The Temple of Doomed Relationships

[hopefuldreamer]

It's not dishonest that I disagree with you.

Attractiveness IS subjective.

That's not me skating around the facts, that IS a fact.

I don't see why any boyfriend of mine would need to feel threatened by my male friends, who are not attracted to me in that way, and i'm not attracted to them in that way either.

That doesn't mean they are unattractive. I can see that they are attractive, and other people claim that they are 'fit', but I personally don't have the hots for them.

It's the exact same with them regarding me. Their friends might tell them i'm hot, but they simply aren't into me in that way.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Your acting as though attractiveness is a black and white deal.

I have a lot of male friends who don't find me attractive in that way, and don't want to sleep with me. That doesn't make me unattractive. There are plenty of men that find me attractive, that I know for a fact.

I really don't know why I seem to be the only one in this thread who finds what your saying so completely ridiculous.

You're not the only one. I think being its absurd to not want a girl to have other male friends.

My reason may be different from yours, the effect is the same.

I do not consider LJBF victims to be a threat. Actually her having a decent amount of Beta male friends can be a bonus in a relationship sense, as a girl who has male friends is likely to hear about the laments and struggles of male life, and she is therefor more empathetic to a man in a relationship with her.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

because you're skating around the facts Lol

I didn't say you were unattractive (you might be, you might not be); but the people that find you attractive and interesting are going to pursue you; these people are not your male friends anymore, are they?

now while I know you're going to say something like "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" or "attractiveness is subjective", let's be honest with each other here and concede that most people are either "attractive" "average" or "unattractive"; if you're 5'9" and weigh 350lbs, you are not attractive to most males; you might have a ****TON of male friends, but none of them are trying to bone you, in fact it might be the opposite . . .

While I agree that there are universal objective standards to attractiveness, why would it matter if a guy is a friend of your girl, and you know he wants to stick his penis in her?

I mean if the guy has a track record of failing to get in her pants, in knowing her for years, then why on earth would he be a threat now?

IMHO the only reason to consider another man a threat it if he directly threatens you or your gf/family etc... with physical violence.

 

[DV8]

While I agree that there are universal objective standards to attractiveness, why would it matter if a guy is a friend of your girl, and you know he wants to stick his penis in her?

I mean if the guy has a track record of failing to get in her pants, in knowing her for years, then why on earth would he be a threat now?

IMHO the only reason to consider another man a threat it if he directly threatens you or your gf/family etc... with physical violence.

I already addressed that some guys are "threats" and some aren't, and when I say "threats" I mean that in terms of them having a chance to bone my girl . . . once I'm in a committed relationship, there's no reason for my girl to have male friends that she talks to all the time, texts, hangs out with; that's what I'M for . . . otherwise, it just leads to emotional cheating and affairs . . .

not saying this happens all the time, but the potential is always there

 

[DV8]

It's not dishonest that I disagree with you.

Attractiveness IS subjective.

That's not me skating around the facts, that IS a fact.

I don't see why any boyfriend of mine would need to feel threatened by my male friends, who are not attracted to me in that way, and i'm not attracted to them in that way either.

That doesn't mean they are unattractive. I can see that they are attractive, and other people claim that they are 'fit', but I personally don't have the hots for them.

It's the exact same with them regarding me. Their friends might tell them i'm hot, but they simply aren't into me in that way.

LOL . . . see, I knew you'd say that part in bold; the bottom line is, if you are physically attractive, DUDES ARE GOING TO TRY AND HAVE SEX WITH YOU; that is the way we're biologically programmed . . . maybe you're not understanding this because females are programmed to base their feelings of attraction more on personality or "swag" . . .

YES, you can have guy friends that like you for your personality but most guys are friends w/ girls because they wanted to bone them at one time; anyway, I'm confident that I made the point I was trying to make . . . I'm done now Lol

 

[Lily Adler]

So what are all your opinions on separate bank accounts? Like a guy and a girl have a shared account, but one of them has a separate one. Good, bad or nothing to worry about?

 

[DV8]

So what are all your opinions on separate bank accounts? Like a guy and a girl have a shared account, but one of them has a separate one. Good, bad or nothing to worry about?

I don't believe in sharing bank accounts unless I'm married . . . at that point, as long as the bills are paid I wouldn't care if my wife also had a separate account for her own things; unless I'm the only one bringing home money

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I have the feeling SuperMike pictures us as gutless pansies while we picture him as a lumbering Neanderthal.

