Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Not necessarily seeking advice, more of a vent. Cuz no relationship advice thread is complete without me, right? lol

So this girl I've been talking to for the past couple months, it's been up and down. I think I saw the outcome coming for awhile anyways, but was giving the girl the benefit of the doubt that she was being legitimate and honest with me about why things were going so slowly.

So finally, after a conversation, she tells me that she wants me to let her go, and move on, because she can't see herself in a relationship with anyone for a long time. I tell her then that fine, I will let her go, and I will move on. And now, she's pissed off at me, and talking **** about me behind my back for letting her go and moving on.

And I'm just like... umm... k?

 

[Hound55]

You're better off.

She's certifiable, or at least an attention-seeker.

 

[Eggyman]

Not necessarily seeking advice, more of a vent. Cuz no relationship advice thread is complete without me, right? lol

So this girl I've been talking to for the past couple months, it's been up and down. I think I saw the outcome coming for awhile anyways, but was giving the girl the benefit of the doubt that she was being legitimate and honest with me about why things were going so slowly.

So finally, after a conversation, she tells me that she wants me to let her go, and move on, because she can't see herself in a relationship with anyone for a long time. I tell her then that fine, I will let her go, and I will move on. And now, she's pissed off at me, and talking **** about me behind my back for letting her go and moving on.

And I'm just like... umm... k?

You hurt her bumhole--she's butt hurt. Maybe she wanted what she asked of you, but expected a bit more of a reaction from you (I'm guessing she'd like to see you upset to feed her ego and know that you cared). OR, she's just an attention ****e who didn't really want you to move on but completely the opposite--like hinting for a compliment, in a way.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Oh I'd totally agree with that. We've been talking for awhile. But everytime I'd try to progress the relationship, she'd talk about how she can't handle being in a relationship right now. But then she'd always follow it up with telling me how much I mean to her and how much she cares about me, and how happy I make her, and that she does have feelings for me, and there was something between us and always would be, and she saw us on the path to something and didn't want to stray from that path, and that she had thought about a relationship with me and seen me as a boyfriend. So I gave her her time cuz I knew she had a lot going on in her life. When things seemed like they were dead ending, I'd try to walk away, but then she'd always reassure me that things were good between us so I'd come back.

Well finally this last time, I just asked her to flat out tell me how she feels because I was tired of getting strung along. We had a conversation that pretty much had her telling me to move on, and me saying I would, and ended with her pissed off at me and talking ****.

I think I completely agree with you when you say she was fishing for a particular response from me, didn't get it, and got mad.

 

[JStorm]

No need to give a major back story, basically ex came back into life, we had one good month followed by a very vague, little contact month.

This was, what I think is, our final conversation:

Me: "I know you're busy and I can respect that. I want you to know that I care about you, always have. I sense that this could be too much for you, that you have too much on your plate and I don't wish to add to that.

I can wait; I have no problem with giving you space. I understand you like to take things slow – but we need to know if this can go anywhere. I would like for this to work, but apparently the way things are going these last few weeks you either don't have time or not willing to make time, which is fine.

It's not fair for either one of us to have expectations of a relationship, if the other person is not available or unwillingly to invest time in whatever this could be.

If I'm wrong, tell me your thoughts, so we can come to an understanding."

Her: "I'm married to my work. . . " . . . "I don't know."

Me: "You don't know, or can't tell me?"

Her: "I don't know. Next week is slow for me. A client is coming in, in fifteen minutes, I gotta go."

I've known this girl for ten years; we were even engaged at one time.



This is more of an update for Erz and the other's that have heard me out. Feel free to commentate, just don't think there is much there to do so

 

[BurningStarIV]

What is your opinion on girls who have extensive comic book knowledge? I am one and guys find it "awesome", but its hard to find someone who actually knows as much as I do.

 

[steintym]

Well hypothetically there hasn't been any banging going on. Let's just say that the couple hasn't visited one another yet but the guy is saving up to fly to where the girl lives.

Hope this isn't to harsh, but ... this isn't a relationship yet. It could possibly develop into something, but you haven't even meet, seen each other, done anything. Doesn't sound like SO did anything wrong given these circumstances.

 

[Erzengel]

This is more of an update for Erz and the other's that have heard me out. Feel free to commentate, just don't think there is much there to do so

Erzette has a really hot nursing friend. I joke that if things didn't work, I'd try and hit that with extreme prejudice. But from what I'm told about her, she's a nurse, good looking, great personality and when it comes to relationships, she's doting on them and really does her best to take care of them.

