Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Erzengel]

You keep mentioning how things were between you but that's like 4 years ago which might as well have been in 10 years ago. These feelings that you have for her is probably romanticizing that time of your life but I'm not sure she sees it that way. Whether she just doesn't or she's just changed.

Go ahead and try and reach out to her through your mutual friends. If you try and get word to her or if you get your number and she doesn't call you back, just call it quits dude.

I caught up with this girl who I use to be really good friends with 10 years ago. I was like hey we should catch up and grab a drink sometime. That was back in November. I'm not going to bombard her FB with "hey when you wanna go out like we talked about?"

 

[ProjectPat2280]

You keep mentioning how things were between you but that's like 4 years ago which might as well have been in 10 years ago. These feelings that you have for her is probably romanticizing that time of your life but I'm not sure she sees it that way. Whether she just doesn't or she's just changed.

Go ahead and try and reach out to her through your mutual friends. If you try and get word to her or if you get your number and she doesn't call you back, just call it quits dude.

I caught up with this girl who I use to be really good friends with 10 years ago. I was like hey we should catch up and grab a drink sometime. That was back in November. I'm not going to bombard her FB with "hey when you wanna go out like we talked about?"

Yea once i go through our friends thats all i have left to do. I mean thats my last option. Im still not even sure i like her the way i did, but i do want to open up our friendship again and i dont feel that something more HAS to happen. Im good friends with a few of my past crushes, so i dont have to have all or nothing.

But like i said, ill go through our friends and if it turns out nothings there, then nothings there and ill move on. Its not like i havent done that all before.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Well yea, my motives may have been romantic eventually, but first id like to open up our friendship again to see if there was any feelings one way or the other.

Okay, first thing you need to do is stop lying to yourself, she's one that got away, she's now single and you see this as your chance to get with her. It's all romantic, it's not about friendship.

Yea me not being important to her could be very true, i just dont think its that simple, not with how things were between us at once. The relationship between her and i and then her b/f was extremely complicated, i mean the dude forbade her from having any contact with me or with my sister(who was friends with her). He was a weird dude. Its not as simple as some of you think.

Can you really blame the guy? Everytime there were problems in their relationship, you were trying to swoop in. Obviously forbidding someone isn't the right way to do it, but I'd really be pissed by your behavior too. You keep talking about the past, but that's all it is, the past. Four years during high school and college is a long time. Try to find a girl at your school, this one got away and she's not coming back.

On the Facebook front, yes, it's a good way to communicate, but it's not a dating site. For many, it's just a way to pretend they're still friends with people that are no longer part of their lives. If they really wanted to stay in touch they'd make an effort to actually hang out. It's an incredibly passive way to continue a friendship.

Finally, I really like that you started your initial posting on the subject saying we give out decent advice here, but you refuse to listen to anything we're saying because it's not what you want to hear.

 

[ProjectPat2280]

Okay, first thing you need to do is stop lying to yourself, she's one that got away, she's now single and you see this as your chance to get with her. It's all romantic, it's not about friendship.

Finally, I really like that you started your initial posting on the subject saying we give out decent advice here, but you refuse to listen to anything we're saying because it's not what you want to hear.

No thats incorrect. Id still like to be friends. I dont have a 'take it or leave it' mentality.

No i dont mind hearing it, its just not as simple as you think and most likely you're just wrong this time because you dont understand the relationship, which i wouldnt expect you to. Iv already talked to multiple people who thinks whats she's doing is odd and out of character. So id trust them over you.

I just wanted some other viewpoints, besides my circle of friends, which is why i asked here, but i never really said id listen to what you had to say over them.

 

[Erzengel]

Have you even spoken to her in person?

You just seem to be making a lot of assumptions for someone who hasn't spent any time with her in over 4 years. .

And honestly, if you rather be in a relationship with this girl and she's not interested and you say, yeah I can handle being friends. That's called settling.

 

[ComicChick]

it's kinda funny that you came for advice but don't want to take any of their advice that they offered to you

 

[amazingfantasy15]

No thats incorrect. Id still like to be friends. I dont have a 'take it or leave it' mentality.

No i dont mind hearing it, its just not as simple as you think and most likely you're just wrong this time because you dont understand the relationship, which i wouldnt expect you to. Iv already talked to multiple people who thinks whats she's doing is odd and out of character. So id trust them over you.

I just wanted some other viewpoints, besides my circle of friends, which is why i asked here, but i never really said id listen to what you had to say over them.

When was the last time you two talked face to face or over the phone?

When was the last time your friends have talk to her face to face or over the phone?

If the answer is over a year for either, then you really have no basis for what is or isn't out of character.

It's sounds like you haven't talked to her outside of Facebook in 4 years and those 4 years have been the end of high school/college, in many ways you're a stranger at this point.

