Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[A Necessary Evil]

What's going on is she's flirting with you. That's it. I'm sure that it is flattering for her to get so much attention from you, but it is essentially meaningless.

:-/

Okay. ;_;

 

[JStorm]

Dear LORD - I meant another one that is too busy for her own good.


Not even had date two. . hell the first was the actual "encounter" and switching of phone numbers. Text are all cutesy, sarcatic, good 'back and forth,' and what phone conversations we've had have been entertaining and forthcoming.

All to get an out of the blue statement - LIKE THE F'ING LAST FEMALE: "My time is precious, etc, etc."

This one get's ONE shot. If I get any type of run around about getting together for lunch, or whatever, . . . what. . . the . . . HELL!!

 

[Erzengel]

You shouldn't let the last relationship really interfere with this one. If she flakes on you on a date, and you either have to chase her, or she flakes again, then cut your losses. Don't make a one and done because of the last girl.

 

[JStorm]

You shouldn't let the last relationship really interfere with this one. If she flakes on you on a date, and you either have to chase her, or she flakes again, then cut your losses. Don't make a one and done because of the last girl.

No worries, Erz. Just ranting to rant. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt for a few tries. But I will not invest too much time of wondering why, etc, etc.

Little bit different this time around. Just coffee with no strong emotions attached. But I'm damn sure not chasing another female around the block, as frantically and confused as I did last time.

 

[Anita18]

Dear LORD - I meant another one that is too busy for her own good.

Not even had date two. . hell the first was the actual "encounter" and switching of phone numbers. Text are all cutesy, sarcatic, good 'back and forth,' and what phone conversations we've had have been entertaining and forthcoming.

All to get an out of the blue statement - LIKE THE F'ING LAST FEMALE: "My time is precious, etc, etc."

This one get's ONE shot. If I get any type of run around about getting together for lunch, or whatever, . . . what. . . the . . . HELL!!

Where are you meeting girls who say that to your face? IMO even as busy as my friends are, they aren't the type of people who will make you feel like you're wasting their time. UNLESS they're really not interested.

If they're interested in seeing you, they'll make the time. Time is only precious when you're like, Steve Jobs. You wouldn't want to waste that guy's time.

There's something about you that's attracting these kinds of girls, or maybe they're something you like about them despite the headache.

 

[JStorm]

Where are you meeting girls who say that to your face? IMO even as busy as my friends are, they aren't the type of people who will make you feel like you're wasting their time. UNLESS they're really not interested.

If they're interested in seeing you, they'll make the time. Time is only precious when you're like, Steve Jobs. You wouldn't want to waste that guy's time.

There's something about you that's attracting these kinds of girls, or maybe they're something you like about them despite the headache.

I'm all for "if she's actually interested, she'll make time." And I agree about the Steve Jobs example. Really just posted to rant out of boredom. Meh.

There is something about these girls. . . they're adults with careers, pretending to "want" to date. Or maybe it was her nice way of saying "I gave you my digits because I couldn't say no to your face." Eh. . don't give a ****. Again, just bored.


Off/on topic. I spoke with friend I haven't seen in few weeks last night and filled him in about my former situation. His response to "I'm married to my job" was f'ing brilliant. I wish I would have been that quick, and not frantic and nervous. His response: "Congratulations. . should I send a gift, are you two registered someplace?"



I'm taking that approach in the future.

 

[Anubis]

Didn't you like, just break up with your last one?

 

[JStorm]

Didn't you like, just break up with your last one?

Not really. She just stopped talking to me a month ago, and I've been playing the "tell what what's up" game with her.

I didn't really stress this part of the issue, but about two weeks into her not speaking, texting, and what not, I just started hitting on girls.


The previous relationship lasted barely a month. The only reason it stung so hard was because she was the one that got away.

A good friend encouraged me to look at it like some random chick that just stopped calling. I wouldn't stop my life for that; I would get back in the game.


So. . I did.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

This place always seems to dish out decent help, so i figured id ask for some, again.

Back in highschool i met a girl and we instantly hit it off but she was just getting into a relationship at the time, so even tho we flirted and what not, i never really advanced. They had their ups and downs and when they were down, we'd always kind of flirt with the idea of being together but they always ended up getting back together.

Well eventually i just got tired of the on again off again status of their relationship and her and i parted ways. I headed off to college, they remained together but i never really got over her. Flash forward about 4 years and i notice that she had created a fb account. Well i figure there's no reason we cant at least start being friends again, so i send her a friend request, she accepts and we exchange pleasantries(how are you, hows school, etc etc). At this time(about mid September) i notice her and her b/f are engaged. Well come December she called off the engagement due to his increasingly violent attitude and his drug addiction. According to some mutual friends she said they had been growing a part for some time due to the fact that she said he had changed so much.

