My Neighbor must think I'm racist! What do I do? (plus a question about racism)

[Dark Raven]

^OK so how do I apologize?

1) In English

2) Explain to him your motivation and that you meant no harm

3) Don't make any further assumptions about him during the conversation (eg any of this stuff about him being Chinese or Japanese) - how do you know he's not even Vietnamese or Malaysian, or even a Russian from the Far East (some look very similar to Chinese)?

4) Don't talk to him about "his country". Where you live might very well be "his country".

5) Show him you understand the issues (mention some of what you've learnt here) - part of apologising and making amends is showing that you understand the problem and aren't contributing further to it.

6) Be friendly and treat him as you would anyone else deserving of respect, and as a potential friend - not just as someone you're trying to begrudgingly put things right with.

And even being afraid to go and apologise for some of the reasons you've mentioned earlier suggests some stereotyping on your part - as if all Chinese and Japanese have bad blood between each other etc. Get that out of your head so that it isn't an obstacle to you approaching him.

In essence, you apologise to him the same way you would as any person who is a member of the human race, whether white, black or otherwise. There is no special way to apologise to an Asian.

 

[Shemtov]

In essence, you apologise to him the same way you would as any person who is a member of the human race, whether white, black or otherwise. There is no special way to apologise to an Asian.

That's not why I was having trouble apologizing to him
It's just I didn't know how to apologize for perceived racism

 

[Schlosser85]

For all you know, he's a native-born American who only speaks English.

 

[Dark Raven]

That's not why I was having trouble apologizing to him
It's just I didn't know how to apologize for perceived racism

If he already thinks you are because of what you said, then you just have to bite the bullet and do it, and recognise that it could be awkward at first.

Ask him (if the conversation goes that way) whether people have been racist towards him in the past. He might have shot you that look precisely because people have made assumptions about him before and were mocking him, and since that's the way he will be conditioned to think now from his painful experiences, he could think you're just doing the same thing to him.

If he has experienced racism before, you can even apologise on their behalf, and reach out a hand of friendship to him. Use this as an opportunity to be a bridge builder instead of thinking of it as something to fear. If he has been hurt before, think of how, by showing your understanding of the problem, you could be helping him in some way. That way you won't look at the apology as being full of problems but full of possibilities instead.

 

[RockSP]

Dress like this and do a performance in his front yard.

Then swear on your ancestors that you meant no disrespect and you wish to bring honor back to you and your clan.

Kudos sir, this time I'm not just typing "lol"...it actually happened.

 

[Spidey-Bat]

That's not why I was having trouble apologizing to him
It's just I didn't know how to apologize for perceived racism

"Hello, sir (or Mr. [his name], you should know that). I want to apologize for the other day when I greeted you in Japanese. I'm trying to learn Japanese as well as Chinese. I should not have assumed you were Japanese or even knew the language. Anyway, I'm sorry if I offended you, I did not mean to at all."

 

[Metamorpho1977]

Before the main post, 2 facts about myself:
1. I am learning Chinese and Japanese
2. Unlike the stereotypical version of a white American, I can usually tell the difference between East Asian nationalities just by looking at them.

Anyhow, I have a neighbor who's East Asian. For some reason, I thought he was Japanese. I saw him tonight and greeted him in Japanese,"Kombanwa". He gave me a nasty Look and I realized my mistake: He was in fact, Chinese.
He must think I'm a total racist!
What do I do?

Also, was it racist of me to try to greet him in Japanese seeing as I thought he was Japanese?

Buy him some egg rolls and also order him some moo goo gai cat and tell him to enjoy.

 

[Anita18]

People greet me with "Konichiwa" on a regular basis if I'm in an area with not many Asians. It mostly makes me because 1) as in your case, I'm not Japanese, I'm Chinese. And 2) they assume that I'm native and identify myself as East Asian. I don't. I'm American. I was born here. I likely have a better grip on the English language than most Caucasian-Americans. That's the part that makes me more than the mistaken ethnicity.

So to reduce offending Asian-Americans, in the future I would suggest greeting them in English and seeing if they have an accent. THEN you can be cute and greet them in the language you think fits.

