Official discussion on why "Nice Guys" have a hard time getting the girl.

[Darkfly]

For me & the person I'm with it started out as friendship & we both liked each other but never admitted it to each said, after making the mistake of saying we are just friends one day, I just blurted it out & told how much I've loved her & hoped she would feel the same, thankfully she did & she told me she had more than liked me for months.

I'm not a label & never peg myself as an any type of guy, but normally I am relatively a shy guy, never get in fights (minus my brother), not the type to get angered easily, normally take a back seat.

With her it was different, I would do anything for her, I've said time time & time again I would fight & defend for her if the occasion arises no matter what & would kick somebody's ass if they threatened her but everytime she tells me she never wants me too. She tells me she doesn't want somebody who can fight for her, she just wants somebody who shows her that they love her as much as possible (& not through gifts, even if its just a hug), treats her right, will never hurt her, & never stop loving her, & to her that is me.

But the biggest reason why I think it worked, is because we "just fit", she's just as shy as me if not more, & more perfect than me (no matter how much she refuses to accept it), & we can & have talked for 12 hours straight, and I mean nothing else.

Don't make the mistake of waiting a long time to say how you feel to somebody you like or love, chances are if they are around you quite a lot & both of you occasionally flirt that usually means that person freaking likes you.

The shy, good, whatever guys you want to call them just need to get on with it & like what has been said time & time again above me just grow a pair & get on with it, all the a-holes will get the girls because they are cocky & have too much confidence for their own good so they get the girl(s) while the rest just sit back & watch them get hurt. Most girls wait for the guys to make the first move, so if you never say anything they will never know, don't expect them to ask you, never expect anything just do something about it.

 

[Anti-Moderator]

For me & the person I'm with it started out as friendship & we both liked each other but never admitted it to each said, after making the mistake of saying we are just friends one day, I just blurted it out & told how much I've loved her & hoped she would feel the same, thankfully she did & she told me she had more than liked me for months.

I'm not a label & never peg myself as an any type of guy, but normally I am relatively a shy guy, never get in fights (minus my brother), not the type to get angered easily, normally take a back seat.

With her it was different, I would do anything for her, I've said time time & time again I would fight & defend for her if the occasion arises no matter what & would kick somebody's ass if they threatened her but everytime she tells me she never wants me too. She tells me she doesn't want somebody who can fight for her, she just wants somebody who shows her that they love her, treats her right, will never hurt her, & never stop loving her, & to her that is me.

But the biggest reason why I think it worked, is because we "just fit", she's just as shy as me if not more, & more perfect than me (no matter how much she refuses to accept it), & we can & have talked for 12 hours straight, and I mean nothing else.

Don't make the mistake of waiting a long time to say how you feel to somebody you like or love, chances are if they are around you quite a lot & both of you occasionally flirt that usually means that person freaking likes you.

The shy, good, whatever guys you want to call them just need to get on with it & like what has been said time & time again above me just grow a pair & get on with it, all the a-holes will get the girls because they are cocky & have too much confidence for their own good so they get the girl(s) while the rest just sit back & watch them get hurt.

Great post. Sitting back while the world passes you by will get you nowhere. You have to put yourself out there sometimes. Being "nice" isn't the problem....and neither is that most women prefer men who are *******s.

 

[terry78]

I think a lot of these nice guys see dudes in the media like BAG and Colin Ferrell(is that ****er even still relevant over here?) who are obviously on the *****e side scoring all this ass, but the thing is....they're celebs. There will always be groupies and chicks looking for guys with clout. Hell, Bill Gates by all rights shouldn't even be able to spread his seed, but he owns most of the free world...it's that power meshed with the confidence of "I know what I'm about, baby....if you wanna join the clan, come on board."

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Great post. Sitting back while the world passes you by will get you nowhere. You have to put yourself out there sometimes. Being "nice" isn't the problem....and neither is that most women prefer men who are *******s.

I honestly just cannot be friends with a guy I have an attraction to. If the guy just wants to be friends with me, but I have feelings for him it's just better to not even get involved with me at all. The pain would just be way too immense.

 

[terry78]

I honestly just cannot be friends with a guy I have an attraction to. If the guy just wants to be friends with me, but I have feelings for him it's just better to not even get involved with me at all. The pain would just be way too immense.

It's not you, it's me.

 

[AndThePickles]

Because (not accusing ATP here, I don't know her personally), most that do are the ones that are guilty of that exact kind of behavior.

Don't worry, I'm the type that did it once and learned my lesson. Spoons is a very nice man

 

[Anti-Moderator]

I honestly just cannot be friends with a guy I have an attraction to. If the guy just wants to be friends with me, but I have feelings for him it's just better to not even get involved with me at all. The pain would just be way too immense.

If you can't be friends with the person you are attracted to...then aren't you just *****ing? That's fine and all, I've done it plenty of times...but if I'm looking for a long term relationship it seems very important to have a friendship with that person, as well as being physically attracted to them.

 

[The Apatow Crew]

Don't worry, I'm the type that did it once and learned my lesson. [/B]Spoons is a very nice man

Until he runs away with the fork.

 

[Star]

I honestly just cannot be friends with a guy I have an attraction to. If the guy just wants to be friends with me, but I have feelings for him it's just better to not even get involved with me at all. The pain would just be way too immense.

Wow, no wonder you're constantly single and also constantly complaining about it.

Do you not understand that a strong relationship is based upon a strong friendship?

 

[Lobo]

Why is nice seemingly interchangeable with shy in this thread? There are nice guys, who are not shy, and shy guys who could very well turn out to be pricks.

 

[AndThePickles]

Why is nice seemingly interchangeable with shy in this thread? There are nice guys, who are not shy, and shy guys who could very well turn out to be pricks.

