Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Frodo]

And don't be jealous of my ****eness

I'm pretty ****ty too so you'll here no complaints from me.

 

[WillardNation]

I'm pretty ****ty too so you'll here no complaints from me.

 

[DV8]

I'm in a situation like this for the first time in my life so I appreciate the help.

I knew this girl for some time but we never talked, always found her pretty but she had a boyfriend so I didn't pay any attention to her. We shared the same group of friends and we saw each other time from time but never really talked.

Now she is single, and I don't really know how but we started talking all of a sudden. And I really started to like her, we and our friends went out fro some drinks and her friends kept leaving her alone with me, whispering something to her every time they would leave, but I didn't really get that.

So after that I invited her out, and we've spent like 3 hours together, really had a lot of fun. Then the next day she invited me out to go out with her and our friends but I said I couldn't go (about that later). And then the next day I invited her out again, we've spent about 3 hours again. And now she is texting me all the time and etc. and I don't really know her that well, since I never talked to her before, we are like getting to know each other right now. But since we got like brought up in the same circle of friends I'm fearing it will be so much easier to put me in the friend zone and I can't let this happen cause for the first time in my life I really, and I mean really got feelings for a girl, I know it's stupid since I don't even know her that well, but my God, I never felt like this.

And i told her I couldn't got out with her and her friends cause I was afraid it would make me just another friend.

What should I do?

you need to act quickly before you get stuck in the friend zone . . . it's funny because the friend zone is a terrible consequence of its own debate; if you are unsure if she likes you, she's going to become unsure if she likes you

get her out on a date, ALONE; knock down the physical barriers slowly; this means touching her in any friendly way; patting her in the leg when you tell a joke; gently grabbing her arm; stroking her back; stuff like that . . . somewhere about 3/4 through the date you should kiss her; it can be on the cheek, or the mouth if you feel comfortable; it shouldn't feel forced or awkward, and it should be gentle; this is your path away from the friend zone; but you must act quickly

 

[Erzengel]

And then upzip your pants.

 

[DV8]

^indeed . . . . bonus if he takes her to the movies and puts a whole in the popcorn bucket

 

[DV8]

*hole

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well it wouldn't be a Nell situation without being chalk full of road blocks and complications, which it is (cuz it's never simple with me, lol), but it's nice to have finally found someone that appreciates me and at least attempts to treat me right.

In all honesty, she's not gonna be a future girlfriend in all likely hood, and that's okay, but she's been just what I needed right when I needed it.

 

[Erzengel]

So you met an eff buddy?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So you met an eff buddy?

Kinda, yes. But like I said its never that simple for me. But if it were to be that simple, then yes, were fwb. We both like each other as more than friends, but dont necessarily want a relationship together.

 

[Erzengel]

What is this kinda?

Are you or are you not being physically intimate with her?

 

[WillardNation]

Yeah! Hit that ****, yo!

 

[DV8]

if somebody in this thread isn't gettin some poon I swear I'm gonna *shakes fist like Jackie Gleason*

 

[Aesop Rocks]

Should I tell this girl she's an idiot?

She lives in California, she's 19. She's in a relationship. 2/3 of those are okay with me.

The relationship part is where I get mad at her. She's dating a 28 year old dude from NYC. Who she has never met before. They skype and talk on the phone all the time. She's 19. He's 28. He lives alone. How can this dude be completely faithful to a 19 year old girl from Cali?

 

[Erzengel]

If he's the only one really paying attention to her, I'm not sure she will listen to reason.

Even if they were in the same city, a 19 year old is in a different place than a 28 year old. College vs. Real Life. Having summers off vs only 2-3 weeks off. Compound on that the distance.

But just because he's 28 year old living in NYC, doesn't mean he's a cheater. Maybe he's socially inept and he only feels comfortable behind a computer screen.

The fact of the matter is he's 28 living on his own and she's 19 years old living with her family (I'm assuming), no where near the end of college and is going to try and get in a relationship with a guy across the country.

In the end, the distance will be too much at her age.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Should I tell this girl she's an idiot?

She lives in California, she's 19. She's in a relationship. 2/3 of those are okay with me.

