The G.I. JOE Caption Thread

[The Count]

Slaughter: Sorry guys but i want to pursue a solo career

 

[Dr. Fate]

To Do List:

1. Clean Uniforms
2. Polish Destro
3. Conquer World
4. Buy Milk

"This Rave Sucks!"

"PEEKABOO!!!"

Falcon: Oh No, Cobra! Better cop a feel!

Duke: That's right, me and Snake-Eyes are in love

Scarlett: How could you?

Snake-Eyes: .................!

That's actually Flint up there, not Falcon, but it's still funny.

DUKE: "Joes, Prepare For Glory! Eat A Hearty Breakfast, For Tonight We Dine In bad place!!!"

LT. FALCON: "We're here for the gang bang."

 

[Lex Luthor]

LT. FALCON: "We're here for the gang bang."

LMAO

DUKE: "Soooo ...... does it ever bother you Snake Eyes never moans during the love making? I know it sure bothered me!"

FALCON: "You know, Sarge. You really should do a shoot interview with your buddy, The Iron Shiek. And if you could get The Honky Tonk Man to join you guys, that would be great too. Just saying."

 

[Dr. Fate]

LION-O: "Yo Joe!"

DUKE: "Hey, that's our line you bastard!"

DUKE: "By The Power Of Grayskull!"

HE-MAN: "Copyright Infringement!"

 

[Dr. Fate]

General Hawk as he appears in the comics (the cartoon and at least some of the action figures gave him black hair), I couldn't pick just one, so I'm using them all -

GENERAL HAWK: "I'm not Duke!"

 

[Dr. Fate]

CC: "I've done far worse than kill you. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on... hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her, marooned for all eternity at the center of a dead planet. Buried alive... buried alive..."

DUKE: "Khan!" [echo] "Khan!"

Or...

DESTROY: "Khan!"

 

[JohnRico]

Hey listen pal I ordered 100 large pizzas with extra cheese over one hour ago if the pizza is not here with in twenty minutes I will be using my super government powers & then oh you dont want to know what I have in mind for you

 

[Dr. Fate]

HAWK: "Yes?"
COBRA COMMANDER'S DISTORTED VOICE: "Se- un- ays..."
HAWK: "What? Willie Maize?"
CCDSV: "En- ay..."
HAWK: "Who's gay? Hello?"
CCDSV: "Ca- ou- ear- me- ow?"
HAWK: "What?"
COBRA COMMANDER: "Can you hear me now?"
HAWK: "Yes, perfect."
CC: "7 Days..."
HAWK: "What? I'm gonna die next Monday?"
CC: " Yes. No. Wait. Monday. That would be seven business days. This is seven days starting now."
HAWK: "So seven days to this very hour? My watch broke. How am I gonna know the exact hour?"
CC: "Forget hours. This day seven days from now."
HAWK: "But there's a holiday coming up. Do you count the holiday?"
CC: "Well, that depends. What holiday?"
HAWK: "Martin Luther King Day."
CC: " Then no."
HAWK: "Why not? Everybody at work is taking it off."
CC: "Jesus Christ, General. I'm giving you seven friggin' days. I can come over now and kill the **** out of you if you'd rather have that."
HAWK: "Seven Days Will Suffice."

 

[Dr. Fate]

COVER GIRL: "I'm ready for my close up, Mr. Sommers."


LADY JAYE: "Do the men of America really need a better reason to enlist other than hanging out with hot babes like us?"


SCARLETT: "Hardly."

 

[That-Guy]

Hey, I want to tell you something, OK? And I want to leave a message for you right now. 'Cause again, it's 10:30 here in New York on a Wednesday, and once again I've made an ash of myself trying to get to a phone to call you at a specific time. When the time comes for me to make the phone call, I stop whatever I'm doing and I go and I make that phone call. At 11 o'clock in the morning in New York and if you don't pick up the phone at 10 o'clock at night. And you don't even have the G**damn phone turned on. I want you to know something, OK?


I'm tired of playing this game with you. I'm leaving this message with you to tell you you have insulted me for the last time. You have insulted me. You don't have the brains or the decency as a human being. I don't give a damn that you're 12 years old, or 11 years old, or that you're a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ash who doesn't care about what you do as far as I'm concerned. You have humiliated me for the last time with this phone.


