*Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[katie_girl09]

that's the problem... she's very difficult to talk too.... we used to go see a counselor together to help us with this issue, but with me working so much, there's no time.... and I can't take off of work either... it's a touchy situation right now, since I'm most likely entering a transitional period... where I'm earning ground and experience at one, but contineing at another incase the other one doesn't pan out... ( I work 2 jobs)... plus, I've grown acustom to how much I make working 2 jobs....

the whole comminication barrier is this... I'm too much of a type A, and she's all over the place... most of the time, not saying a word, then swtiching to either overly aggresive, or overly emotional.... there's no typical middle ground where we could sit down, have a glass of wine, and just talk... there is no communication at this point...unless she's complaining about me doing something... I'm too loud in the morning when getting ready for work, I take up to much of the covers, I go to bed too early when I work construction (I have to be up at 3am!!!), we don't do anything fun liek go out anymore(we have a 2 year old!)...

She has to understand... our lifes are based at us making a certian income, the cars we drive, the condo we live in, the things we take for granted like having a big screen in the bedroom, front loader washer and drier, granite countertops.... those are all the fruits of our labor the last coupe years....

Oh boy! It sounds to me like you guys are either living too far above your means (hence you have to slave away at work) or she just isn't working enough. These days most families need two incomes to make it.

You guys aren't missing out on fun because you have a two year old. You're missing out on fun because you have to work all the time just to keep up with everything!

I really think that it would be worth taking time off work to go to counseling.

 

[BillyZaned]

like I said, mostly due to me going into this transitional part.... not so much money... I could easily live only working 1 job..... but, I'm become used to the extra income from the other job.

here's the deal with them.... I work construction on the weekends for my cousin's company... I make good, really good money just working two days.... he loves my work ethic (the fact I work 7 days a week) and told me flat out that next season, starting in March, there's a full time job waiting for me, with nearly a 60% pay increase, plus more if I get my CDL... and the job in Monday - Friday... maybe a Saturday every once inawhile..... but, those 5 days, I'll be making more then what I make working my two jobs right now (average weekly hours is between 60 and 70, not including Saturdays)..... so, we just have to bear me doing this for a few more months... then, it's clear sailing... she just needs to be a little more understanding....

plus, he told me flat out, his foreman of the crew I'm working on, is going to be retiring in 6 years, and he would like me take that job if I show I can do it... ( he likes it that I'm a college grad, unlike nearly the rest of the employess) and with that job, it's major, major cash, and perks (company car, gas card, stuff like that)

so, in short, i could afford to live working one job... but, to do that would screw up the plans,

 

[BillyZaned]

also, the season ends this coming month... we are "off" December - Beginning of March..... but I do snow plowing, and patch work throughout those months too...

 

[Erzengel]

So out of say...365 days a year, how many ball park do you actually work?

 

[BillyZaned]

So out of say...365 days a year, how many ball park do you actually work?

right now, this year.... well.... I would say 340....

with each week being between 60 and 75

I'll be working at the other job on weekends still... just shorter days because I will be helping out the engineers in the truck bays.....

 

[Erzengel]

Well from an unbiased standpoint, while I can see where you are trying to head with a stable job in the future, even a 6 year plan. Working 93% of the year, is going to be tough on any marriage and while your wife may have initially agreed to it, it probably doesn't make it easier for her. As difficult as it maybe to talk to her, you guys really need to.

 

[BillyZaned]

But, we working that... this year alone... has brought alot of stuff to us, that she wanted... you just can't have it both ways...

the only bills I have a month, besides the obvious utility and cable.... is our mortgage, and my car payment.... which is under 2k, including those utilities... I make enough in one week to pay for that.... the other 3 weeks, it goes to savings, and investments.... I want a side by side in the next year, so I can rent half of it out..... and live in the other half.... and that is somewhat influecing we working alot to, besides the job goals...

being poor, dirt poor for a few years, it's soooo nice to be able to go buy new granite countertops, and pay for it with cash, as opposed to a credit card... or a 2k washer/drier....

and I know part of her is like "we have nearly 25k in the bank, lets take a vacation"... but once I get that job, and we get that sidebyside... I mean ****, we will have it even better... and we will have plenty of time to do that later in life....

being 25, I think I'm doing pretty good

 

[Erzengel]

Being 25, it's probably great, one of my favorite sayings, is "Whomever said, all you need was love, was never poor." But while you guys aren't worrying about money, it's probably not easier when you're not around. Before you get that job, why not just take 1 week off for you and your family. It's those little things that help. New tvs and counter tops are great, but think about it this way aside from those monetary items, what does your wife have to look forward to?

 

[BillyZaned]

Being 25, it's probably great, one of my favorite sayings, is "Whomever said, all you need was love, was never poor." But while you guys aren't worrying about money, it's probably not easier when you're not around. Before you get that job, why not just take 1 week off for you and your family. It's those little things that help. New tvs and counter tops are great, but think about it this way aside from those monetary items, what does your wife have to look forward to?

