The Temple of Doomed Relationships

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Oh you bet I will. I'll make sure we'll go to a place where I know the staff.
 
Need advice for the following situation:

I find myself in a long-distance relationship, despite telling myself I would never do so again. I met this girl on a trip to Montreal last year and it turned out we had a ton in common: we're both Marxists, we both love classic heavy metal and Star Trek.

However, we've only spent a total of 3 weekends together. This weekend will be the fourth visit in as many months.

She lives in Montreal, I live in Toronto; that's a 7-8 hour bus ride. I'm between jobs right now and can't afford to take regular trips. She's only in her first year of university and so she's going to be in Montreal for the next three years at least.

Is it worth it to keep going, or is it all doomed? I hate long-distance relationships because most of the time, it feels like I'm just single. There are only so many ways you can say "I miss you", "I wish you were here", etc. Talking on the phone, on Facebook and on Skype is not the same as actually being with someone and experiencing things together.
 
You could both freeze yourselves until they've cracked that whole teleportation thing.

Or you know, call it a day, keep in touch on Facebook, and maybe in another 5 years you can cheat on your spouses with each other. :o
 
DV8 said:
you'd be surprised how little talking you actually have to do; the more you talk, the more you turn into a "friend" . . . the important thing is to let her do the talking for now . . . once you bone her, you can talk all you want
Click to expand...

:funny: Duly noted. Less is more, after all.
 
Anubis said:
You could both freeze yourselves until they've cracked that whole teleportation thing.

Or you know, call it a day, keep in touch on Facebook, and maybe in another 5 years you can cheat on your spouses with each other. :o
Click to expand...

You're a humorous person. :hrt:
 
Nave 'Torment' said:
@ Daniel Thompson:

It sounds like she's interested in you. Hang out, chill, talk to her. See if you like her back. If you enjoy her company, don't hesitate to ask her out for a real date. But by no means should you start cozying up.
Click to expand...

I do like her back, did you read my previous posts when I started telling this story? Just want to know so you know where I'm at at this stage.

@SuperMike

I told her to call me last night and she did but I had turn my phone off and wentto bed. This morning when got up she left 2 text msgs from last night saying pick up ya phone and afterwards fucc it. But she did call me when I was on my lunch break at work and we talked until my break was over and convo ended when I told her I had to get back in and work. And where going to hang out next saturday.

@ DV8 She do most of the talking when we do talk on the phone. Hell she told me she called me more then I called her. Which she proably did cause I got AT&T and I hear alot of people saying AT&T is stupid. I get late text messages, likesomeone could text message me now and I won't get it til the next day instead of instantly.
 
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Axl Van Sixx said:
Need advice for the following situation:

I find myself in a long-distance relationship, despite telling myself I would never do so again. I met this girl on a trip to Montreal last year and it turned out we had a ton in common: we're both Marxists, we both love classic heavy metal and Star Trek.

However, we've only spent a total of 3 weekends together. This weekend will be the fourth visit in as many months.

She lives in Montreal, I live in Toronto; that's a 7-8 hour bus ride. I'm between jobs right now and can't afford to take regular trips. She's only in her first year of university and so she's going to be in Montreal for the next three years at least.

Is it worth it to keep going, or is it all doomed? I hate long-distance relationships because most of the time, it feels like I'm just single. There are only so many ways you can say "I miss you", "I wish you were here", etc. Talking on the phone, on Facebook and on Skype is not the same as actually being with someone and experiencing things together.
Click to expand...
It's going to be very hard especially for 2 people as young as you at this stage in your life. I mean her being her first year of university and you in between jobs. Are you willing to stick it out for 3 and a half years? Then what? Will one of you move?

I'm not saying it can't work, but it's a lot of effort to keep any relationship going and it's tougher when someone is 7-8 hours away especially with not seeing each other that often.

You kinda have to be practical. Can you make it 3 years like this? Can you afford going to see her every few months and vice versa? Feast and famine relationships are not easy.
 
Erzengel said:
It's going to be very hard especially for 2 people as young as you at this stage in your life. I mean her being her first year of university and you in between jobs. Are you willing to stick it out for 3 and a half years? Then what? Will one of you move?

I'm not saying it can't work, but it's a lot of effort to keep any relationship going and it's tougher when someone is 7-8 hours away especially with not seeing each other that often.

You kinda have to be practical. Can you make it 3 years like this? Can you afford going to see her every few months and vice versa? Feast and famine relationships are not easy.
Click to expand...

Pretty much my thoughts exactly. I can't be in a long-distance relationship for over 3 years. Maybe if we spent an entire magical summer together or something, but it's only been a few weekends.

There's really not much choice here; the writing is on the wall.
 
Well if we do go out next saturday, I'm just going to ask her out again, but next time it be a date. She already know I like her and will get the idea where I'm going with it. And if she just wants to be friends then fine. I appreciate all the advice you guys gave me, and I know some of you will say I'm making a hugh mistake but I'm young and if it does not go well its a learning expierence. Besides she might just say yes you never know. If she say yes cool, if she say she like to remain friends then fine with me thats cool.
 
