Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Angel_Faerie]

You know Angel, I'm gonna buck the trend here, you better get on it working on getting married, why shun the hobos? They'd give you that ring from a candy machine so you can look beautiful in the wedding dress and that's really what marriage is all about, looking good in the dress. Then you can also get on your friends timeline, marriage and kids in the early 20's, then maybe a divorce by the mid-20s. If you're really lucky a loveless marriage for the rest of your life, since you really find out who are as a person during your late teens/early-mid 20s, which will be different than when you got married. However, as long as you look back and think how great you looked in that dress and smile because that's what really matters.

That was hilarious. Thanks for that.

But on a more serious note, I know marriage is more than that. Much more. I was just focusing on that aspect for the sake of the conversation.

 

[CrashNburn]

Marriage is all about a females ultimate attention day for one day....which convieniently costs a billion dollars. I dont think marriages are taken seriously these days. Divorce percentages are off the charts.

 

[Harls]

Marriage is ridiculous. I don't even like having that word in my vocabulary. Keep on dating & meeting people before the word even crosses your mind :P

 

[SpideyVille]

Marriage is all about a females ultimate attention day for one day....which convieniently costs a billion dollars. I dont think marriages are taken seriously these days. Divorce percentages are off the charts.

It's funny because I'm all for marriage, but my brother is getting married after being engaged for almost 12 years, and even though I'm going to be the best man, it's hard for me to get excited for the wedding or even the marriage. I mean, he's been with this girl for about 14 years, and has been living with her for about 10 years and they have two kids together and its like now all of a sudden his girlfriend wants to get married. I guess it's sort of hard for me to fully back it up because I've know my brother's history and how he was seeing this girl on the side for a while a couple of years ago, and possibly with others during their time together too. Plus, I feel like the only reason they are together is because of the kids. I feel like the marriage isn't even for the right reasons. And of course, the cost right now is around $20,000. It just feels like a waste to me.

 

[Calvin]

It's funny because I'm all for marriage, but my brother is getting married after being engaged for almost 12 years, and even though I'm going to be the best man, it's hard for me to get excited for the wedding or even the marriage. I mean, he's been with this girl for about 14 years, and has been living with her for about 10 years and they have two kids together and its like now all of a sudden his girlfriend wants to get married. I guess it's sort of hard for me to fully back it up because I've know my brother's history and how he was seeing this girl on the side for a while a couple of years ago, and possibly with others during their time together too. Plus, I feel like the only reason they are together is because of the kids. I feel like the marriage isn't even for the right reasons. And of course, the cost right now is around $20,000. It just feels like a waste to me.

Sounds like you've got the perfect opportunity for standing up during the " or forever hold your peace" portion of the wedding.

 

[AndThePickles]

Marriage is all about a females ultimate attention day for one day....which convieniently costs a billion dollars. I dont think marriages are taken seriously these days. Divorce percentages are off the charts.

Not true - WEDDINGS are what you're referring to

 

[SpideyVille]

Sounds like you've got the perfect opportunity for standing up during the " or forever hold your peace" portion of the wedding.

Eh, I'll hold my peace. I don't want to give my family another reason to hate me. I'm more worried about what BS I can come up with for a toast or speech.

 

[Calvin]

Eh, I'll hold my peace. I don't want to give my family another reason to hate me. I'm more worried about what BS I can come up with for a toast or speech.

Yeah, and I don't think they really ask that question anymore anyway, at least not at any weddings I've been to in my lifetime. You should just channel Michael Scott for the toast.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah, and I don't think they really ask that question anymore anyway, at least not at any weddings I've been to in my lifetime. You should just channel Michael Scott for the toast.

That would probably make my family REALLY hate me.

 

[Anita18]

Not true - WEDDINGS are what you're referring to

Weddings are a joke. My friend just wrote a long rant on Facebook about how wedding planning is so stressful because everyone around her is telling how ugly stuff is and being negative in general instead of happy for her. She's asking for people to at least act happy, but I suggested that if people are gonna be Negative Nancys, then just save everybody the headache and not show up to the darn wedding at all.

The more I hear about weddings the more I want to elope.

 

[SpideyVille]

Weddings are a joke. My friend just wrote a long rant on Facebook about how wedding planning is so stressful because everyone around her is telling how ugly stuff is and being negative in general instead of happy for her. She's asking for people to at least act happy, but I suggested that if people are gonna be Negative Nancys, then just save everybody the headache and not show up to the darn wedding at all.

The more I hear about weddings the more I want to elope.

That reminds me of the Office, when Jim and Pam were already at the church, but everything was going wrong so they just eloped and came back to the church to have the wedding for their friends, without all the stress of trying to make it perfect.

But I guess all that stress is natural since most brides have their idea of a perfect wedding and more often than not, it can never happen. But that doesn't stop them from trying to force it to be the best day ever.

