The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[Erzengel]

Question.

Are you referring to people in real life who are stalking you? Or are you talking about posters here?

 

[Godzilla2000]

Question.

Are you referring to people in real life who are stalking you? Or are you talking about posters here?

Oh yes, it's people in real life that are stalking me. I'm just fed up with their antics and they know it, and if they don't they do now.

But they're the least of my worries as I have to deal with a guy that came in last night who I know will be back. Well, let's just say i had a mess to clean up in the bathroom that I will not go into detail about. I threw up a little in my mouth several times. I'm going to have to tell him I'm not interested, and I hate doing that because I'm at work and it's not a dating service. Seriously, I put up with a lot of s*** from horny guys in that place. The guy was nice, but I could tell he is just not husband material and is interested in only one thing based upon my..uh..discovery in the bathroom. Plus I intuited that he'd be rather terrible in bed too. Seriously, my eyes have been rolling for decades between all the jealous girls and Class A horndogs that have plagued me ever since I was a teenager.

 

[Erzengel]

Why don't you just find another job?

 

[Godzilla2000]

Why don't you just find another job?

It's not the job. Like I amended I've had this issue ever since I started maturing from a child to womanhood and it's rather frustrating for me. It's the whole "Been there, done that" thing all over again with me between the jealous girls and the horny horndogs. Really, it seems like 99% of the human beings I come in contact with either are jealous of me or want to screw me with not one of them actually offering me something worthwhile.

But seriously, that guy that came in last night, I could intuit he was lousy in bed and just looked at porn all day because he had no self control by the..uh..evidence he left.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't know what I can tell you.

I've known MANY a girl including models and they've never seem to have the issues you seem to keep having about "jealous" girls and "testosterone filled" men.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I don't know what I can tell you.

I've known MANY a girl including models and they've never seem to have the issues you seem to keep having about "jealous" girls and "testosterone filled" men.

Well, the guy was not all grabby hands and decent enough to use the bathroom, even if he had an accident, but said accident clued me in on what to expect from him in the future. I've resolved to tell this guy there's just no chemistry between us when I see him because I don't live a lie.

As far as the jealous girls, I've been pestered only when I take an interest in a guy they like as well. It's not a continuous thing, there have been lulls where I just do my usual routine of sleep, eat and go to work. But the moment I like a guy that is attached to an insecure, painted doll, look out! I guess what they're more jealous of is the fact I'm completely comfortable with myself and the things that keep me happy, be it however sparse and humble my activities are. I consider myself more of a Plain Jane, which confuses me when girls do get jealous of me. Maybe that Plain Jane attitude is what might be what the guys they have crushes on like about me? Or maybe it's that I am transparent about who I am, I don't easily put up an act just to keep a guy. In fact I am strong enough that not having a guy doesn't bother me all that much. I think these jealous girls pin all their worth on the guy they're with and I make them mad by being a bit more independent and finding my self worth from within myself, not with who I'm dating or who I'm married to.

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe you should aim a little higher than the guys who frequent your place of business.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Let this be a lesson to friend-zoned guys. This is how the girl feels lol.

"If you had to be married; being married to a guy would be great. Could you imagine saying something, but having the words you said interpreted exactly the way that you intended your words to be interpreted?" - Greg Giraldo (RIP)

Yeah it's the same with either gender I guess, just has to be one person fooling themselves into thinking someone's words mean something other than the literal...

It can happen in all sorts of ways as well.

Like, I was FB's with this guy for about 6 months. Totally casual, totally not committed. I told him I didn't have any romantic investment in him, it was just fun. He wanted to the same thing. We agreed to just be honest with each other and go with the flow.

And then things sort of abruptly stopped happening and he started acting all shady and avoiding me. I knew something was weird.

Basically he'd started seeing this other girl, but instead of just telling me that, he tried to keep it a secret, like he was cheating or something. But he wasn't. We WEREN'T in a relationship!

And I got so damn mad at him because he obviously had his own 'opinion' that I WAS romantically invested and that he had to break it too me gently and that I'd be somehow devestated because of it.

Even though I specifically told him otherwise on numerous occasions

It was just so damn patronising.

