The Last Crusade of Relationships

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I would just ignore it.

And why is that?

 

[terry78]

So you can see what reaction she has. If she's into you, she'll be slightly pissed or concerned you didn't acknowledge the holiday. If she don't like you, you'll get no reaction maybe.

 

[Dark Raven]

So you can see what reaction she has. If she's into you, she'll be slightly pissed or concerned you didn't acknowledge the holiday. If she don't like you, you'll get no reaction maybe.

But if she is into him and he doesn't do anything then she could also lose interest and he could blow his chances with her. Best to test the waters by seeing if she'll agree to a date on V day instead of testing it the other way. If she's not into him then she won't want to give the wrong impression by going on a date on that day of all days.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I've been a little upset at the girl I've been interested in. We kept talking about me giving her some drawing lessons in our spare time away from our show, since she was interested and I was planning on using that to spend some time with her. But after she bothered me the other night about it, I tried to see up a meeting time, but she was pretty iffy about it. Since then, we haven't really spoken.

Now I know better and what I'm doing is moving on, but for some reason, I just feel so angry about the situation and with her. It's almost like I feel a little disrespected because I sent her a couple of messages that she never responded to or anything, and I feel like she's ignoring me on purpose. Usually I back off at this point, but I feel like I at least need to bring it up and see what's up in person because I'm tired of always feeling like I'm less than who I am when it comes to girls and having feelings towards one. I feeling like I have been a pushover and I'm tired of it.

 

[Anubis]

Why must you make every thing so God Damn Complicated? You like her? Ask her to go out. On a DATE. That's it. That's all.

 

[terry78]

Why must you make every thing so God Damn Complicated? You like her? Ask her to go out. On a DATE. That's it. That's all.

Because we as nerds are too intellectual for our own damn good and often end up outsmarting ourselves.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

But if she is into him and he doesn't do anything then she could also lose interest and he could blow his chances with her. Best to test the waters by seeing if she'll agree to a date on V day instead of testing it the other way. If she's not into him then she won't want to give the wrong impression by going on a date on that day of all days.

I think I agree a bit more with this line of thinking.

 

[bullets]

So what would be the appropriate handling of Valentine's Day with someone you've only been on one date with?

I feel like, since it's only been one date, it wouldn't be appropriate to make too huge a deal out of the day. However, I feel like ignoring it altogether would be a mistake.

A female friend of mine said sending her a "Happy Valentine's Day" text would be an appropriate course of action. Doing something small like taking her out for ice cream or something.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it but you should acknowledge. Either take her out or get her a small gift (like chocolates).

 

[hopefuldreamer]

If she's the kind of girl whose had tonnes of valentine's admirers, always gets a bunch of cards and flowers - then send her nothing. You'll just be another one to add to the list if you do, but if you don't you'll stand out

If she's the kind of girl who perhaps doesn't get much if any attention on valentines - my god get her a little gift. She'll probably love it

As someone who has never gotten a valentine's gift, I honestly think if someone gave one too me I'd fall for them there and then It'd be that easy!

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I totally agree that one doesn't need to be in a relationship to be happy. And one should be in the right place to date.

But like I said, the whole "sour grapes" defense mechanism over a 3 week relationship, is pretty common and not something to give up on relationships.

They aren't meant to be easy.

Well I can't really call that 3-week thing a relationship. I was doubting about my own feelings most of the time. And just to clear it up, no, it's less about putting on a brooding defense mechanism and more about not really being ready for a relationship at all. Honestly, I got too many **** going on with me that I need to amend first.

Primarily among those are being able to understand people and being able to maintain my self-confidence. I got too attached to this girl wayy too early and ended up just being hurt even though she didn't do anything.

I guess it might sound like your run-of-the-mill shmuck but hey that's exactly what I'm feeling like right now. I get that relationships are tough, but to even go there and talk about how one should stick it out etc. you'll first need to actually be in a relationship yes? I'll tackle that when the time comes.

With this girl it was a bit too weird, come V-day we won't even be doing anything because she's away, and I just realised that I really don't want to do anything all that much either. A friend's got a birthday down, I'll go ahead and enjoy the night there.