 

[Anita18]

That reminds me of the Office, when Jim and Pam were already at the church, but everything was going wrong so they just eloped and came back to the church to have the wedding for their friends, without all the stress of trying to make it perfect.

But I guess all that stress is natural since most brides have their idea of a perfect wedding and more often than not, it can never happen. But that doesn't stop them from trying to force it to be the best day ever.

It's not even the bride getting ******** about everything - from my experience, it's usually the FAMILY. I guess I have chill friends who don't get upset over something as silly as wedding details. But there definitely is pressure to make everybody happy, and then people get all up in their business because it isn't what they think a perfect wedding should be like.

At my cousin's wedding, his mom ran everything and basically bossed everybody around. He had a befuddled/resigned look on his face the entire weekend, and HE was the one getting married! The poor bride didn't fare much better - her new MIL talked her into wearing this solid gold bracelet the entire time (in addition to the 15-lb dress) and it looked like her arm was going to fall off.

Actually, this aunt is THE main reason why I want to elope. If she got wind that one of her dear beautiful nieces was getting married... I shudder to think of the carnage.

My parents don't care, I think my dad would prefer me elope so he wouldn't have to go through the first dance tradition.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

It's not even the bride getting ******** about everything - from my experience, it's usually the FAMILY. I guess I have chill friends who don't get upset over something as silly as wedding details. But there definitely is pressure to make everybody happy, and then people get all up in their business because it isn't what they think a perfect wedding should be like.

At my cousin's wedding, his mom ran everything and basically bossed everybody around. He had a befuddled/resigned look on his face the entire weekend, and HE was the one getting married! The poor bride didn't fare much better - her new MIL talked her into wearing this solid gold bracelet the entire time (in addition to the 15-lb dress) and it looked like her arm was going to fall off.

Actually, this aunt is THE main reason why I want to elope. If she got wind that one of her dear beautiful nieces was getting married... I shudder to think of the carnage.

My parents don't care, I think my dad would prefer me elope so he wouldn't have to go through the first dance tradition.

My girlfriend and I have talked a few times about getting married and we've both come to the conclusion we'd need to have the more traditional wedding more for our parents than ourselves. I wouldn't mind that, but I'd be just as happy having a private ceremony somewhere, then have a chill outdoor BBQ type party a week or two later, one of my cousins and a friend of mine did that. It thought it was really cool, much more relaxed. The wedding is just one day, the real happiness comes from knowing we're starting our lives together and taking that next step together.

 

[Erzengel]

As long as I can wear a Jedi Robe and a lightsaber I don't care.

 

[steintym]

Preparing for a wedding can be insane. We had a big traditional wedding (yes, some of that was for the families) and it is quite the chore to pull off. If the couple ultimately does what they want, and don't stress over every detail (people won't remember seat coverings), it can be a blast.

There was a ton of stress leading up to the wedding day, but my wife and I had a blast and threw one hell of a party for our family and friends.

(The completely decadent bachelor party made it worth it, too)

 

[AndThePickles]

I'd rather have something private...I don't care about a big show. I just want a gorgeous dress. In fact, I'd love to just go to a beautiful island with him, and perhaps a friend for each of us, and get married outside and have a really nice photoshoot afterwards. Then, we'd already be on location for the honeymoon. We wouldn't have to worry about who to invite and our family's preferences and spend an absurd amount of money.

 

[SpideyVille]

My cousin has gotten into a little trouble because of his girlfriend, and it has me thinking, what exactly is a relationship supposed to mean nowadays? I mean I always thought it was supposed to be about companionship, and caring about a person a lot and just enjoying their company more above others, and if its really meant to last, deciding to spend the rest of your life going through the journey of life with the person, trusting them that they'll be everything you'll need but don't have.

But I see people nowadays, especially kids younger than me in high school and Jr high, where a relationship seems to mean something completely different. It's more about just having someone and trying to make them feel good so they can make you feel good, and often times, there is no thought given to it. Things like kisses and ILY's are given away so quickly like candy on Halloween.

I guess what I'm really asking here is, what is a relationship supposed to be. And for those of you who have been in long relationship or are still in one, what has made it last so long? Heck, what mad it start? Was it a case of one person trying to win the heart of the other, or was there some kind of mutual thing were the "sparks were flying" right away?

 

[Anubis]

It's hard work, and what people don't realize, not for everybody.

 

[Anita18]

My cousin has gotten into a little trouble because of his girlfriend, and it has me thinking, what exactly is a relationship supposed to mean nowadays? I mean I always thought it was supposed to be about companionship, and caring about a person a lot and just enjoying their company more above others, and if its really meant to last, deciding to spend the rest of your life going through the journey of life with the person, trusting them that they'll be everything you'll need but don't have.

But I see people nowadays, especially kids younger than me in high school and Jr high, where a relationship seems to mean something completely different. It's more about just having someone and trying to make them feel good so they can make you feel good, and often times, there is no thought given to it. Things like kisses and ILY's are given away so quickly like candy on Halloween.