And it's really stupid, especially for someone who's older. The more I get acquainted with "the real world," the more I'm convinced age =/= maturity. I mean, on the whole, it can, but there are be REALLY strong examples to the opposite.

yeah, I actually put this quote as my facebook status a few days ago:

'Growing up is hard, love. Otherwise everyone would do it'

 

[hopefuldreamer]

As far as the jealous girls, I've been pestered only when I take an interest in a guy they like as well. It's not a continuous thing, there have been lulls where I just do my usual routine of sleep, eat and go to work. But the moment I like a guy that is attached to an insecure, painted doll, look out! I guess what they're more jealous of is the fact I'm completely comfortable with myself and the things that keep me happy, be it however sparse and humble my activities are. I consider myself more of a Plain Jane, which confuses me when girls do get jealous of me. Maybe that Plain Jane attitude is what might be what the guys they have crushes on like about me? Or maybe it's that I am transparent about who I am, I don't easily put up an act just to keep a guy. In fact I am strong enough that not having a guy doesn't bother me all that much. I think these jealous girls pin all their worth on the guy they're with and I make them mad by being a bit more independent and finding my self worth from within myself, not with who I'm dating or who I'm married to.

I'm independant and find my self worth from within too. But I have no problem with jelous girls *****ing about me... I get on with most people.

If you're experiencing consistently hostile behaviour from a lot of different women, then you HAVE to start looking at yourself and the way you speak to/regard other people.

It seems to me like you don't respect these girls, and maybe that comes across in the way you look at them or speak to them.

I doubt very much whether they are jelous of you. It's much more likely they don't like you because you're looking down on them and acting superior (which you perceive as jelousy, because you think you're superior).

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah it's the same with either gender I guess, just has to be one person fooling themselves into thinking someone's words mean something other than the literal...

It can happen in all sorts of ways as well.

Like, I was FB's with this guy for about 6 months. Totally casual, totally not committed. I told him I didn't have any romantic investment in him, it was just fun. He wanted to the same thing. We agreed to just be honest with each other and go with the flow.

And then things sort of abruptly stopped happening and he started acting all shady and avoiding me. I knew something was weird.

Basically he'd started seeing this other girl, but instead of just telling me that, he tried to keep it a secret, like he was cheating or something. But he wasn't. We WEREN'T in a relationship!

And I got so damn mad at him because he obviously had his own 'opinion' that I WAS romantically invested and that he had to break it too me gently and that I'd be somehow devestated because of it.

Even though I specifically told him otherwise on numerous occasions

It was just so damn patronising.

I think a lot of very smart people misunderstand the notion of "hit it and quit it" and wonder why so many guys (or so many girls) do so. A lot of people personalize televisions notion that sex=relationship because most movies and television shows imply sex is some demonstration of commitment (as does religion). They forget that sex is also fun, and kind of something good to do on a regular basis so you don't go crazy.

Usually when I "hit it" then promptly "quit it" it's because she did something afterwards that made me feel anxious (specifically immediately implying we're in a relationship) or the sex simply wasn't that good. I've had some unique ones though. One girl started asking my friends for my address. Not my phone number, my address. It freaked me out!

My friends, who were my college roommates, were all a little sex starved, and some still are. They were very perplexed I just didn't automatically want to give out my address for future sex. Some people accuse guys who can walk away as being "immature jerks" and while I'm sure some are, I find it infinitely more immature to try to claim a relationship just because you had sex. Especially when the person is saying they don't want commitments and don't want to be tied down.

I hate this whole cougar "Ashton Kutcher" phase many older women seem to embrace. It's ******ed. I think they feel it's some form of female empowerment because it's "socially acceptible" for young twenty something girls to be with late thirty something guys. Truth is, few of those relationships last, and usually are not healthy because it's a lot more common that one of them is very immature and is playing down to the other person's level.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Oh yes, it's people in real life that are stalking me. I'm just fed up with their antics and they know it, and if they don't they do now.

But they're the least of my worries as I have to deal with a guy that came in last night who I know will be back. Well, let's just say i had a mess to clean up in the bathroom that I will not go into detail about. I threw up a little in my mouth several times. I'm going to have to tell him I'm not interested, and I hate doing that because I'm at work and it's not a dating service. Seriously, I put up with a lot of s*** from horny guys in that place. The guy was nice, but I could tell he is just not husband material and is interested in only one thing based upon my..uh..discovery in the bathroom. Plus I intuited that he'd be rather terrible in bed too. Seriously, my eyes have been rolling for decades between all the jealous girls and Class A horndogs that have plagued me ever since I was a teenager.

Ok, I'm guessing some guy jerked off in the bathroom and you're seeing it as he wants to go out with you. Is that correct? Was there any interaction between the two of you?

Well, the guy was not all grabby hands and decent enough to use the bathroom, even if he had an accident, but said accident clued me in on what to expect from him in the future. I've resolved to tell this guy there's just no chemistry between us when I see him because I don't live a lie.

