Official discussion on why "Nice Guys" have a hard time getting the girl.

[AndThePickles]

I'm not talking about that either. A proper bad boy, IMO anyway is just someone who doesn't give a toss. Who doesn't conform, who is able to have a laugh at both others and themselves you know? I can spot a "fake macho" person a mile off.

I guess I don't really term that a "bad boy." Just carefree.

 

[hippie_hunter]

I have come to the conclusion that it isn't that girls prefer the bad boy over the nice guy, but the nice guy's (i.e. me) complete obliviousness when it comes to women.

 

[I'm Old Greg]

Does anyone know if there's, like, online lessons to learn how to take a joke? If so, please forward the link to Greg. Thanks.

its not funny when you have the power to make fun of someone but when i joke i get infractions=not fair.

but i really don't care i just want to again, carry on with the topic...

 

[Ace of Knaves]

I guess I don't really term that a "bad boy." Just carefree.

Well yea add being able to look after himself to that and I would consider it "bad boy". You know like the guys who break the rules, don't give a crap about silly little laws.

 

[AndThePickles]

Well yea add being able to look after himself to that and I would consider it "bad boy". You know like the guys who break the rules, don't give a crap about silly little laws.

Like, independent people? Haha, sorry

 

[Ace of Knaves]

You're being awkward!!!

But i think i just don't know how to put it into words.

You know like the biker dudes who don't give a crap about speed limits and all that? Or the surfer dudes who smoke weed and what not? They are bad boys. Just because they break the law doesn't mean they are bad people. But I would imagine girls like that. They like risk takers, guys who ain't vein and superficial and all that.

Basically, the complete opposite of "pretty boys".

 

[hammy]

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From a personal perspective I can tell you the reason why women do not go for the Nice guy type is because we feel that type won't protect us against threats out there in society. Basically if we are being manhandled by an overzealous, grabby sort of guy we think that Nice Guy won't be strong enough physically and mentally to show Octopus Fingers his advances are not tolerated. But on the flip side, I don't like overly aggressive men as well because they'll be too territorial and abusive.

I didn't get any further than the first post. I just had to say, what an incredible load of ****e this is. What century are you from? Any woman who is so pathetic that she won't stand up for herself with "Octopus Fingers" doesn't deserve a nice guy. And any woman who thinks a nice guy wouldn't put an end to that situation anyway, does not have a fully functioning brain.

 

[twylight]

Godzilla2000...Setting the Women's Lib movement back ten years with each post

Many posters here are young. Most women past high school and college do not continue to go for the jerks who treat them like ****. When young, women want danger and excitement...like anyone. Men are the same way...in high school you want to bed the ****ty, *****y, cheerleader but she's not going to be the girl you want to marry ten years down the road. Your needs change with age. Eventually both men and women want reliability, consistency, and love. Something the "ass holes," can't give them. Plus, to a lot of guys from the outside looking in, the man is an ass hole simply because he has the girl the guy on the outside wants.

Firstly Matt, there's some merit to her point. I know I can stand on my own in a fight, however I like knowing that if needed I have a guy strong enough to back me up. It's not that I'd call him out al la Bane or anything, but the knowledge that if some other man physically started coming onto me he'd step in and be forceful.

That said your post is right. I know when I was younger I preferred guys the total opposite of what I would go for now. 'Forever' wasn't an issue back then; it was about experiencing things and having fun. The 'safe/nice' guy was to close to what I was, so I went for the opposite...the perpetual bad boy who's never going to mature. I'd never go for that type now, but it was fun while it lasted
Okay lie.. I still kinda go for that type and I have to remind myself they're no good. But at least I'm mature enough to recognize it now.

 

[Doctor Jones]

I've come to believe that the type of girl who goes for the "bad boy" after being burned more than once really is a glutton for punishment. I think there's also the types who dream about being the one to "change" the bad boy into someone who only has eyes for them. It makes me so frustrated when I see girls who go after known cheaters and then get mad when the guy sleeps around while dating them.

Wow, why can't all females think like this?

 

[twylight]

I've come to believe that the type of girl who goes for the "bad boy" after being burned more than once really is a glutton for punishment. I think there's also the types who dream about being the one to "change" the bad boy into someone who only has eyes for them. It makes me so frustrated when I see girls who go after known cheaters and then get mad when the guy sleeps around while dating them.

The definition of 'bad boy' must vary from person to person. In my experience the term encompasses more benign and broader behavior than just that. I don't consider cheaters bad boys... they're just players.