And when I come out there next week, I'm going to fly out there for the day just to straighten you out on this issue. I'm going to let you know just how disappointed in you I am and how angry I am with you that you've done this to me again. You've made me feel like s**t and you've made me feel like a fool over and over and over again. And this crap you pull on me with this G**damn phone situation that you would never dream of doing to your mother and you do it to me constantly and over and over again. I am going to get on a plane and I am going to come out there for the day and I am going to straighten your ash out when I see you. Do you understand me? I'm going to really make sure you get it. Then I'm going to get on a plane and I'm going to turn around and come home. So you'd better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me. So I'm going to let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude, thoughtless little pig, OK?

 

[BobJM]

QUAID:
(on the phone with his agent)
Wait, what?! He's in this--Marlon Wayans?! Oh ****...this is G.I. Joe, right?! ****, ****, ****...is it too late to pull outta this? Let's just sneak out the back.

 

[Dr. Fate]

HAWK: "Hello, Ghostbusters. Yes, of course they're serious."

 

[Dr. Fate]

Cobra Commander: I shall be waiting to reward your genius, or to have you beheaded for terminal stupidity! I have spoken.
Megatron: Something is so familiar about that damned voice...

Bwahahahahahahahaha

Rest In Peace, Chris Latta (1949-1994).

 

[Lex Luthor]

"Hey, who is this? .... Frank Rizzo?"

 

[Dr. Fate]

HAWK: "Hello, yes, I'm looking for Seymour Butz."

 

[Hotwire]

Quaid to his agent: Look! I'm the oldest guy in the cast except for that dude playing the president and they keep getting younger! Work you magic somehow and get some damn senior citizen in this f'n movie!

 

[Dr. Fate]

Quaid to his agent: Look! I'm the oldest guy in the cast except for that dude playing the president and they keep getting younger! Work you magic somehow and get some damn senior citizen in this f'n movie!

Hehehehehehehehehe

HAWK: "Harold, it's Hawk, General Hawk. You're my lawyer so I think you should know: I've killed a lot of people. Some girls in the apartment uptown uh, some homeless people maybe 5 or 10 um an NYU girl I met in Central Park. I left her in a parking lot behind some donut shop. I killed Bethany, my old girlfriend, with a nail gun, and some man uh some old ***got with a dog last week. I killed another girl with a chainsaw, I had to, she almost got away and uh someone else there I can't remember maybe a model, but she's dead too. And Paul Allen. I killed Paul Allen with an axe in the face, his body is dissolving in a bathtub in bad place's Kitchen. I don't want to leave anything out here. I guess I've killed maybe 20 people, maybe 40. I have tapes of a lot of it, uh some of the girls have seen the tapes. I even, um... I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little. Tonight I, uh, I just had to kill a LOT of people. And I'm not sure I'm gonna get away with it this time. I guess I'll uh, I mean, ah, I guess I'm a pretty uh, I mean I guess I'm a pretty sick guy. So, if you get back tomorrow, I may show up at Harry's Bar, so you know, keep your eyes open."

 

[The Count]

Hawk: ....Hold on, I'll just check

HUGH JAZZ? I'M LOOKING FOR A HUGH JAZZ

 

[Dr. Fate]

Hawk: ....Hold on, I'll just check

HUGH JAZZ? I'M LOOKING FOR A HUGH JAZZ

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (I think it was actually "Jass" but whatever, it's still funny).

HAWK: "Hi, listen, I lost my mantra..."

 

[Dr. Fate]

"We have it on good authority that he was working for the guys who cancelled Arrested Development."

 

[Dr. Fate]

QUICKSILVER: "My sidekick was better than your sidekick!"

LION-O: "Oh yeah?! Well my women, my theme song and my ratings were better than your women, theme song and ratings!"

DUKE: "Hey, this is our thread! You kids go fight it out somewhere else!"

 

[Hotwire]

Hawk: Can you hear me now? Good.

 

[Dr. Fate]

DESTRO: "Damn it! Now I'll never get the $$$ she owed me for the love I gave her!"

 

[Dr. Fate]

GUNG HO: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"

 

[Lex Luthor]

DESTRO: "NOOOoOoOOOoOOoOOOOooooOOOoOOOOoOO!!!!! I wanted sex tonight! Damn you, narcolepsy!!!"