I do know plenty of Asians who look very Asian (such as myself, I'm 100% ethnically Chinese) but either speak their native language poorly or not at all. We already get a lot of flack for it from our native people, and at least I can understand Mandarin Chinese, but try not to twist the knife too hard.

 

[Dark Raven]

What's really dumb is when people assume they can detect an Asian accent on you, even if you clearly have either an English accent or something else - eg some Chinese I've met have Scottish accents (because that's where they grew up). It's as if, just because you look a certain way, an Asian accent must therefore be inherent and automatically kick in no matter where you grew up and even if you've never been to Asia at all. Now I admit it could be that you got it from your parents, but if your parents also have a different accent - eg French, then there's no reason why you would have a Chinese accent at all.

But no, some people still are convinced they can detect one even though everyone else acknowledges it sounds exactly like any other westerner. They hear what they want to hear.

 

[Matt]

As others have pointed out, the mistake isn't assuming that he is Japanese. It was assuming that because he is of Asian decent that he identifies himself as nothing else. Your little stunt was in essence identifying him as nothing but his race....which is kind of racist. How would you feel if your neighbors greeted you with "shalom," every time that they lay eyes on you and treated you as a Jew first and person second?

 

[Godzilla2000]

You know, I have people jumping to conclusions I'm a racist because I was watching the last few episodes of Gilligan's Island and they were offended by the subject matter of the episodes I was watching like this innocuous 60's comedy series was speaking directly to them. Well, like for instance the second to last episode I watched was about the Howells adopting Gilligan. And some of the people who I suppose might be like the Howells were red faced and annoyed by it. My opinion is that they are all overacting to things that they might be feeling insecure about. And really if they were offended by that one episode why even bother watching it with me in the first place if it upset them? Is it because someone associated with them is having a fictional moment mirroring real life? I'm thinking that's the answer. But really Gilligan's Island is just a show. This is seriously why I do not choose to hang out with certain people, especially ones with geographical genetics known to produce hot heads that flip out over the most innocuous of things like an old TV program.

 

[Dr.]

Also - if you meet a woman with a large belly, do not ask when she's due.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Also - if you meet a woman with a large belly, do not ask when she's due.

Oh my God...I shouldn't say this...but...well...let's just say I have a relation that has had this happen to her and it did not go well at all.

 

[terry78]

You know, I have people jumping to conclusions I'm a racist because I was watching the last few episodes of Gilligan's Island and they were offended by the subject matter of the episodes I was watching like this innocuous 60's comedy series was speaking directly to them. Well, like for instance the second to last episode I watched was about the Howells adopting Gilligan. And some of the people who I suppose might be like the Howells were red faced and annoyed by it. My opinion is that they are all overacting to things that they might be feeling insecure about. And really if they were offended by that one episode why even bother watching it with me in the first place if it upset them? Is it because someone associated with them is having a fictional moment mirroring real life? I'm thinking that's the answer. But really Gilligan's Island is just a show. This is seriously why I do not choose to hang out with certain people, especially ones with geographical genetics known to produce hot heads that flip out over the most innocuous of things like an old TV program.

The status quo comes around like clockwork.







I think regarding the thread's issue, is that it's almost akin to those guys that hit on chicks that are more of the...ethnic persuasion by trying to do it in their supposed native tongue, and it comes off kind of sleazy.

 

[Dark Raven]

As others have pointed out, the mistake isn't assuming that he is Japanese. It was assuming that because he is of Asian decent that he identifies himself as nothing else. Your little stunt was in essence identifying him as nothing but his race....which is kind of racist. How would you feel if your neighbors greeted you with "shalom," every time that they lay eyes on you and treated you as a Jew first and person second?

People organising things have tried to stick me in these foreign/international groups based entirely on my appearance, even though I've stated I'm not "international" and then I can't understand much of anything that the people in the group are saying. Then when it's hard to interact with them very much because of a language barrier, these same organisers have taken that as supposed evidence that I can't really interact with people so the best place to put me is.... with the international group where I won't do any "damage".

It's as if those groups are treated as a dumping ground for anyone who doesn't fit into the established mould where they can all be segregated by themselves.

 

[StrainedEyes]

I'm going to spend the entire day greeting everyone in what I assume is their native tongue. Wish me luck.