I'm sure the truth is somewhere in the middle...

There are things you cannot possibly see in peoples lives, in the tiny snapshot we get on a message forum.

If you saw me reading stories to my 3 ½ year old son, you would see an entire different side of me.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

So what are all your opinions on separate bank accounts? Like a guy and a girl have a shared account, but one of them has a separate one. Good, bad or nothing to worry about?

I’m a rigid believer in keeping separate bank accounts as well as having Pre-Nuptial agreements.

 

[WillardNation]

Sounds to me like DV8 is extremely insecure. My girlfriend can hang out with whoever the **** she wants.

 

[DV8]

Sounds to me like DV8 is extremely insecure. My girlfriend can hang out with whoever the **** she wants.

not insecure in the least . . . you say your GF can hangout with whoever the **** she wants, but DOES she? and if so, how often does she hang out with her male friends?

what I'm saying may sound chauvanistic at first, but think about it honestly, and I look at your own situation and you'll start to understand that I'm right . . .

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Sounds to me like DV8 is extremely insecure. My girlfriend can hang out with whoever the **** she wants.

Yeah.

While I agree that there are universal objective standards to attractiveness, why would it matter if a guy is a friend of your girl, and you know he wants to stick his penis in her?

I mean if the guy has a track record of failing to get in her pants, in knowing her for years, then why on earth would he be a threat now?

If I find out some dude is trying to hit it, rather than simply my idle speculation, nah son, then we're having a chat. If he has those feelings it's really best they don't come to my direct attention.

 

[DV8]

Yeah.

If I find out some dude is trying to hit it, rather than simply my idle speculation, nah son, then we're having a chat. If he has those feelings it's really best they don't come to my direct attention.

that's called "gut feeling" and lemme tell you, if your girlfriend is even somewhat attractive, he wants to hit it in some way; it's just a matter of how much he's acting on it.

How many female friends do you have? and of them, how often do you actually text/hang out with them? and most important: did you meet them and become their friend because at some point you were interested in pursuing them?

 

[WillardNation]

You've been cheated on A LOT, haven't you?

 

[DV8]

You've been cheated on A LOT, haven't you?

no, I haven't; I just have a hard time trusting people period . . . most women are liars bro; and most of the guys out here give them WAY too much credit . . . too many guys out here are soft; they approach women like they're going in for a job interview, they're trying to apply for the ass; I take the opposite approach

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

that's called "gut feeling" and lemme tell you, if your girlfriend is even somewhat attractive, he wants to hit it in some way; it's just a matter of how much he's acting on it.

If he's not acting on it or talking about his desire to hit it behind her back I really wouldn't have a problem with it.

How many female friends do you have? and of them, how often do you actually text/hang out with them? and most important: did you meet them and become their friend because at some point you were interested in pursuing them?

How many? Dunno. Quite a few, and I hear from them fairly frequently, and we usually hang on weekends. No, can't say I ever tried pursuing them. They're all really attractive just not attractive to me for various reasons.

 

[DV8]

matter of fact, most of the reason I feel this way is not because of me being cheated on, but is because of the way females act with ME alone, and have boyfriends at home . . . now some of them have been known ****s, but you have to keep tabs on these chicks

 

[DV8]

If he's not acting on it or talking about his desire to hit it behind her back I really wouldn't have a problem with it.

How many? Dunno. Quite a few, and I hear from them fairly frequently, and we usually hang on weekends. No, can't say I ever tried pursuing them. They're all really attractive just not attractive to me for various reasons.

Like I said, some dudes are a threat; some aren't; you wouldn't really know if he's acting on it or not unless your girl says something . . .

if the female friends you have are attractive, that's pry the main reason you started talking to them in the first place so . . .

 

[WillardNation]

If your girlfriend wanted to cheat on and lie to you, she's going to do it. Keeping her from hanging out with guy friends is not going to prevent that. If she really wants to be with you and love you, she's not to going to cheat on you regardless of who she's hanging out with or whatever situation she's in. If she's willing to do those things, making her obey rules isn't going to deter her from doing them. If anything, she's going to be more apt to do them.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Like I said, some dudes are a threat; some aren't; you wouldn't really know if he's acting on it or not unless your girl says something . . .

if the female friends you have are attractive, that's pry the main reason you started talking to them in the first place so . . .