The relationship part is where I get mad at her. She's dating a 28 year old dude from NYC. Who she has never met before. They skype and talk on the phone all the time. She's 19. He's 28. He lives alone. How can this dude be completely faithful to a 19 year old girl from Cali?

Well, she's not in a relationship if she's never actually met the guy in real life, first off. Second off, why do you care? Is it because you like her? Then you should ask her out, in real life.

 

[WillardNation]

^^What amazingfantasy said. I don't care what anybody says, you cannot be in a relationship with somebody you've never actually met in real life.

 

[Alex The Great]

Go for it Firm. Don't be Friend Zoned

 

[Mary Jane Watson]

*subscribes*

 

[DV8]

yeah that 19 year old/28 year old guy situation is not what I'd call a relationship in the least; that's exactly what I just called it: I "situation" I don't care if they're having internet/phone sex or what have you, that's just uhhhh . . . I don't know what you'd call it Lol . . . anyway, Aesop why don't you get at her bro? smoove talk her and lay your mack down so to speak . . . ps, she might just being saying she's in a "relationship" because you already have tried to lay your mack down and she's not interested

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I broke up with my fiancee this past sunday. Engaged for a year, going out for 3.

Yeah.

The story is too long, sad and personal to get into, but the split wasn't due to a lack of love. There were other things keeping us apart (if you really want to know the full story I can pm you, but I want to keep it off the main board). I'm just wondering if I made the worst mistake of my life. No advice needed, because nothing can really reverse this. I pretty much irreparably messed up my life and lost the only thing worthwhile.

 

[Erzengel]

Send me a PM along with how old you are JJJ.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Should I tell this girl she's an idiot?

She lives in California, she's 19. She's in a relationship. 2/3 of those are okay with me.

The relationship part is where I get mad at her. She's dating a 28 year old dude from NYC. Who she has never met before. They skype and talk on the phone all the time. She's 19. He's 28. He lives alone. How can this dude be completely faithful to a 19 year old girl from Cali?

Well, she's not in a relationship if she's never actually met the guy in real life, first off. Second off, why do you care? Is it because you like her? Then you should ask her out, in real life.

It sounds like she's using him as an excuse to NOT go out with you (that is, if you've asked her). Girls can be wishy washy for a variety of reasons, same with guys, many people say yes to most things and show up for very few of them. It's very easy to be unreliable, especially with people who are indirect.

 

[Anubis]

Or maybe she just don't like you.

 

[Anita18]

I broke up with my fiancee this past sunday. Engaged for a year, going out for 3.

Yeah.

The story is too long, sad and personal to get into, but the split wasn't due to a lack of love. There were other things keeping us apart (if you really want to know the full story I can pm you, but I want to keep it off the main board). I'm just wondering if I made the worst mistake of my life. No advice needed, because nothing can really reverse this. I pretty much irreparably messed up my life and lost the only thing worthwhile.

It happens, but you can't define your life by your mistakes. Decisions are just that - decisions. Mistakes are coulda woulda shouldas and they'll keep you from fulfilling the potential of your future.

LOL that just seemed like it was all touchy-feely, didn't it? But seriously, I'm neck-deep on a Facebook group for introverts where people lament at length about why they can't find good relationships because of how they were hurt in the past and that they aren't suited for relationships. Yeah, that's why they call it the PAST. Because it's over and done with. And that's also why they are so many different kinds of people out in the world. If you found your fiancee to begin with, chances are good there'll be another person attracted to you with similar traits but maybe better suited for you. You won't know if you don't try. I'm not saying that people are a dime a dozen ("there's plenty of fish in the sea!" ), but there really are lots of good people out there, don't give up hope that you'll ever find someone else.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Or maybe she just don't like you.

I'll ignore people I outright don't like. Most of us have apprehensions about everyone in our lives, qualities we "don't like", but I feel like when you're indirect with someone it gives them the option of ducking out on you rather than meeting the challenge. Meeting new people is change, and people tend to shy away from change. It's not bad too be a little pushy. Sometimes I even just say "look, be straight with me, do you want [to do this] or not". You should be open and honest about your feelings, and make sure to let people know you want them to be honest about theirs.