As far as the jealous girls, I've been pestered only when I take an interest in a guy they like as well. It's not a continuous thing, there have been lulls where I just do my usual routine of sleep, eat and go to work. But the moment I like a guy that is attached to an insecure, painted doll, look out! I guess what they're more jealous of is the fact I'm completely comfortable with myself and the things that keep me happy, be it however sparse and humble my activities are. I consider myself more of a Plain Jane, which confuses me when girls do get jealous of me. Maybe that Plain Jane attitude is what might be what the guys they have crushes on like about me? Or maybe it's that I am transparent about who I am, I don't easily put up an act just to keep a guy. In fact I am strong enough that not having a guy doesn't bother me all that much. I think these jealous girls pin all their worth on the guy they're with and I make them mad by being a bit more independent and finding my self worth from within myself, not with who I'm dating or who I'm married to.

As for these jealous girls, so you're interested in their boyfriends and then they get mad, well, that's understandable especially if you're "not living a lie" and telling them how you feel. It has nothing to with looks, plus it seems like you're more jealous than they are, they have the looks and the guy.

I seriously think you need to talk to a professional, it can't be healthy to think that 99% of the people you interact with are out to get you and make your life miserable.

 

[WillardNation]

I think whenever anybody talks about how people are jealous of them, it speaks volumes about how delusional that person is.

I think a lot of very smart people misunderstand the notion of "hit it and quit it" and wonder why so many guys (or so many girls) do so. A lot of people personalize televisions notion that sex=relationship because most movies and television shows imply sex is some demonstration of commitment (as does religion). They forget that sex is also fun, and kind of something good to do on a regular basis so you don't go crazy.

Usually when I "hit it" then promptly "quit it" it's because she did something afterwards that made me feel anxious (specifically immediately implying we're in a relationship) or the sex simply wasn't that good. I've had some unique ones though. One girl started asking my friends for my address. Not my phone number, my address. It freaked me out!

My friends, who were my college roommates, were all a little sex starved, and some still are. They were very perplexed I just didn't automatically want to give out my address for future sex. Some people accuse guys who can walk away as being "immature jerks" and while I'm sure some are, I find it infinitely more immature to try to claim a relationship just because you had sex. Especially when the person is saying they don't want commitments and don't want to be tied down.

 

[Anubis]

Is Godzilla that Jinogua chick?

 

[Anita18]

Here's some food for thought to certain individuals stalking me that lurk here who know who they are: I'd rather rely on my expansive imagination instead of submitting myself to yet another disappointing psychological and sexual relationship. Just accept it and move on.

Er, I'm afraid it doesn't help when you continually post about it.

If you're addressing specific people here, do it in a PM. Otherwise it just makes you look delusional. You're actually attracting more negative attention this way.

Maybe you should aim a little higher than the guys who frequent your place of business.

Seriously. The guys who go to a laundromat, they don't care if they make a mess in the bathroom after jerking off, because someone else has to clean it. They don't care if they straight out break the washers, because they don't have to replace it.

There ARE people who take very good care of rented stuff (I'm one of them), but if you're a landlord who rents out, you just kind of assume that your tenants are going to trash the place because they don't have to pay for replacing it. It's not their responsibility.

THOSE are, by far, the kinds of guys who will frequent your workplace. You need to aim higher, especially since you sound like you want someone responsible.

Ok, I'm guessing some guy jerked off in the bathroom and you're seeing it as he wants to go out with you. Is that correct? Was there any interaction between the two of you?

I seriously think you need to talk to a professional, it can't be healthy to think that 99% of the people you interact with are out to get you and make your life miserable.

This.

If I was tasked to clean up a bathroom and found ****, I would have gone and opened up the bleach. It's very presumptuous to assume that someone who jerks off in a private bathroom really wanted to do it all over you.

Maybe he'd just been in a convenience store browsing through titty mags and their bathroom was taken. Who knows? But assuming that everyone is out to get you is really not healthy.

Is Godzilla that Jinogua chick?

Yes.

 

[Anubis]

Ohhh, that explains it then.

 

[Hound55]

It does, doesn't it...

And I'm going to continue jerking it in my bathroom at home, thinking of the Mr Sheen on the can of the bathroom cleaner, until he tells me we have no future.

Sure, many have said I could do better, but his is the last face I see before I rub one out and while his mouth seems to say "No, no", his eyes seem to say "Yes, yes"...

