The Last Crusade of Relationships

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Lol im so using that line in real life if women ever ask me that question.

Haha me too! That's awesome.

Anyways, I'm just gonna say - my previous post asking about whether "hang out" is automatically a kiss of death, I'm just gonna say that in this instance, I don't think it was. I feel like the date went great, and I feel like she wants a 2nd date just as much as I do (probably helps that she's the one that told me she wants us to go out again).

As nervous as I was, I feel like I was able to reign myself in and be confident, and be myself, and I think it went great.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

So should the man be chasing the women? Cause I was always told never to chase women.

 

[Anubis]

Chase but don't look like you're chasing......chase casually.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Chase but don't look like you're chasing......chase casually.

Ok.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Well, I think I've identified your problem, you're all about playing games and can't break out of the outdated (and it is outdated) mindset of gender roles. It's 2012, you can make the first move and the first move isn't some coy body language, men, the kind you'd probably want to date, won't pick up on it. Be bold, be daring, ask him out. My girlfriend was the one who contacted me first, I thought it was sexy. She didn't play hard to get, she knew what she wanted and went after it, I was the first one to kiss her, but she was the first to invite me to spend the night at her place. You can't wait for the white knight, he doesn't exsist. Also, playing games is a total turn off for the good guys. Playing games will get you a "bad boy" who loves the thrill of the chase, but once he catches his prey, the thrill is gone and he's looking for another challenge. Stop with the silly games, be a modern, strong, independant woman.

Wouldn't he atleast stay for casual sex.

 

[enterthemadness]

Lol im so using that line in real life if women ever ask me that question.

To be fair, I didn't come up with that. I have not found the card I saw, but it had brotip #1415 found that on google and site brotips. So...yeah.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

To be fair, I didn't come up with that. I have not found the card I saw, but it had brotip #1415 found that on google and site brotips. So...yeah.

Thats cool but its still a great line to say to a woman who asks a question like that.

 

[Dark Raven]

I think kissing is so minor compared to sex (and is over with so quickly) that it really doesn't matter if you tell someone your kissing experience.

Frankly, my first kiss with my bf was SO awkward that I was pretty much convinced he'd never kissed anyone ever. I was actually surprised when he told me he'd had several girlfriends in the past and wasn't a virgin.

So as far as I'm concerned, your hangups with kissing are pretty much unfounded, even if you've never kissed anyone before. I only remember my first kiss with my bf because of how utterly awkward it was and because I had the most hilarious thought right afterward, "Huh, this is an interesting development..."

I mean, I don't go around kissing people willy nilly, but it's really still just a kiss.

Even if I don't tell the girl it is my first kiss, it is still something I don't want to waste on just anyone. If I've had to wait this long, then I don't it want suddenly wasted on some drunken encounter or a game of spin the bottle. I want it to be special, otherwise I would rather not have had that kiss.

It might be minor to you because it is pretty common place, just like no-one would think anything of a peck on the cheek or a handshake. However, because it is completely outside my realm of experience, it is something I want to share with someone for whom it meant something special.

 

[Anita18]

Even if I don't tell the girl it is my first kiss, it is still something I don't want to waste on just anyone. If I've had to wait this long, then I don't it want suddenly wasted on some drunken encounter or a game of spin the bottle. I want it to be special, otherwise I would rather not have had that kiss.

It might be minor to you because it is pretty common place, just like no-one would think anything of a peck on the cheek or a handshake. However, because it is completely outside my realm of experience, it is something I want to share with someone for whom it meant something special.

Dude, I've only kissed two people in my entire life and both of them were serious boyfriends so I know exactly what you mean. The danger I've speaking of is in making it out to be sooo important is that when you meet that special someone, then you drive yourself nuts about when to kiss them! Or if they're going to judge you, etc etc etc. When it's really something that takes only a second for a quick one. Even when I kissed my first bf for the first time (and I put caution to the wind and initiated it!) I was like, "Huh, that wasn't so big of a deal..."

