The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[Frodo]

Just tell her and your friends that you aren't looking to be in a relationship right now, or dress it up nicer so no ones feelings get hurt. Or just tell them you're looking to join the Rebellion. Or in your case the Fellowship.

Lol. I actually told already them over and over that I'm not interested but they won't take no for an answer. Unfortunately, they're too invested in me being "the one" even though they know my reputation. Ironically I'm like the the only guy in town who's not in love with her and I'm the one who's supposed to step up.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I know he's not a mind reader, but I've expressed that I want him to come see me. And shouldn't it be a given that someone would want the comfort of seeing their significant other when they're stuck in bed injured?

It's definitely not a given. Both me and my fiancee are stubborn when it comes to being sick/injured and want to do everything ourselves. Over the weekend I got my wisdom teeth taken out and she was a little upset because I kept insisting I could take care of myself when all she wanted to do was take care of me. It's actually funny, we've got a frozen bag of peas as an "ice pack" in our apartment and last night her back was hurting and we had a disagreement over who should use it, I insisted she use it for her back and she insisted I use it for my cheeks/teeth which were hurting from the removal. We both want to downplay our sickness/injury and the non-sick/injured one has to basically force the other to accept our help. You're finding out right now how he handles sickness/injurt, he might think you just want to be left alone, express you need him there right now, less than two miles isn't a far walk even in the heat.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I dislike being around injured people. It's definitely not a given.

 

[Anita18]

I know he's not a mind reader, but I've expressed that I want him to come see me. And shouldn't it be a given that someone would want the comfort of seeing their significant other when they're stuck in bed injured?

Everyone's different, but if you're lonely he could at least show up to keep you company. That's the very least he could do for you, and even for people who insist on taking care of themselves, loneliness is not fun.

When my coworker was in the hospital, I knew I couldn't do anything besides provide company and some distracting conversation. It was especially uncomfortable, because he hadn't gotten his evening dose of painkillers and was writhing and moaning in extreme pain at times. And all I could do was sit there. But I stayed until he went to sleep, because being in the hospital all alone really sucks by itself.

Hell, even my boss showed up to read "A Confederacy of Dunces" to him. And my boss is pretty awkward and never knows what to do socially.

 

[Anubis]

I dislike being around injured people. It's definitely not a given.

Says the paramedic.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I'm thinking of telling my best friend that I like her, even though I know she doesn't feel the same and even though I don't really want to date her just yet. But in doing this, I feel like I would be ending the friendship.

 

[The Squirrel]

Bad idea is bad. Just ask her out.

 

[SpideyVille]

There's a chance that she may have a boyfriend, although that is also a loose term for her since she was messing around with a bunch of guys at one point. But I've gotten to the point where she will do one thing which will make me super happy, but then she'll do like three things that make me super angry, which I only tolerate because I care about her a lot. But the friendship seems to be one sided lately with me making most of the effort and I want to find out how she really feels about things.

As much as I care about her and want her to be a part of my life, I also feel like I have to let her go too because I care too much.

 

[Erzengel]

So I'm thinking of telling my best friend that I like her, even though I know she doesn't feel the same and even though I don't really want to date her just yet. But in doing this, I feel like I would be ending the friendship.

Welcome to where most of us have been before.

But you are being fair to yourself even if it's at the cost of your friendship.

 

[SpideyVille]

The only thing that I'm scared of doing is basing my actions off of an emotion. Like we haven't spoken as much or seen each others in months, and it didn't bother me because I was focused on my show. She was hardly on my mind, but then when she didn't show and I talked to people about it, a lot of emotions came out and I realized that I cared about her a lot.

I'm perfectly fine with us not dating because I know I can and will do better, and I don't want the friendship to end either because I don't want to feel like I'm giving up on her. I guess I'm just angry because I just want her to be there, and she hasn't been lately, which makes me more angry because I've grown so much and matured as a person in these past few months and she hasn't really had a chance to see this new, better side of me.

 

[Erzengel]

From what you're saying she wouldn't make a good girlfriend, but then again, she doesn't seem like much of a friend anyways. Don't really see what you'd be "missing"?

 

[SpideyVille]

I've been asking myself the same thing. But it's like I'll think back to the good stuff, like when she drove me all the way to Rhode Island to see my dad. We got really close after that because it was a great experience for both of us. Plus, she was always there to push me and motivate me when I was giving up on myself, so she was like that one voice that kept me from going completely under.

But now, I'm much more confident in myself and my abilities and I don't rely on her or anyone to keep me feeling positive. But since I've been done with school and have been acting more and she dropped out, we haven't really hung out as much. But after seeing how she didn't bother to show up to my show after I told her repeatedly how much I wanted her to come and after she kept promising to come, I started to question if things were really as great as they seemed, or if I just made it look good to make it seem like we were close.

In terms of being a girlfriend, she's not really the type of girl I want. She's the complete opposite and I don't think I'd be too happy if we were to get together, especially since I know I can do better. But there's still part of me that wants her to see this new side of me and be attracted to that, since she's seen me before when I was at my worse.

 

[Anita18]

I've been asking myself the same thing. But it's like I'll think back to the good stuff, like when she drove me all the way to Rhode Island to see my dad. We got really close after that because it was a great experience for both of us. Plus, she was always there to push me and motivate me when I was giving up on myself, so she was like that one voice that kept me from going completely under.

