The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[Dreadstar]

I really like comic girl and I think I know why. When I first met her, I never was attracted to her in any way at all! I thought she was very unattractive. And I did not like her personality at all either. I sort of just ignored her and paid her little if any attention. I can't explain how or why, but in the past 2 or 3 months, something changed. Now I find her attractive and I the more I get to know her, the more I am attracted to her both physically and mentally. I read that this is suppose to be the strongest type of attraction. If you can go from so so to really developing feelings for someone, thats the strong connection.

But I am not stupid enough to throw away a woman that is really into me. I understand that it is near impossible to find a woman that is willing to put up with all my stupidity and quirks and still look past that to love me. Don't get me wrong, I like fling girl too. I really enjoy my time with her. And I like how she texts me during the week telling me how she cant wait to see me and how she does not care what I wear, she is into me the person, not the clothes I wear, so she told me to be comfortable and wear what you want. And she is so hot to trot! I never ever met a woman that wants sex as much or more than me! Never. In fact, I would say that before meeting fling girl, those types of women were fantasies.

So I am going to try and either seduce comic girl and spend as much time alone with her as I can all through the summer and see what happens. I show her some interest and attention, then I pull back and ignore her. SO far, this has pulled her in for more. I am in no rush. Or maybe I will get lucky and these feelings I have for comic girl will fade. Is it possible to feel this way about 2 women at the same time?

Comic girl has stated time and time again that she is totally oblivious to guys and their intentions towards her. Here is another fun fact, comic girl is young enough to be my daughter, thats what makes it so hot!!! LOL But comic girl has daddy issues, she does not have a relationship or even know her real dad, he was out of the picture since she was very young. She has stated time and time again that she prefers older men. She likes it when the guy takes care of her. She becomes clingy. And she has only had 1 relationship, which ended badly a little over 2 years ago. SO knowing what I know, I believe I can manoeuvre myself into position to either get with her or have sex with her. Either is fine!

And I think some of the "gang" is starting to wonder about us. We did share a hotel room 2 months ago at a comic con. And there was one point when I thought she wanted me to make a move. I tell you this, if things go as they are, next year I am making a move in that hotel room if I do not do it before then which I prob will. People that met us for the first time thought we were husband and wife or bf/gf. She followed me everywhere at the con. We already made plans to share a room next year. I told her that i would treat her to room service and breakfast becuase she was so kool about my fashion sense. Her financial situation is not as healthy as mine. The ONLY way she was able to go to the con was me putting the hotel on my CC and she paying me back later. And I did flirt with her all weekend at the con. I told her things like if she came back to the room late at night from this party we were at in one of those skimpy costumes women wore at the con, that I would wait up for her and bang her. All she said was I was sleeping when she got in. LOL

On top of all of this, I think I might have screwed up! I offered comic girl a place to stay if she ever is in need. Right now she rents a basement from another friend. But on second thought, I really dont need that unless she were to move in with me, not rent. Her renting a spare bedroom in my place would not be a good thing. I REALLY HOPE she has forgotten about that.

I cant ask her out right now even though that would be the most logical thing to do because it would really be awkward at our weekly bar get togethers if she said no.

I know its a really screwed up situation. But Thank God I have fling girl!

 

[Anubis]

Try asking her a lot of times if she says no. I don't know why but I feel that persistance may win this particular bird over.

 

[Dreadstar]

Try asking her a lot of times if she says no. I don't know why but I feel that persistance may win this particular bird over.

Its funny you say that. I asked her to go see Avengers with me when I heard her say that she really wanted to see it a second time. SO when I asked, she told me she was going with some friends. After 2 weeks, I told her I was not asking her on a date when I asked her to go to Avengers. I WAS but I had to back track to save face. She told me she was really tried. Now I asked her to go for a walk (again, trying to spend time alone with her) and do something later next month when I have 2 months off and she was all for it. She even elaborated and told me exactly when she has days off and what she would like to do. After we are going to a restaurant she has never been to, my treat.

the next month thing is not weird, you see, I get 2 months off in summer and she knows it. SO there is no rush.

