The "Friend Zone"

[Chris Wallace]

Wow. You think you might pick up where y'all left off?

 

[Wylie Times]

Wow. You think you might pick up where y'all left off?

Honestly yeah.

Our relationship had no problems other than the typical couple bickering stuff.

I only ended things because I didn't want her dropping her goals to follow me, but at the same time realized she deserved more than a part time boyfriend who's out of the country.

I thought she'd have moved on a bit with me gone, but what I'm hearing from mutual friends she hasn't and me being back in town and being around her aint helping.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Sometimes shaking someone off is easier said than done.

 

[DV8]

Can men really "Friend Zone" a chick? I feel like I've done it (now), so I'd be inclined to say yes.

Yes, we can . . . especially fat chicks

 

[Chris Wallace]

 

[Chris Wallace]

Look what I just stumbled across.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=99982964&blogId=476011004

 

[Ghostvirus]

Yes, we can . . . especially fat chicks

I have noticed you in the thick woman thread more than once. Don't be hatin.

 

[Chris Wallace]

BUSTED!
Ha!

 

[DV8]

I have noticed you in the thick woman thread more than once. Don't be hatin.

HAHA! you caught me POSIN!

seriously though . . . big difference between thick and fat, and at the same time it's a thin line

 

[DV8]

I'll tell you all the way to avoid end up getting trapped in the Friend Zone, and it's a pretty simple concept: DON'T BECOME FRIENDS.

To understand this theory, however we need to remember a couple of important things:

1. Of course this doesn't work in those cases that you've already been a friend for a while, and you start to develop feelings for a girl. You might as well just stay being friends in this case, unless the other party has made it clear they have romantic feelings for you first.

2. Guys always talk about getting stuck in the Friend Zone, as opposed to girls. This is exactly why you can never BECOME friends with a girl you're interested in. Because if you do, they will think you were just trying to be friends to whole time and nothing more.

3. A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to be friends after they've been shot down, thinking that if they get close enough as friends, they will eventually get somewhere with the girl in question. THIS DOESN'T WORK . . . . EVER.

4. Make your intentions clear. I generally go with a 3-strike approach with girls; if I've asked them out and haven't received some reciprocity after that, I'm done. Game over. I don't become their friends, but this doesn't necessarily mean I BLOW the girl off, or stop talking to her because she wasn't interested in me at that particular time. DON'T BECOME a friend, but stay on the peripheral as an acquaintance.

Acquaintances don't get stuck in the Friend Zone.

 

[DV8]

What I mentioned happened to me in high school. I was friend's with this girl, I was really into her but I tried not to make it obvious; I wasn't a pushover and if she was wrong about something I'd tell her without sugar-coating it.

Then one day we were hanging at the park on a bench, I guess because of the surroundings or because we were alone, but for whatever reason I told her how I felt and she hit me with the old "you're a great guy to be around but I only like you as a friend"; and you wanna talk about feeling like someone just punched you in the stomach, that's how I felt at that very moment.

I didn't even know how to respond to it, and to add insult to injury she also told me "I know there's a girl out there who'll be perfect for you, way better than me". After it was over I walked her home, and when I left her place all I could think was "WTF? What is it about me that she doesn't like? What is it that I don't have that some other guy might have?" And I just couldn't figure it out, but as time went on grow further apart then we just stopped speaking to each other period.

DAMN! That's straight outta the Friend Zone rulebook they give to girls in middle school :~S

 

[Chris Wallace]

I'll tell you all the way to avoid end up getting trapped in the Friend Zone, and it's a pretty simple concept: DON'T BECOME FRIENDS.

To understand this theory, however we need to remember a couple of important things:

1. Of course this doesn't work in those cases that you've already been a friend for a while, and you start to develop feelings for a girl. You might as well just stay being friends in this case, unless the other party has made it clear they have romantic feelings for you first.

2. Guys always talk about getting stuck in the Friend Zone, as opposed to girls. This is exactly why you can never BECOME friends with a girl you're interested in. Because if you do, they will think you were just trying to be friends to whole time and nothing more.

3. A lot of guys make the mistake of trying to be friends after they've been shot down, thinking that if they get close enough as friends, they will eventually get somewhere with the girl in question. THIS DOESN'T WORK . . . . EVER.

4. Make your intentions clear. I generally go with a 3-strike approach with girls; if I've asked them out and haven't received some reciprocity after that, I'm done. Game over. I don't become their friends, but this doesn't necessarily mean I BLOW the girl off, or stop talking to her because she wasn't interested in me at that particular time. DON'T BECOME a friend, but stay on the peripheral as an acquaintance.

Acquaintances don't get stuck in the Friend Zone.

