It's time for a classic 1990's mysoginistic post. The Myth Of The Nice Guy Shut your mouth you dirty ****, you know you want it in your butt. - Lyrics from D-12s song Purple Pills Sunday was a quiet day in the life of Guy In Trenchcoat. The rain reflected my miserable mood. The local high schools had yet to re-open, so I didnt have any dates for that night. I decided to hang out with a few friends of mine and shoot the ****. There were four males present and one female acquaintance from work. Over several frosty beverages, we discussed several topics. Undoubtedly, the one that stirred up the most controversy (and actually helped awake one guy from a pot-induced stupor) was the topic of male-female relationships. Im sure you have heard women complain that they cant find a nice guy. They are LYING. Women claim they want a nice guy because they feel that is what expected of them. The truth is, most women have been approached by these so-called nice guys and want nothing to do with them. Rather, women want the so-called challenge that comes with dating a not-so nice guy. Before we go any further, I should clarify a few things. When I say nice guy I mean, your average guy, who is neither an overly cocky windbag nor the kind of guy who is ready to marry the first women who actually responds when he says hello. That may seem like a rather broad term, but there are a large number of males who this description fits. This means you could be the occasional *******, (who isnt?) but for the most part, you dont have too many issues. I have often heard women complain about men they date falling over them, and practically worshipping them. First off, I dont care how much a guy digs a particular female, if you constantly kiss her ass, you are hurting yourself. Plus, you make guys in general look bad. So for the good of your gender, for all of us who hate pissing with morning wood, STOP BEING A TOOL. If you have that little self-confidence and act like any women is doing you a favor by acknowledging you exist, you should do one of two things: 1) Give up on finding a significant other 2) Swallow a nice refreshing glass of Drano Now then, on to females. The Nice Guy myth is one of the many reasons guys get frustrated with the necessary evil that is the female gender. What is that women want? I need a challenge is right up there with when guys say Sure Ill respect you in the morning. By that I mean, its a crock of ****. Are you that ****ed up in the head that you want to date a guy who is going to treat you like crap as opposed to a guy who actually might see you as more than just a hole to stick his schlong in? Are you that bitter about not being asked to the prom by the guy of your dreams that you want to live the high school experience you never had? The pursuit of that which is not easily attainable does nothing to help the vagina-possessing kooks who do it. Weve all heard them babble on about how the guy who plays hard to get has confidence and is mysterious. By this twisted logic, only hardcore *******s, the ones who keep their *****es in check have confidence. Did these women ever consider that a lot of guys have confidence; we just dont feel the need to be self- absorbed braggarts? And even when it comes to guys who treat women like ****, who is worse, the guy who does it, or the chick that lets him? I say the chick is worse. Of course a guy is going to push the envelope, its not our fault if the female involved cant stand up for herself. Get a backbone and get to suckin. And have you ever noticed that the girls who always get burned are the preachy types? I mean, its the girl who is hot and on the surface, pretty appealing. What happens? She gets hurt over and over. But in between her spastic fits of crying like a 6-year old, she never fails to preach at you. Shell tell you that you are wrong for not calling a girl after a one-night stand. Shell lecture you for ignoring certain girls. Shell cry at every movie where the girl gets swept off her feet, hoping that some day her knight will come. And then shell go and make herself look pathetic. The irony in all this is that females who ignore decent guys, guys who are actually pretty normal, and then pursue the guy who does not want them instead, are creating more of a problem. How you ask? Every time a genuinely decent guy gets screwed over, hes one step closer to becoming a full-fledged *******. So good job girls, youve now helped create more guys who will mess with your head. I mentioned earlier that certain females seem to want a challenge, and thats why they pursue guys who treat them like crap. Well, if they dont stop acting like psychotics, the more challenges they will get. It will be more of a challenge to come up with excuses about why you were crying in the bathroom at a bar, or why you have black eyes and bruises. After all, people will only believe your story about Rollerblading mishaps so many times before they become suspicious. Unfortunately, this column will probably ring true for a lot of people reading it. The truth sucks sometimes people, as do many womens twisted relationship choices.