PLUS i understand that it is human nature to want what we can’t have easily. To paraphrase Woody Allen, we don’t want to belong to any club that will have us as a member. SO I am not making myself too easy to get for comic girl or fling girl. SO asking comic girl out now would be too soon, a big mistake. I have to cultivate the need in her and show her that I am the answer. becuase I have fling girl, I can do that over a period of time since I see comic girl anyways.


So we shall see.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Its funny you say that. I asked her to go see Avengers with me when I heard her say that she really wanted to see it a second time. SO when I asked, she told me she was going with some friends. After 2 weeks, I told her I was not asking her on a date when I asked her to go to Avengers. I WAS but I had to back track to save face. She told me she was really tried. Now I asked her to go for a walk (again, trying to spend time alone with her) and do something later next month when I have 2 months off and she was all for it. She even elaborated and told me exactly when she has days off and what she would like to do. After we are going to a restaurant she has never been to, my treat.

the next month thing is not weird, you see, I get 2 months off in summer and she knows it. SO there is no rush.

PLUS i understand that it is human nature to want what we can’t have easily. To paraphrase Woody Allen, we don’t want to belong to any club that will have us as a member. SO I am not making myself too easy to get for comic girl or fling girl. SO asking comic girl out now would be too soon, a big mistake. I have to cultivate the need in her and show her that I am the answer. becuase I have fling girl, I can do that over a period of time since I see comic girl anyways.


So we shall see.

Groucho Marx said that.

"Cultivate the need in her". No offense that sounds really, really creepy, as does the "putting up a broke much younger girl in a hotel so I can bang her" move. I wish you luck...I think...maybe I don't. The fact that you caveat everything you "think" is a sign with the words "I think" indicates to me you don't know, and quite possibly are reading into things that are not there or are not a big deal. Like I said before, she doesn't seem put off by you dating someone else meaning she's not jealous, and most girls have some sort of jealousy when sex is involved. Girls who want flings with me all want all the other girls out of the picture.

 

[Dreadstar]

I did not put her up. One of my friends suggested we share a room and comic girl was all over it! So there you have it. She asked me if she was more fun than my friend who I shared a room with last year. (she had a room all to herself that year) I told her that she was 100% MORE FUN! (which made her happy!)

And yes, it may sound creepy, but thats the way the world and women work. I wish it was not so, but understanding the market and coming up with a plan to penetrate that market is what the game is all about. DO or do not. That is all.

Comic girl is not the jealous type. She was flirting with a married man who was much older at the con!

But you could be 100% on the mark.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I did not put her up. One of my friends suggested we share a room and comic girl was all over it! So there you have it. She asked me if she was more fun than my friend who I shared a room with last year. (she had a room all to herself that year) I told her that she was 100% MORE FUN! (which made her happy!)

Of course, I mean you said it yourself. You're the one who could afford a room and she couldn't, and she really wanted to go so you were a good option for her. I wouldn't read into much beyond that especially because, as you say she didn't make a move (you thought she might have tried - and honestly dude, if you're in a room alone and a move is going to be made it's not gonna be a maybe thing).

And yes, it may sound creepy, but thats the way the world and women work. I wish it was not so, but understanding the market and coming up with a plan to penetrate that market is what the game is all about. DO or do not. That is all.

Seems like all talk and no do though. What you're doing is generally considered a huge put off. You're trying to connive your way into someone's pants. That is most certainly NOT how game works. You'd be better off constructing a Rube Goldberg machine so she'll fall on your penis. In a round-a-bout way that's essentially what you are doing.

You've known this girl for over a year now it sounds so it really is well past time to make a move. Game is about moving on something, not sitting and waiting for circumstances to materialize. Unless you like waiting months for nothing -- but yeah, it sounds like she's not interested.