So once you meet someone you like, you shouldn't think of kissing them as THAT big of a deal.

But first we need to get you to meet a woman that likes you and all that other stuff...

 

[Erzengel]

Even if I don't tell the girl it is my first kiss, it is still something I don't want to waste on just anyone. If I've had to wait this long, then I don't it want suddenly wasted on some drunken encounter or a game of spin the bottle. I want it to be special, otherwise I would rather not have had that kiss.

It might be minor to you because it is pretty common place, just like no-one would think anything of a peck on the cheek or a handshake. However, because it is completely outside my realm of experience, it is something I want to share with someone for whom it meant something special.

Dude a lot of people here had their first kiss in their early teens. I'm sure they look fondly on it, but I don't' think they put it on the some high pedestal. My first kiss was with my first gf. Even if I somehow kissed someone before that, it would have ruined anything.

You might want to lower some of those standards and expectations.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah Raven, kissing for me isn't some commonplace thing.

To be completely honest with you, I can probably count on one hand the number of girls that I've kissed that weren't part of a drunken party game like spin the bottle.

You are really making a first kiss out to be something that it's really not.

It doesn't make the first kiss with someone important any less special because you kissed a not so important girl first.

Again, just like sex, that doesn't mean just go kiss anyone and everyone, but I feel like you've been without physical connections with females for -sooo- long that you are romanticizing it as something it isn't.

Which I can't exactly criticize you for, I've had so little experience with women that I've been known to romanticize it myself, but it's really not what storybooks and movie screens make it out to be.

 

[Lily Adler]

Well, I'm Drew Berrymore, because I've never had an official kiss.

 

[Dark Raven]

Well, I'm Drew Berrymore, because I've never had an official kiss.

But in that movie she wasn't saying she hadn't had any kind of kiss. it was rather that she had never really been kissed that it meant something, in the same way that someone might be alive but might say that he hasn't ever really lived.

 

[Lily Adler]

I know, it was my attempt to be clever.

 

[Anita18]

I know, it was my attempt to be clever.

-patpat-

Yeah anyway...first times are overrated, IMO. Yes, if you want it to be with someone special, then you should absolutely wait and not settle for a hooker in Vegas or a drunken game of spin-the-bottle. But once you meet someone you like (it totally doesn't have to be THE ONE or anything), the first time will blur into all the other experiences you have with them.

I actually don't remember the first time I actually had sex, once my bf got over his nervousness. I'm sure it hurt, but I'm also sure had a good time in the end, because my bf is always considerate like that. I only remember my first kisses because they were super earnest and super awkward.

 

[Anita18]

Ranting a bit - my coworker got majorly jerked around by her sorta-ex-husband today. It's a delicate situation since she's very religious and doesn't believe in divorce, so they're still legally married with divorce papers on hold. But after 10 years of this marriage thing, I think it's obvious he's not invested in the relationship as much as she is. He doesn't even financially support the two kids he has with her (they live long distance, which is already a weird arrangement for a married couple with kids IMO...), and I think she really needs to ditch the guy. But her faith doesn't allow it, and she's adamant in her promise to God on marriage until death do you part.

I mean, the only other option is for her to be one of those wives who doesn't care what her husband does as long as he doesn't bother her too much. It will be the only way for her to stay married to him AND stay sane.

She's an extremely sweet girl, very considerate. We make fun of her mild OCD but would make a perfect housewife (a housewife with a PhD ). And not to mention a total BABE. Seriously, think of a much prettier, curvier version of Olivia Munn and that'd be her. It's just really a shame that all of that is wasted on some *****e who knows he can jerk her around and face no repercussions because she won't ever leave him.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Y'know, I've grown to believe that I really don't need a romantic relationship in my life to feel good about my own self. It's just... not worth it. There are so many things I still have to improve about myself that now it seems quite trivial (yes trivial) to indulge in romance and the such.

It worked. The powers-that-be have won out. I've lost my love of this girl.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

A curvier Olivia Munn with a PhD and undying devotion to a jerk hubby? Wow.. that just... makes every single psychologist who advocate the "jerks-get-babes" angle very, very right.