 

[EdRyder]

Maybe I'm just getting old but I think nice guys should think about trying to get nice girls.Then it'll all work out.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

It's simple... "Nice guys" often aren't "nice guys" (not saying they're bad guys, so keep reading), they often lack the confidence to make the push to get the girl. The "bad guys" are many times more aggressive when it comes to making sure they get a date. Also, the "nice guys" eff themselves over because they PUT themselves in a position to be the "brother I never had" type. They go so out-of-their-own-ways to make sure that they're as nice as they can possibly be that they stop being themselves and try to become some uber-saint, and that's not what most girls want in the first place.

*Side Note*:To the extreme, however, many women who were raped, abused, or molested will, in a very high amount of cases, gravitate toward men who are more likely to be physically, mentally, or emotionally abusive toward them. It's sickening, but 100% true.

Women want fun, confident, humorous guys- not necessarily with attractiveness. I'm not a good-looking guy at all, but I know how to have fun, I'm pretty confident in myself, and I'm well-known to be "the funny guy" with those who I'm close with... So naturally, I get romantic attention from girls you would NEVER associate me with (if you'd seen/knew me). In high school, I always got the "you're like a brother" routine (my first three years in high school, I had 3 girlfriends), until my senior year and beyond, when I began asserting myself more (to which I wound up with 6 girlfriend/hook-up situations over the beginning of the summer to the end of my senior year), and since then, it's come pretty easily. Call me a braggard if you want, but I'm telling it like it is- you can take it or leave it.

Also, as a little bonus, women like intelligence and humbleness, as well. Be sure about yourself, but at the same time, don't put yourself above others- and most DEFINITELY- her. Example: If you're a die-hard Gears of War player, and she picked up video games when you began dating her, you're going to kick her ass, and she knows it. At the same time, if you haul off and snipe her head off from across Jacinto 10 out of 10 rounds without giving her a chance to EVER have fun, that type of thing will upset her.

 

[PyroChamber]

I remember there were times with me, and there still are, where the reason I didn't get a girl was because I was just lazy. My way of thinking was "yes, I really would like to have that special woman in my life; but at the same time why should I have to change who I am or what I look like to get that someone?" So sometimes I don't think it's that a guy lacks the confidence, he's just too plain lazy to go up to a woman.

And also, I think some of these women will get so use to the wrong kind of men that when they find a man who actually treats them right they don't know how to handle it; so it may not be the guy at all, maybe it's the woman who's got the problem.

 

[Aluchak]

Its because the "Bad boy's" are 'cool' and the nice guys are generally 'not cool'. Society and Media are to blame.

 

[Red Cherry Lips]

Thank you Kim, and Pickles. There's a difference between being a nice guy, and being a doormat. I like to think I'm a pretty nice guy (Kim can attest), and just because I wont start a confrontation, doesn't mean I'll back away from one.

Dude, you're 110% a gentleman.

And I know you would fight back, if needed in a situation that presented itself as such. I suspect it would have to be pretty bad to get to that, and you'd hold your own ground.

Also all you nice guys, if you take notice there's usually shy, pretty, nice girls too, who may not be getting noticed as you drool over some scantily clad bad girl.

Good point. You know them "shy types." :P

 

[Erzengel]

Let me interject some thoughts into this subject.

First off, if you are walking around thinking you're a "nice guy", and the women you like, shower attention on them, put them on pedestals and are only doing things for them in the attempt to win their favor (i.e., listening to her problems, buying her stuff just because, you want them to like you romantically) you aren't nice guys. Nice guys don't have ulterior motives. "I do so much for my friend X, and she likes a'holes, why doesn't she like me."

Secondly, if you are going to be a wuss and never ask a girl out because you think sitting on your hands and waiting for opportunity to fall into your lap, then you may be a nice guy but you're also an idiot.

Also, as other people have said, don't put women on a pedestal and let them walk all over you.

In the end, I kinda do chuckle that people use the "I'm a nice guy." as some sort of victim card. Some people need an excuse of why they are unsuccessful with women but fail to realize that when some girls say "You're a nice guy but..." pretty much means, "I'm not attracted to you."

Seriously, all you nice guys out there, drop a pair, and just ask her out already or stop sitting on your hands waiting for opportunity and stop keeping that friend around because you believe one day her feelings may change.

 

[LadyVader]

I remember there were times with me, and there still are, where the reason I didn't get a girl was because I was just lazy. My way of thinking was "yes, I really would like to have that special woman in my life; but at the same time why should I have to change who I am or what I look like to get that someone?" So sometimes I don't think it's that a guy lacks the confidence, he's just too plain lazy to go up to a woman.

I think part of being a "nice" guy is the fact that you ARE willing to change in order to make the relationship work.

In regards to neediness, I'm a big believer that one has to make himself happy and can't put the responsability of his happiness on one person. You are all that you got, but when you prove to be needy and clingy it just shows that you are not very happy with what you got so why would another individual be happy they got you.