Texting constantly, comfortability with your sex life with another, going out on "just friends" dates like walks and beers with friends...yeah, you're in what we call "The Friend Zone". At least to me you've displayed all the signals, including a rather awkward case on one-itis (considering you have another girl in your life). You asked for our takes and it seems most of us have some reservation about it. Honestly, I wouldn't pay her much mind unless you want a friendship out of this, but clearly you don't. You said so.

Comic girl is not the jealous type. She was flirting with a married man who was much older at the con!

This was at the Con she stayed with you? She was flirting with someone else in a way that you witnessed it or heard about it? Yeah, I'd definitely say she's just not that into you. Again, she'd want you not to find out about or see those things.

Also I hate when guys say "she's not the jealous type", no it's means she's not jealous AROUND YOU. Most girls display at least some level of jealousy in regards to guys they like. Like I said, most of the time they will put up with you talking about your sex life it's because they don't care. It's not emotional for them to hear you talk about being with someone else because they are not emotionally attached to you in that way. That's what sex is; an emotional attached expressed in a very primal physical way. Attraction, no matter what a PUA tells you, is emotional at it's core. None of what you tell me displays any of the animal magnetism that precludes a hook up or even dating. She just seems to take or leave your company honestly. There may be a slight pull now that your unavailable, but it only seems slight. I'm just not feeling this situation at all.

 

[Dreadstar]

OK, you might be right. But this girl does not make moves on guys. She flirts with them and lets the guy move.

And I have known her for over 2 years but never really spent any time with her. I said I did not make a move on her. She would not make a move on a guy. She is too shy and withdrawn, thats why she drinks, otherwise she is a wall flower.

I get what you are saying. You might be right. I have fling girl and I an thankful for that.

At the con, we were at a party and she flirting with this other guy in our group. She was drunk. She used booze as a way to come out of her shell. But thats the funny thing.

She will gravitate towards a guy if he gives her attention if she feels it for them. Now other guys have given her attention and because she did not feel it with them, they got nowhere. She did not flirt with them. If nothing else, she might turn out to be a really great friend. Right now, I really like how close we are.

SO I saw how she was with this other guy in our group. Now that I have given her some attention, she is focused on me. She is no longer giving the other guy any attention. Could be something, could be nothing. The reason I told her about the other woman was to make myself more attractive to her. Now she knows that other woman find my desirable. PLUS no one in our little group knows about fling girl other than comic girl.


But I would like to know. Why am I all of a sudden attracted to comic girl when I never paid her any mind for 2 years?

That makes no sense!

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

OK, you might be right. But this girl does not make moves on guys. She flirts with them and lets the guy move.

And I have known her for over 2 years but never really spent any time with her. I said I did not make a move on her. She would not make a move on a guy. She is too shy and withdrawn, thats why she drinks, otherwise she is a wall flower.

I get what you are saying. You might be right. I have fling girl and I an thankful for that.

At the con, we were at a party and she flirting with this other guy in our group. She was drunk. She used booze as a way to come out of her shell. But thats the funny thing.

She will gravitate towards a guy if he gives her attention if she feels it for them. Now other guys have given her attention and because she did not feel it with them, they got nowhere. She did not flirt with them. If nothing else, she might turn out to be a really great friend. Right now, I really like how close we are.

SO I saw how she was with this other guy in our group. Now that I have given her some attention, she is focused on me. She is no longer giving the other guy any attention. Could be something, could be nothing. The reason I told her about the other woman was to make myself more attractive to her. Now she knows that other woman find my desirable. PLUS no one in our little group knows about fling girl other than comic girl.

Be very careful how much stock you put into your perspective. You say she doesn't make moves, but I assume she hasn't been sex-free for two years either. I tend to believe somewhere, sometime, and with a particular someone all that wallflower sh** and all that shy bullsh** goes away. So when you say 'this girl doesn't make moves' it's kind of a one sided statement. Sort of like when the jaded player calls a girl who just turns him down "a prude". She was a prude...to him.

