The "Friend Zone"

[Chris Wallace]

That's not the friend zone, that's friends with benefits. People in the friend zone don't get sex.

FWB Zone. It's even worse. You can sample the buffet but never get the full meal. If all you have is a physical infatuation with the person, then sure, it's great. But if you want a real relationship it sucks. And you keep fooling yourself into thinking that their willingness to sleep with you is some kinda sign that there's hope for progress. It isn't. It's proof that they want to sleep with you. Nothing more. It's like that old adage about buying the cow when you get the milk for free. Essentially, as I said in an earlier post, they get all the benefits of being in a relationship with you & none of the downsides. That, and/or it keeps them from being tied down while they get what they want. Trust me-I most assuredly speak from experience on this one.

 

[Wylie Times]

FWB Zone. It's even worse. You can sample the buffet but never get the full meal. If all you have is a physical infatuation with the person, then sure, it's great. But if you want a real relationship it sucks. And you keep fooling yourself into thinking that their willingness to sleep with you is some kinda sign that there's hope for progress. It isn't. It's proof that they want to sleep with you. Nothing more. It's like that old adage about buying the cow when you get the milk for free. Essentially, as I said in an earlier post, they get all the benefits of being in a relationship with you & none of the downsides. That, and/or it keeps them from being tied down while they get what they want. Trust me-I most assuredly speak from experience on this one.

I can't belive dudes set themselves up for stuff like that. I mean everyone has had a bad experience with the opposite sex before, but I ain't going out like that.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

FWB Zone. It's even worse. You can sample the buffet but never get the full meal. If all you have is a physical infatuation with the person, then sure, it's great. But if you want a real relationship it sucks. And you keep fooling yourself into thinking that their willingness to sleep with you is some kinda sign that there's hope for progress. It isn't. It's proof that they want to sleep with you. Nothing more. It's like that old adage about buying the cow when you get the milk for free. Essentially, as I said in an earlier post, they get all the benefits of being in a relationship with you & none of the downsides. That, and/or it keeps them from being tied down while they get what they want. Trust me-I most assuredly speak from experience on this one.

Guess it kind of depends on who you're in that FWB Zone with. There's been some female friends I wouldn't mind sleeping with, but knowing how they are in a relationship, definitely wouldn't want that.

 

[Erzengel]

Milk for free? I've been saying sex for free.

 

[Erzengel]

Guess it kind of depends on who you're in that FWB Zone with. There's been some female friends I wouldn't mind sleeping with, but knowing how they are in a relationship, definitely wouldn't want that.

Crazy people.

 

[Wylie Times]

Crazy people.

Crazy chicks are great, but you can't risk falling asleep afterwards

 

[ShadowBoxing]

Crazy chicks are great, but you can't risk falling asleep afterwards

Can't sleep, clown lady will eat me.

 

[Johnny Drama]

I can't belive dudes set themselves up for stuff like that. I mean everyone has had a bad experience with the opposite sex before, but I ain't going out like that.

It's an easy trap to fall into.

Boy meets girl, Boy is attracted to girl for almost a whole year.
Then, boy and girl have a few too many mojitos while out to dinner on boys birth day. Later...
They have sex. The sex is good.
They begin an occasional thing for a about a few weeks.
but when boy brings up relationship (or lack there of) girl says (lets take it slow) even though they have been banging like rabbits out of prison.
Then, her ex boyfiend comes back into picture and you get "I'm sorry" over myspace.


Like I said, I was an emo girl back then. Now, I have grown up alot, I am hapilly married and I feel embarassed when I think back to how naive I was when I was young and in the friend zone.

 

[Chris Wallace]

See, the problem w/FWB is it's deceptive. We like to believe that the body won't do what the heart doesn't lead it to. (Women probably make that mistake more often than we do.) So we think if she's givin' it up, then freedom from the friend zone is just a "Good morning" away. All too often this is not the case. I had a woman damn near break my back, & introduce me as her friend the next morning to a girl who came over to get her hair done-WHEN IT WAS CLEAR I'D BEEN THERE ALL NIGHT!

 

[November Rain]

i'm digging this enemies with benefits thing...

that might be my ideal relationship...

a continually mutual battlefield of hatred and disgust with hot sex in the middle.