 

[Pink Ranger]

I'm going to spend the entire day greeting everyone in what I assume is their native tongue. Wish me luck.

"Bo-shu-daa."

 

[DarkSovereignty]

honkies be crazy.

 

[Darthphere]

You know, I have people jumping to conclusions I'm a racist because I was watching the last few episodes of Gilligan's Island and they were offended by the subject matter of the episodes I was watching like this innocuous 60's comedy series was speaking directly to them. Well, like for instance the second to last episode I watched was about the Howells adopting Gilligan. And some of the people who I suppose might be like the Howells were red faced and annoyed by it. My opinion is that they are all overacting to things that they might be feeling insecure about. And really if they were offended by that one episode why even bother watching it with me in the first place if it upset them? Is it because someone associated with them is having a fictional moment mirroring real life? I'm thinking that's the answer. But really Gilligan's Island is just a show. This is seriously why I do not choose to hang out with certain people, especially ones with geographical genetics known to produce hot heads that flip out over the most innocuous of things like an old TV program.

Why does everything have to be about you?

 

[Midnyte_Sun]

I once thought the owner of a Japanese Sushi place was Japanese...he turned out to be Korean. Go figure.

 

[cryptic name]

Before the main post, 2 facts about myself:
1. I am learning Chinese and Japanese
2. Unlike the stereotypical version of a white American, I can usually tell the difference between East Asian nationalities just by looking at them.

Anyhow, I have a neighbor who's East Asian. For some reason, I thought he was Japanese. I saw him tonight and greeted him in Japanese,"Kombanwa". He gave me a nasty Look and I realized my mistake: He was in fact, Chinese.
He must think I'm a total racist!
What do I do?

Also, was it racist of me to try to greet him in Japanese seeing as I thought he was Japanese?

I get the same looks from my neighbors when I have cookouts in my front yard in my ghost costume.

 

[Schlosser85]

You know, I have people jumping to conclusions I'm a racist because I was watching the last few episodes of Gilligan's Island and they were offended by the subject matter of the episodes I was watching like this innocuous 60's comedy series was speaking directly to them. Well, like for instance the second to last episode I watched was about the Howells adopting Gilligan. And some of the people who I suppose might be like the Howells were red faced and annoyed by it. My opinion is that they are all overacting to things that they might be feeling insecure about. And really if they were offended by that one episode why even bother watching it with me in the first place if it upset them? Is it because someone associated with them is having a fictional moment mirroring real life? I'm thinking that's the answer. But really Gilligan's Island is just a show. This is seriously why I do not choose to hang out with certain people, especially ones with geographical genetics known to produce hot heads that flip out over the most innocuous of things like an old TV program.

1) You are incredibly self-absorbed.

2) Considering your comment about how you choose not to hang out with people with certain "geographical genetics"....yes, you're racist. Big shock there.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

You know, I have people jumping to conclusions I'm a racist because I was watching the last few episodes of Gilligan's Island and they were offended by the subject matter of the episodes I was watching like this innocuous 60's comedy series was speaking directly to them. Well, like for instance the second to last episode I watched was about the Howells adopting Gilligan. And some of the people who I suppose might be like the Howells were red faced and annoyed by it. My opinion is that they are all overacting to things that they might be feeling insecure about. And really if they were offended by that one episode why even bother watching it with me in the first place if it upset them? Is it because someone associated with them is having a fictional moment mirroring real life? I'm thinking that's the answer. But really Gilligan's Island is just a show. This is seriously why I do not choose to hang out with certain people, especially ones with geographical genetics known to produce hot heads that flip out over the most innocuous of things like an old TV program.

And this has been Jinouga's rant of the day, sponsored by Gilligan's Island.


And a serious note, the "Who gives a f**k?" award goes to you too!

 

[DarkSovereignty]

Why does everything have to be about you?

because contrary to what she posts here, in real life she's probably largely ignored and for good reason.

 

[Boy Scout]

1) You are incredibly self-absorbed.

2) Considering your comment about how you choose not to hang out with people with certain "geographical genetics"....yes, you're racist. Big shock there.

Yeah, what the **** is that about?