Also, frankly, it sounds like you've done quite a bit for her, more than your share. Girls often are aware attention to guys is good currency. So when they give it out and you immediately fuel off of it (like you have) they know you're easy. That even the slightest hint of future sex is enough to make you share a hotel room for example. With all the texting, conniving for sex, and making dates which seem to be just friends occasions, and having known each other for two years you seem to have put a lot of energy into this. She seems to have put very little. Even some of the stories you tell, I don't know, I would've handled differently. I also know that when I've done what you've done, in the past, it's landed me in the friend zone and sounded much similar.

Yeah, just play it cool. I mean I wouldn't even text her much, or if you do it needs to be to ask her out on a date-date or at least some drinks together, house party, or something a little more high pressure than movies and walking.

 

[Dreadstar]

I never asked her to share a room. The idea to share a room came from a friend. She was the one that was all in. I was surprised. I have been putting a lot of energy into this in the last few months. I did know her for over 2 years, but she was a ghost. it is in the last few months that I actually started to text her and give her the time of day.

There was a time when she did seem interested in me in the past, but I was not in the least bit. So I ignored her. Now things have changed. How? I wish I knew.

 

[Dreadstar]

I am NOT going to dump fling girl. BUT I was REALLY pissed off that she up and left saturday morning! WTF????? How is this a relationship? She acted like a guy does after he has his way with a woman! TAHTS WHY I call her fling girl! if she really cared, I should had to kick her out the door. So thats why I feel the way I do. of course, I played it cool with her. Damnit, I said nothing even though it killed me and when I left her place on Sunday night after spending time with her, I kissed her and told her I would see her soon. Then I waited to see when she would contact me. I knew she would contact me and I was right. I did nothing, she texted me.

SO if thats the way she is going to be, then I, all of a sudden, am more direct in what I want sexually. The screwed up thing that kinda freaks me out is that she is into all of it! Honest to God I have no idea WTF is going on!!!!!

And one of my female friends (one of the ones I am NOT trying to bang!) told me that this woman is only interested in me for a fling. Thats where this is coming from. I was really upset and I had to talk to someone, so I gave this female friend a call.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Dude just calm down. I'm serious. You go WAY over the top about these things. If it's just a 'fling' let her go. She'll be back. Those girls are always more attached than they let on.

Just play it cool. If everything you say is true so far playing it cool and just doing what you do will work just fine.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So quick question - I'm not gonna go into all the long drawn out, and rather boring details in this post, we'll just say there's a girl that I have been talking to off and on for awhile now, she asked me out, but when she did, I was with my ex girlfriend, so obviously I couldn't say yes. We're still talking, but she's out of town for the summer, all summer, with family. I've thought about asking her out for sometime when she gets back, but a friend of mine says that I should just talk to her normally for the time being, because asking her out now, while she's gone, for sometime when she gets back 2 or 3 months down the line is pointless. She may be excited now, but as he put it, if he were a girl a got asked out for 2 months in advance he'd be like "wtf is this dude talking about?"

Good advice?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So quick question - I'm not gonna go into all the long drawn out, and rather boring details in this post, we'll just say there's a girl that I have been talking to off and on for awhile now, she asked me out, but when she did, I was with my ex girlfriend, so obviously I couldn't say yes. We're still talking, but she's out of town for the summer, all summer, with family. I've thought about asking her out for sometime when she gets back, but a friend of mine says that I should just talk to her normally for the time being, because asking her out now, while she's gone, for sometime when she gets back 2 or 3 months down the line is pointless. She may be excited now, but as he put it, if he were a girl a got asked out for 2 months in advance he'd be like "wtf is this dude talking about?"

Good advice?

Yes.

I mean it sounds like the plot of a bad chick flick.

Boy and girl like each other. Boy is dating other girl. Boy finally gets free from other girl but now girl is going away. They make a pact, if they are both still single and interested in 3 months, they'll meet at this spot under a tree and go on that date they've always wanted too... But 3 months later, crazy obstacles are trying to stop it from happening, and hilarity ensues.

