The Official "Ask A Brotha" Thread

[Mrs. Sawyer]

Dear Brotha,

This has probably been asked a million times by clueless white men like myself who grew up in mostly white populated places, but is it at any point okay for a slightly tanned white man to drop that big N bomb if the person it's aimmed at is in fact acting very much out of line? And I mean the N bomb with the -a tail end, not the dreaded -er, by the way.

Sincerely,
6

It's not a good idea. It comes off as racist when used in negative context. Personally, I don't care if it's used in a non-negative context, but a negative context isn't in good taste..

 

[Dr Tactics]

According to her, it was racial:

http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=335629

Just telling it like it is. She's being horribly racist and holding people accountable for what their ancestors did. She's essentially saying that a black man should date black women only because their ancestors went through slavery together. What kind of reasoning is that? She's bitter and angry and all it comes off of is bitter and angry. But it's allowed in Essence magazine because Essence magazine is incredibly hypocritical in it's pandering towards African American women. If her "soul burns" if she sees me with woman of another race, too bad.

She'd be more truthful in saying she just wants man instead of making up BS and playing the slavery card.

Ok, now I understand..

First the indignities of Slavery and the effect on the psyche of it ancestors are evident. These things happened before our lifetime but still effect the African American community.

As far as the Black male to white Female interacial jelousy is based on a few facts..

Fact #1 Women out number men 6:1 so if you see that number in respect to a black community that brings upon a certain competition on getting a marriageable male.

Fact #2 Approximately 12%-13% of the American population is African-American, but they make up72.7% of the almost 2.1 million male inmates in jail or prison (U.S. Department of Justice, 2009). So that takes the availability of Marriageable Black men numbers even lower..

Fact#3 According to a study conducted by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, between 1976 and 2011 there were 279,384 black murder victims, which means that 262,621 were murdered by other blacks, resulting in the 94 percent figure.

Even though blacks make-up only 13 percent of the nation’s population, they account for more than 50 percent of homicide victims.


So for those Black women that prefer to date black men have a hard way to go because the numbers show that those Black men that are not counted as incarcerated or dead are either Homosexual or dating white women so some Black women feel betrayed when that rare Heterosexual,marriageable Black Man is dating outside their race. It seems to me that its more about competition then racial bias..I'm not saying that what she feels is right but I do see them as valid

Edit: And for the record nothing she said was non factual on the images and prejudices of the US environment of the past towards those of African descent

 

[Holiday]

Best fried chicken?

Popeyes, KFC, Church's or other?

As my supervisor at work told me...

"What I does is, I go to Popeyes. I go to Popeyes and get my chicken. Then I go to KFC, and get my sides. Mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans... I don't eat KFC's nasty chicken".

We don't have Church's in this area so no idea how that would affect his opinion.

 

[knowsbleed]

As a non-Brotha, I'll rank fast food chicken establishments.

1. Popeye's
2. KFC
3. Church's
4. Bojangles

I won't count Chick-fil-A as I hate them.

Would a Brotha care to compare their list?

 

[chamber-music]

Dear Brotha,

This has probably been asked a million times by clueless white men like myself who grew up in mostly white populated places, but is it at any point okay for a slightly tanned white man to drop that big N bomb if the person it's aimmed at is in fact acting very much out of line? And I mean the N bomb with the -a tail end, not the dreaded -er, by the way.

Sincerely,
6

I would avoid using the N-word altogether unless it was lyrics to a song like N- in Paris or something.

There is no uniformed agreement with all black people about when and which white people can or should use that term. Its more trouble than its worth using the N word when it isn't a part of most peoples daily vocabulary outside of certain african americans.

So for those Black women that prefer to date black men have a hard way to go because the numbers show that those Black men that are not counted as incarcerated or dead are either Homosexual or dating white women so some Black women feel betrayed when that rare Heterosexual,marriageable Black Man is dating outside their race. It seems to me that its more about competition then racial bias..I'm not saying that what she feels is right but I do see them as valid

There are more than enough good black guys to go around. I'm sorry but the 'no good black men around arguement' is weak.

You could make the arguement that some black guys don't want to date some hoodrat black women the same way some black women don't want to date thug black men.

 

[Pink Ranger]

So for those Black women that prefer to date black men have a hard way to go because the numbers show that those Black men that are not counted as incarcerated or dead are either Homosexual or dating white women so some Black women feel betrayed when that rare Heterosexual,marriageable Black Man is dating outside their race. It seems to me that its more about competition then racial bias..I'm not saying that what she feels is right but I do see them as valid

I think Chris Rock had the right idea; black women need to start being more open to dating doughy, unattractive white guys.

