Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Aesop Rocks]

Yeah, but how long have you known her?

Eh we've been friends on Facebook for a while, but really never talked. All this closeness came out of no where within the past month.

 

[Anubis]

Well, ****. I just figured since we agreed neither of us were interested in a relationship that I wouldn't try anything.

Well, maybe we're just overreacting. There's a good chance things are still up in the air and you haven't ruined anything. Maybe that look was gas.

 

[twylight]

Eh we've been friends on Facebook for a while, but really never talked. All this closeness came out of no where within the past month.

Is it KMH? or KM?

 

[Aesop Rocks]

huh?

 

[twylight]

Nuffin!

 

[Aesop Rocks]

Okay?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Well, ****. I just figured since we agreed neither of us were interested in a relationship that I wouldn't try anything.

You started this whole conversation off with the girl I like and you're asking about stuff in the relationship advice thread, so you're lying to her and yourself by saying you aren't interested in a relationship. She's giving you plenty of non-verbal clues that she's interested, so either respond to her moves with some of your own or be prepared to be the friend she runs to when her next boyfriend (which she'll be going out with soon) is being an ass to her.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

I guess I didn't word it correctly. I'm interested in a relationship, but I don't have enough determination to make one work right now.

 

[Erzengel]

Not pointing you out Aesop, and I'm all for being in the right place mentally to be in a relationship but there seems to be a lot of people here who use that excuse as to why they aren't actively pursuing women.

Just make sure it's you don't think you can actively put 100% into a relationship and not, I'm just too scurred.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I guess I didn't word it correctly. I'm interested in a relationship, but I don't have enough determination to make one work right now.

That really sounds like an excuse, what does the not having the determination to make it work even mean? You make a move and if she doesn't retreat you'll in the begining stages, which doesn't take work just enjoying each other's company and having fun. You've been out with her two nights this past weekend, did it seem like work? If you're with the right person being in a relationship, at this stage, won't/shouldn't feel like work. Next time you're out with her, start making the small physical contact, hold her hand, lightly touch her leg, kiss her, those types of things.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

Neither of our lives are kind of fit for a relationship.

 

[twylight]

Neither of our lives are kind of fit for a relationship.

Oh geez, the emoness. /Billehvoice

Okay, you're how old? Not even 20? Go have a bit of fun.

Stop over thinking it, and I know you are because I do the same.
Do you like her? Does she seem interested? Do you see yourself having fun with her (and not in just a sexual way you perv! )

Just make a move and sort it out later.

Next time you're out with her, start making the small physical contact, hold her hand, lightly touch her leg, kiss her, those types of things.

This. I'm also partial to the 'hover hand' on the lower part of the back. Just don't go to low or to high. But of course that's my personal preference, having been on the receiving end.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Neither of our lives are kind of fit for a relationship.

Well then here are the three scenarios I see happening;

1. You get to hear about all the highs and lows of the relationship she'll be in by August 1st at the latest.

2. She vanishes from your life without a trace, maybe reappearing when her next boyfriend is being an ass.

3. You stay friends with her and she tries to set you up with her gay friend because she thinks you're gay and that's why you didn't make a move.

If you're comfortable being in any of these scenarios, then stay the course because you're taking it slow game will take you nowhere. You want to try anything with her, now's your opportunity and the clock is ticking, either go for it or live to regret it. If you have the time to hang out with a girl until 3am on a Sunday night, you have the time for a relationship.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yea I'm sorry, but I don't believe this "I don't have the determination to make a relationship work" talk.

If you weren't trying to pursue a relationship with this girl, you wouldn't be posting on here. Because you wouldn't care about what she thought, or whether you should have done this or that. But that's just my take, maybe I'm wrong.

Trust me, even in my down phase a few months ago, where I said I wasn't "looking" for a relationship, when a girl asked me out, or gave me an opening, I made a move.

Obviously, those attempts didn't work out long run, as I'm still single, but I think my point remains that if you really weren't interested in working it out with her, you wouldn't be posting on here.

Now, I'm not a genius when it comes to non-verbal cues...that's no secret you just need to go back and look at my past in this very thread. Even with the crazy girl I was dealing with a few months back, there's some things that I question if I made a strong enough move or not, because like you, I was trying to "take it slow". But hell, even when I look back and ask myself if I shoulda done this or that differently, I know I wasn't just standing still. I made my intentions with her clear from the get go, and she knew I wasn't just her shoulder to cry on. I made my moves to touch her and kiss her, and sometimes she responded well, and sometimes she didn't, but like someone else said, even if you try and fail, and least she knows.

I'm not an expert on women or relationships by any means, but I'd imagine that if you haven't lost your opportunity with her, your door is closing and you need to do something quick. What that something is, I'll leave to the people who know more than I do. I wouldn't text her about it though.

 

[LOBO3315a]

I've often said that unless a woman pulls my pants down, I'm clueless to whether she likes me or not.

If a woman is all wrapped around you sleeping in your bed, and you didn't even cup her boobies.....I don't know, man... Even I'm not that clueless.

 

[Erzengel]

I was dumped in a relationship years ago and I used that as an opportunity to start going to they gym, and just making myself feel better. I vowed that I wasn't going to be looking for a relationship and I made that known to the women I was with. I was coming home early from one date only to plan for a date later that day.