There was a girl I was interested in a long time ago, we dated a bit, but it was casual and she ended up with someone else, I was bummed, but whatever. Six months afterwards she called me out of the blue and wanted to get together. I was open to it, however, when we did I noticed that I just didn't see what I used to see in her anymore. We both talked about making plans, but never did, what we had was gone. That was six months, this has been 4 years. We're giving you opinions you don't want to hear. I understand it's harsh, but that's why you came here because we won't sugarcoat things like your friends, who don't want to see you bummed that the girl who got away isn't coming back now that she's finally single.

 

[Anubis]

 

[Harlekin]

No i dont mind hearing it, its just not as simple as you think and most likely you're just wrong this time because you dont understand the relationship, which i wouldnt expect you to.

Thing is, it often is just that simple.

 

[Frodo]

It's time to move on from her. While I don't doubt that there's alot going on in her life , as in anyone's , her non response speaks volumes. We can all speculate as to why she hasn't responeded or if she's trying to send a message etc. In the end it really doesn't matter.

You know she's not responding , which at the very least is a sign she doesn't want to communicate with you. You need to respect her and keep your distance.

 

[nouan]

I guess I'll put this here...

See I almost did something stupid today. There's this girl at my local grocery store, she works there as a cashier clerk. I noticed her some time ago already, but until recently have I really started to think about meeting new people. I broke up with my first girlfriend (of three years) over a year and a half ago, but I've been brooding over that the hole time.

Anyway, now that I've somewhat accepted the fact that I'm not getting back with my ex, I guess I could see if there is hope for me yet. So today I was going to ask that nice girl at the store if maybe she would like to go for a cup of coffee with me or something. And ask her name too, of course.
So I go there and it's almost closing time, she's the only one at the checkout counter and there's no other customers around. But right when I think I'm going to ask her, I see other customers coming and there goes that and she is her usual nice but formal self and what little confidence I had crumbles away.
As I walk out of there I realize how inapropriate it might have been. And how freaking akward it could have been. I mean you don't just go and ask something like that! It's weird and creepy. You've been a customer there many times and never talked to her much and all of a sudden you go ask something like that? I couldn't do it. It would have been so weird and akward an embarrassing and inapropriate... Right?

 

[Maximum Carnage]

I've been in a relationship for 3 years (come May), and we're now living together. The past 2 months have been pretty rocky, and it's come to the point where the lease is the only thing keeping us together.. friggin' awkward, right? The lease ends in July.. and I still love him, obviously, but he seems to not be into it. Breaking the lease is something we can't afford either. This totally blows.. X_x;

 

[Maximum Carnage]

I guess I'll put this here...

See I almost did something stupid today. There's this girl at my local grocery store, she works there as a cashier clerk. I noticed her some time ago already, but until recently have I really started to think about meeting new people. I broke up with my first girlfriend (of three years) over a year and a half ago, but I've been brooding over that the hole time.

Anyway, now that I've somewhat accepted the fact that I'm not getting back with my ex, I guess I could see if there is hope for me yet. So today I was going to ask that nice girl at the store if maybe she would like to go for a cup of coffee with me or something. And ask her name too, of course.
So I go there and it's almost closing time, she's the only one at the checkout counter and there's no other customers around. But right when I think I'm going to ask her, I see other customers coming and there goes that and she is her usual nice but formal self and what little confidence I had crumbles away.
As I walk out of there I realize how inapropriate it might have been. And how freaking akward it could have been. I mean you don't just go and ask something like that! It's weird and creepy. You've been a customer there many times and never talked to her much and all of a sudden you go ask something like that? I couldn't do it. It would have been so weird and akward an embarrassing and inapropriate... Right?

Nah, that isn't inappropriate.. It's only coffee, and expressed in a kind and polite way, she might even find it to be flattering.. you never know. You just gotta believe in yourself!

 

[nouan]

Ahhah that's not excatly wht I was hoping to hear. I already conviced myself that it would be totally inappropriate. And in the worst case just really akward. Damn. But then again she does seem like a really friendly person, so... I don't know.

 

[WillardNation]

Yeah, there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about that. Actually, that exact same situation happened to me recently. There's a new cute cashier at the grocery store right next to the gym I work at. I would go through her line every time I went in there and there was always nice banter back and forth and one night when I was on my way to my night job (bouncer at a bar), I told her if she went out that she should stop by my bar and I'd buy her a drink. She said didn't drink but she gave me her number and said to text her. We went out a couple times and had fun. And honestly, this is the first girl I've met in a long time that I can actually see myself dating. She came over last night and left this morning.

nouan - Go for it!

 

[nouan]

Wau... good for you Willard! I wish all the best for both of you. Maybe I'll have the courage to ask her out next time. I will of course report here then.