Actually that sounds kind of awesome. Do it, and tell us how it goes

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

 

[Dreadstar]

Keep talking to her. DO NOT ask her out until she is back in your city.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

So quick question - I'm not gonna go into all the long drawn out, and rather boring details in this post, we'll just say there's a girl that I have been talking to off and on for awhile now, she asked me out, but when she did, I was with my ex girlfriend, so obviously I couldn't say yes. We're still talking, but she's out of town for the summer, all summer, with family. I've thought about asking her out for sometime when she gets back, but a friend of mine says that I should just talk to her normally for the time being, because asking her out now, while she's gone, for sometime when she gets back 2 or 3 months down the line is pointless. She may be excited now, but as he put it, if he were a girl a got asked out for 2 months in advance he'd be like "wtf is this dude talking about?"

Good advice?

Yeah, I mean she doesn't necessarily scream dead end or anything but she's out of town for the foreseeable future and there's still plenty of time for her to change her mind.

I honestly think you need to work on how you meet women though. This chronic backtracking through old non-girlfriends is not really a good strategy. You're not really meeting new people and new people are the best ones to pursue. Also now people would be good too. Someone you have to wait several months for is just putting all your eggs in one basket. You should focus on staying out of the house right now and try to get new numbers and new girls to talk to.

I'd text her whatever you feel is normal between you two, but don't ask her out and don't wait for her either.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah, I mean she doesn't necessarily scream dead end or anything but she's out of town for the foreseeable future and there's still plenty of time for her to change her mind.

I honestly think you need to work on how you meet women though. This chronic backtracking through old non-girlfriends is not really a good strategy. You're not really meeting new people and new people are the best ones to pursue. Also now people would be good too. Someone you have to wait several months for is just putting all your eggs in one basket. You should focus on staying out of the house right now and try to get new numbers and new girls to talk to.

I'd text her whatever you feel is normal between you two, but don't ask her out and don't wait for her either.

It is only "putting all my eggs in one basket" if she is the only girl I am talking to. She is not.

She is only "backtracking" if her and I hadn't spoken, and I was texting her to "rekindle" us talking in the past. We've remained talking, and showing interest towards each other.

 

[Erzengel]

As long as she's not the only girl you are talking to in a quasi dating sense.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I'm not even going to get into all the stuff about the comic girl, just go though this.

I am NOT going to dump fling girl. BUT I was REALLY pissed off that she up and left saturday morning! WTF????? How is this a relationship? She acted like a guy does after he has his way with a woman! TAHTS WHY I call her fling girl! if she really cared, I should had to kick her out the door.

Have you talked to her about that? She might have had plans. Have you made her feel okay with staying around all day? You calling her fling girl tells me you treat her like a booty call more than a potential girlfriend, so she might feel like you don't want her hanging out like a girlfriend would. I know the first time my now fiancee stayed at my place I suggested going out for breakfast in the morning and asked her to stick around.

So thats why I feel the way I do. of course, I played it cool with her. Damnit, I said nothing even though it killed me

Communication is a key ingredient to a good relationship, you seem to have none and are so convinced she's just going to have her way with you and break things off, you don't even seem to be trying to build any communication.

and when I left her place on Sunday night after spending time with her, I kissed her and told her I would see her soon. Then I waited to see when she would contact me. I knew she would contact me and I was right. I did nothing, she texted me.

Oh nice, now you're playing high school/college games.

SO if thats the way she is going to be, then I, all of a sudden, am more direct in what I want sexually. The screwed up thing that kinda freaks me out is that she is into all of it! Honest to God I have no idea WTF is going on!!!!!

And treating her like a booty call again.

And one of my female friends (one of the ones I am NOT trying to bang!) told me that this woman is only interested in me for a fling. Thats where this is coming from. I was really upset and I had to talk to someone, so I gave this female friend a call.

Once again showing great communication skills, not talking to the actual girl instead asking someone else. It's weird that you say comic girl is young enough to be your daughter since your posts make you sound like you're in your mid to late-20s max. Which would put comic girl in her early teens if you "had" her as a teenager, making it very creepy and you possibly heading for a talk with Chris Hansen.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Keep talking to her. DO NOT ask her out until she is back in your city.

