Originally posted this on
reddit so sorry for random formatting differences.
Every Spider-Man line:
_Peter enters apartment after school_
P: Hey Aunt May.
AM: How was school today?
P: Okay. There's this crazy car parked outside...
_Peter sees Stark and May chilling on the couch._
T: Oh, Mr. Parker.
P: Um...wha...what are you doi--....hey! um, I'm-I'm-I'm-Peter.
_shakes hands with Tony_
T: Tony.
P: what are you--what are you--what are you doin' here?
T: It's about time we met. You've been getting my E-Mails, right?
P:...yyyyyyyyeah...yeah...regarding..the...
AM: You didn't tell me about the grant?
T: September foundation. Remember when you applied?
P:.....yeah?
T: I approved! So now, we're in business. _Tony keeps gesturing to go along with it_
AM: you're keeping secrets from me now?
P: well I just know how much you love surprised, so I thought I would let you know...w..anyway what did I apply for?
T: Guess what, we already hashed it out.
P: okay..hash...hash out okay.
T: It's so hard for me to believe that she's someones Aunt.
AM: _wants Tony's dick type laughter_ we come in all shapes and size you know. (pretty sure this is a nice reference to the other two Aunt Mays.)
T: This walnut loaf is exceptional.
P: ...Let me just stop you there. Does this grant, like, got money involved..or whatever?
T: well, yea, it's pretty well funded. Look who at you're talking to. [comic reference](
http://www.comicsbeat.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/spidey-money.jpg)
_Peter and Tony walk into Peter's room. Tony spits out meatloaf into trash can_
T: as walnut loafs go...that wasn't bad.
_Tony see's some tech on Peter's desk_
T: Oh, what do we have here, retro tech, huh? Salvation army?
P: uh, the are garbage actually.
T: You're a dumper diver..
P: Yeah I wa..anyway um. I definitely didn't apply for your grant.
T: Nuh uh. Me first. Quick question.
_Tony pulls up footage of Spidey swinging around NY in his red hood and goggles costume_
T: That's you...right?
P: um. no.
T: look at you go. _footage shows Spidey catching a car_
T: wow, nice catch! 3000lb. 40m/h. It's not easy. You got mad skills.
P: That's all on youtube though right. I mean that's where you found it. Cause' you know thats all fake. It's all done a computer? ..uh..It's like those videos...
T: yea yea yea yea...oh you mean like those UFOs over Phoenix? _Tony pulls the goggle costume out from the roof and Peter immediately runs to it and chucks it in his closet acting like Tony didn't see anything. Funny stuff._
T: so. You're this....Spider-...ling. Crime fighting Spider...Spider-Boy?
_and in the most adorable way ****ing possible, Peter goes_
P: I'm...S...s...Spider-Man.....
I was actually having a real good day today Mr. Stark. Didn't miss my trains. Perfectly good DVD player was just sittin' there and....Algebra test. Nailed it!
T: Who else knows? Anybody?
P: Nobody...
T: Not even your...unusually attractive Aunt?
P: No. no no no no. If she knew, she would freak out. And when she freaks out, I freak out.
T: You know what I think is really cool? This webbing. Tensile strength is off the charts. Who manufactured it?
P: I did.
T: Climbing the walls. How are you doing that? Cohesive gloves.
P: A long story. I was uh--
_Tony picks up and looks through the homemade goggles_
T: Lordy! Can you even see in these? _makes fun of him as Peter tries to take them back_
P: Yes. yes yes I can! I can see in those. Okay? It's just that...when...whatever happened happened, it's like my senses have been dialed to 11. There's way too much input so they just kinda help me focus.
T: You're in Dire need of an upgrade. Why are you doing this? I gotta know. What gets you out of that twin bed in the morning?
P: Because.......because I've been me my whole life, and I've had these powers for 6 months...and I read books, I build computers...and yea I would love to play football. But I couldn't then so I shouldn't now.
T: Sure. Cause' you're different.
P: exactly. But I can't tell anybody that so I'm not.......When you can do the things that I can, but you don't....and then the bad things happen, they happen to be evil.
T: So you wanna look out for the little guy. You wanna do your part. Make the world a better place all that, right?
P: yeah. yeah just looking out...for the little guy. that's..that's what it is.
T: You ever been to Germany?
P: No.
T: Oh you'll love it.
P: I can't go to Germany!
T: Why?
P:......I got.......homework. I'm being serious! I can't just stop out of school!
_Tony goes to open the door to spill the beans to Aunt May. Peter webs Tony's hand on the door knob._
P: Don't tell Aunt May.
T: Alright Spider-Man.
**END SCENE**
Airport scene:
T: Underoos!
_Peter lands like in trailer 2_
T: Nice job, kid!
P: Thanks! Well I could've stuck the landing a little better...it's just..the new suit..well it's nothing! Mr. Stark. It's perfect. Thank you.
T: Yea we don't really need to...start a conversation.
P: Ca...Captain. _salutes_ Big fan. I'm Spider-Man.
T: Yeah, we'll talk about it later.
P: Hey everyone.
T: Good job.
_this greatest fight scene I've ever seen in a movie ever begins_
P: Ok Mr. Stark, what should I do?
T: What we discussed. Keep your distance. Web em up.
P: Ok copy that!
_Peter stops Bucky's metal arm punch_
P: You have a metal arm? That is awesome, dude! _starts attacking flying Falcon_ You have the right to remain silent!
Hey buddy, I think you lost this! _throws a car or something right at Bucky_
_full on Spidey vs falcon/bucky. Spidey webs Falcon_
P: Are those wings carbon fibre?
F: Is this stuff (web) coming out of you?
P: That would explain the rigidity flexibility ratio which, gotta say, that's awesome man.
F: I don't know if you've been a fight before but there's usually not this much talking.
P: Alright, sorry, my bad.
_Peter webs both Falcon and Bucky to the ground_
P: Guys, look. I'd love to keep this up but I've only got one job here today and I gotta impress Mr. Stark, so, I'm really sorry.
_Redwing hits Spidey out the window_
_cut to the scene where both teams stand opposite each other. both teams begin walking towards each other for complete badassery impact._
P: They're not stopping!
_cut to Cap vs. Spidey. Cap throws shield_
P: That thing does not obey the laws of physics at all
C: Look kid. There's a lot going on here that you don't understand.
P: Stark said you'd say that. He also said to go for your legs.
C: Did Stark tell you anything else?
P: That you're wrong. You think you're right. And that makes you dangerous.
C: I guess you got a point.
_Cap makes a giant container fall on Spidey. Spidey holds it up with slight struggle, unable to move._
C: You got heart, kid. Where you from?
P: Queens.
C: Booklyn.
**Ant-Man spoiler below.**
_Ant-Man turns into Giant-Man_
P: holy..****.
hey guys. you ever see that really old movie? Empire Strikes Back? You know that part? When they're on the snow planet? with the walking thingies?
_and then you know what happens_
P: Yes! That was awesome!
_Peter's lying on the floor. knocked out_
T: Kid you alright? _Peter immediately wakes up_
P: oh my..hey man...that was scary..
T: yea..you're done. Alright? You did a good job. Stay down.
P: No I'm good. I'm fine.
T: Stay down.
P: No it's good I gotta get him back!
T: You're going home. I'll call Aunt May! You're done!
_Tony flies off_
P: no Mr. Stark wait! I'm not done...I'm not..._holds his ribs in pain..._ okay I'm done...