*dreams*

 

[Chris Wallace]

I actually had an opportunity to go that route; I decided against it b/c it was an ex who, up until that point had been trying to win me back. But generally speaking, if I don't like a girl, I can't see myself sleeping with her.
I just saw "He's Just Not That Into You" the other day; it brought up some very interesting scenarios revolving around people who were trying to escape the FZ, people who were claiming they just wanted to be friends when they knew they had designs on each other, & people who were just plain confused.

 

[Wylie Times]

I actually had an opportunity to go that route; I decided against it b/c it was an ex who, up until that point had been trying to win me back. But generally speaking, if I don't like a girl, I can't see myself sleeping with her.
I just saw "He's Just Not That Into You" the other day; it brought up some very interesting scenarios revolving around people who were trying to escape the FZ, people who were claiming they just wanted to be friends when they knew they had designs on each other, & people who were just plain confused.

When it comes down to it were all confused when it comes to the opposite sex. No matter how into a girl I am or how much we vibe on many level, there's always that moment where I think to myself "This broad is crazy".

 

[Chris Wallace]

One of many problems. I'd like to expand on my response to a previous question about men putting women in the FZ. While I have no doubt that it happens, I'm convinced that it is significantly less often than the other way around. Why? The number one route to the FZ is miscommunication; a lack of clear understanding between the two parties on exactly what they want. On the man's side, it's usually a matter of assuming and/or trying not to be pushy. On the woman's side it's typically mixed signals. And nothing pisses me off more than mixed signals. And there are so many. I have to once again touch on the FWB. It's bull****. It really is. Giving your body to someone is supposed to be based off a mutual connection. And let's be real about it-you knowwhether or not you have designs beyond that night & you can usually tell if they do, too. I don't send mixed signals. Most men don't. Which is why it's hard for a woman to inadvertantly end up in the FZ. If a man is trying to get with a woman he's usually not going to be subtle about it. Most FZ casualties found themselves there after a period of mistakenly believing that they were either already dating or well on their way. But if a man wants to get with a woman, 9 times out of 10 he's going to make this abundantly clear. I'm not going to ask you to come over to my house after midnight & watch some action flick that you're not the least bit into if I'm not trying to get at you. So why in the hell would you want me to come to your place well past the same hour to watch some cheesy chick flick? Why would you want me to take you out to some cheesy chick flick if you're not thinking of dating me? Why engage in behavior that resembles one thing if it's really something else?

 

[Erzengel]

I think one of the main things that lead to a miscommunication is a combination on both parties' sides:

Person 1: Misinterpretation of the Relation
Person 2: Obliviousness/Naiveness that the Person 1 just does want to come over and watch a movie

Is it really person 2's fault for not "thinking" hey they might get in their head that this is more than just a friendship, when that thought just doesn't come to them?

I think it's inadvertantly Person 2's fault but usually the bulk of it should fall on Person 1 for not making his or her feelings clear.

 

[Wylie Times]

One of many problems. I'd like to expand on my response to a previous question about men putting women in the FZ. While I have no doubt that it happens, I'm convinced that it is significantly less often than the other way around. Why? The number one route to the FZ is miscommunication; a lack of clear understanding between the two parties on exactly what they want. On the man's side, it's usually a matter of assuming and/or trying not to be pushy. On the woman's side it's typically mixed signals. And nothing pisses me off more than mixed signals. And there are so many. I have to once again touch on the FWB. It's bull****. It really is. Giving your body to someone is supposed to be based off a mutual connection. And let's be real about it-you knowwhether or not you have designs beyond that night & you can usually tell if they do, too. I don't send mixed signals. Most men don't. Which is why it's hard for a woman to inadvertantly end up in the FZ. If a man is trying to get with a woman he's usually not going to be subtle about it. Most FZ casualties found themselves there after a period of mistakenly believing that they were either already dating or well on their way. But if a man wants to get with a woman, 9 times out of 10 he's going to make this abundantly clear. I'm not going to ask you to come over to my house after midnight & watch some action flick that you're not the least bit into if I'm not trying to get at you. So why in the hell would you want me to come to your place well past the same hour to watch some cheesy chick flick? Why would you want me to take you out to some cheesy chick flick if you're not thinking of dating me? Why engage in behavior that resembles one thing if it's really something else?

