The Last Crusade of Relationships

[SpideyInATree]

I do not understand how a person can talk to you almost everyday and make plans with you then turn around and play you. I should of listened to my friends that was my fault and not get emotional about it, but its a good life lesson and officially moving on from this chick and just going to live life and enjoy it best way I possibly can.

That girl played you again? Sorry to hear that. You have got to just forget about her and find women who aren't attention ****es. Sounds like she was just feeding off of the attention that you were giving her.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

So, he and I have been talking about sex and moving in together and stuff lately. Nothing uber concrete, just talking about it. He's been looking at a few apartments and was wondering if I wanted to join him. Though I admit that it sounds nice, I'm worried it's too soon in our relationship to move in together. I don't want to hurt things between us by moving in together too fast.We've been dating since October 28th and became an official thing Christmas Eve for the unaware.

As for sex, it's a similar thing. I want to at some point, but I don't know if I'm ready for it right now.

He isn't putting any pressure on me for it (thank God), but I still don't know what to do

How old are you? If it happened would it be your first time?

 

[Angel_Faerie]

How old are you? If it happened would it be your first time?

21 and yes

 

[Daniel Thompson]

That girl played you again? Sorry to hear that. You have got to just forget about her and find women who aren't attention ****es. Sounds like she was just feeding off of the attention that you were giving her.

No this time she actually played me cause she agreed to go hang out last night with me a week ago. I even asked her days before last night was she still free to hang out with me last night and she said yes. We also been talking almost everyday since we started talking again a week ago. And when I called her phone last night it was off and she did not respond back to me yet on why we did not hang out last night.

 

[Dark Raven]

So, he and I have been talking about sex and moving in together and stuff lately. Nothing uber concrete, just talking about it. He's been looking at a few apartments and was wondering if I wanted to join him. Though I admit that it sounds nice, I'm worried it's too soon in our relationship to move in together. I don't want to hurt things between us by moving in together too fast.We've been dating since October 28th and became an official thing Christmas Eve for the unaware.

As for sex, it's a similar thing. I want to at some point, but I don't know if I'm ready for it right now.

He isn't putting any pressure on me for it (thank God), but I still don't know what to do

October really isn't a long time at all that you've been dating. It seems a bit premature to even be thinking of moving in together. You don't even know if you'll be together as a couple or whether the two of you are really completely compatible. Moving in together will just intensify things so that you can't see them in the proper perspective. Do you want to have to get into all these living arrangement/tenancy/ownership problems if things don't work out?

 

[Angel_Faerie]

October really isn't a long time at all that you've been dating. It seems a bit premature to even be thinking of moving in together. You don't even know if you'll be together as a couple or whether the two of you are really completely compatible. Moving in together will just intensify things so that you can't see them in the proper perspective. Do you want to have to get into all these living arrangement/tenancy/ownership problems if things don't work out?

That's my thinking too

 

[Dark Raven]

That's my thinking too

Just tell him that you do value his relationship, and that's why you want to wait. If he truly cares about you, he will wait and won't be hurt or offended. It's easy while you're in the heart of a relationshp to think it will definitely work out and last, but all relationships undergo a honeymoon period in which everything seems very sweet and rosy. It takes several months or even sometimes a couple of years to get past that period where you truly realise you do care for that person and not just how they make you feel or what they can do for you, or alternatively to realise that you're just not meant for each other.

If things don't work out, you'll both be glad you dodged a bullet if you didn't move in together, and it will just be a small blot on the landscape, so to speak. You'll move on and forget about each other. But if you cement things too soon and it doesn't work, you'll both have all this unnecessary excess emotional baggage you're taking with you into your next relationship, not to mention all the hassle of extricating yourself from the living arrangements.

 

[bullets]

So how many people have tried online dating services before and what have been your results?

I've had decent sucess with online dating. I met my current gf on pof. I dated a girl before that from okcupid. The previous gf and I mutally agreed to be just friends. I've only had a couple bad experiences. One girl lied about her age. Another just presented herself differently on the phone, she went from sweet to wretch. I usually talk to them a couple times on the phone before we meet.