Very good point, and very true

 

[RockSP]

I honestly just cannot be friends with a guy I have an attraction to. If the guy just wants to be friends with me, but I have feelings for him it's just better to not even get involved with me at all. The pain would just be way too immense.

If you can't be friends with the person you are attracted to...then aren't you just *****ing? That's fine and all, I've done it plenty of times...but if I'm looking for a long term relationship it seems very important to have a friendship with that person, as well as being physically attracted to them.

Wow, no wonder you're constantly single and also constantly complaining about it.

Do you not understand that a strong relationship is based upon a strong friendship?

I assume she meant "just" be friends, people.

 

[Logan's Runt]

I assume she meant "just" be friends, people.

Even so, if a person's emotions are so out of control that they can't even be around another person because of the 'pain' of not being able to be with them- they deserve to be alone. People who let their mind cycle constantly on the 'what if' and 'but if only they'd give me a chance!' thoughts need to get some help and take control of their damn minds.

 

[Star]

Plus, the ''all or nothing'' attitude is just stupid. Friendship can grow to be something more, just because it's not an instant romance doesn't mean it won't become that someday.

Godzilla, I think you need to stop waiting for your Prince Charming to come and 'save' you on his white horse and start acting like a normal human

 

[Nirvana]

Why is nice seemingly interchangeable with shy in this thread? There are nice guys, who are not shy, and shy guys who could very well turn out to be pricks.

100% accurate. I fall in the former category.

 

[PyroChamber]

What if a guy is confident, doesn't let women walk all over him but he's respectful and has a good personality; and women still won't date him? Then what would the problem be, how he looks?

 

[Matt]

Probably, and that is fine. You should be attracted to your partner. Now-a-days, our society makes it out like wanting to be attracted to your partner is shallow. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted to the person you are with, hell...it is a neccessary part of a sexual relationship.

Also, why is it on the woman to set her standards lower because the guy is nice to her? Maybe instead, the guy should set his standards lower and look for a woman he is not attracted to?

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

If you can't be friends with the person you are attracted to...then aren't you just *****ing? That's fine and all, I've done it plenty of times...but if I'm looking for a long term relationship it seems very important to have a friendship with that person, as well as being physically attracted to them.

How can you be around someone you have such strong feelings for and passively see them shower affection on another person that you want for yourself? I just couldn't do it because I'm a very territorial person and if you can't understand that then I don't know what to tell you. This is just how I feel and you'll have to accept it. You really don't know how mean and nasty I can get when I subject myself to such masochism and that's not the side I want provoked.

Godzilla, I think you need to stop waiting for your Prince Charming to come and 'save' you on his white horse and start acting like a normal human

You have no clue all the "normal" things I'm constantly being beaten with each and every day of my life. Screw what people call "Normal" I'd rather say to hell with everyone and go back to the way I was, not caring about anyone but myself. It was much safer and much better a way for me to deal with things. Screw love and affection. I need to become as cold as ice to survive.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

People can talk all the "you so called nice guys are really just wimps" stuff that they want but the fact of the matter is that some women prefer jerks. And not just for fun but for long term relationships and marriage. Women don't have their s#$% together automatically by virtue of being women. Some are psychos and self destructive drama queens.

Nobody's denying that, but it's not the subject matter.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

How can you be around someone you have such strong feelings for and passively see them shower affection on another person that you want for yourself? I just couldn't do it because I'm a very territorial person and if you can't understand that then I don't know what to tell you. This is just how I feel and you'll have to accept it. You really don't know how mean and nasty I can get when I subject myself to such masochism and that's not the side I want provoked.



You have no clue all the "normal" things I'm constantly being beaten with each and every day of my life. Screw what people call "Normal" I'd rather say to hell with everyone and go back to the way I was, not caring about people. It was much safer and much better a way for me to deal with things. Screw love and affection. I need to become as cold as ice to survive.

"Cold as ice" doesn't work.

"Ready to roll with the punches" does.

Believe me, I've tried it, time and time again.

 

[PyroChamber]

Also, why is it on the woman to set her standards lower because the guy is nice to her? Maybe instead, the guy should set his standards lower and look for a woman he is not attracted to?

Maybe, but at the same time why should he? In fact, why should anyone have low standards?

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

"Cold as ice" doesn't work.

"Ready to roll with the punches" does.

Believe me, I've tried it, time and time again.

I gotta take care of Number 1. I'm through with pouring out my heart to guys I like only to be cast aside like a pile of refuse so it's on my own again because I just can't deal with ungrateful men. It's going to take a special, strong, mature man to get me to change my mind.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

I gotta take care of Number 1. I'm through with pouring out my heart to guys I like only to be cast aside like a pile of refuse so it's on my own again because I just can't deal with ungrateful men. It's going to take a special, strong, mature man to get me to change my mind.

Go for it, but believe me, those "strong, mature men" probably aren't willing to go through that "cold *****" personality to get to the "soft, sweet core" that is presumably there. The worst part is, that "cold as ice" thought process will break itself down as soon as you find another guy who you're heavily infatuated with. I'm not being an *******, I'm speaking 100% from experience. It doesn't work, and the people that go through the painstaking process of "changing your mind" will likely be the guys that are obsessive and creepy, not strong and mature.

That pouring your heart out is probably what scares them off in the first place. Maybe you should try heeding the same advice that I, ShadowBoxing, and Erz are giving to the "nice guys"?

 

[Knightsaber Priss]

Well, screw it anyway. I'm not a very forgiving person when I've been dissed.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

Lol, you can argue and argue all you want... But until you really think about it and- as I said- "roll with the punches" instead of act like an *******, you might get somewhere.