But now, I'm much more confident in myself and my abilities and I don't rely on her or anyone to keep me feeling positive. But since I've been done with school and have been acting more and she dropped out, we haven't really hung out as much. But after seeing how she didn't bother to show up to my show after I told her repeatedly how much I wanted her to come and after she kept promising to come, I started to question if things were really as great as they seemed, or if I just made it look good to make it seem like we were close.

In terms of being a girlfriend, she's not really the type of girl I want. She's the complete opposite and I don't think I'd be too happy if we were to get together, especially since I know I can do better. But there's still part of me that wants her to see this new side of me and be attracted to that, since she's seen me before when I was at my worse.

You keep on saying that. I do not think it means what you think it means. Especially if you are adamant on impressing her with your new self.

 

[Anubis]

I don't feel like going back.....get me up to speed on what's Spideyville's problem is now?

This that same chick he thinks would be an awesome girlfriend only he doesn't wanna bang her or something?

 

[SpideyVille]

You keep on saying that. I do not think it means what you think it means. Especially if you are adamant on impressing her with your new self.

Well I guess what I mean is, relationship-wise, I feel like I deserve better, especially given how she's been treating the friendship lately. But at the same time, there's a part of me that is attractive to her, at least the part of her that revealed to me before. But I don't feel as weak and helpless as I did in the past, therefore I don't want to feel like I'm being stepped on just for the sake of being a "good" friend, and the part of me that is attracted to her wants her approval.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I don't feel like going back.....get me up to speed on what's Spideyville's problem is now?

This that same chick he thinks would be an awesome girlfriend only he doesn't wanna bang her or something?

God, so many people in this thread have hang-ups about sex.

Stop thinking so much about it. It's really not a big deal. The one thing goes in the other thing.... and Ta-Daaaaa!

 

[Anubis]

The problem is you usually have to jump through hoops to get there.....some people aren't all that well coordinated.

 

[Erzengel]

Well I guess what I mean is, relationship-wise, I feel like I deserve better, especially given how she's been treating the friendship lately. But at the same time, there's a part of me that is attractive to her, at least the part of her that revealed to me before. But I don't feel as weak and helpless as I did in the past, therefore I don't want to feel like I'm being stepped on just for the sake of being a "good" friend, and the part of me that is attracted to her wants her approval.

I'm wondering if the feelings stem from her just being the "girl" in your life. A lot of times, guys will have that one go to woman in their life and they just can't help but develop feelings for them. Even if they have a bf, or you're telling yourself they aren't right for you.

 

[SpideyVille]

I'm wondering if the feelings stem from her just being the "girl" in your life. A lot of times, guys will have that one go to woman in their life and they just can't help but develop feelings for them. Even if they have a bf, or you're telling yourself they aren't right for you.

That might be it. I mean I did have a crush on her when we first started talking, but that was more because I didn't talk to anyone at the time and liked any girl who showed me some attention. But I knew she wasn't interested so I stopped trying to impress her. And I've always said that if something were to happen, it would have to be because she made a move since she would have to show me she's interested. But whenever people say that I like her, I always say no because I want to convince myself that I don't because I know it will end bad if I do. I don't have any eggs in that basket because I feel like it would be pointless, especially now that I've been meeting more people and have been more social.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I've been asking myself the same thing. But it's like I'll think back to the good stuff, like when she drove me all the way to Rhode Island to see my dad. We got really close after that because it was a great experience for both of us. Plus, she was always there to push me and motivate me when I was giving up on myself, so she was like that one voice that kept me from going completely under.

But now, I'm much more confident in myself and my abilities and I don't rely on her or anyone to keep me feeling positive. But since I've been done with school and have been acting more and she dropped out, we haven't really hung out as much. But after seeing how she didn't bother to show up to my show after I told her repeatedly how much I wanted her to come and after she kept promising to come, I started to question if things were really as great as they seemed, or if I just made it look good to make it seem like we were close.

In terms of being a girlfriend, she's not really the type of girl I want. She's the complete opposite and I don't think I'd be too happy if we were to get together, especially since I know I can do better. But there's still part of me that wants her to see this new side of me and be attracted to that, since she's seen me before when I was at my worse.

Seems like you two have just drifted apart. However, you still want her approval, to be seen as attractive by her. That's being a bad friend, even worse than she's been for what you're describing. You're trying to do things that will make you attractive to her, make her like you, but then, if she does, you want to say tough $#!+, you can't have this, I'm too good for you. That's being an awful friend. You two have drifted apart, let her go and definitely don't tell her how you feel. She doesn't deserve that.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

God, so many people in this thread have hang-ups about sex.

Stop thinking so much about it. It's really not a big deal. The one thing goes in the other thing.... and Ta-Daaaaa!

The problem is you usually have to jump through hoops to get there.....some people aren't all that well coordinated.

Yup. Sex is sex.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

That's why Optimus is one of favorite posters in the relationship thread. No situation with a girl phases him.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Didn't last night. We did it before I cooked dinner.

 

[Godzilla2000]

You know, I've been inspired by the trailer for the movie Brave and I'm going to fight for my own hand in marriage so to speak. I've had enough of all these laughable Gender roles and labels people want to shove into my head. No, I am not a meek, mouse eared puppet. Men either love me for being a spunky, self possessed independent individual or they can just go away if they can't accept me as is.

I'm not going to settle for a life of slavery, control and manipulation nor am I going to settle for playing babysitter for childish men.

 

[Anubis]

You go girlfriend!