 

[Erzengel]

I've been in a relationship for 3 years (come May), and we're now living together. The past 2 months have been pretty rocky, and it's come to the point where the lease is the only thing keeping us together.. friggin' awkward, right? The lease ends in July.. and I still love him, obviously, but he seems to not be into it. Breaking the lease is something we can't afford either. This totally blows.. X_x;

Moving in with someone is really one of the biggest tests of a relationship.

Living with someone, can make or break your relationship. All of your individual nuances that seemed cute before may really start to grate on each other especially with the pressures of bills and rent.

Why may I ask has things been rocky?

 

[Anita18]

Wau... good for you Willard! I wish all the best for both of you. Maybe I'll have the courage to ask her out next time. I will of course report here then.

What's the worst that could happen? She could say no, and then it might be awkward if you see her in the store, but that's all up to you. (People who work in the retail sector are probably asked out a lot, honestly!) The trick is keeping it fun and casual.

Moving in with someone is really one of the biggest tests of a relationship.

Living with someone, can make or break your relationship. All of your individual nuances that seemed cute before may really start to grate on each other especially with the pressures of bills and rent.

Why may I ask has things been rocky?

My coworker lived with her bf before they got married, and she claims that was the most they ever fought. They're cool now though, it all depends on your tolerance and what you can compromise on.

 

[JStorm]

For Erz, Amazing, and anyone else that has been involved in this conversation:

Still no call back, no explanation, nothing: to our last conversation, where I attempted to get her to tell me why she has been shady, own up, or whatever.

If you guys remember, this all started because she hooked me up with that part-time gig. During the "shady period" and even after, I was not getting called in as much. . then to flat out nothing.

I thought that was one of her shady ways of keeping me at arms length. Apparently, I was mistaken. Got a call last night from our boss and he needs me to be in at 2PM.

Good news is - at least I can assume - that she didn't sabotage my PT and probably hasn't mentioned me to them in some time. Which is fine. $150-225 for 8 hours of work is cool with me.

What troubles me is what the hell I will say to her or do, when I see her. No worries, I've already told myself to grin-and-bear it, keep my mouth shut, and stay busy. I'm not expecting anything, might not even see her.

Kind of a bitter sweet moment right now.

 

[Erzengel]

If you do eventually have to have some sort of interaction with her, treat her civil. However, don't bring up the relationship and if she pushes the subject just tell her things didn't work out, I hope we can be friends (even though you shouldn't ever try and maintain this friendship) and non-committal if she ever wants to hang out.

 

[JStorm]

If you do eventually have to have some sort of interaction with her, treat her civil. However, don't bring up the relationship and if she pushes the subject just tell her things didn't work out, I hope we can be friends (even though you shouldn't ever try and maintain this friendship) and non-committal if she ever wants to hang out.

This much I know about her, Erz. She won't mention ****. I'll work my 8, hang with the crew for a bit, then head home. She'll talk to me, no doubt, but will act like we didn't even date.

My hardest obstacle will be to smile all day. I'm not saying I will pout or cry, but even if I get busy and act distant - for work reasons - I don't want to give her any ammo to think I'm all f'ed up.

Second hardest - mainly because it will come later - is if she does want to talk, invites me over after work, etc, etc. I feel like if I take the stance of "you've had your chance," she can easily retort with "I wanted to do this in person."


Dunno. Just keep telling myself to look at that $20 an hour and hope for more, while repeating **** that *****!

 

[Erzengel]

Even if you want to throttle her, act like you just won the lottery and just got laid, like everything is great despite of how you really feel.

And again, if she invites you over after work, you have a thing you need to do and you're just so busy with whatever.

 

[JStorm]

Even if you want to throttle her, act like you just won the lottery and just got laid, like everything is great despite of how you really feel.

And again, if she invites you over after work, you have a thing you need to do and you're just so busy with whatever.

Short of being cornered by her, I hope my post tomorrow is "worked, got a huge tip, didn't say **** to her, and they told me I was working this weekend too."

But even then, I agree with you. If I get cornered, I need to pull a yawn, look at my watch, make up some excuse about needing to be home, and politely bow out.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I'm still kind of frustrated with my relationship (which I know many of you will say isn't one). He's dealing with some personal issues and has gotten pretty busy. But can't he at least make a little time for me? I mean, he didn't do anything yesterday. I didn't expect something lavish, even just a Facebook wall post would have sufficed. I asked him the 13th if he wanted to do something special and all he said was "If you want". And he's still barely talking to me. I'm not asking for every second of his time, or all of his attention, but he just hasn't been there lately. I'm starting to consider doing something I really don't want to do. This sucks. I don't want to hurt him, and I'm feeling like a selfish ***** for even complaining.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't know what I can tell you.

I mean I can liken this to other relationships where people just have to make time for people you care about.

Long distance relationship are tough as it is, not even going to go into the fact that you haven't met face to face yet. But if he has "personal issues" he's going through, if you were that important to him, wouldn't he try and share them with you?