 

[Anita18]

I do not understand how a person can talk to you almost everyday and make plans with you then turn around and play you. I should of listened to my friends that was my fault and not get emotional about it, but its a good life lesson and officially moving on from this chick and just going to live life and enjoy it best way I possibly can.

Honestly, it just sounds like she's flaky.

When you said she played you, I initially assumed you meant she cheated on you when you were getting into the swing of dating each other. My sister went through that, after HE told her he wanted to be exclusive, but somehow thought that meant he was free to date around when she was away on a trip. THAT was being played! She put down some ground rules after a serious discussion with him and she's still with the guy.

That doesn't sound like what happened to you. She owes you nothing at this point and you owe her nothing. You even call it "hanging out," FFS. Either let it go and keep it cool about the flakiness until the relationship is more serious, or if you don't like flaky people, move on.

So, he and I have been talking about sex and moving in together and stuff lately. Nothing uber concrete, just talking about it. He's been looking at a few apartments and was wondering if I wanted to join him. Though I admit that it sounds nice, I'm worried it's too soon in our relationship to move in together. I don't want to hurt things between us by moving in together too fast.We've been dating since October 28th and became an official thing Christmas Eve for the unaware.

As for sex, it's a similar thing. I want to at some point, but I don't know if I'm ready for it right now.

He isn't putting any pressure on me for it (thank God), but I still don't know what to do

It's really up to you. My sister and her aforementioned bf moved in pretty quickly after getting exclusive and they have personality clashes at times, but it's never really about boundaries. It was the first time she's ever moved in with a guy. And the personality clashes would probably still exist if they waited too.

The most important thing IMO is to keep communication very very open. Although if you're feeling hesitant, it's probably best to wait.

And just because you've talked about it, doesn't mean you have to do it right now. My bf and I talked about how we'd feel comfortable moving in together pretty early on, but it didn't happen until like, a year later.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Honestly, it just sounds like she's flaky.

When you said she played you, I initially assumed you meant she cheated on you when you were getting into the swing of dating each other. My sister went through that, after HE told her he wanted to be exclusive, but somehow thought that meant he was free to date around when she was away on a trip. THAT was being played! She put down some ground rules after a serious discussion with him and she's still with the guy.

That doesn't sound like what happened to you. She owes you nothing at this point and you owe her nothing. You even call it "hanging out," FFS. Either let it go and keep it cool about the flakiness until the relationship is more serious, or if you don't like flaky people, move on.


It's really up to you. My sister and her aforementioned bf moved in pretty quickly after getting exclusive and they have personality clashes at times, but it's never really about boundaries. It was the first time she's ever moved in with a guy. And the personality clashes would probably still exist if they waited too.

The most important thing IMO is to keep communication very very open. Although if you're feeling hesitant, it's probably best to wait.

And just because you've talked about it, doesn't mean you have to do it right now. My bf and I talked about how we'd feel comfortable moving in together pretty early on, but it didn't happen until like, a year later.

I do not like flake people and I will move on. Its still not cool that you agree to go hang out with someone then not hang out with them. Plus I had told her days before I had wanted her to be my girlfriend and she said to see how saturday went first but we never went out. She did not even call me or text me to tell me if something had happened or not.

 

[bullets]

I think asking her to be your gf before the first date is part of the reason.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

I think asking her to be your gf before the first date is part of the reason.

Naw she flaked out on people before that she made plans with to hang out. And besides thats still no reason to not hang out. If you agreed to go out with someone a week in advance then you should keep your promise and show up cause if not then your not a man/woman of your word.

 

[Anita18]

I think asking her to be your gf before the first date is part of the reason.

Yeah it could have scared her off, especially if you've, ya know, never gone out on an actual date with her before.

Hell, my bf busted out the "I want to take this relationship further" talk on our 4th date or so and I thought THAT was premature since we hadn't kissed yet or even held hands.

 

[Anita18]

Naw she flaked out on people before that she made plans with to hang out. And besides thats still no reason to not hang out. If you agreed to go out with someone a week in advance then you should keep your promise and show up cause if not then your not a man/woman of your word.

Did you set an actual day and time for said hangout? Cause I've definitely come across people who you can't count on unless you tell them an actual day and time.