 

[Godzilla2000]

Well, I've decided to just go ahead and just come out and say how I feel about a guy, insanely jealous people pestering me and plotting my death meaning nothing to me right now because of the emotional wringer I've been subjected to. A nice rant to myself wasted a lot of my hostile energy and I feel better. Sometimes you just need to rant about your anger and frustrations just to get it out of you I suppose. (Douglas Adams was famous for his rants when his publisher's deadlines for his books was looming over him.) Whether or not it goes anywhere or anything happens doesn't matter to me, but I just wanted to tell him that I am in love with him if nothing else. At least I've made my feelings known. I don't care if people find it pathetic.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I think a lot of very smart people misunderstand the notion of "hit it and quit it" and wonder why so many guys (or so many girls) do so. A lot of people personalize televisions notion that sex=relationship because most movies and television shows imply sex is some demonstration of commitment (as does religion). They forget that sex is also fun, and kind of something good to do on a regular basis so you don't go crazy.

Usually when I "hit it" then promptly "quit it" it's because she did something afterwards that made me feel anxious (specifically immediately implying we're in a relationship) or the sex simply wasn't that good. I've had some unique ones though. One girl started asking my friends for my address. Not my phone number, my address. It freaked me out!

My friends, who were my college roommates, were all a little sex starved, and some still are. They were very perplexed I just didn't automatically want to give out my address for future sex. Some people accuse guys who can walk away as being "immature jerks" and while I'm sure some are, I find it infinitely more immature to try to claim a relationship just because you had sex. Especially when the person is saying they don't want commitments and don't want to be tied down.

It's immature and it's doesn't show a lot of self worth either.

I mean, have some self respect. If it's actually been stated that something is just for fun, then just have fun. Why would you even WANT a relationship with a guy who explicitly says he just wants to bang you for fun and nothing more?

That's why, when I actually like someone, I have in the past turned down offers of drunk one night stands or a 'bit of fun' from said person!

Because it'd be so demeaning to want more from someone who is only using you

If you're both using each other, it's fine

Well, I've decided to just go ahead and just come out and say how I feel about a guy, insanely jealous people pestering me and plotting my death meaning nothing to me right now because of the emotional wringer I've been subjected to. A nice rant to myself wasted a lot of my hostile energy and I feel better. Sometimes you just need to rant about your anger and frustrations just to get it out of you I suppose. (Douglas Adams was famous for his rants when his publisher's deadlines for his books was looming over him.) Whether or not it goes anywhere or anything happens doesn't matter to me, but I just wanted to tell him that I am in love with him if nothing else. At least I've made my feelings known. I don't care if people find it pathetic.

Uh huh...

...so, you're really just ignoring everyone's posts in this thread then?

What the hell is the point of you bomarding us with your ramblings if you don't want to actualy have a conversation about them or respond to any advice?

 

[Anita18]

Well, I've decided to just go ahead and just come out and say how I feel about a guy, insanely jealous people pestering me and plotting my death meaning nothing to me right now because of the emotional wringer I've been subjected to. A nice rant to myself wasted a lot of my hostile energy and I feel better. Sometimes you just need to rant about your anger and frustrations just to get it out of you I suppose. (Douglas Adams was famous for his rants when his publisher's deadlines for his books was looming over him.) Whether or not it goes anywhere or anything happens doesn't matter to me, but I just wanted to tell him that I am in love with him if nothing else. At least I've made my feelings known. I don't care if people find it pathetic.

Geez, even when it comes to something as sugary sweet as love, you still manage to make it combative.

 

[The Squirrel]

I got a date on Monday!

Spoiler

And you jokers didn't do nothing.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

 

[Erzengel]

I got a date on Monday!

Spoiler

And you jokers didn't do nothing.

Didn't we.......didn't we?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It's immature and it's doesn't show a lot of self worth either.

I mean, have some self respect. If it's actually been stated that something is just for fun, then just have fun. Why would you even WANT a relationship with a guy who explicitly says he just wants to bang you for fun and nothing more?

That's why, when I actually like someone, I have in the past turned down offers of drunk one night stands or a 'bit of fun' from said person!

Because it'd be so demeaning to want more from someone who is only using you

If you're both using each other, it's fine

Well I think the other thing is it's not as though I've ever had sex with someone who I wouldn't want to be seen with. That's certainly not true of everybody, but I have at minimum physical standards. I also really only like women who are marginally successful too. Last one was a rehab specialist, and the one before that was a law student. That's not to say there's no partying ever, but if we've had a chance to be sober together I have standards.