So I've been a little upset at the girl I've been interested in. We kept talking about me giving her some drawing lessons in our spare time away from our show, since she was interested and I was planning on using that to spend some time with her. But after she bothered me the other night about it, I tried to see up a meeting time, but she was pretty iffy about it. Since then, we haven't really spoken.

Now I know better and what I'm doing is moving on, but for some reason, I just feel so angry about the situation and with her. It's almost like I feel a little disrespected because I sent her a couple of messages that she never responded to or anything, and I feel like she's ignoring me on purpose. Usually I back off at this point, but I feel like I at least need to bring it up and see what's up in person because I'm tired of always feeling like I'm less than who I am when it comes to girls and having feelings towards one. I feeling like I have been a pushover and I'm tired of it.

Here's the thing dude... does it really matter what she, or any one else for that matter, thinks about you? Does it really matter if she regards you as some kind of bestial predator or total loser if she doesn't have the guts to say it out in front of you? Answer ought to be no. With capital 'hell'. Respect is earned -- if someone doesn't respect you, they don't really deserve your respect either.

 

[Erzengel]

^
The thing is I hear many a guy say the exact same thing and it's funny how quickly all that goes out the window when they meet a specific girl.

 

[Erzengel]

I think I agree a bit more with this line of thinking.

I went out with someone on Valentine's Day, we fooled around for like a few weeks afterwards, but even with spending that day together, it fizzled out.

It really depends on the girl, she might not be into the whole spectacle that is Valentine's Day.

I know a lot of guys get nervous about "not doing something" as opposed to "doing something". You could always play it safe and get her something, and depending on how the date goes either then give it to them.

But again, if it's chocolates it's fine. Flowers I think would be too over the top for a 2nd date.

And if this is the 2nd date, I would make a move.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Well if you are going out, you really don't have to send the text.

Frankly I wouldn't acknowledge the Holiday if she didn't say something about it. Just act casual about it.

 

[Dark Raven]

I went out with someone on Valentine's Day, we fooled around for like a few weeks afterwards, but even with spending that day together, it fizzled out.

It really depends on the girl, she might not be into the whole spectacle that is Valentine's Day.

I know a lot of guys get nervous about "not doing something" as opposed to "doing something". You could always play it safe and get her something, and depending on how the date goes either then give it to them.

But again, if it's chocolates it's fine. Flowers I think would be too over the top for a 2nd date.

And if this is the 2nd date, I would make a move.

I agree. I would say don't get flowers as that is too forward, and plus you can't hide it in your bag. If you get chocolates, you can keep that in your bag and play it by ear as to whether to give it to the girl or not, depending on the evening. But only a small box and it has to look casual and not overly thought out.

But even regarding the date, it shouldn't be too fancy. It should just look like it just happened to be on V day but wasn't overly planned. That way you won't scare the girl away if you've only had one date prior to that.

Thinking about it now though, if you've only had one date, then it all depends on how much interest she has expressed during it and at the end of it in wanting to go out again. If there wasn't much interest, then I think it would be quite acceptable not to even bother asking her out for V day. After all, that "first date" may not have been a first date as such. It may have been a one-off date never to be repeated again.

I think it's best to start dating someone (or at least had a few dates) well before Feb 14. That way you don't have this awkward situation with what to do. January or early Feb sounds like the worst time to start dating/ begin a relationship.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I don't know how you could pull off casually arranging it so it doesn't seem like you knew it was valentine's day.

You ask her out for valentine's day, there's no hiding from it

 

[steintym]

A second date on Valentine's Day? Yeah, I'd keep it pretty simple as well. A box of candy or maybe some flowers, but nothing too crazy.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I don't know how you could pull off casually arranging it so it doesn't seem like you knew it was valentine's day.

You ask her out for valentine's day, there's no hiding from it

You just don't openly acknowledge it. It's a Tuesday right? Just don't think about it as anything more than that.

You're not hiding, what are you hiding from? The Valentine's Day monster?

I have this thing I do, it's hard to explain, but I never acknowledge Holidays other than saying a Holiday greeting to someone who says it to me. It has a very weird effect, but I find it makes me stand out especially around those times of year. You not acting unaware, you're acting just cool and casual about it. Like you don't care it's going on. This counts for all of them - including Christmas.