I think that's where alot of this lies... I'm very goal orientated... I've always been a fan of the journey, as well as the ends... she on the otherhand, lives more in the moment, so I guess, yeah, right now, it's pretty boring for her.... the only thing that seems to get her to "see" my point of view, is for instance, doing "house' shopping online, and showing her how a certian downpayment would make that house affordable.... then she gets all "save save save" with money, but it only lasts a few weeks....

as soon as winter comes, we will take some more time to do things.... but not when I'm working 15 hours days on the weekends.... as soon as it slows down, and I'm either doing patchings, or working with the engineers, my days will turn from 4am - 8pm, to 7am - 330 on the wekends.... which means I'm down for going out, and having "more" fun...

 

[Erzengel]

I think people need to go on vacation, just to break up the monotony of daily lives. Taking her out to Outback and a movie shouldn't be an experience.

 

[BillyZaned]

I think people need to go on vacation, just to break up the monotony of daily lives. Taking her out to Outback and a movie shouldn't be an experience.

I'm pretty picky on going out... since it happens less often... I'd perfer to go to Lake Park Bistro here in Milwaukee... just google it... it's a terrfic place to eat... yes, it's pricey... but it's sooo good... we used to tie that in with the milwaukee art museum... they have galla nights every once inawhile... so, get some dinner, then go over there for cocktails... really fun nights.....

also, I was planning on taking her and the little guy down to Chicago this December... make a weekend out of it... go to Michigan Ave and do some shopping... then go to Shed Aqaurium and the Museum of Natural History...

 

[Erzengel]

Well I guess if that's really where she wants to go it's fine. But make sure it's just not a "convenient" vacation for you. I'm from NJ, I couldn't pass off going to Atlantic City for a few days, Philly or Ocean City, Md as a vacation for Erzette.

 

[LouFerignoDemon]

I'm gonna go with Erz.

That, and my own two cents: You might have a control issue or two.

 

[Cunning Stunts]

Wow... I got owned last week. I met this absolutely beautiful French girl. We got grouped up for a project in a class of mine, so I managed to work my way in to talk to her. Coolly enough, she only really spoke with me, and she found me to be funny... I thought it was going real well.

Well, the next week, I managed to catch her after class, and chatted her up about the project. Before leaving, I asked for her phone number- something which I never do. To my amazement, she gives it to me.

Well, I send her a text later that night, casually asking if she was doing anything that weekend. I got nothing. I figured I may have typed in the wrong number, so I didn't pursue anything.

Two days later, I get a text from her asking about the project. We go back and forth for about fifteen minutes, and when we're done, I throw in a question about whether or not she'd received my text the other day. She said she had, and that she responded. I replied, asking what she said, and got nothing. I sent a text later saying, saying I wasn't receiving the text (which my phone does very often), and that I just wanted to ask if she'd like to go to a local theme park for a special event this weekend.

The next morning in class, even in the group, she sits with her back to me, completely ignores me. I notice later that she's eyeballing the crap out of the girl who sat in front of me, so I thought, "I get it..." (gather what you want from that). Well, the two wind up striking up a pretty loud conversation, during which she blatantly throws out the fact that she's got a boyfriend. My question is, why the hell give me your number if you've got a boyfriend?!

Well, at least she didn't turn out to be a lesbian...

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe she gave you her number because you were in a group project together.

 

[BillyZaned]

I'm gonna go with Erz.

That, and my own two cents: You might have a control issue or two.

I don't think so..... those years after college... having no money, living in a run down apartment... I hated it... and right now, I'm dead set on making sure my son has the best possible life.... if it means, that for the next 6 months, daddy is tired alot, and mommy is crabby.... but, two, three year from now, we have a wonderful house, family vacations to florida, or whereever twice a year, and no worries as far as how money goes.... then what's the problem...

I hear all these girls out there, complaining about their deadbeat husbands.... I think it's pretty good that I'm thinking of the future, and working so my wife and son don't have to worry about money....

 

[Erzengel]

Do I need to play "Cats and the Cradle"?

But honestly, I'm not "faulting" what you are doing, but there kinda have to be a compromise. You said 6 months but I thought you previously said that the foreman wanted to retire in 6 years?

 

[BillyZaned]

Do I need to play "Cats and the Cradle"?

But honestly, I'm not "faulting" what you are doing, but there kinda have to be a compromise. You said 6 months but I thought you previously said that the foreman wanted to retire in 6 years?

6 months till I'm up and working full time there.....
more like 5 actually



90k a year..... not to shabby for my first year working there.... and that's just me working Monday-friday... i would have my weekends off!!!

my wife only works part time, so she only makes about 12k a year, but for us both being in a young to mid 20s... that's not a bad living...

 

[Erzengel]

It's good money for 2 people in their mid 20s But you said it yourself, you like the journey and the end. But right now the "journey" is you working 7 days a week. I think your wife might be resentful. Try enjoying the journey more but don't half ass it.