Where am I going with this?

The past few relationships she's been in, it seems the guy likes her, likes the attention but not necessarily the commitment.

You can be a loving person and treat them better than any one has ever did, however, sometimes that isn't enough or can't make them love you or isn't what they are looking for.

I'm not saying to cash it in now, if you want to give it more time giving your history, that's fine. But after a while, you may be waiting for a bus that's not coming.

 

[JStorm]

Erzette has a really hot nursing friend. I joke that if things didn't work, I'd try and hit that with extreme prejudice. But from what I'm told about her, she's a nurse, good looking, great personality and when it comes to relationships, she's doting on them and really does her best to take care of them.

Where am I going with this?

The past few relationships she's been in, it seems the guy likes her, likes the attention but not necessarily the commitment.

You can be a loving person and treat them better than any one has ever did, however, sometimes that isn't enough or can't make them love you or isn't what they are looking for.

I'm not saying to cash it in now, if you want to give it more time giving your history, that's fine. But after a while, you may be waiting for a bus that's not coming.

Kinda to the point I'm at now, Erz. It's been three weeks since I've seen her, and in that time we've spoken a total of 20 minutes. I don't know what the issue is, and the point of what I said ^ was to bring that out. But what I got was "I'm married to my job."

Consensus between friends and family: she's crazy (Mrvlknight21), she's too scared to commit (Ma), she's lying about something and hiding behind her work, "I'm too busy" (Brother).

I figured if I spoke to her, openly, I would get some response - maybe one of th^se three. But I got what I've been getting these last few weeks - the busy argument.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Well hypothetically there hasn't been any banging going on. Let's just say that the couple hasn't visited one another yet but the guy is saving up to fly to where the girl lives.

I'm with everyone else, a relationship that only exists online or over the phone isn't really a relationship. You need to see each other once in a while to really know you're in a relationship, you don't know if you'll even actually have chemistry in person. Plus, he probably just blew his travel money to see you on this past vacation. You're pen pals, not a couple. Next time, don't wait for him to visit you, go visit him. If you're worried about it being safe bring a friend.

What is your opinion on the topic of shy men and the dating world?

Try online, it works. One thing though you can't be shy on the date, you've got to let your guard down, which is what shyness is, a guard to prevent yourself from getting hurt. If you keep that guard up during a date, it's not going anywhere but the friend zone.

I can't get over this girl right now. I'm definitely not going to go into detail with it but she said I hurt her...I don't think I did..I didn't mean to at least. Fact is, I can't get over her and she wants nothing to do with me and she's the only girl I ever told I loved so..um yeah. I seek advice on a forum for the first time. And please, don't tell me to go out and have fun cause at the end of the day, it doesn't work. It's been almost two months and I can't get over it. Wow, I feel like a *****, but it's how I feel and I don't know what else to do.

How long were you together, healing from a break up takes time. Fill that void with a hobby you've been meaning to take up. When my ex-girlfriend broke up with I just really threw myself into running, it helped a lot. Think of something you've wanted to do for a while, throw all the depressed energy you're feeling into that.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Oh I'd totally agree with that. We've been talking for awhile. But everytime I'd try to progress the relationship, she'd talk about how she can't handle being in a relationship right now. But then she'd always follow it up with telling me how much I mean to her and how much she cares about me, and how happy I make her, and that she does have feelings for me, and there was something between us and always would be, and she saw us on the path to something and didn't want to stray from that path, and that she had thought about a relationship with me and seen me as a boyfriend. So I gave her her time cuz I knew she had a lot going on in her life. When things seemed like they were dead ending, I'd try to walk away, but then she'd always reassure me that things were good between us so I'd come back.

Well finally this last time, I just asked her to flat out tell me how she feels because I was tired of getting strung along. We had a conversation that pretty much had her telling me to move on, and me saying I would, and ended with her pissed off at me and talking ****.

I think I completely agree with you when you say she was fishing for a particular response from me, didn't get it, and got mad.

You've talked about this girl before Nell right? Keep you distance, don't go back, she's crazy and will try to get you on the bus to crazy town with you if you keep on with her. She's gone, don't look back. You can't win against crazy because the rules change constantly so that they are always in crazies favor.