And doughy, unattractive Asian men too, of course. t:

 

[Dr Tactics]

As a non-Brotha, I'll rank fast food chicken establishments.

1. Popeye's
2. KFC
3. Church's
4. Bojangles

I won't count Chick-fil-A as I hate them.

Would a Brotha care to compare their list?

I concur tho Bojangles biscuits are "that work"!!

 

[knowsbleed]

I think Chris Rock had the right idea; black women need to start being more open to dating doughy, unattractive white guys.

And doughy, unattractive Asian men too, of course. t:

Allow me to repost this image:

Note, if you switch out the Caucasian female with an African-American female, the same settings apply.

 

[chamber-music]

Women generally speaking have higher standards than men. Most of the chinese 19th century settlers in the caribbean hooked the locals and have bred into the population in the likes of Jamaica

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

Ok, now I understand..

First the indignities of Slavery and the effect on the psyche of it ancestors are evident. These things happened before our lifetime but still effect the African American community.

As far as the Black male to white Female interacial jelousy is based on a few facts..

Fact #1 Women out number men 6:1 so if you see that number in respect to a black community that brings upon a certain competition on getting a marriageable male.

Fact #2 Approximately 12%-13% of the American population is African-American, but they make up72.7% of the almost 2.1 million male inmates in jail or prison (U.S. Department of Justice, 2009). So that takes the availability of Marriageable Black men numbers even lower..

Fact#3 According to a study conducted by the Bureau of Justice Statistics, between 1976 and 2011 there were 279,384 black murder victims, which means that 262,621 were murdered by other blacks, resulting in the 94 percent figure.

Even though blacks make-up only 13 percent of the nation’s population, they account for more than 50 percent of homicide victims.


So for those Black women that prefer to date black men have a hard way to go because the numbers show that those Black men that are not counted as incarcerated or dead are either Homosexual or dating white women so some Black women feel betrayed when that rare Heterosexual,marriageable Black Man is dating outside their race. It seems to me that its more about competition then racial bias..I'm not saying that what she feels is right but I do see them as valid

Edit: And for the record nothing she said was non factual on the images and prejudices of the US environment of the past towards those of African descent

I don't see them as valid. It's an excuse. Here are more numbers.

Black men still marry Black women 9, 10 times as many as other races as there are 4 million African American males are married to other black women, and only about another 500,000 are maried to other races. She makes it sound like there it's getting rarer for black women to marry black men. Yes, there are 12% of African Americans in America in prison, but there are about 16,000,000 African American males in the US, compared to 18,000,000 African American females. Around 800,000 were in jail in 2008. So let's say a milion are in jail, and another 5 million are married.

That leaves about 10 million African American males who are not in prison or not married. Considering there are 14 million females who aren't married, that is a disparragement but there still are plenty of African American men for women. She mentions none of that and tries to play to the emotion of the demographic of the magazine. Not to mention like I said she makes it sound like they're many African American men are marrying of other races, when only around 500,000 are married to other raced out of 5 million married African American males.

Even if it is, let them be. Who people marry is not another person's business. Just because she's bitter and lonely about her divorce does not mean everyone else is. It's nothing more than a hypocritical feminist rant against men.

 

[knowsbleed]

I concur tho Bojangles biscuits are "that work"!!

I actually prefer Church's biscuits... they're like buttery bread candy.

 

[Erzengel]

She's also had at least 2 prior relationships with black men that didn't work out.

So exactly where was she missing out?

I stated before that her diatribe reeked of bitterness and a sense of entitlement.

 

[Dr Tactics]

I would avoid using the N-word altogether unless it was lyrics to a song like N- in Paris or something.

And thats even questionable..

There is no uniformed agreement with all black people about when and which white people can or should use that term. Its more trouble than its worth using the N word when it isn't a part of most peoples daily vocabulary outside of certain african americans.

There are more than enough good black guys to go around. I'm sorry but the 'no good black men around arguement' is weak.

You could make the arguement that some black guys don't want to date some hoodrat black women the same way some black women don't want to date thug black men.

I dissagree to a point. Note I said marriageable black men now the older you get the less available Black Men are available due to the fact I stated so while there may be plenty of men in a girs teens and early 20's those numbers drop drastically in their 30's and 40's

So the argument about the shortage of available black men is commensurate with age and social enviriment

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

She's also had at least 2 prior relationships with black men that didn't work out.

So exactly where was she missing out?

I stated before that her diatribe reeked of bitterness and a sense of entitlement.