"Let's hang out next week" and then not hanging out since nobody set a day and time is no reason for such ire. Or well, you could meet someone who reacts in the same way that you do, but it would cut down your pool of potential gfs by a lot.

 

[SpideyInATree]

Naw she flaked out on people before that she made plans with to hang out. And besides thats still no reason to not hang out. If you agreed to go out with someone a week in advance then you should keep your promise and show up cause if not then your not a man/woman of your word.

You just need to forget about this girl and move on. You're still very young and there are a lot of girls out there that will treat you a whole lot better.

 

[Anita18]

You just need to forget about this girl and move on. You're still very young and there are a lot of girls out there that will treat you a whole lot better.

Right. I think you invested too much in her too early (telling her you want her to be your gf before even a first date?), which is why you're still upset. You don't like flaky people; she's a flaky person. So move on.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Did you set an actual day and time for said hangout? Cause I've definitely come across people who you can't count on unless you tell them an actual day and time.

"Let's hang out next week" and then not hanging out since nobody set a day and time is no reason for such ire. Or well, you could meet someone who reacts in the same way that you do, but it would cut down your pool of potential gfs by a lot.

I had set a day, time and location. Hell she told me days before to call her when I got off of work so she would know and get ready to go out.

And this chick for months knew I liked her and we talked on the phone and in person multiple times before so it was not like I was a stranger to her. I dono how I scared her off when she already knew I liked her and had to expect me to ask her to be my girl sooner or later.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

21 and yes

You are old enough to have sex, so that will come down to what matters most to you. Weather it is religious and you believe strongly in waiting until marriage, OR you are just concerned that you want it to be special.

Four months seems like a short amount of time to be moving in with someone. I’m not a fan of that. It seems very risky, if things don't work out you could feel cornered, trapped in a situation that is hard to get out of.

The other reason I don’t think it would be wise to just move in with him is that you seem to be having some second thoughts, as obviously you are posting on a forum with an anonymous handle, looking for advice.

Besides that it seems very soon to be moving in, is there some other issue that is concerning you? What else is going on that is bothering you?

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I had set a day, time and location. Hell she told me days before to call her when I got off of work so she would know and get ready to go out.

And this chick for months knew I liked her and we talked on the phone and in person multiple times before so it was not like I was a stranger to her. I dono how I scared her off when she already knew I liked her and had to expect me to ask her to be my girl sooner or later.

This is exactly why I suggest guys not spend a lot of time getting to know a girl over the phone and through texts before a date.

1. Some women see it as needy, or getting overly invested too fast, it seems to be an almost universal turn off

2. More importantly, all your eggs are in one basket. If that basket sinks you are alone.

So, next time, even when you got a girls number, and set up a date with her, go ahead and go for the number of the next cute girl, or 10 that you see.

Its ok to set up multiple dates with multiple girls, just try not to double book yourself.

This helps you avoid over investing in any of them, and if you get flaked on you got a backup.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

This is exactly why I suggest guys not spend a lot of time getting to know a girl over the phone and through texts before a date.

1. Some women see it as needy, or getting overly invested too fast, it seems to be an almost universal turn off

2. More importantly, all your eggs are in one basket. If that basket sinks you are alone.

So, next time, even when you got a girls number, and set up a date with her, go ahead and go for the number of the next cute girl, or 10 that you see.

Its ok to set up multiple dates with multiple girls, just try not to double book yourself.

This helps you avoid over investing in any of them, and if you get flaked on you got a backup.

I had no choice at the time but talk to her through texting cause I had no job at the time so no money to take her out. Besides she told me to feel free to call her anytime and felt a certain way that I had stopped calling her at one point.

Turns out my friend told me he thinks she blocked my number yesterday. So she obviously knew a week ago she gonna play me. That must explains why when I called it went straight to her voice mail.

But whole week building up to it she was texting me, we talked on the phone and had normal conversations. Again she told me to call her anytime. Thats some snake stuff man, dono why people do that, I did nothing wrong to her.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

This is exactly why I suggest guys not spend a lot of time getting to know a girl over the phone and through texts before a date.