 

[Erzengel]

It's easier depending on where's he's going. If it's a nice restaurant or a Ruby Tuesday's.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

A second date on Valentine's Day? Yeah, I'd keep it pretty simple as well. A box of candy or maybe some flowers, but nothing too crazy.

Ditto. Maybe even something smaller than that, like something spontaneous. Spontaneous is always good, and of course you can "plan" to be spontaneous on certain occasions. This would be a good one. Like "oh hey! we're walking by a photo booth" (man, I really dated myself just now. They don't even have those things anymoret.

 

[Dark Raven]

I don't know how you could pull off casually arranging it so it doesn't seem like you knew it was valentine's day.

You ask her out for valentine's day, there's no hiding from it

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[SuperMike335!!]

I always got to explain things…

You don’t ever buy a gift for a girl you have only had only 1 date with. It makes you look like a suck up.

This even applies to valentines day, Christmachanakwanzika, or her fraggin birthday. NO, put your wallet back in your pocket. Put down that card, those flowers, the box of chocolates, the poetry and that 5 page essay of undying love etc…
No.

Guys who overly emotionally invest in a girl, after going on only one date, look desperate. The faster you start to treat her like a princess the sooner you look like a servant, and not a charismatic lover. All that early gift giving does is make you look like a desperate approval seeker. Cut it out.

For those who always have to pull out the strawman argument with "ohh the evil ogre Supermike said to neeeever buy a girl gifts", keep in mind I did not say never. But at least wait until after you two are in a steady relationship, and even then do not over do it.

Generally the more attractive the girl, and the closer she is to the age of 21, then the more dangerous it is for early gift giving. Simply that a woman in her youth plus very attractive usually has had to deal with a lot of male attention. They are the ones most spoiled on gifts and suck ups.

If she is over 25 years old (especially if she is 30 or more), or is more plain looking, then it gets less dangerous, as girls in this age group are looking for more commitment, and are not as interested in riding the carousel of ****s any more. Even then, too early gift giving, especially if you over do it, can spoil your chances. These women may not be getting as much butt kissers as they did at age 21, but they are not so desperate they will fall for desperate guys at any point.

Plenty of women will consciously reason and SAY that they love getting gifts early on. Unfortunately their subconscious does not agree, and that is generally her motivating factor. Women are not like men in that way. They do not tend to make decisions on logical reasoning. Some things can sound nice but in reality are a turn off.

Going out of your way, by getting gifts for her to impress her on valentines day is not necessary at best, and at worst spoils her on your attentions.

Also, if she flips out that you did not get her anything so early on, that you did not kneel and present your offering to her alter, then do you really want to be with a woman who insists on such servitude?

Unless you are already in a committed relationship, then turn off your cell phone. Sit in the whirl pool. Get numbers from two new cute girls. Go buy a new shirt you look good in. Go home and play some video games, go out for some coffee later at the local java shop and flirt with the s***y girl with the huge rack who works there. Just have a fun day for yourself with nobody bothering you and don’t do anything you otherwise would not do on a day off.

 

[steintym]

I agre that where they go probably does play a part, too. I wouldn't go too fancy. Might give the impression that he's trying to make it too special ... plus I like Ruby Tuesday's haha.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

You just don't openly acknowledge it. It's a Tuesday right? Just don't think about it as anything more than that.

You're not hiding, what are you hiding from? The Valentine's Day monster?

I have this thing I do, it's hard to explain, but I never acknowledge Holidays other than saying a Holiday greeting to someone who says it to me. It has a very weird effect, but I find it makes me stand out especially around those times of year. You not acting unaware, you're acting just cool and casual about it. Like you don't care it's going on. This counts for all of them - including Christmas.

Yeah but going out together on valentines, your going to run into valentines related themes in restaurants, parties in pubs, even valentines specials in cinemas or valentines shaped biscuits in the coffee shop your in.

You can ignore it, but the valentine's monster is still there

 

[Erzengel]

He's there....waiting for his time to strike...

 

[Lily Adler]

So I shouldn't go out with that guy I had one date with?