CO-SIGN!!!

but wait, is that why you saw that movie? Say it aint so.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

I think a lot of F-Zoners make the mistake of thinking women are not into sex -- or have to be tricked into having sex or entering into a sexual relationship. So instead they make the relationship about being "friendly" in vain attempts to try to isolate them for long enough to try to get them into bed. I've found most people in the FZ, while they may profess love and sincere feelings, they are actually just sexually infatuated and don't know the difference -- or don't want to admit they're just as horny as anyone else. They definitely do NOT respect the other party involved, because in a way, they really are trying to manipulate the person into an explosion of passion.

 

[Chris Wallace]

I think one of the main things that lead to a miscommunication is a combination on both parties' sides:

Person 1: Misinterpretation of the Relation
Person 2: Obliviousness/Naiveness that the Person 1 just does want to come over and watch a movie

Is it really person 2's fault for not "thinking" hey they might get in their head that this is more than just a friendship, when that thought just doesn't come to them?

I think it's inadvertantly Person 2's fault but usually the bulk of it should fall on Person 1 for not making his or her feelings clear.

Most of the time, yes, person 2 is at best inadvertantly misleading person 1. But there are situations where person 1 has made their feelings clear, but for each is clinging to some hope that the other will change his/her mind. This is ridiculous & can only lead to disaster.

but wait, is that why you saw that movie? Say it aint so.

It ain't so. Truth be told I have never personally gone to a chick flick while in the FZ. I have gone to several movies and/or watched some boring ass TV show under these circumstances, but never gone to a chick flick.

I think a lot of F-Zoners make the mistake of thinking women are not into sex -- or have to be tricked into having sex or entering into a sexual relationship. So instead they make the relationship about being "friendly" in vain attempts to try to isolate them for long enough to try to get them into bed. I've found most people in the FZ, while they may profess love and sincere feelings, they are actually just sexually infatuated and don't know the difference -- or don't want to admit they're just as horny as anyone else. They definitely do NOT respect the other party involved, because in a way, they really are trying to manipulate the person into an explosion of passion.

There's a lot of truth to this. Many a man has fallen under the mistaken impression that he has successfully seduced a woman. In truth, she let you think this. If a woman has her mind made up that you ain't gettin' none, that's the end of it. And truth be told, if a woman wants a relationship with all the trimmings, she will more often than not say so. It's not like she'll say "I love you" to get you out of your pants & then kick you to the curb; they typically know that they don't have to. Promising the whole nine yards to get somebody into bed is typically something a man does. A woman will either let you know this is just physical or won't say anything at all.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Guess it kind of depends on who you're in that FWB Zone with. There's been some female friends I wouldn't mind sleeping with, but knowing how they are in a relationship, definitely wouldn't want that.

Yeah, but lay with her often enough & you can find that tune changing.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

I think it's okay to sleep with women you know, just don't try to keep them around as friends. I stay acquainted with a few of my hookups...but I just don't take our "relationships" too seriously.

 

[Chris Wallace]

As I've said, I wrecked a friendship once when things got physical. It was like the rules changed & I no longer knew where the goalposts were. There's friendship, there's dating, there's casual sex & there's relationships. Ne'er the twain shall meet.

 

[Wylie Times]

I think it's okay to sleep with women you know, just don't try to keep them around as friends. I stay acquainted with a few of my hookups...but I just don't take our "relationships" too seriously.

I think that's what catches most people up, just because it's called "Friends with Benefits" doesn't mean you do it with someone you really consider a friend, you do it with a woman you know and find attractive but ultimately could care less if you ever saw her again (on an emotional level at least).

Doing anything with a friend is just gonna cause you a lot of grief down the road, not only could things get weird between the two of you, but what happens when/if one of the two of you ends the "fwb contract" and starts dating someone else? That's a very awkard and potentially volatile situation.

 

[Chris Wallace]

It compromises the friendship, yes. And whether the "contract" ends or not, seeing her w/someone else is gonna **** with you.

 

[xisaacx]

It compromises the friendship, yes. And whether the "contract" ends or not, seeing her w/someone else is gonna **** with you.

Completely agree

 

[Wylie Times]

It compromises the friendship, yes. And whether the "contract" ends or not, seeing her w/someone else is gonna **** with you.

And think of how it is for the other person in situation. Nobody wants to have to worry about someone else being jealous and letting it "slip" that the two of you used to be FWB. You'd pretty much have to get rid of your "friend" or your bf/gf because at SOME point the truth is gonna come out.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Used to be OR still are. It's just an ugly situation. THis is also why I don't think friendship after a breakup works. I've never seen it work. It's weird talking to someone you used to be involved with, especially if one or both of you is in a new relationship.