The "Friend Zone"

[Wylie Times]

Used to be OR still are. It's just an ugly situation. THis is also why I don't think friendship after a breakup works. I've never seen it work. It's weird talking to someone you used to be involved with, especially if one or both of you is in a new relationship.

Anybody that dates someone who is still friends with their Ex is a sucker, plain and simple.

 

[Chris Wallace]

AND setting themselves up for disaster. Like I really wanna hang with you & your ex.
But I can't talk; I was married to a woman who was still friends with not only her exes, but her former FWB's as well. I didn't think anything of it until one day she asked me to look up something in her e-mail, but warned me not to go traipsing around b/c I was likely to find messages "from a couple of guys who don't like me". This triggered a serious WTF alarm in my head & we fought about it for 3 days. Seems one former FWB stll had feelings for her, & kept in touch pretty regular. Now fast forward about a year, this guy has some kind of medical condition & wants her to go to dinner with him before he goes under the knife-just in case things take a turn for the worst. Add to this, we had a HUGE blowup-the biggest this side of Chris Brown & Rhianna-just a few days before his operation. So we patch up & the very next thing she does is go to said dinner with the guy. Ugh.

 

[Wylie Times]

AND setting themselves up for disaster. Like I really wanna hang with you & your ex.
But I can't talk; I was married to a woman who was still friends with not only her exes, but her former FWB's as well. I didn't think anything of it until one day she asked me to look up something in her e-mail, but warned me not to go traipsing around b/c I was likely to find messages "from a couple of guys who don't like me". This triggered a serious WTF alarm in my head & we fought about it for 3 days. Seems one former FWB stll had feelings for her, & kept in touch pretty regular. Now fast forward about a year, this guy has some kind of medical condition & wants her to go to dinner with him before he goes under the knife-just in case things take a turn for the worst. Add to this, we had a HUGE blowup-the biggest this side of Chris Brown & Rhianna-just a few days before his operation. So we patch up & the very next thing she does is go to said dinner with the guy. Ugh.

I swear only women do $#!% like that. Have guys around them that they KNOW have feelings for them, and think it's completely innocent. If the roles were reversed most women would have a fit, but typically guys don't do this they either distance themselves completely from any women they had previous "relations" with or if they do keep speaking they have an idea that it's WRONG. Women seem to act oblivious to this.

"Oh that's just my friend"

As a general rule you should never trust any so called male friend that you GF has, trusting her is ok, but NEVER her friends.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Tell me about it! And they'll be the main ones turning green at the drop of a hat. They'll wig out over some girl on TV that you look at a little too enthusiastically, meanwhile there's some dude in her life just WAITING for you to screw up so he can have a shot.
That was one of the main things we argued about-I trusted her, but not her friends. I met this guty at her job & he was a total dick to me. I found out later that he was her ex, & while I had no clue, he knew exactly who I was.
Now me-I got a call at work from one of my former FWB's, & I promptly toold her I was married. I wanted her to know nothing was happening there ever again. THAT is how you handle an ex situation. I feel like keeping someone around that you know is into you is a recipe for disaster. What happens when you & your other half have a fight? And that person so eagerly wants to be your shoulder to cry on? You can't keep your potential emergency girl around & expect your relationship to work, so why do women think they can do this?

 

[Wylie Times]

Tell me about it! And they'll be the main ones turning green at the drop of a hat. They'll wig out over some girl on TV that you look at a little too enthusiastically, meanwhile there's some dude in her life just WAITING for you to screw up so he can have a shot.
That was one of the main things we argued about-I trusted her, but not her friends. I met this guty at her job & he was a total dick to me. I found out later that he was her ex, & while I had no clue, he knew exactly who I was.
Now me-I got a call at work from one of my former FWB's, & I promptly toold her I was married. I wanted her to know nothing was happening there ever again. THAT is how you handle an ex situation. I feel like keeping someone around that you know is into you is a recipe for disaster. What happens when you & your other half have a fight? And that person so eagerly wants to be your shoulder to cry on? You can't keep your potential emergency girl around & expect your relationship to work, so why do women think they can do this?

That's the thing that I don't get they REALLY think it's ok. I guess it's because most women feel that when they don't want to have sexual relationship with someone they simply wont, and they keep those other guys around to just stroke their ego. Problem is the moment the current boyfriend slips up and does something stupid (which we all do) she'll do one of two things, go vent to her cabal of female friends or go vent to her ex/fwb to try and better understand what goes through a mans head when he does the dumb stuff he does. Sadly sometimes no matter who she goes to could end up with her at least entertaining the idea of hooking up with the ex/fwb, either the cabal of female friends will do the old "He aint ___, you shoulda never broke up with__" or she'll go to her ex and he'll say "You deserve so much better than that, he doesn't know how much of a good thing he has with you.....If you were my girl"


Just to be clear I don't want it to seem like I'm woman bashing, because as I already stated men do some dumb ass things, but while we do it we at least KNOW what we're doing is dumb.