As for her devotion to God "till death do them part". We all know the solution to that.

 

[Anita18]

A curvier Olivia Munn with a PhD and undying devotion to a jerk hubby? Wow.. that just... makes every single psychologist who advocate the "jerks-get-babes" angle very, very right.

As for her devotion to God "till death do them part". We all know the solution to that.

Yeah well, I'm pretty sure anyone's version of God wouldn't approve of said solution any more than divorce.

It sure isn't emotional devotion at this point, which is what I think most guys would want. It makes me really sad that she's gonna spend the rest of her life miserable like this, or turn into a loveless cold-hearted cynic. She just turned 30, way too young to be trapped in an unhappy cynical marriage, IMO.

Seriously folks, if you're gonna take the "'til death do us part" thing LITERALLY, don't get married before you're 25.

And obviously he wasn't a jerk to her before they got married. Halfway through the marriage I guess things just fell apart and he stopped investing in it. He has her for life, so why the heck not? A nice guy would continue thanking his lucky stars and treating her like a queen, or at least take his own marriage vows seriously, but some people I guess are opportunists and don't give a crap. I think she would be relatively fine with it if HE filed divorce papers and not her, but why would he give her up if he can have her around and do what he wants anyway? I'm not sure if he's cheated on her yet, wouldn't surprise me if he did. Right after she initially filed the divorce papers, she told us in tears that he didn't pay any attention to her - he wouldn't have sex with her anymore, or even kiss her. Obviously there's the saying that for every beautiful woman you meet, there's a guy tired of her s***, but ya know...marriage vows and all. At least be adults and communicate!

I suppose that's why she's pushing me and future hubby to get premarital counseling before we get married.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I don't think a benevolent god would ever want anyone to be trapped in an unhappy marriage either.

She seems to be able to takecare of herself and her children even with the husband's absence. I have yet to grasp this whole "I'd be fine if he filed the papers" dilemma -- that happens a lot around India, and yes, I get it that religion becomes a major factor behind it, but if wedding vows are not respected mutually then they really have become redundant yes?

I think one way to inspire her to take action is to focus on the betterment of her children. Because it's downright unhealthy to be raised in that psuedo-family tie.

As for the father... well... again.

 

[Erzengel]

Unfortunately, no matter how long you've been somebody, people can change. And it's usually for the worst. Know many a couple that it becomes such a 180 degree change. A lot of times it is when the wife becomes pregnant and THEN something "snaps" with the husband and then he needs to go find themselves. Sometimes you really just don't know someone.

 

[Erzengel]

Y'know, I've grown to believe that I really don't need a romantic relationship in my life to feel good about my own self. It's just... not worth it. There are so many things I still have to improve about myself that now it seems quite trivial (yes trivial) to indulge in romance and the such.

It worked. The powers-that-be have won out. I've lost my love of this girl.

Have you ever been in a significant relationship? And if so how long?

 

[roach]

Unfortunately, no matter how long you've been somebody, people can change. And it's usually for the worst. Know many a couple that it becomes such a 180 degree change. A lot of times it is when the wife becomes pregnant and THEN something "snaps" with the husband and then he needs to go find themselves. Sometimes you really just don't know someone.

this was a situation I found myself in....I had gotten married and shortly after I deployed for a year for Iraqi Freedom. One day it all changed. I would get emails detailing her day from beginning to end and they stopped. When I got back we were two different people. Six months later we divorced.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Have you ever been in a significant relationship? And if so how long?

Once... if you can call High School pairing a "significant relationship". Lasted 2 years until she grew up and became someone I couldn't relate to anymore.

EDIT: Why though?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Thought you were getting out of that small town anyway? In terms of meeting men it IS a good idea. Sooner the better.
You got youth on your side right now.

This does mean getting out of a small town, to maximize those options.
It also gets you more options for other opportunities. You are still planning on becoming a journalist? Right?

