I don't know, there are definitely ways to interpret a situation.
First off, obviously you stay in a relationship not just for what she can give you, but the happiness you feel when you can give her something as well.
And what do you mean by keeping you at a distance? I thought things are hunky-dory in terms of getting along personality-wise. That's really the most important thing - you have to accept her as she is, personally, before you decide if the lack of intimacy is going to be an important factor.
Bumping uglies isn't hard. Ask Anubis.
What's hard is getting so close to someone, that you can ask them uncomfortable questions about themselves and dig in deep, and they don't hate you for it and even give you honest answers. That has nothing to do with sex.
On one hand, you really want to be more physical and the lack of intimacy is going to be a sticking point even if you care about her, but on the other hand, how much do you
really want to be with her (and how special is she to you really) if you're willing to leave if she's unable, for whatever reason, to give you some? It's a legitimate question, and there are no right or wrong ways to go about it. Acknowledging that you have physical needs and saying "no thanks" to an otherwise good relationship is something you could do, but if you do that, you also have to acknowledge that what you had non-physically wasn't really as special to you as you think it is...
Which doesn't have to be wrong. It just has to be a possibly-uncomfortable truth.
The not bumping uglies ultimately isn't what I have a problem with - it's a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship.
My friend came in from out of town yesterday, and we met for lunch. As we were catching up, he was asking me about my girlfriend, and of course I was telling him the situation. He asked me straight up "Could you wait for marriage to have sex with her if everything else - the intimacy and affection, the spark, the way you guys got along - if it was all great?" and my answer was yes, I think I could.
But that's what leads to the bigger problem is that while I am attracted to her intelligence and her personality, and we
do get along, there's the whole thing that I don't feel like she is prioritizing the relationship in any meaningful way, and that's what I mean by keeping a distance.
Any and all contact is initiated by me. If we don't see each other for days, there's no communication in between. There's no texting or phone conversations. If I try to text her, I don't hear from her for hours upon hours on end. Seriously, I could text her in the morning, and not hear from her until late that evening. In response to a
text message.
The problem that I talked about previously with her giving me the "co-dependency issues" talk when I told her that I want to spend more time with her and talk to her more often. The last time I saw her - which was a week ago at this point - I even told her it's not necessarily the not seeing her that bugs me, I can exist on my own without needing her there to validate my existence, but it'd be nice to know that she misses me as much as I miss her, or that she wants to see me as much as I want to see her. I feel like it's an "out of sight, out of mind" situation where if I'm not there, I'm not on her mind, and she's not going to take the time to initiate contact with me to want to see me, or want to talk to me.
And that's ultimately what I mean by her keeping me at a distance, and if this is something that doesn't change, I can't be in a relationship like that. I don't feel like a priority to her, I don't feel like she misses me, ultimately I don't really feel like she cares all that much.
We get along great when we're together, but when we're not, there's nothing.
That's what I mean by I would fall in love with her if things changed - if she actually
acted like she was in a relationship. But as it is, she doesn't.
And despite Optimus' conspiracies that she's out boinking everything else that moves that's more aggressive in wanting sex, no I don't believe it to be anything malicious on her end. I think she is just so young, inexperienced, and naive that she simply put doesn't know how to be in a relationship, and unfortunately I'm caught in the crossfire of her trying to figure out what the relationship means to her.
Yea, it's frustrating, and yea, Optimus would have been out by now, I get all that, but for me being in the situation, and having my own take on what I feel the situation to be, I don't feel that leaving is the right course of action - yet. I still feel that this is something that
can be resolved, and if it
is resolved, I feel it will be worth waiting for, and far better than what I could get from some girl out there that would put out far easier, but probably wouldn't offer me anything else beyond being good in bed. I would rather wait, and see if this is an issue that can be resolved, and stick it out with her, than to move on to something else that won't give me what she does.
And if it can't be resolved, if this is just how it's gonna be, then no hard feelings, we move on, we gave it a shot, but it just wasn't meant to be.
While I realize that is a very real possibility, and honestly the one that I expect in the end of it all, I haven't yet reached the point where that is the direction I want to take.
In response to Optimus talking about guys who are more direct and aggressive, I'm not sure how much more direct and aggressive I need to be with her. I have flat out told her I'm not into waiting until marriage for sex, I have flat out told her I want our relationship to become sexual eventually, and physically, I have taken the initiative to touch her, hold her, and kiss her more passionately than a peck, things that she has resisted nearly every step of the way. I'm not sure how much more direct I'm supposed to get, while still trying to maintain a level of respect for her, than what I'm currently doing - which I'm not going to go into full detail about all the physical things I do do to her when I am trying to be physical and affectionate with her.
And you'll either have to live with it, or live without her.
I just don't have the energy to play those kinds of games and have that kind of drama. But YMMV. Some people can most certainly tolerate that more than I can.
