look for a better guy than me. When I arrived home afterwards I already had 6 mails from her in my inbox, in all of which she was whining that she want me back, she wants no one else. THIS IS DISGUSTING !! I did bad to her, cheated on her, yet she is not willing to get off her lazy butt and search for a guy who truly loves her more than I do. So lame of her. I did not respond.

It's really sounding like you cheated on her in order to get her to break up with you.

Just man up and end it if you're not interested in continuing a relationship with her.

 

[Anita18]

Basically, fling girl was saying that I took her for granted, which was true.

I did what I did to get back with her because, and I am not proud of this, I AM FREAKING terrified of being alone!

So terrified of being alone that you tried to schtup two other women on the side one day before she cuts it off with you and you freak the f*** out. You're like that teenager who gets a little taste of confidence, then suddenly thinks he's Don Juan and GET ALL THE WIMMINZ.

So now, I have to focus on the little things and pay attention to details, like the little things she likes and all the stuff a normal guy would do but I seem to ignore. I thought she was head over heels in love with me, this caused my head to swell and I took her for granted. She picked up on this and wanted out. My parents and friends all told me I was too cocky, that I was a big jackass, way over the top. I was a different person but I was too stubborn to listen and thought I had everything under control. What a FOOL I was! Its obvious that I AM NOT THE PLAYER I claim to be and I will never be that guy because thats NOT who I am. IF people on this forum can figure that out without ever meeting me, then it must be painfully obvious to the people that do know me! SO all that Alpha Dog crap is over. If I was a REAL Alpha, people would know and an ALPHA never goes around mentioning it. Everyone just knows. Thats not to say I cannot be confident.

This does mean you're actually going to stop trying to schtup other women on the side, right? Cause you told me exactly this a couple weeks ago and after that there was A THIRD WOMAN. So I'm not exactly holding my breath, especially I told you very very clearly that she would wise up to your non-commitment and then dump you.

See above comment on being a teenager getting too ahead of himself. You really can't have your cake and eat it too sometimes, especially when it comes to relationships.

And in your case, attempting to GET ALL THE WIMMINZ is more pathetic than impressive, considering you aren't actually getting any action from them. (You'd have try pretty hard to outpathetic a wannabe playa.) But it's not surprising that fling girl dumped you for your noncommitment anyway.

If I do not stop chasing other women, then fling girl and me will be done. She will pick up on that somehow. I have not had any contact with comic girl for 8 days. I did not go out with the group last night, so I have no idea how she got home.

She could have gotten another friend to drive her home or taken the bus, like the big girl she is. Maybe you think of her as a daughter after all.

So, today I broke up with my girlfriend. I told her the truth, that I cheated on her 4 days ago. She cried and was willing to give me another chance but I was serious about it. I said she should look for a better guy than me. When I arrived home afterwards I already had 6 mails from her in my inbox, in all of which she was whining that she want me back, she wants no one else. THIS IS DISGUSTING !! I did bad to her, cheated on her, yet she is not willing to get off her lazy butt and search for a guy who truly loves her more than I do. So lame of her. I did not respond.

Well, at least she's shown you her true colors now? Ugh, that IS embarrassing.

But you've shown your true colors too. Obviously you don't care about her as much as you should for being in a relationship. So breaking it off is the best idea for both your sakes....

 

[Thedudehimself]

I did call her a few minutes ago. I told her that I really want to break up because I feel like I dont even feel sorry enough for what I did to her.

She asked me if I am really not sorry. I said that I felt bad about it, but also that the cheating was not an accident. She then asked me if I still love her. I said I am not sure, however there are plenty of guys out there which would definatly love you.

Then she said that she accepts the end of the relationship, but added that she dont want to look for another guy anytime soon.

She still wants to stay friends with me. Damn, I guess that girl really liked me. Maybe she still does. I am a bad person.

 

[Darthphere]

Yeah, you're kind of an ******* honestly.

 

[Erzengel]

Just remember, that her future relationships in regards to trust and intimacy issues now may all stem from the way you treated her.