Kinda to the point I'm at now, Erz. It's been three weeks since I've seen her, and in that time we've spoken a total of 20 minutes. I don't know what the issue is, and the point of what I said ^ was to bring that out. But what I got was "I'm married to my job."

Consensus between friends and family: she's crazy (Mrvlknight21), she's too scared to commit (Ma), she's lying about something and hiding behind her work, "I'm too busy" (Brother).

I figured if I spoke to her, openly, I would get some response - maybe one of th^se three. But I got what I've been getting these last few weeks - the busy argument.

JStorm, drop the girl, things won't change, you broke up for a reason. She can't talk through the issues you two have, it's just going to get worse. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, she just wants a warm body when she needs it. You're being used basically.

All of these are my opinions based on the information at hand. I'm sure there's more at work in each situation, but I'm just calling it how I see it.

 

[Scourge2099]

What is your opinion on girls who have extensive comic book knowledge? I am one and guys find it "awesome", but its hard to find someone who actually knows as much as I do.

I think girls with extensive comic book knowledge are hot.

 

[JStorm]

JStorm, drop the girl, things won't change, you broke up for a reason. She can't talk through the issues you two have, it's just going to get worse. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, she just wants a warm body when she needs it. You're being used basically.

All of these are my opinions based on the information at hand. I'm sure there's more at work in each situation, but I'm just calling it how I see it.

Oh no, man. . I agree. That's why I spoke to her in that exact fashion (the statement above).

There will be no more communication from me end. Don't get me wrong, it hurts and the fact that I REALLY don't know, or have a proper answer, bugs the hell out of me. But I gave it a shot; I tried to keep in touch; I did all I could, and I'm getting the blatant 'high-school' response from someone I thought was more mature and closer than some chick I picked up.

Mrvl and I came up with the approach: tell her you care, tell her your thoughts, tell her you want it to work, let her reply. Obviously, the reply was just as shady as the last few weeks. So I walked.

Again - **** stings, because it's her; but I feel like I did everything possible to let her know I was willing and able. And with out final conversation, I will like I gave her every opportunity to say whatever: as harsh as "I'm seeing someone else," or as simple as "I thought this would turn out differently; I'm just not into it anymore."


I'll be honest, the "next week is slow for me" statement is racking my brain. But I'm not holding my breath. I know the outcome; her history tells all.

I could be wrong; but I feel like I left the ball in her court, in a decent fashion.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You've talked about this girl before Nell right? Keep you distance, don't go back, she's crazy and will try to get you on the bus to crazy town with you if you keep on with her. She's gone, don't look back. You can't win against crazy because the rules change constantly so that they are always in crazies favor.

Yes I've talked about her before. Her and I had a few conversations, and I thought we had cleared everything up and had gotten on the same page. Communication was even opening up again, albeit slowly, initiated by her.

But, as you said, she "changed the rules" yet again. So I finally flat out asked her where we stood, she told me that this waiting game was pointless since she wasn't wanting a relationship with anyone for a long time, and she wanted me to let her go and move on. So I told her that's all I wanted to know, and that I would, and she got butt hurt. Obviously there was a lot more to the conversation, but that was the main point.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I've been dating this girl for three months now, her name is Thread Manager. She's great, I mean really pretty, but there is this one thing that bothers me about her. Everytime we talk, or do anything, like have sex, or go out on a date, anytime it goes over an unspecified time limit she immediately ends it and insists we pick up the activity somewhere else. It's really annoying. Like really, really annoying. So annoying I'm trying to break up with her. I just don't know how to ask her to stop.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

What is your opinion on girls who have extensive comic book knowledge? I am one and guys find it "awesome", but its hard to find someone who actually knows as much as I do.

What's the question, how do you find someone who knows as much about comics as you do? Stay in the comic store all day Wednesday, a video game store at midnight the day of a new game release, a theater at midnight the night of a big comic movie release or the basements of parents houses. That's where they usually are. You could probably sniff them out, they usually have a distinct odor/scent.

 

[Violet Lantern]

I've been dating this girl for three months now, her name is Thread Manager. She's great, I mean really pretty, but there is this one thing that bothers me about her. Everytime we talk, or do anything, like have sex, or go out on a date, anytime it goes over an unspecified time limit she immediately ends it and insists we pick up the activity somewhere else. It's really annoying. Like really, really annoying. So annoying I'm trying to break up with her. I just don't know how to ask her to stop.