The Boy Scout said:
EDIT: And I am. It bothers me that most of our conversations have been through text, so I'm making a sincere effort to talk to her in person more - both inside and outside or classroom. I plan on chatting with her by her locker in the mornings and wishing her a good day in the evenings when school is over. I won't smother her, but I will talk to her. But she's ssurrounded by her friends a lot, so I'm thinking of just asking her to go out one of these days, just the two of us.
Click to expand...

Ok, this does not look good. That actually sounds like it will come off as creepy.

This looks like a guy who is bothered by the situation with a girl who he has already emotionally invested in, and has become outcome dependant, to the point where you are being bothered with not being able to communicate with her much.

Going out of your way to chat with her is destined for the fail. Saying hi to her, in the mornings and evening makes you come off as sweet, but not sexy.

It exposes that you have put her up on a pedestal, which is the last thing you want to do, as she will be looking down on you from that pedestal.

You remember the episode of Seinfeld, where George becomes "opposite george"? I suggest something like that.
 
Daniel Thompson said:
I told her to call me last night and she did but I had turn my phone off and wentto bed. This morning when got up she left 2 text msgs from last night saying pick up ya phone and afterwards fucc it. But she did call me when I was on my lunch break at work and we talked until my break was over and convo ended when I told her I had to get back in and work. And where going to hang out next saturday.
Click to expand...

Good job turning off your phone and letting her try to call you twice.
　
Notice how she doubled her effort to get a hold of you, AND exposed emotional investment in the anger she showed. :yay: Her trying to get a hold of you put you in her mind and keeps you there. You did VERY good. Now, do not apologize to her, ever. Keep that in mind, if she asks why you didn’t pick up the phone, you just answer, "I had my hands full". If she asks again later, change your story you say "I was tired". Try to dodge the subject too. Don’t give her a clear answer, just let her wonder what you were doing.
　
Go out with her on Saturday, and make a physical move. Tell her to meet you at your place, and you will decide where to go from there, or whatever you do on a date, get her over to your place before that. That should be your number one goal. Her to your house or apartment, with what looks like the least about of investment on your part.
　
Give her a hug when she gets there, it opens the physical contact barrier, and once she comes inside, you can make small talk for a couple minutes, then you grab her, pull her toward you showing some strength, and you kiss her. If she is sitting down, stand in front of her, and tell her to stand up first.
　
I don't like to first make a move on a sitting girl, with me looming over her it might scare her too much, like a big animal looming over a smaller one that is cornered. So I always have the girl stand up first. Also her standing up when you tell her to already puts her in the mind frame of following your commands. Now its as easy as "Come here" pull her close. Pause your words, speaking only with body language, calm, and in charge of the situation.
　
I don't like the sit on the couch, sneak an arm behind the back, cozy up to the side and attempt a peck method. She feels cornered, and its lame and speaks of a lack of confidence. So don’t do it like that.

Once you are making out you can transition her back to the couch. She may persistence test you with small protests, that she actually wants you to bulldoze.

Only stop if she seriously demands stop, says she wants to leave, or if she clams up and seems like she has lost physical interest. We obviously don't want to rape her.

Now, if she is doing the old "oh, I don't think I can do this, I'm not that kind of girl" thing, while at the same time she is Feverishly grabbing at you, thrusting her pelvis and groin against your leg, and pushing her breats against your chest, than her body betrays her words and shows them to be merely a persistence test. You can answer, "well, that's too bad, I am that kind of guy". Keep going for it.
 
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Some of that reads like a bad Harlequin romance novel....
 
:hehe:

I'd say the key word is 'We'.

Living a bit vicariously, SuperMike :p
 
Daniel Thompson said:
Well if we do go out next Saturday, I'm just going to ask her out again, but next time it be a date. She already know I like her and will get the idea where I'm going with it. And if she just wants to be friends then fine. I appreciate all the advice you guys gave me, and I know some of you will say I'm making a huge mistake but I'm young and if it does not go well its a learning experience. Besides she might just say yes you never know. If she say yes cool, if she say she like to remain friends then fine with me that's cool.
Click to expand...


I think that's ultimately what will happen. It doesn't sound like she wants a relationship and your not into the f*** buddy scenario.
 
Well, I'm about to go out for drinks with this guy, so wish me luck.
 
SuperMike335!! said:
Good job turning off your phone and letting her try to call you twice.
　
Notice how she doubled her effort to get a hold of you, AND exposed emotional investment in the anger she showed. :yay: Her trying to get a hold of you put you in her mind and keeps you there. You did VERY good. Now, do not apologize to her, ever. Keep that in mind, if she asks why you didn’t pick up the phone, you just answer, "I had my hands full". If she asks again later, change your story you say "I was tired". Try to dodge the subject too. Don’t give her a clear answer, just let her wonder what you were doing.
　
Go out with her on Saturday, and make a physical move. Tell her to meet you at your place, and you will decide where to go from there, or whatever you do on a date, get her over to your place before that. That should be your number one goal. Her to your house or apartment, with what looks like the least about of investment on your part.
　
Give her a hug when she gets there, it opens the physical contact barrier, and once she comes inside, you can make small talk for a couple minutes, then you grab her, pull her toward you showing some strength, and you kiss her. If she is sitting down, stand in front of her, and tell her to stand up first.
　
I don't like to first make a move on a sitting girl, with me looming over her it might scare her too much, like a big animal looming over a smaller one that is cornered. So I always have the girl stand up first. Also her standing up when you tell her to already puts her in the mind frame of following your commands. Now its as easy as "Come here" pull her close. Pause your words, speaking only with body language, calm, and in charge of the situation.
　
I don't like the sit on the couch, sneak an arm behind the back, cozy up to the side and attempt a peck method. She feels cornered, and its lame and speaks of a lack of confidence. So don’t do it like that.