 

[Gilpesh]

Just to be clear I don't want it to seem like I'm woman bashing,

Can't live with em... can't beat em and think you'll get rid of em.

 

[Chris Wallace]

That's the thing that I don't get they REALLY think it's ok. I guess it's because most women feel that when they don't want to have sexual relationship with someone they simply wont, and they keep those other guys around to just stroke their ego. Problem is the moment the current boyfriend slips up and does something stupid (which we all do) she'll do one of two things, go vent to her cabal of female friends or go vent to her ex/fwb to try and better understand what goes through a mans head when he does the dumb stuff he does. Sadly sometimes no matter who she goes to could end up with her at least entertaining the idea of hooking up with the ex/fwb, either the cabal of female friends will do the old "He aint ___, you shoulda never broke up with__" or she'll go to her ex and he'll say "You deserve so much better than that, he doesn't know how much of a good thing he has with you.....If you were my girl"


Just to be clear I don't want it to seem like I'm woman bashing, because as I already stated men do some dumb ass things, but while we do it we at least KNOW what we're doing is dumb.

I'd say MOST of the dumb things I have done relationship-wise were clearly destined to bite me in the ass. Very seldom have I done something stupid & thought it would turn out well.

 

[Wylie Times]

I'd say MOST of the dumb things I have done relationship-wise were clearly destined to bite me in the ass. Very seldom have I done something stupid & thought it would turn out well.

Same here. I know damn well that if I'm not home when I said I was gonna be and I don't call to check in, i'm gonna catch hell when I get home.

A woman will have a guy you never met in your house sitting on your couch and wont understand why you're upset about it, because after all "He's just my friend"


I have NO patience for $#!@ like that.

 

[Chris Wallace]

She never did that, but she DID stay out until 6 AM with no contact & then did the opening line to Sunshine Anderson's "Heard It All Before".

 

[Wylie Times]

She never did that, but she DID stay out until 6 AM with no contact & then did the opening line to Sunshine Anderson's "Heard It All Before".

What's sad is generally most bad situations in that come up in relationships could be avoided if both people just take a moment to think "How would I feel if ___", if that happend I think a lot of relationships would go much better or at least end on better terms.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Don't ge tme started. This same woman went to the movies w/her ex shortly after we got serious. AND while we were married, she found out from a guy with whom I guess she's inadvertantly been in the FZ due to a failure on both parts to make a move-that she actually could have had a shot. So she comes home & sings his name for the better part of 3 hours, & then wonders why I'm upset.

 

[Wylie Times]

Don't ge tme started. This same woman went to the movies w/her ex shortly after we got serious. AND while we were married, she found out from a guy with whom I guess she's inadvertantly been in the FZ due to a failure on both parts to make a move-that she actually could have had a shot. So she comes home & sings his name for the better part of 3 hours, & then wonders why I'm upset.

I know some guys who would have been like Wesley Snipes in the first Blade film "mother____ are you out of your damn mind!!" that's just nuts.

And people wonder why I try my best to avoid relationships.

 

[Chris Wallace]

We fought for a good week behind that one.
Have I mentioned we're no longer together? Or even living in the same state?

 

[Wylie Times]

We fought for a good week behind that one.
Have I mentioned we're no longer together? Or even living in the same state?

I kinda figured that. It kinda went without saying. You're a bigger man than I woulda just been gone after the third incident.

 

[piccolo]

Don't ge tme started. This same woman went to the movies w/her ex shortly after we got serious. AND while we were married, she found out from a guy with whom I guess she's inadvertantly been in the FZ due to a failure on both parts to make a move-that she actually could have had a shot. So she comes home & sings his name for the better part of 3 hours, & then wonders why I'm upset.

Oh man dude, that sucks.

But to that effect, I've never understood why attractive women ever think they're in the friend zone though. Generally speaking, if you're cute, you havent been friend-zoned. With some girls its just a matter of if they're willing to make the first move. Sounds like thats how it was with your ex, correct me if i'm wrong.

I've been friend-zoned a few times and it completely sucks. Especially when you really like her. You have no idea what to do, and it doesn't seem like there's anything you can do.

 

[Chris Wallace]

I didn't list them in order, actually. First was the movie w/the ex. THen the ex (same one) being a *****e to me. Then the e-mail. THen singing the guy's name. Then the 6 AM incident & THEN the dinner. I left out the ex that hit on her right in front of me & the numerous incidents of jealousy on her part.