I lol'd

 

[The Mast]

What is your opinion on girls who have extensive comic book knowledge? I am one and guys find it "awesome", but its hard to find someone who actually knows as much as I do.

My opinion is that knowledge of high volume in any niche area is indicative of a distinct passion or hobby. I don't care if it's chairmaking, comics or train spotting. At least you have the capacity to be invested in something.

So, to me, it's a good sign.

Why do you mention finding someone who knows as much? Is that a requirement you have?

Personally, I think it's always gonna be hard to find someone who knows as much as people like us in REGULAR social circles. If I go to Comic Con, it's not gonna be anywhere as uncommon. I don't expect it, nor do I require it.

My concern would be acceptance. If you don't accept how deeply I'm into comics, or you outright reject it, there will inevitably be problems. I don't expect you to share it, but accept it.

 

[Anubis]

What is your opinion on girls who have extensive comic book knowledge? I am one and guys find it "awesome", but its hard to find someone who actually knows as much as I do.

Oh yeah? What did the DC Super Villain Copperhead like to collect?

 

[A Necessary Evil]

Every time I feel like I'm getting close to someone, they date someone else...Seriously. I have the WORST luck with women. I get interested, and nothing ever happens. This has been going on ever since I first started liking them...it's getting old now. Everytime I even THINK I'm getting close to one, and I'm 100% sure they like me...they hook up with someone else. This just happened, and it's kinda the straw that broke the camel's back... It's put me in a funk...anyone think they can help me understand why, but also get me out of the Bleh mood?

 

[AndThePickles]

Every time I feel like I'm getting close to someone, they date someone else...Seriously. I have the WORST luck with women. I get interested, and nothing ever happens. This has been going on ever since I first started liking them...it's getting old now. Everytime I even THINK I'm getting close to one, and I'm 100% sure they like me...they hook up with someone else. This just happened, and it's kinda the straw that broke the camel's back... It's put me in a funk...anyone think they can help me understand why, but also get me out of the Bleh mood?

It sounds like you aren't being aggressive enough.

 

[steintym]

I think girls with extensive comic book knowledge are hot.

Even better if they like to get freaky and dress up like their favorite female characters.

 

[steintym]

Every time I feel like I'm getting close to someone, they date someone else...Seriously. I have the WORST luck with women. I get interested, and nothing ever happens. This has been going on ever since I first started liking them...it's getting old now. Everytime I even THINK I'm getting close to one, and I'm 100% sure they like me...they hook up with someone else. This just happened, and it's kinda the straw that broke the camel's back... It's put me in a funk...anyone think they can help me understand why, but also get me out of the Bleh mood?

I agree with Pickles, sounds like you're probably not aggressive enough, waiting for them to initiate something. **** or get off the pot the next time you're interested. What's it going to hurt?

 

[Mac_Hine]

Yes I've talked about her before. Her and I had a few conversations, and I thought we had cleared everything up and had gotten on the same page. Communication was even opening up again, albeit slowly, initiated by her.

But, as you said, she "changed the rules" yet again. So I finally flat out asked her where we stood, she told me that this waiting game was pointless since she wasn't wanting a relationship with anyone for a long time, and she wanted me to let her go and move on. So I told her that's all I wanted to know, and that I would, and she got butt hurt. Obviously there was a lot more to the conversation, but that was the main point.

You played it right dude. You called her out on her shenanigans and now she is ********. Good for you and now stay away from her.

 

[Frodo]

Every time I feel like I'm getting close to someone, they date someone else...Seriously. I have the WORST luck with women. I get interested, and nothing ever happens. This has been going on ever since I first started liking them...it's getting old now. Everytime I even THINK I'm getting close to one, and I'm 100% sure they like me...they hook up with someone else. This just happened, and it's kinda the straw that broke the camel's back... It's put me in a funk...anyone think they can help me understand why, but also get me out of the Bleh mood?

Along with the be more aggressive comments, I would add that timing is also a factor. If you're waiting a while to get close to her that's waay to long ,and most likely, these women may have considered you a friend. I don't know your situations, but it may be that they may have expected you to make a move but you didn't so they moved on.

In other words, The next time you meet a girl you're interested in, act sooner . She may say no , but at least you'll know early on without getting worked up into thinking that you two are gonna hook up.

As far as getting out of the Bleh mood , i'd say just breathe, relax , take a critical look at what you may or may not be doing, learn from your mistakes , and meet new people. That's all you really can do .