I guess what I'm really asking here is, what is a relationship supposed to be. And for those of you who have been in long relationship or are still in one, what has made it last so long? Heck, what mad it start? Was it a case of one person trying to win the heart of the other, or was there some kind of mutual thing were the "sparks were flying" right away?

All that stuff really depends on the couple. For me, it developed really slowly and I guess I just got used to the idea of my bf being around a lot. It's not like we "complete" each other (which is a ridiculous notion for independent people like us), but we certainly encourage each other to be better people. I asked my mom what it was like being in a marriage for so long and she said it didn't even feel like being "in love" or whatever that fairy tale lie that people have you believe - it's just that your partner simply becomes family, part of your life, and you can't imagine life without them.

It's hard work, and what people don't realize, not for everybody.

Eh, it doesn't feel like work for me. You do have to be conscientious and more honest than maybe you're used to, but damn, it shouldn't feel like WORK, you know.

 

[Erzengel]

I guess what I'm really asking here is, what is a relationship supposed to be. And for those of you who have been in long relationship or are still in one, what has made it last so long? Heck, what mad it start? Was it a case of one person trying to win the heart of the other, or was there some kind of mutual thing were the "sparks were flying" right away?

You know I always say the 3 pillars of a relationship are communication, honesty and intimacy. I think if you find someone where all 3 are there, then you have an excellent chance of having a successful go at it.

Another important reason I think relationships work is if you are with someone who completely gets you. For me, which is really important to me, is laughing at my jokes or being able to order an appetizer for me if I'm late or in the bathroom.

How did it begin with me? It started well, when I was fed up with relationships. I took the stance that I just want to go out and have fun. I made sure I always made my intention known. Not looking for a relationship right now. And it was fun for a while, coming home early Saturday morning, only for me to go out later that night with someone else.

It did backfire in a way because one girl, really fell for me, and told me she really couldn't do this anymore. We didn't talk for a while, and I just started missing her which made me realize I did have general feelings for her. I called her when I was out with a friend and she didn't answer. I go home, go to bed, get a call, and she's outside. Turns out she never got the call I made. We talked and the rest is history.

I really think you have to ignore all the things you see in movies and television about relationships. If you meet someone and you can just talk to them about nonsense for hours, and just have a good time when you are with them and look forward to the next time you can see them and go to be and wake up thinking about them. Then you pretty much know.

The next step is once you get past that "honeymoon" phase and if those little quirks that you felt were so endearing are not as charming as before. Then you know things can work out.

 

[chapin]

picture this:
My gf and I have been together for 2 years and 2 months, a great relationship overall to tell you the truth.

Yesterday, she was on facebook and she saw photo of an old friend of mine and myself (IMPORTANT: the photo was taken 4 years ago, (I havent met my gf at the time I think and I havent talked to this girl since then)

My gf says I have that photo in my facebook profile because I "treasure" that moment and I like her. I'm tagged in that photo, i didnt even upload it or something and it sure isnt in my "profile pictures" folder. I have more than 1000 photo where I'm tagged and this freaking photo is one of the first ones.

I told her I completaly forgot about that pic, she says, and I quote: "the word love means a lot of things and one of those things is respect. I feel you disrespect me with that photo" Then I said I didnt remembered that photo because it was taken 4 years ago! I didnt removed the tagg because I have more important things in my life, its not important to me basically, what's really important to me is who I am with and that I love her. That's the real deal to me, no a 4 year old picture with some old friend of mine, who i havent spoke since that day.

faaaaaack man. This is stupid dont you think? Or am I wrong? Maybe she doesnt trust me at all but this is dumb.
All this crap happended yesterday night, and today she still was all sad and pissed about it..
What the *****?!

 

[Erzengel]

That's an insecure girlfriend you have right there.

Now if this other girl wasn't even a girlfriend ever, then she really doesn't have anything to complain about.

But, I don't think it's out of the question to concede things. If you need to delete the photo to keep the peace, I'd consider doing it but telling her, I deleted the picture even though I didn't think it was a big deal and then just drop the issue.

If this issue of trust comes up again, THEN I think it's time to have a talk with her.

 

[Hound55]

Technically he can't delete the pic since it wasn't his doing... Best he could do is scrap the tag which would do nothing to the pic.

And that's pandering to an idiot. He said what had happened, she's just refusing to have a bar of it.

 

[chapin]

yeah, I already did, I removed the tagg of the picture, since I didnt upload it I cannot delete it from facebook. The funny thing is that the other girls wasn't even a gf or close friend of mine. It just someone who knows someone I know, we were never close friends or nothing like that.

 

[Erzengel]

Well then de-tag it then.

Yes I understand that's it's pandering. But sometimes, it's okay to lose a battle to win a war type mentality is what keeps some relationships going.

You can't draw a line in the sand over EVERY issue.