Essence magazine (the magazine that posted the article) is full hypocrisy. I've seen an article a few months ago that defends black women marry another races because "there isn't that many good black men out there", but if a black man marries another race they get offended and call it selling out.

 

[RockSP]

So for those Black women that prefer to date black men have a hard way to go because the numbers show that those Black men that are not counted as incarcerated or dead are either Homosexual or dating white women so some Black women feel betrayed when that rare Heterosexual,marriageable Black Man is dating outside their race. It seems to me that its more about competition then racial bias..I'm not saying that what she feels is right but I do see them as valid

That's right up there with the grape soda and huge schlong myths.

There are more than enough good black guys to go around. I'm sorry but the 'no good black men around arguement' is weak.

What are you sorry for? It is weak. The vast majority of black people (in the USA, anyway) are in relationships with other black people.

 

[knowsbleed]

I thought it was called "grape drink".

 

[Erzengel]

^
Speaking of. I've loved orange soda since I was younger.

Sunkist > Crush > Fanta

What is the grape soda hierarchy?

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

What are you sorry for? It is weak. The vast majority of black people (in the USA, anyway) are in relationships with other black people.

Exactly. And if I marry another woman of another race, I won't apologize for it. I don't care for the race of the woman I marry.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

^
Speaking of. I've loved orange soda since I was younger.

Sunkist > Crush > Fanta

What is the grape soda hierarchy?

Welsh is top.

And I agree with that orange soda hierarchy.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

I dissagree to a point. Note I said marriageable black men now the older you get the less available Black Men are available due to the fact I stated so while there may be plenty of men in a girs teens and early 20's those numbers drop drastically in their 30's and 40's

So the argument about the shortage of available black men is commensurate with age and social enviriment

It's not like other races are marrying up most of them either so Jill Scott's point is moot.

 

[RockSP]

I thought it was called "grape drink".

 

[Dr Tactics]

I don't see them as valid. It's an excuse. Here are more numbers.

Black men still marry Black women 9, 10 times as many as other races as there are 4 million African American males are married to other black women, and only about another 500,000 are maried to other races. She makes it sound like there it's getting rarer for black women to marry black men. Yes, there are 12% of African Americans in America in prison, but there are about 16,000,000 African American males in the US, compared to 18,000,000 African American females. Around 800,000 were in jail in 2008. So let's say a milion are in jail, and another 5 million are married.

That leaves about 10 million African American males who are not in prison or not married. Considering there are 14 million females who aren't married, that is a disparragement but there still are plenty of African American men for women. She mentions none of that and tries to play to the emotion of the demographic of the magazine. Not to mention like I said she makes it sound like they're many African American men are marrying of other races, when only around 500,000 are married to other raced out of 5 million married African American males.

Even if it is, let them be. Who people marry is not another person's business. Just because she's bitter and lonely about her divorce does not mean everyone else is. It's nothing more than a hypocritical feminist rant against men.

While true the first fact was that women outnumber men 6:1 so all the other factors from Jail and incarceration makes the ratio wider. While true that most Black men marry Black women those women are considered lucky by some of their girlfriend peer (trust me I know)

Yes she has 2 divorces but IMO black, white or other any woman twice divorced will have a certain degree of bitterness. She just vocalized hers. I'm just saying that her rant while it may seem racially biased is not at the core. At the same time nothing she said was untrue as far as the images and racial prejudice of the time period relating to those of color.

 

[knowsbleed]

*ahem*

Dear Brotha,

How many of you are actually dating a black woman?

v/r
//signed//
knowsbleed

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

While true the first fact was that women outnumber men 6:1 so all the other factors from Jail and incarceration makes the ratio wider. While true that most Black men marry Black women those women are considered lucky by some of their girlfriend peer (trust me I know)

Yes she has 2 divorces but IMO black, white or other any woman twice divorced will have a certain degree of bitterness. She just vocalized hers. I'm just saying that her rant while it may seem racially biased is not at the core. At the same time nothing she said was untrue as far as the images and racial prejudice of the time period relating to those of color.

And she blamed her bitterness on race. Instead of talking about how hard it is for African American females, she decided to point the finger at other races. She blamed African American males and white females (even though there are other races that marry).

It is racist at the core, and I just shown you that the difference in population between African American females and males is 2,000,000.

 

[chamber-music]

Exactly. And if I marry another woman of another race, I won't apologize for it. I don't care for the race of the woman I marry.

I don't think anyone should ahve to apologize or explain themselves if they date or marry someone of a different race.