 

[Ace of Knaves]

**** working 7 days a week man. What's the point of all that money if you can't enjoy it?

Obviously I give credit to ya for grafting your ass off. But **** DAT ****!!!! Your spending so much time working, you are missing out on the finer things in life which you work for. Like nice house, big TV, nice cars a loving family. You gonna miss all that? What's the point in working your ass off for these finer things and a happy family, when you are missing out on it?

 

[BillyZaned]

I just have that fear of being dirt poor... I mean, 90k a year to some people is dirt poor, but the average person, that's a alot of money.... it's just the fear of living in a trailer, or crap apartment scares me out of bed everymorning

 

[Ace of Knaves]

Yea and that is a good mentality to have really. To constantly push yourself and have a goal.

But you gotta be careful. All this running around like a blue arsed fly, you're missing out on the things you are working towards. You're missing out on the comfortable lifestyle, you seem to be missing out on family life. That's what you're working for right? For your family to be happy and have a nice lifestyle? Well what is the point if you ain't gonna be there for it?

If everyone had the same work mentality as you, a lot of people would be richer and all that. But a lot of people would go ****ing crazy too and probably miserable. You gotta balance it out.

 

[Erzengel]

I understand where you are coming from, but who knows what the future holds, you can be so focused that you don't want to be dirt poor you could do irreversible damage to your marriage. What's the use of being financially secure in a marriage if you have grown to hate each other? Her unhappiness is now effecting you, and it will just continue to build. I'm not saying hey, take her on a Hawaiian cruise for a month, but a week to even Florida shouldn't be like such a crazy notion.

I don't know your wife, but it just seems like you are throwing her a bone, by taking her to Chicago. Which honestly I know you're from the midwest and are use to the cold but I wouldn't want to go to Chicago in December. I mean correct me if I'm wrong but this Chicago trip seems like your idea, no?

 

[LouFerignoDemon]

Wow... I got owned last week. I met this absolutely beautiful French girl. We got grouped up for a project in a class of mine, so I managed to work my way in to talk to her. Coolly enough, she only really spoke with me, and she found me to be funny... I thought it was going real well.

Well, the next week, I managed to catch her after class, and chatted her up about the project. Before leaving, I asked for her phone number- something which I never do. To my amazement, she gives it to me.

Well, I send her a text later that night, casually asking if she was doing anything that weekend. I got nothing. I figured I may have typed in the wrong number, so I didn't pursue anything.

Two days later, I get a text from her asking about the project. We go back and forth for about fifteen minutes, and when we're done, I throw in a question about whether or not she'd received my text the other day. She said she had, and that she responded. I replied, asking what she said, and got nothing. I sent a text later saying, saying I wasn't receiving the text (which my phone does very often), and that I just wanted to ask if she'd like to go to a local theme park for a special event this weekend.

The next morning in class, even in the group, she sits with her back to me, completely ignores me. I notice later that she's eyeballing the crap out of the girl who sat in front of me, so I thought, "I get it..." (gather what you want from that). Well, the two wind up striking up a pretty loud conversation, during which she blatantly throws out the fact that she's got a boyfriend. My question is, why the hell give me your number if you've got a boyfriend?!

Well, at least she didn't turn out to be a lesbian...

Ha ha ha. Sounds like something I'd do fully unintentionally. In fact, I thought this -was- about me at first.

I don't think so..... those years after college... having no money, living in a run down apartment... I hated it... and right now, I'm dead set on making sure my son has the best possible life.... if it means, that for the next 6 months, daddy is tired alot, and mommy is crabby.... but, two, three year from now, we have a wonderful house, family vacations to florida, or whereever twice a year, and no worries as far as how money goes.... then what's the problem...

I hear all these girls out there, complaining about their deadbeat husbands.... I think it's pretty good that I'm thinking of the future, and working so my wife and son don't have to worry about money....

Yeah, no. There's definitely control issues there. lol

Dude, take it from a girl who shares em. Relax a little bit, and treat the wife some.

Or one day, she ends up -my- new girlfriend because I decide to treat her some. (I'd take that as experience, too.)

 

[BillyZaned]

I understand where you are coming from, but who knows what the future holds, you can be so focused that you don't want to be dirt poor you could do irreversible damage to your marriage. What's the use of being financially secure in a marriage if you have grown to hate each other? Her unhappiness is now effecting you, and it will just continue to build. I'm not saying hey, take her on a Hawaiian cruise for a month, but a week to even Florida shouldn't be like such a crazy notion.

I don't know your wife, but it just seems like you are throwing her a bone, by taking her to Chicago. Which honestly I know you're from the midwest and are use to the cold but I wouldn't want to go to Chicago in December. I mean correct me if I'm wrong but this Chicago trip seems like your idea, no?

it's not what I consider a vacation... it's just a little excape to refuel to the tanks.... we will take a proper vacation next november right after thanksgiving.... I'm thinking about going to Florida... take the little guy to Disney, since he will be almost 4..... we will go there for like 3 days, then rent a car, and drive over to Long Boat Key, by Sarasota... by uncle owns a condo there and will let us use it (it's his vacation spot) anytime we are down there.....