If your girlfriend wanted to cheat on and lie to you, she's going to do it. Keeping her from hanging out with guy friends is not going to prevent that. If she really wants to be with you and love you, she's not to going to cheat on you regardless of who she's hanging out with or whatever situation she's in. If she's willing to do those things, making her obey rules isn't going to deter her from doing them. If anything, she's going to be more apt to do them.

^ Yes

Most couples who cheat are unhappy. Probably all of them really. So if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. Girls don't cheat because they're too dumb to fight off Alpha Males. In fact, in most cases girls cheat with guys they dislike, some of these panty waist Beta Males who will go along with anything and cover for them. Its better to cheat with someone who'll say yes to your every demand. You try to fight off every "obvious" threat you'll miss the one un-obvious one.

Moreover I find women are less likely to cheat when they're allowed other male companions, and vice versa. The more you try to confine someone the more likely they'll rebel in more extreme ways.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Cheating has a different meaning to me. Having sex with someone isn't cheating to me, unless you don't let your partner know, or are doing it behind their back. If you really care about someone, them having sex with someone else, or not, shouldn't affect how you feel about them. If it does, then you really need to examine how you feel about them. I'd be more upset about them lying to me to be with someone else, than the actual sex.

 

[DV8]

it's true that if your girl is gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat; but my girl is not going to spend MY TIME with other dudes; unless I'm there too, and we're all having a good time together . . . like I said, there are a few exceptions; like if the dude is my brother, or best friend; there are a few dudes in the world I would trust like that, but I think I've made my stance known here and any continuing convo is beating a dead horse named Semantics

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Cheating has a different meaning to me. Having sex with someone isn't cheating to me, unless you don't let your partner know, or are doing it behind their back. If you really care about someone, them having sex with someone else, or not, shouldn't affect how you feel about them. If it does, then you really need to examine how you feel about them. I'd be more upset about them lying to me to be with someone else, than the actual sex.

If I was with someone and let's say she got really intoxicated and just had sex with someone, came to me and completely apologized right away I think I be upset but I might be able to work it out. Sex that is complicity done behind my back, premeditated, is definitely far worse.

 

[SuperFerret]

Your time? So you're saying that she shouldn't spend the time she spends with you with other people?

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

Not really a relationship, but still. I'm feeling pretty down lately. For the past two months I've been working on a university project with a girl. Even though we've been passing by each other for 3 years in lectures and such, I never gave her much notice, she was just another pretty face in the crowd. As we worked together, we started slowly getting to know each other and like each other. It was really gradual, we started spending more time together even when not working. A week ago, out of the blue, she went on to tell me some very personal stuff about herself, that she claims only 3 other people (her close friends whom she's known for 10+ years) know. I didn't really know how to react to that at the moment so we parted ways that evening in an awkward atmosphere. The moment I came home and signed into msn, she messaged me with "hey, I'm sorry if I overwhelmed you with what I said" - indicating that she was worried she might've scared me off. I said that I find it flattering when people open up to me, because it means they find me trustworthy. Then we talked some more where she revealed more, and when she said "I don't know what's going on with me tonight, it must be sleep deprivation from studying", I responded with "yeah, well that sure is a convenient excuse :P". She said "well ok, that's not really true, I become more talkative when I get to know someone better and like them".

The next few days we talked and talked, it was really idyllic. We throw around sexual inuendo like it's nothing, make each other laugh all the time. We're both single, but that's more of a consequence of REALLY tough work we have to do school wise, we literally spend 10 hours a day, 7 days a week either studying or working on projects.

This week, on the other hand, was a total blackout. It's like something changed drastically, her disposition towards me has gone from what I described above to just "polite" and kind of cold, talk has been reduced to just work and I feel like there's a great big wall there that I just can't get past and don't understand why it's there in the first place. It's really frustrating and it's on my mind constantly. I don't want to nag about it, because that will only come across as needy and insecure.

Though writing about all this in a thread on a superhero forum probably isn't much better in that regard haha.

NOTE: There is one case known to me, when she was leading a guy on, only to tell him that she was just having fun when he confronted her, it got to him, his grades dropped, he dropped out of uni.

TL;DR

Guy meets girl. They get to know and like each other quickly, she opens up to him, shows interest and insecurity, he encourages her. Girl starts suddenly acting cold and distanced. Guy gets frustrated and can't stop thinking about it. Girl has a history of leading people on.