Anyway, i would be lying if i said i wasnt happy to hear that news, i was never a fan of his(even tho we were good friends at one time) and i knew she could do better. The holidays come and go and school starts up again(early January) and prior to school starting i was cleaning out some stuff that i had from highschool and i came across a picture of her while she was over at my house. After about a month of debate with myself, I decided that id try and open up communications with her again, so i sent her a message via fb asking how she's been doing and that i found an old picture of her, but she never responded. I sent her an instant message the other day when i saw her online, but again no response. I was really taken back by this considering how close we were at one point.

My question is, what do i do now? And i wont take do nothing as an answer, so if thats your response, you need not reply.

 

[Anubis]

......*********e.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

......*********e.

Didnt think of that.

But no, thats not sufficient.

 

[Anubis]

Wait for her to leave her house in the morning with some cloriform and rope?

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Wait for her to leave her house in the morning with some cloriform and rope?

lol.

I have no response for that...

 

[Erzengel]

My question is, what do i do now? And i wont take do nothing as an answer, so if thats your response, you need not reply.

There's only so much you can do without coming off as looking desperate. You put the ball in her court "twice" with an IM and a FB message and she hasn't responded back.

I mean you could wait a few weeks at least and try again if it makes you feel better however, if she doesn't respond you can't force this and maybe it's best to just keep this girl as the "THAT" girl from HS.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

There's only so much you can do without coming off as looking desperate. You put the ball in her court "twice" with an IM and a FB message and she hasn't responded back.

I mean you could wait a few weeks at least and try again if it makes you feel better however, if she doesn't respond you can't force this and maybe it's best to just keep this girl as the "THAT" girl from HS.

Yea, it just doesn't make any sense. We were WAY too close for her to be ignoring me now, there has to be something else going on. I think shes afraid of getting attached to someone after such a long and towards the end, nasty relationship.

 

[Erzengel]

You could have just grown apart. I was really good friends with a girl like high school kinda like your situation. She worked at the supermarkert near my house during college. But after a while, we just got busy with our own lives. I looked her up recently and she's married with a kid.

4 years is a long time and she may not view your friendship back in high school in the same light as you did. People do change especially in that time during college.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

You could have just grown apart. I was really good friends with a girl like high school kinda like your situation. She worked at the supermarkert near my house during college. But after a while, we just got busy with our own lives. I looked her up recently and she's married with a kid.

4 years is a long time and she may not view your friendship back in high school in the same light as you did. People do change especially in that time during college.

Eh, I just can't buy that. There's still no reason to ignore me, I mean prior to her break up she wasn't.

 

[Erzengel]

It doesn't sound like you had this great reunion last year when you found her on FB. Exchanging pleasantries sounds like just having polite small talk. Not no, hey we should get together and catch up. Unless there was more and you didn't include that (I did read, "trying to start being best friends again" but it didn't sound like it went further than messaging on facebook).

The way it seems to me, it seems that to you it's like no time has passed since high school. That may not be the same thing for her.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Eh, I just can't buy that. There's still no reason to ignore me, I mean prior to her break up she wasn't.

Sorry, but there's every reason for her to ignore you, Facebook means absolutely nothing. I've got friends on there I haven't seen for years and years, you sent a creepy message (mentioning the old picture is the creepy part). I'd ignore that too, there was probably another line or two that could've easily been seen as you trying to make things more than a Facebook friendship. Also, it's been four years, during college, she isn't the same girl you remember. Outside of becoming a big-time stalker and her getting a restraining order there's nothing you can do.

 

[JStorm]

Sorry, but there's every reason for her to ignore you, Facebook means absolutely nothing. I've got friends on there I haven't seen for years and years, you sent a creepy message (mentioning the old picture is the creepy part). I'd ignore that too, there was probably another line or two that could've easily been seen as you trying to make things more than a Facebook friendship. Also, it's been four years, during college, she isn't the same girl you remember. Outside of becoming a big-time stalker and her getting a restraining order there's nothing you can do.

Well said, sir.

Brings me to a point about FB. ALL who are on FB have encountered friends from the past: "we were in Mrs. Smith 3rd grade class. . remember?"

I know 3rd grade is well off from a few years out of college, but the point remains. I had a chick friend me, pull the 3rd grade routine, and proceeded to seduce me via my wall, IM, and PM. It was creepy as ****!! I didn't mind a little back and forth - "remember elementary school," etc, etc. But she jumped right in.

She didn't friend me because we were friends in grade school. She friended me, saw I was single, and proceeded to stalk me. It got so bad, one time I was home for the weekend, posted on my wall that I was, and she would not leave me alone about catching up with her.

I made it CLEAR AS HELL when I got there. I called her bluff, walked in with a six-pack, one already drank before I got to the door, and acted like a total ass.