1. Some women see it as needy, or getting overly invested too fast, it seems to be an almost universal turn off

2. More importantly, all your eggs are in one basket. If that basket sinks you are alone.

So, next time, even when you got a girls number, and set up a date with her, go ahead and go for the number of the next cute girl, or 10 that you see.

Its ok to set up multiple dates with multiple girls, just try not to double book yourself.

This helps you avoid over investing in any of them, and if you get flaked on you got a backup.

I had no choice at the time but talk to her through texting and on the phone cause I had no job at the time so no money to take her out. Besides she told me a week ago when we started talking again to feel free to call her anytime and felt a certain way that I had stopped calling her at one point. Her words ''you barely call me so its not like we can go out and chill''.

Turns out my friend told me he thinks she blocked my number yesterday. So she obviously knew a week ago she gonna play me. That must explains why when I called it went straight to her voice mail.

But whole week building up to it she was texting me, we talked on the phone and had normal conversations. Again she told me to call her anytime. Thats some snake stuff man, dono why people do that, I did nothing wrong to her.

 

[bullets]

I had set a day, time and location. Hell she told me days before to call her when I got off of work so she would know and get ready to go out.

And this chick for months knew I liked her and we talked on the phone and in person multiple times before so it was not like I was a stranger to her. I dono how I scared her off when she already knew I liked her and had to expect me to ask her to be my girl sooner or later.

I'm not sure what's going on with her. It happens to everyone though. I'd just move on. Also I think it's good to tell a girl what your looking for but you have to take it one step at a time.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I do not like flake people and I will move on. Its still not cool that you agree to go hang out with someone then not hang out with them.Plus I had told her days before I had wanted her to be my girlfriend and she said to see how saturday went first but we never went out. She did not even call me or text me to tell me if something had happened or not.

1. She sounds like a really nice person for not immediately withdrawing from you even though you are coming on REALLY strong.

2. Have you spoken to her since. Do you know why she couldn't make it?

Naw she flaked out on people before that she made plans with to hang out. And besides thats still no reason to not hang out. If you agreed to go out with someone a week in advance then you should keep your promise and show up cause if not then your not a man/woman of your word.

Did you guys actually say this was a DATE, or were you just going to hang out together as friends and she was going to see how she felt about going out with you after that?

I just don't see how agreeing to hang out with someone in a week, is some concrete promise you have to keep... unless it is an official date. And even then, plenty of things can happen to change that.

I had set a day, time and location. Hell she told me days before to call her when I got off of work so she would know and get ready to go out.

And this chick for months knew I liked her and we talked on the phone and in person multiple times before so it was not like I was a stranger to her. I dono how I scared her off when she already knew I liked her and had to expect me to ask her to be my girl sooner or later.

It sounds to me like she is really TRYING to give you a fair chance, really TRYING to see past the fact your coming on really strong... but your making it more and more difficult for her.

Basically, I think you would have a chance with her (or she wouldn't be being so patient with you) if you calmed it down a bit!

A girl your into doesn't show up for a hang out date?

Next time you see her, you say 'Ah no it was actually a good thing you couldn't come, I was going to ring you cause I ended up being asked to [insert fun/spontaneous/possible other woman here]...'

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I had no choice at the time but talk to her through texting cause I had no job at the time so no money to take her out. Besides she told me to feel free to call her anytime and felt a certain way that I had stopped calling her at one point.

Turns out my friend told me he thinks she blocked my number yesterday. So she obviously knew a week ago she gonna play me. That must explains why when I called it went straight to her voice mail.

But whole week building up to it she was texting me, we talked on the phone and had normal conversations. Again she told me to call her anytime. Thats some snake stuff man, dono why people do that, I did nothing wrong to her.

When a woman says 'Call me any time', that is not your cue to call her all the time...

It's your cue to NOT call her for at least a few days. Maybe even follow that with 'pocket dial'

If you don't wanna play the dating game, don't. But I think it's bad to critisize her for playing it.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

No **** her man she played me and she know she played me. She never gave me an explanation on why she did not show up when she knew we was suppose to chill. A real person regardless of the situation would not of ran away or played somebody. Like I said she has a history of doing this to other people. So **** her I'm moving on to bigger and better things.