Good rules in theory but not foolproof.
First off, you can never underestimate the power of denial. We know by & large that the Zone is inescapable. Nobody goes in thinking about this, though; they convince themselves that they are going to be the exception when in reality they are more than likely the rule. Cancer kills, Summer is hot & the Friend Zone is inescapable. All true facts, but all have very rare exceptions. Then there are the ones who aren't thinking about escape, but don't want to be without that person completely. So they actually believe that the friendship can work. THEN there are the ones who do in fact make their intentions clear & either fall into the "let's take it slow" trap, or are driven by the false encouragement that the woman gives them. Taking it slow is fine, but if she knows you're into her & she's treating you like her brother or something, run. Progressing slowly means you are still progressing. If she's purposley keeping you at a distance you might as well forget about it. And sometimes you let her know (this is usually in post-breakup "zoning") that you're hoping to work your way back in. She'll tell you some BS about getting to know each other as friends so you can see if there's a way you can be together. But get real. She already knows what you're like in a relationship. Having you in her life platonically isn't going to erase that impression. EDIT-She has already made her decision. A relationship with you is not what she wants. You're trying in vain to get her to change her mind; to convince her that it'll be better the second time around. But if her heart wasn't in it before you broke up there's nothing you can do about it. And again, I must stress that-especially with post-breakup zoning-do NOT assume that just because she lets you come over late at night, or that you manage to get some now & then, or does ANY of the things that y'all did while you were dating, that you have been released. Because a woman will tell you where you stand. She won't always tell you where you don't.
Also-the thing about guys "zoning" women; there are a myriad of reasons why a woman will reject a man but essentially, there are three basic reasons why a man rejects a woman. 1-he's simply not attracted to her, at all. 2-she wants more from him than he's willing to give. Or 3-he's got his eye on somebody else. None of these scenarios really lend themselves to being negotiated. And the last thing a guy is going to do is invite a woman who's interested in him to hang around when he has made it clear that he doesn't feel the same way. This is why we do some of the ****ed-up things that we do to woman, like not calling or ducking & dodging. We don't want to look into your eyes & reject you, so we damn sure don't want to look into them AFTER we've rejected you.
Pretty much everyone trapped in the FZ got there through unrealistic intentions.

 

[SLVRSR4]

Good rules in theory but not foolproof.
First off, you can never underestimate the power of denial. We know by & large that the Zone is inescapable. Nobody goes in thinking about this, though; they convince themselves that they are going to be the exception when in reality they are more than likely the rule. Cancer kills, Summer is hot & the Friend Zone is inescapable. All true facts, but all have very rare exceptions. Then there are the ones who aren't thinking about escape, but don't want to be without that person completely. So they actually believe that the friendship can work. THEN there are the ones who do in fact make their intentions clear & either fall into the "let's take it slow" trap, or are driven by the false encouragement that the woman gives them. Taking it slow is fine, but if she knows you're into her & she's treating you like her brother or something, run. Progressing slowly means you are still progressing. If she's purposley keeping you at a distance you might as well forget about it. And sometimes you let her know (this is usually in post-breakup "zoning") that you're hoping to work your way back in. She'll tell you some BS about getting to know each other as friends so you can see if there's a way you can be together. But get real. She already knows what you're like in a relationship. Having you in her life platonically isn't going to erase that impression.
Pretty much everyone trapped in the FZ got there through unrealistic intentions.

I want to sig this entire thing You are the Voltaire of friend zone epistemology.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Sadly, as you may have surmised, my expertise has been earned through experience.
And you can probably just sig the last line.
EDIT-Go back & read my additions.

 

[SLVRSR4]

Sadly, as you may have surmised, my expertise has been earned through experience.
And you can probably just sig the last line.
EDIT-Go back & read my additions.

I'm all for empiricism but not the bad kind Like the addition but it scares me that it could be ad infinitum

 

[Chris Wallace]

How so?

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

You know, I'm never going to be humiliated by relegating myself to the "Friend Zone" as you say. If a man can't love me like I want to be loved then I don't want him in my life at all. This cruel location has made me do things I don't normally do out of anger and I just wanted to vent it out in public because I'm getting sick of the lie.

 

[Chris Wallace]

I think it may potentially be worse for women; I think a woman is more likely to be relegated to the FWB zone than just the Friend Zone. If a man doesn't want to sleep with you, then chances are he won't want to hang out with you either. But he may want to sleep with you & still not want to hang out, much less have a real relationship. Which is why (IMO) it's a dangerous proposition for a woman to give it up without a clear understanding of where the guy's head is.

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

I think it may potentially be worse for women; I think a woman is more likely to be relegated to the FWB zone than just the Friend Zone. If a man doesn't want to sleep with you, then chances are he won't want to hang out with you either. But he may want to sleep with you & still not want to hang out, much less have a real relationship. Which is why (IMO) it's a dangerous proposition for a woman to give it up without a clear understanding of where the guy's head is.

My case is that the guy in question wavered for nearly a year about the whole "Friend Zone" issue, not based on his own independent decisions but on the warped views of others who wanted to see only what they wanted to see. In the end he betrayed me by being so cowardly and codependent on other people to tell him what to do, in the process putting me down, making me feel insignificant. Well I know for a fact that when he sees his own reflection, he'll be staring right back at mine, albeit one that's slightly older and more beaten by time.

P.S. When a guy (Or girl for that matter.) tells you he doesn't want to go out with you because he's too into you, he's just politely saying he's an emotionally stunted, jelly spined, impotent recreant.

 

[Chris Wallace]

If you don't mind me asking, G2000-what type of physique do you have?

 

[SLVRSR4]

How so?

I guess I'm seeing it like the heisenberg uncertainty principle either that or it's binary of nothing. Probably shouldn't apply that to this, but by saying not to think about it I do it more.

 

[Chris Wallace]

DOn't give yourself an aneurysm.

 

[PyroChamber]

After getting the "friends speech", anyone ever have a girl say to you "why would you be interested in me? I'm not much of a catch anyway." ?

 

[taskmaster]

After getting the "friends speech", anyone ever have a girl say to you "why would you be interested in me? I'm not much of a catch anyway." ?

Yes, it's because they're seeking attention and want you to make them feel important without having to actually be in a relationship with you.

 

[DV8]

I'm putting this thread in the friend zone