Why? You ask. Because ALL of your posts, IM, and PM's were indicative of her wanting a sex toy, etc, etc. SO gave her that. But when I got there, she pulled the cutesy "it's so good to see you. . we should grab dinner tomorrow," etc. I flat out looked at her, told her she was creepy, explained to her that when you tell a guy you'll - PG'ed - "rock his world," all to get him to your house so you can come off as a needy 30-year-old who wants a BF is ****ing insane. Then I left.


Why the long ass story, JS?

Because FB ca be easily misused, and appear, as a stalker tool. Be careful how you use it, what you say, and what you say to whomever. . in a relationship sense.

 

[steintym]

Do you have a phone number? Can you just call her? FB isn't the best way to keep in touch other than casual updates.

If FB is your only option, you're probably screwed, and will have to wait for her to respond or just let her go.

 

[Anita18]

Sorry, but there's every reason for her to ignore you, Facebook means absolutely nothing. I've got friends on there I haven't seen for years and years, you sent a creepy message (mentioning the old picture is the creepy part). I'd ignore that too, there was probably another line or two that could've easily been seen as you trying to make things more than a Facebook friendship. Also, it's been four years, during college, she isn't the same girl you remember. Outside of becoming a big-time stalker and her getting a restraining order there's nothing you can do.

Yah, pretty much. There were people in high school I was close to but after going to college, I just drifted from because I realized I wasn't the same person who was friends with them. Happens with many people.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Sorry, but there's every reason for her to ignore you, Facebook means absolutely nothing. I've got friends on there I haven't seen for years and years, you sent a creepy message (mentioning the old picture is the creepy part). I'd ignore that too, there was probably another line or two that could've easily been seen as you trying to make things more than a Facebook friendship. Also, it's been four years, during college, she isn't the same girl you remember. Outside of becoming a big-time stalker and her getting a restraining order there's nothing you can do.

No i disagree. FB means more than nothing. The message wasnt at all creepy as i had plenty of people telling me that was a good ice breaker to start a convo. Friends that were familiar with both sides. Also there was nothing i said that would imply me wanting to do anything more than catch up, so youre wrong there.

Why the long ass story, JS?

Because FB ca be easily misused, and appear, as a stalker tool. Be careful how you use it, what you say, and what you say to whomever. . in a relationship sense.

Your situation wasnt the same as mine tho and FB is a GREAT communications tool when there is little other ways of communicating.

Do you have a phone number? Can you just call her? FB isn't the best way to keep in touch other than casual updates.

If FB is your only option, you're probably screwed, and will have to wait for her to respond or just let her go.

We have mutual friends. Im going to ask for their help next. Like i said, she wasnt ignoring me prior to her break up, which i think most of you are forgetting. Im fairly sure the reason she isnt talking to me is because shes afraid she might have the same feelings for me that she did when we were close. She just got out of a loooong relationship and prob isnt looking to jump back in to anything.

 

[Erzengel]

No i disagree. FB means more than nothing. The message wasnt at all creepy as i had plenty of people telling me that was a good ice breaker to start a convo. Friends that were familiar with both sides. Also there was nothing i said that would imply me wanting to do anything more than catch up, so youre wrong there.

Your situation wasnt the same as mine tho and FB is a GREAT communications tool when there is little other ways of communicating.

We have mutual friends. Im going to ask for their help next. Like i said, she wasnt ignoring me prior to her break up, which i think most of you are forgetting. Im fairly sure the reason she isnt talking to me is because shes afraid she might have the same feelings for me that she did when we were close. She just got out of a loooong relationship and prob isnt looking to jump back in to anything.

I'm sorry but it just doesn't sound like she's too interested.

If you want to go the mutual friends route, more power too you. But after a while, it's going to be fairly obvious that your motives are romantic in nature especially since you seem rather "persistent".

Lastly, it seems you are making excuses as to why she's not contacting you, it's not like she has to isolate herself to get over a bad relationship. While I don't necessarily think that she's avoiding you on purpose, I just don't think you measure high on her importance scale.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

I'm sorry but it just doesn't sound like she's too interested.

If you want to go the mutual friends route, more power too you. But after a while, it's going to be fairly obvious that your motives are romantic in nature especially since you seem rather "persistent".

Lastly, it seems you are making excuses as to why she's not contacting you, it's not like she has to isolate herself to get over a bad relationship. While I don't necessarily think that she's avoiding you on purpose, I just don't think you measure high on her importance scale.

Well yea, my motives may have been romantic eventually, but first id like to open up our friendship again to see if there was any feelings one way or the other.

Yea me not being important to her could be very true, i just dont think its that simple, not with how things were between us at once. The relationship between her and i and then her b/f was extremely complicated, i mean the dude forbade her from having any contact with me or with my sister(who was friends with her). He was a weird dude. Its not as simple as some of you think.