I'm not saying that people are egotistical bastards, but they kinda are.

But also when you get to that point when you ARE in a relationship with somebody, and through communication and compromising you are willing to change yourself in order to make the relationship work, that to me is the biggest proof of love that there is.But it goes both ways, otherwise it's not a very healthy relationship. Both partners have to work to eliminate the obstacles in the way of their connection.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

Let me interject some thoughts into this subject.

First off, if you are walking around thinking you're a "nice guy", and the women you like, shower attention on them, put them on pedestals and are only doing things for them in the attempt to win their favor (i.e., listening to her problems, buying her stuff just because, you want them to like you romantically) you aren't nice guys. Nice guys don't have ulterior motives. "I do so much for my friend X, and she likes a'holes, why doesn't she like me."

Secondly, if you are going to be a wuss and never ask a girl out because you think sitting on your hands and waiting for opportunity to fall into your lap, then you may be a nice guy but you're also an idiot.

Also, as other people have said, don't put women on a pedestal and let them walk all over you.

In the end, I kinda do chuckle that people use the "I'm a nice guy." as some sort of victim card. Some people need an excuse of why they are unsuccessful with women but fail to realize that when some girls say "You're a nice guy but..." pretty much means, "I'm not attracted to you."

Seriously, all you nice guys out there, drop a pair, and just ask her out already or stop sitting on your hands waiting for opportunity and stop keeping that friend around because you believe one day her feelings may change.

Bingo.

The wallowing in sorrow type of "nice guys" (the ones that use the "nice guy" card) tend to push women even further away too.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

Wow, why can't all females think like this?

Because (not accusing ATP here, I don't know her personally), most that do are the ones that are guilty of that exact kind of behavior.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

You're being awkward!!!

But i think i just don't know how to put it into words.

You know like the biker dudes who don't give a crap about speed limits and all that? Or the surfer dudes who smoke weed and what not? They are bad boys. Just because they break the law doesn't mean they are bad people. But I would imagine girls like that. They like risk takers, guys who ain't vein and superficial and all that.

Basically, the complete opposite of "pretty boys".

I'd imagine the thrill helps. I mean, my girlfriend is very mellow, well-spoken, never gets out of line... I, on the other hand, am very outspoken, say-or-do-what's-on-my-mind kind, jokester kind of guy. She loves it, and I don't know why, because she'd never do or say half the stuff I have (and I can do or say some pretty mean/messed up/dumb stuff), yet she finds it entertaining (in most cases).

I read a study once in Men's Health Magazine about why Europeans have more sex than Americans... For one country (I want to say it was Greece, but I'm not 100% sure), it was common for men to grab their girlfriends, pull them over in a train/alleyway/officebuilding, hike up their skirts, and do 'em right there. The fight-or-flight response adds intensity to the orgasm, and makes the sex that much thrilling and rewarding.

Maybe women do love the crazy guys.

 

[PyroChamber]

Just for a moment, what about "nice girls"? Sure there's an opinion about what a nice guy is, but do guys like a "nice girl"?

 

[RockSP]

People can talk all the "you so called nice guys are really just wimps" stuff that they want but the fact of the matter is that some women prefer jerks. And not just for fun but for long term relationships and marriage. Women don't have their s#$% together automatically by virtue of being women. Some are psychos and self destructive drama queens.

 

[TNC9852002]

This thread kills me inside.

 

[thejon93]

I personally find myself to be the "nice guy", and I always will be

 

[ShadowBoxing]

Let me interject some thoughts into this subject.

First off, if you are walking around thinking you're a "nice guy", and the women you like, shower attention on them, put them on pedestals and are only doing things for them in the attempt to win their favor (i.e., listening to her problems, buying her stuff just because, you want them to like you romantically) you aren't nice guys. Nice guys don't have ulterior motives. "I do so much for my friend X, and she likes a'holes, why doesn't she like me."

Secondly, if you are going to be a wuss and never ask a girl out because you think sitting on your hands and waiting for opportunity to fall into your lap, then you may be a nice guy but you're also an idiot.

Also, as other people have said, don't put women on a pedestal and let them walk all over you.

In the end, I kinda do chuckle that people use the "I'm a nice guy." as some sort of victim card. Some people need an excuse of why they are unsuccessful with women but fail to realize that when some girls say "You're a nice guy but..." pretty much means, "I'm not attracted to you."

Seriously, all you nice guys out there, drop a pair, and just ask her out already or stop sitting on your hands waiting for opportunity and stop keeping that friend around because you believe one day her feelings may change.

I pretty much co-sign all of this, as I've repeated this argument time and again on here despite the fact it keeps coming up again and again.