So most women I would go for, even for a one night stand I can *kinda* see myself with. Yet I'm young so for me I do want to bang just as a means of trying different things. There is no rush for me to get anywhere. I'm 27.

So the thing is just because I'm banging someone now doesn't mean I wouldn't get to know them either. This was third date sex this time around though so I can't say I didn't give an effort either. I said I wanted fun then and maybe I should've recognized sooner because she did make me work a bit for it even though she said "oh, yeah. Me too".

In pillow talk I've felt connections with people before that weren't too great, but some were. That's the thing; guys typically won't kick them all out.

I think in the end it comes down to fickle you are. Some of my college roommates I described would basically figure any girl that had sex with them was a keeper. I myself am not totally fickle; but I don't want every girl I sleep with to be the button they pressed to change my Facebook status either. I guess you could say the bad ones really don't know what they want.

I also think this is an interesting thing about the 'friend zone' or maybe other 'zones', is frequently if you can't handle being in one most people will assume you can't handle the other. Most 'friend zoned' guys can't even control themselves when they are talking or being talked to. They take the meaningless gestures so seriously it's a serious red flag for later. Sometimes if the sex bothers you so much when it's non commital, it won't get better later. In a sense if you can't handle being fun, you really can't handle being serious. That's why a sense of humor is important, because most people want a person who can ease the tension, not add to it.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I'm gonna have to reuse this .gif cuz my girlfriend actually took initiative to ask me out for tomorrow. Woot!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well I think the other thing is it's not as though I've ever had sex with someone who I wouldn't want to be seen with. That's certainly not true of everybody, but I have at minimum physical standards. I also really only like women who are marginally successful too. Last one was a rehab specialist, and the one before that was a law student. That's not to say there's no partying ever, but if we've had a chance to be sober together I have standards.

So most women I would go for, even for a one night stand I can *kinda* see myself with. Yet I'm young so for me I do want to bang just as a means of trying different things. There is no rush for me to get anywhere. I'm 27.

So the thing is just because I'm banging someone now doesn't mean I wouldn't get to know them either. This was third date sex this time around though so I can't say I didn't give an effort either. I said I wanted fun then and maybe I should've recognized sooner because she did make me work a bit for it even though she said "oh, yeah. Me too".

In pillow talk I've felt connections with people before that weren't too great, but some were. That's the thing; guys typically won't kick them all out.

I think in the end it comes down to fickle you are. Some of my college roommates I described would basically figure any girl that had sex with them was a keeper. I myself am not totally fickle; but I don't want every girl I sleep with to be the button they pressed to change my Facebook status either. I guess you could say the bad ones really don't know what they want.

Hmmmm, I'm starting to think you're situations a bit diff to what I'm talking about...

So basically what you're saying is that even if you have explicity said that you're not interested in anything but casual fun, you are open to it becoming a relationship if that connection is right?

Isn't that kind of a mixed single?

Every girl, is basically just going to try and be/think they are THAT girl who you choose to go that step further with. Who you had that connection with.

I think that's why all the 'casual fun' I've had has been with friends or people I know. You both KNOW that it's not about either one of you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend.

It's a bit more complicated to date someone AND try and claim there's no possibility of a relationship.

You ask a girl on a DATE, and don't sleep with her until the third date... Well you're not particularly acting like someone who just wants just sex, I must admit. You're acting like someone who wants to date a lot of women until he finds the right women to 'sweep him off his feet'

I also think this is an interesting thing about the 'friend zone' or maybe other 'zones', is frequently if you can't handle being in one most people will assume you can't handle the other. Most 'friend zoned' guys can't even control themselves when they are talking or being talked to. They take the meaningless gestures so seriously it's a serious red flag for later. Sometimes if the sex bothers you so much when it's non commital, it won't get better later. In a sense if you can't handle being fun, you really can't handle being serious. That's why a sense of humor is important, because most people want a person who can ease the tension, not add to it.

Totally agreed with that. In fact, it's something my mum told me when I was growing up.

Sex is one of the last things you wanna take too seriously. You wanna be able to laugh if someone makes a noise or if something goes wrong.

And it doesn't = emotions.

I mean, don't get me wrong, sex is way better if there ARE emotions involved.

But sometimes, you just wanna blow off some steam. And you definitely don't get that if one person is 'reading too much into it'. In fact, you'll end up with more stress in your life.

I'm gonna have to reuse this .gif cuz my girlfriend actually took initiative to ask me out for tomorrow. Woot!

That's good news

Hope it goes well