Once you are making out you can transition her back to the couch. She may persistence test you with small protests, that she actually wants you to bulldoze.

Only stop if she seriously demands stop, says she wants to leave, or if she clams up and seems like she has lost physical interest. We obviously don't want to rape her.

Now, if she is doing the old "oh, I don't think I can do this, I'm not that kind of girl" thing, while at the same time she is Feverishly grabbing at you, thrusting her pelvis and groin against your leg, and pushing her breats against your chest, than her body betrays her words and shows them to be merely a persistence test. You can answer, "well, that's too bad, I am that kind of guy". Keep going for it.
Click to expand...

I think you're missing something here SuperMike. Oh, I know, it should've started with "Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but..."
 
Axl Van Sixx said:
Need advice for the following situation:

I find myself in a long-distance relationship, despite telling myself I would never do so again. I met this girl on a trip to Montreal last year and it turned out we had a ton in common: we're both Marxists, we both love classic heavy metal and Star Trek.

However, we've only spent a total of 3 weekends together. This weekend will be the fourth visit in as many months.

She lives in Montreal, I live in Toronto; that's a 7-8 hour bus ride. I'm between jobs right now and can't afford to take regular trips. She's only in her first year of university and so she's going to be in Montreal for the next three years at least.

Is it worth it to keep going, or is it all doomed? I hate long-distance relationships because most of the time, it feels like I'm just single. There are only so many ways you can say "I miss you", "I wish you were here", etc. Talking on the phone, on Facebook and on Skype is not the same as actually being with someone and experiencing things together.
Click to expand...

I'm going to give you the same advice I gave my best friend when he was faced with the prospect of a long distance relationship with a girl:

Do you think this girl is worth the sacrifice of not seeing regularly, and only talking to via phone and internet? Do you think this girl is worth waiting for, when you both are in a position to really be together?

That's what you have to ask yourself.

My best friend was faced with the prospect of a relationship with a girl who lived in Ohio, while he lived in California, after the 2 of them met in Washington D.C. His answer to my advice was "yes", he went through with the long distance relationship, and they are now married.

You need to ask yourself those same questions. And if you don't think it's worth it, then you don't need to go forward with it.
 
The Boy Scout said:
EDIT: And I am. It bothers me that most of our conversations have been through text, so I'm making a sincere effort to talk to her in person more - both inside and outside or classroom. I plan on chatting with her by her locker in the mornings and wishing her a good day in the evenings when school is over. I won't smother her, but I will talk to her. But she's ssurrounded by her friends a lot, so I'm thinking of just asking her to go out one of these days, just the two of us.
Click to expand...

In the words of Master Yoda, this is why you will fail. No more chatting her up, you need to grow a pair and ask her out or move on.
 
Axl Van Sixx said:
Need advice for the following situation:

I find myself in a long-distance relationship, despite telling myself I would never do so again. I met this girl on a trip to Montreal last year and it turned out we had a ton in common: we're both Marxists, we both love classic heavy metal and Star Trek.

However, we've only spent a total of 3 weekends together. This weekend will be the fourth visit in as many months.

She lives in Montreal, I live in Toronto; that's a 7-8 hour bus ride. I'm between jobs right now and can't afford to take regular trips. She's only in her first year of university and so she's going to be in Montreal for the next three years at least.

Is it worth it to keep going, or is it all doomed? I hate long-distance relationships because most of the time, it feels like I'm just single. There are only so many ways you can say "I miss you", "I wish you were here", etc. Talking on the phone, on Facebook and on Skype is not the same as actually being with someone and experiencing things together.
Click to expand...

You're in a very tough situation, you guys haven't dated before, she's in her first year of college, those are two big red flags. You could always see what job opportunities are in Montreal and look at moving there. Being unemployed and young, could be a great time to start a new chapter in life somewhere new. However, since you're in the early stages of dating that could be a huge mistake because who knows if and how long the relationship will last. Starting a relationship long distance just seems like setting it up for failure from the start.
 
I want to read about the origins of The Avengers/ Amazing Spiderman. can anyone recommend any comics/graphic novels to read? help would be appreciated.
 
^ Try this thread: http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=317945

So he asked me out for dinner now and even though I really like him. I think the age thing is a little strange. He's actually 39 about to turn 40 next month and I'm afraid if we start dating I would feel like the 'twinkie in the city'.
 
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