Hype News Investigation: The Missing

Discussion in 'The Hype Archives' started by Mee, Mar 6, 2008.

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  1. Mee

    Mee 2 E's are better than 1

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    As you've probably all noticed, Hype News photoshop guy BRUTAL, has gone missing. As the Hype's top (and yes, only) reporter, plus his dearest closest bestest friend besides all the hookers, I'm on an ongoing quest to find BRUTAL, and bring him back to us. Dead or alive! If we had a special effects budget, there woulda been a lightning strike right there. It woulda been totally rad. Anyway, back to BRUTAL.

    The first question I asked myself was-

    Why would BRUTAL leave without giving any notice? Goodbye threads are a staple of the Hype! This leads me to believe he didn't plan on being gone as long as he has. Either that, or he's a big jerk.:cmad:


    Secondly, what does BRUTAL do? What would draw him away? Well, BRUTAL does photoshop crap, and he hits on women. No photoshop project would take this long, so I'm assuming this involves a woman. Which led me to...

    What kind of women does BRUTAL like? Well here's an excerpt from an old Hype News staff meeting-




    Not much help there. Also, he never did let me borrow his pen.:csad:

    I hatched an idea to poll some ladyfolk, to better understand the appeal of BRUTAL. To see if it were possible he is indeed off with one of them.


    If BRUTAL were wandering the globe, and happened to come to your house, would you let him stay?

    I posed ^this question to some famous Hype ladies.


    Blue eyed blonde and black guy liker, AndThePickles said-

    Yes, I would, as long as he sleeps in the guest room.


    Well, strike one for BRUTAL.


    Moderator of flirting, DBella said-

    Only for him to clean my house. Yes.


    Ouch, strike two.


    The one with all the tattoos, Logan's Runt-

    Of course! I'd be especially excited if it were around the time of the Iowa State Fair- we'd have a blast fatty and mullet hunting. If nothing else, he could make my cats feel insecure about their weight. Then maybe they'd quit being such fatties.


    She wants to take him to a fair like a little kid, and make him play Richard Simmons to her cats. Strike 3.:csad:


    So where does this leave us? BRUTAL the womanizer, can't find any women who will really love him. Is that why he's gone? He treks the globe searching for that special someone, to love him and squeeze him and call him George? [/obscure reference]


    All I can say is, good luck BRUTAL. I hope you find what you're looking for. And I hope she has a hot sister. :ninja::up:



    This has been Mee, hoping BRUTAL didn't die like Ronny Shade, for Hype News.



    *This portion of Hype News sponsored by the Free Fran Foundation (FFF)*


    More news as it comes...
    So sit tight chums...
     
    #1 Mee, Mar 6, 2008
  2. Symbiotic

    Symbiotic Registered

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    I believe in Mee!:up:
     
    #2 Symbiotic, Mar 6, 2008
  3. WompuM

    WompuM Esquire

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    Up next: Mind of Mencia.
     
    #3 WompuM, Mar 6, 2008
  4. NewYorkSpider

    NewYorkSpider EndGame

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    I honestly didn't even notice he was gone. :o
     
    #4 NewYorkSpider, Mar 6, 2008
  5. Mee

    Mee 2 E's are better than 1

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    You monster. :wow: :csad:
     
    #5 Mee, Mar 6, 2008
  6. POWdER-man

    POWdER-man Ancient but wise

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    You ask the question three times and no one pointed out it should have been wandering and not wondering.....


    tsk tsk....
     
    #6 POWdER-man, Mar 6, 2008
  7. Showtime

    Showtime Your Friend In Time

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    Wow. Brutal's been gone a long time.
     
    #7 Showtime, Mar 6, 2008
  8. NewYorkSpider

    NewYorkSpider EndGame

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    I kinda feel bad though. :csad:
     
    #8 NewYorkSpider, Mar 6, 2008
  9. bullets

    bullets bang bang

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    If I were to base Brutal's whereabouts on his track record with women I'd be fearing the worst right about now.
     
    #9 bullets, Mar 6, 2008
  10. Spider-Man Luvr28

    Spider-Man Luvr28 Amazing.

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    What a mystery.
     
    #10 Spider-Man Luvr28, Mar 6, 2008
  11. hammy

    hammy American Ham

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    [​IMG]
     
    #11 hammy, Mar 6, 2008
  12. AndThePickles

    AndThePickles Kiss the girl

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    Haha, oh Mee. I know where Brutal went. Also, my description is hilarious.
     
    #12 AndThePickles, Mar 6, 2008
  13. Symbiotic

    Symbiotic Registered

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    :dry: :dry: :dry: ...:dry:
     
    #13 Symbiotic, Mar 6, 2008
  14. Mee

    Mee 2 E's are better than 1

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    I was seeing who would notice.:o

    Congrats, you pass the test. See BRUTAL for your cookie.


    Oh wait...:csad:
     
    #14 Mee, Mar 6, 2008
  15. Mee

    Mee 2 E's are better than 1

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    See? This is why I got the women theory. Daisy knows where he is too. But he didn't tell any of his man-pals, and he told all of you to keep it secret. :cmad:
     
    #15 Mee, Mar 6, 2008
  16. AndThePickles

    AndThePickles Kiss the girl

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    I was the first person he told, it made me feel special. But yeah, sorry :csad:
     
    #16 AndThePickles, Mar 6, 2008
  17. The Original Bamfer

    The Original Bamfer Big, Bald and Beautiful

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    Don't you know? Goodbye threads are the cool, in thing. BRUTAL automatically doesn't like anything that's considered cool. He's so edgy and different, duh. :whatever:
     
    #17 The Original Bamfer, Mar 6, 2008
  18. POWdER-man

    POWdER-man Ancient but wise

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    So are you telling me I don't get a cookie....:csad:


    :cmad:
     
    #18 POWdER-man, Mar 6, 2008
  19. Symbiotic

    Symbiotic Registered

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    I want a cookie.
     
    #19 Symbiotic, Mar 6, 2008
  20. Mee

    Mee 2 E's are better than 1

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    Don't worry, I'll find him. :brucebat:
     
    #20 Mee, Mar 6, 2008
  21. Joker

    Joker Registered

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    You know, if he's dead, I'd rather not have him back. He'll just lie around, stinking up the place...Yeah, that's not much different than before, but he wont even be photoshopping stuff, and apparently, having sex with mullet having women, this time.
     
    #21 Joker, Mar 6, 2008
  22. NewYorkSpider

    NewYorkSpider EndGame

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    #22 NewYorkSpider, Mar 6, 2008
  23. knowsbleed

    knowsbleed Registered

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    He hates this place...who cares? Only Mee apparently.
     
    #23 knowsbleed, Mar 6, 2008
  24. The Original Bamfer

    The Original Bamfer Big, Bald and Beautiful

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    Mee only pretends to care so BRUTAL will make him pretty news banners. :o
     
    #24 The Original Bamfer, Mar 6, 2008
  25. AlteredEgo

    AlteredEgo Hello...

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    BRUTAL is gone, baby, gone. :dry:
     
    #25 AlteredEgo, Mar 6, 2008
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