 

[Wylie Times]

I didn't list them in order, actually. First was the movie w/the ex. THen the ex (same one) being a *****e to me. Then the e-mail. THen singing the guy's name. Then the 6 AM incident & THEN the dinner. I left out the ex that hit on her right in front of me & the numerous incidents of jealousy on her part.

Dayum...See the worst incident i had with an ex was she was a BIG flirt, and I kept telling her that wasn't cool with me, she kept acting like it was ok ignoring my warnings, then I had break things off and she seemed like she was shocked....I have no patience for that type of stuff. I'll try my best to listen and be understanding but if my concerns aren't being heard and my feelings aren't being considered...I'll be gone so fast she'd think I was wally west.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Oh man dude, that sucks.

But to that effect, I've never understood why attractive women ever think they're in the friend zone though. Generally speaking, if you're cute, you havent been friend-zoned. With some girls its just a matter of if they're willing to make the first move. Sounds like thats how it was with your ex, correct me if i'm wrong.

I've been friend-zoned a few times and it completely sucks. Especially when you really like her. You have no idea what to do, and it doesn't seem like there's anything you can do.

Typically there isn't.
But I need to correct you on something; Women can get friend-zoned, regardless what they look like. Sometimes the guy can have his eye on someone else. Or they can have been friends for so long the guy won't want to ruin it. Because if you date soembody & it doesn't work out, 9 times out of 10 the friendship is toast. Or maybe somewhere along the way he gets a little sneak preview of what she's be like in a relationship & doesn't want to date her for that reason. Remember, finding a woman attractive simply means you want to tap her; it DOES NOT mean you want to date her. And even if you do, it doesn't mean you can see her as a potential long-term mate.

 

[Chris Wallace]

Dayum...See the worst incident i had with an ex was she was a BIG flirt, and I kept telling her that wasn't cool with me, she kept acting like it was ok ignoring my warnings, then I had break things off and she seemed like she was shocked....I have no patience for that type of stuff. I'll try my best to listen and be understanding but if my concerns aren't being heard and my feelings aren't being considered...I'll be gone so fast she'd think I was wally west.

She was a flirt, too.

 

[piccolo]

Typically there isn't.
But I need to correct you on something; Women can get friend-zoned, regardless what they look like. Sometimes the guy can have his eye on someone else. Or they can have been friends for so long the guy won't want to ruin it. Because if you date soembody & it doesn't work out, 9 times out of 10 the friendship is toast. Or maybe somewhere along the way he gets a little sneak preview of what she's be like in a relationship & doesn't want to date her for that reason. Remember, finding a woman attractive simply means you want to tap her; it DOES NOT mean you want to date her. And even if you do, it doesn't mean you can see her as a potential long-term mate.

Oh, I agree. There are def women head-casey enough that despite being attractive are undateable. I refer you to Barney Stinson from how I met your mothers "hot/crazy" scale.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYrZSjpiIK4

I don't necessarily mean just dating though. An attractive girl pretty much always has a chance to at least hook up with a guy who might not want to date her, under the right circumstances.

 

[Wylie Times]

She was a flirt, too.

I can't lie, I'm a flirt too, but I try hard to be aware of it and not do it at inappropriate times. My ex wasn't like that and would be flirting with guys I knew.

 

[Chris Wallace]

I think being good for a lay & nothing more is worse than having no dating potential at all. Most times the two people have completely different perceptions of the matter. If one just wants to hit the sheets, 9 times out of 10 the other is hearing wedding bells.

I can't lie, I'm a flirt too, but I try hard to be aware of it and not do it at inappropriate times. My ex wasn't like that and would be flirting with guys I knew.

I think we all have a tendency to flirt, but yeah-don't do it right in front of me & don't let guys hit on you right in front of me either. Shut them down promptly & everything'll be cool.

 

[Wylie Times]

I think being good for a lay & nothing more is worse than having no dating potential at all. Most times the two people have completely different perceptions of the matter. If one just wants to hit the sheets, 9 times out of 10 the other is hearing wedding bells.
I think we all have a tendency to flirt, but yeah-don't do it right in front of me & don't let guys hit on you right in front of me either. Shut them down promptly & everything'll be cool.

I'm not kidding at all about the enemies with benefits things, it works, you don't do it with someone you actually hate, but someone who just gets on your damn nerves and who finds you equally annoying.

Or if she is gonna flirt in front of me, make sure it benefits us both, get me a free drink, out of a speeding ticket or something.

 

[Chris Wallace]

I've never had that. I've been in relationships with people who got on my nerves & who found me equally annoying, (I think that's been most of my relationships, truth be told) but never had a real EWB relationship.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

I kind of wonder how the enemies with benefits would work out, I guess there'd have to be mutual hate, but you'd have to end up at a lot of the same social functions where alcohol would be involved.