Then ask her out for a walk in the park a month and a half from now right?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Like Erz says, as long as this isn't the only girl you're talking to it's a good one to keep in the back pocket. I just would play it cool and not really try to push it anywhere until she is back. No point.

 

[Dreadstar]

I have comic girl in my back pocket (seeing her tomorrow and I gave up supper with fling girl to go to this group movie thing, so it better be worth it damnit!) and fling girl I am seeing tonight.

I am not going to bring up the leaving early thing because there is no point. We do have great communication until SHE (NOT ME SHE) pulled this stunt! But rather than let on that it bothers me, I have to play it cool. AND YES, I agree games suck, but then why do women respond to this crap? They simply cant tell me whats on their minds, NO! They have to pull this crap. So I have to do what I do and I do it because it works. You can sit on the side lines and cry or you can get in the game and play the game.

Is it not the same thing at work? You have to network and play the politics game. You cant just do your job and hope someone of influence will notice. That does not happen. Same thing in job interviews, you have to orchestrate what goes on in those things. Seems there is a pattern here, you want success, you have to put a lot of effort in and as much as possible, tip events in your favour. Dating is no different.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

You're going to a group thing? You blew off an exclusive dinner for a group thing? Man, I'd blow comic girl off and get back on supper. No really. You're going in a nice, group, just friends encounter to the movies. Seems like a bad trade off IMO.

Truth is, right now, Comic Girl has YOU in her back pocket. By blowing her off for supper and I assume sex with your 'girlfriend' comic girl would at least then know she'll have to up the antee if she wants to keep you around. This you're just landing yourself in a friend zone I think.

 

[Dreadstar]

Comic girl has NO idea I blew off dinner at fling girls (she is not my gf). I told fling girl I had plans with friends.

She DID say that we each have our own group of friends we see independently. So thats what I told her. I made these plans before hand. Saturday is my night as it is her night.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I have comic girl in my back pocket (seeing her tomorrow and I gave up supper with fling girl to go to this group movie thing, so it better be worth it damnit!) and fling girl I am seeing tonight.

I agree with Optimus, comic girl has you in her back pocket. Don't expect anything from the group movie thing other than your hand to keep you company at the end of the night.

I am not going to bring up the leaving early thing because there is no point. We do have great communication until SHE (NOT ME SHE) pulled this stunt! But rather than let on that it bothers me, I have to play it cool. AND YES, I agree games suck, but then why do women respond to this crap? They simply cant tell me whats on their minds, NO! They have to pull this crap. So I have to do what I do and I do it because it works. You can sit on the side lines and cry or you can get in the game and play the game.

You have great communication in terms of what you two want in bed, but the fact that you don't even know where the relationship is at/headed and won't talk to her about that, means you don't have great communication where it matters. Games only happen when one or both people aren't secure enough to stop playing them. My fiancee and I never played games, we decided it wasn't worth it and were/have been straight with each other, what we wanted and where things were headed.

Is it not the same thing at work? You have to network and play the politics game. You cant just do your job and hope someone of influence will notice. That does not happen. Same thing in job interviews, you have to orchestrate what goes on in those things. Seems there is a pattern here, you want success, you have to put a lot of effort in and as much as possible, tip events in your favour. Dating is no different.

There's a big difference between work and a relationship, admittedly first dates are basically job interviews. However, once you get the job, the similarities stop, you're not/shouldn't be competing with anyone else. You just seem afraid to commit to fling girl, I'm willing to bet she wants to get more serious, but you don't want to because you hoping to get with comic girl, but unwilling to actually try, a walk in a month isn't trying. You're current path could very well lead to losing both girls.

She DID say that we each have our own group of friends we see independently. So thats what I told her. I made these plans before hand. Saturday is my night as it is her night.

I've always heard one of the things that show a girl you're really interested is introducing her to your friends.