It was fun. But somewhere in between me just going out and having fun, I met someone who made me reevaluate what I really wanted.

What I'm trying to say is that a lot of times "relationships" don't work on your time table. They come around when you least expect it and sometimes when you weren't looking for it.

 

[Frodo]

Timing is always an issue , and to be fair , its better to be honest with the other person if you're really not ready to make a commitment or be in a relationship for whatever reason or excuse. Imo Its better to let the other person be happy with someone else then to ultimately make them unhappy just for the sake of being in a relationship.

But timing can be a double edged sword in the sense that sometimes you can miss out on something very good because you don't make a move. I think it depends on each situation .

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

This isnt a relationship problem, or not my relationship anyway, but I didnt know were else to put this and its playing on my mind.

Please tell me i'm just being paranoid but at a party in a flat last night I have a nagging feeling that one of my friend was cheated on by his girlfriend. He wasnt there, but she was with some friends and so was I, she got a little drunk and fell asleep in the flat-owners room, the flat owner then went to bed in the same room a bit later while me and some others stayed up, the door was closed and the flat-mate who was in bed all the time and came in and said who is the girl in bed with him?

Its just the way he said it as if they were doing things together, although I myself was drunk at this point, it was also strange the way she didnt leave with her friends earlier, although she was asleep by then through drunkness. I mean, she has never given me any reason to suspect anything the past, I just found it peculiar, but at the same time I have slept in the same bed as girls in the past and not done anything with them, the flat-owner is a friend also although not as much but he is known as a bit of a player.

Please someone tell me i'm just being paranoid and crazy because I cant this out of my head and it would crush my friend if she cheated on him.

 

[WellAdjusted]

I think you're just being paranoid.

Though it is odd that she didn't leave, but when you're drunk you do stupid things. If she hides the fact that she slept in that guys bed from your friend, then I'd be a little worried. If she did just sleep there, then she would most likely tell her boyfriend.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

This isnt a relationship problem, or not my relationship anyway, but I didnt know were else to put this and its playing on my mind.

Please tell me i'm just being paranoid but at a party in a flat last night I have a nagging feeling that one of my friend was cheated on by his girlfriend. He wasnt there, but she was with some friends and so was I, she got a little drunk and fell asleep in the flat-owners room, the flat owner then went to bed in the same room a bit later while me and some others stayed up, the door was closed and the flat-mate who was in bed all the time and came in and said who is the girl in bed with him?

Its just the way he said it as if they were doing things together, although I myself was drunk at this point, it was also strange the way she didnt leave with her friends earlier, although she was asleep by then through drunkness. I mean, she has never given me any reason to suspect anything the past, I just found it peculiar, but at the same time I have slept in the same bed as girls in the past and not done anything with them, the flat-owner is a friend also although not as much but he is known as a bit of a player.

Please someone tell me i'm just being paranoid and crazy because I cant this out of my head and it would crush my friend if she cheated on him.

It's between those three, not you. You don't want to get involved in that nonsense. Especially since you were drunk and have no idea what went on in that room.

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

I think you're just being paranoid.

Though it is odd that she didn't leave, but when you're drunk you do stupid things. If she hides the fact that she slept in that guys bed from your friend, then I'd be a little worried. If she did just sleep there, then she would most likely tell her boyfriend.

I saw my friend and the flat-owner earlier and it wasnt really mentioned, do you think thats a bad thing? He mentioned about not having much sleep because he went to bed very late and was up early for work.

It's between those three, not you. You don't want to get involved in that nonsense. Especially since you were drunk and have no idea what went on in that room.

I was thinking that but this is my best friend we are talking about, I just dont want him to get hurt.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

Oh geez, the emoness. /Billehvoice

Okay, you're how old? Not even 20? Go have a bit of fun.

Stop over thinking it, and I know you are because I do the same.
Do you like her? Does she seem interested? Do you see yourself having fun with her (and not in just a sexual way you perv! )

I guess you could say I do. When we talked, she ended up saying "for really being strangers, we really do have a lot in common". Meaning both in our F'd up lives and common interests. She told me she loved personality, and thought that mine was great. She felt like she could trust me. That we both know how hard it is to open up. How I was the first person she thought about when she decided to make new friends/meet new people.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

I'm not an expert on women or relationships by any means, but I'd imagine that if you haven't lost your opportunity with her, your door is closing and you need to do something quick. What that something is, I'll leave to the people who know more than I do. I wouldn't text her about it though.

I invited her over later.

 

[Erzengel]

I guess you could say I do. When we talked, she ended up saying "for really being strangers, we really do have a lot in common". Meaning both in our F'd up lives and common interests. She told me she loved personality, and thought that mine was great. She felt like she could trust me. That we both know how hard it is to open up. How I was the first person she thought about when she decided to make new friends/meet new people.

It's okay to take it slow but it's okay to make your intentions known as well.

But oh, to be young again and sound like you're battle scar'd warriors who were left jaded because of the relationship wars you've been through just brings me back.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I was thinking that but this is my best friend we are talking about, I just dont want him to get hurt.

Yeah, but you don't know what happened between those two and it really isn't any of your business. Getting in the middle of anything that might have happened will most likely end up with you being the bad guy to at least one of the parties involved.