You won’t get the exposure to the world you need in order to inform most people who are ignorant of the world, living in a small town. You won’t be blowing the whistle on human right violations, or informing people of a cure for a disease or anything major that you want to accomplish if you are stuck in small town syndrome.

You got to get out of there, THEN worry about finding a man. If that is what you really want.

The life of a traveling journalist does tend to make relationships hard in general, as all traveling lifestyles do.

What is more important to you? Your career? Or find a good man and start a family?

Having a relationship CAN be a dream killer, as people subconsciously turn down opportunities in order to preserve a relationship.

Definitely career. I really really don't want to look back on my life and never have achieved any of my dreams. But I think i'd be okay looking back on my life never having had a family.

And yeah, that's one of the things that i've been afraid of. I don't wanna LOOK for a relationship because I don't want another thing tying me down and making it harder to achieve what I want to achieve.

I make it hard enough myself by procrastinating and drinking too much

And you know what, I do understand the idea of wanting your first kiss, or first time having sex, to be special or whatever, but at some point I do believe that's a romantic notion that you have to get over.

I've honestly given up any ideas of making sure my first time with someone is with that special person at that magical moment (not to be interpreted in a defeatist way). If I lose it to someone special, great, if I lose it during a drunken night at a college party, great.

I waited until I was 19, was madly in love, and lost it to the person I thought was madly in love with me. It was a perfect moment at the time.

Yes, he turned out to be sleeping with cheating on me with men at the time...

But that doesn't make me regret waiting, and I would do it all over again if I could.

The other opportunities I turned down would have been much worse. Horrible situations. Drunken hook ups that I always felt dirty afterwards.

Or even this one guy who completely broke my heart after I said no to sex when things where getting really heated. I adored him, almost got lost in the moment, and then wised up and realised he was only using me as a rebound to make his ex jealous. I stopped it, and he basically suggested I go sleep in the other room if we weren't going to do it. Things got really nasty between us after that... but my god am I glad I said no!

If your first time is something that's important to you, hold onto it

TBH I kind of miss it, because I haven't given a damn about sex since. It's like the first time was important... then got ruined... then it just didn't matter who I slept with anymore.

I think your perspective of love changes, especially when you get older and realize that the fairytale sort of love doesn't really exist.

I was INFATUATED what my first bf. Like, needed him by my side all the time sort of obsession. I thought that was love back then. But it was unhealthy, because I had a low self-esteem and all I thought about was him, not my own mental health. And yes, that sort of "love" does feel pathetic.

I was never infatuated with my current bf. If anything, it was a slow realization. The very opposite of exciting and spontaneous. But what I have is something better. I think of him, and I know he's there. I stick my hand out and I know he'll take it, every time. How we met is a blip in our histories - it says something about our individual personalities, but it doesn't make our relationship.

When the naivete of fairytale love dies, that sort of love still exists, if you're willing to take a chance. I think you're on the precipice of deciding which kind of love you really want.

I think your right. I think the fantasy ideal is something i'm hiding behind... some kind of justification for not giving things a chance.

Hah, I've been there, and we were both too shy to make a move. It's been 10 years since we met, I saw him again at my college reunion and he was still making googly eyes at me. From what I've seen on Fb, he's never had a serious gf and I've been talking marriage with someone else.

So...someone's gotta make a move if you want things to really go anywhere. Might as well be you if you think you'd really like a guy.

And IMO if you're falling hard for someone even before a move is actually made, you're investing way too early!

I think that depends on how long you've known each other.

I think it's completely possible to realise your in love with a friend, even if you've never done anything remotely sexual with them. And that can be one of the scariest feelings in the world, because you don't wanna loose that person.

Unfortunately, no matter how long you've been somebody, people can change. And it's usually for the worst. Know many a couple that it becomes such a 180 degree change. A lot of times it is when the wife becomes pregnant and THEN something "snaps" with the husband and then he needs to go find themselves. Sometimes you really just don't know someone.

Amen to that!