The Temple of Doomed Relationships

[DV8]

I've slept with a few of my male friends - after years of knowing them, and just both seeking some comfort.

so you conceded that you are in fact, a tomboy and the above text in bold proves that you never really, truly have "male friends" I rest my case

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well ... I guess I got nothing. My fault, I did jump to conclusions that the whole **** buddy thing implied you were giving it up too soon.

In general, though, I wouldn't be too concerned. You're still way young.

That's okay, I can see why you'd think it.

I guess there's two kinds of **** buddies.

One is a guy you go on a date with, give it up that night, and start hooking up with regularly - but he never commits.

The other is two friends who decide it suits them to start adding a third dimension to the friendship

I've never had the first kind, it sounds kind of depressing

so you conceded that you are in fact, a tomboy and the above text in bold proves that you never really, truly have "male friends" I rest my case

I defo conceded about the Tomboy thing. It's actually really on my mind now, as I think it might explain a lot in my life.

I just didn't think I was one anymore, because I used to be a proper baggy t-shirts and poppers tomboy when I was 13. Had my room painted blue, simposons posters and bed covers everywhere, hated shopping for clothes, played computer games etc.

And now I wear sexy tops, enjoy shopping for clothes a bit more, lived with 4 girls at uni and went clubbing with them a lot in heels and stuff, don't play video games etc

But I guess I'm still a tomboy underneath it all! Because all the guys at the Poker table agreed with you. In fact, my old housemates exact words where 'Why do you think your the only girl we invited?'

As for truly having male friends, I don't see how a couple of them being into me at one point or another means they ALL have been.

And even if it did, it's not the REASON we are friends. Our friendships didn't start because they decided to get to know me because they fancied me. They started because we had a laugh, shared common interests and had mutual friends... Just like my female friends.

And hey, FYI, I know a few of my female friends who have had a thing for me.

Would you say your girlfriend has no business hanging out with women too?

 

[DV8]

I defo conceded about the Tomboy thing. It's actually really on my mind now, as I think it might explain a lot in my life.

I just didn't think I was one anymore, because I used to be a proper baggy t-shirts and poppers tomboy when I was 13. Had my room painted blue, simposons posters and bed covers everywhere, hated shopping for clothes, played computer games etc.

And now I wear sexy tops, enjoy shopping for clothes a bit more, lived with 4 girls at uni and went clubbing with them a lot in heels and stuff, don't play video games etc

But I guess I'm still a tomboy underneath it all! Because all the guys at the Poker table agreed with you. In fact, my old housemates exact words where 'Why do you think your the only girl we invited?'

As for truly having male friends, I don't see how a couple of them being into me at one point or another means they ALL have been.

And even if it did, it's not the REASON we are friends. Our friendships didn't start because they decided to get to know me because they fancied me. They started because we had a laugh, shared common interests and had mutual friends... Just like my female friends.

And hey, FYI, I know a few of my female friends who have had a thing for me.

Would you say your girlfriend has no business hanging out with women too?

being a tomboy is more a state of mind though; THAT is the reason you are friends; the fact that you ended up boning just complicates the friendship; I mean, it's not that big of a deal UNTIL you commit to somebody; then I'm gonna want disclosure of all the dudes you hang out with that you've boned; it will raise some questions with me . . .

no, keep in mind this has no bearing whatsoever on any other kind of relationship we have, i.e. **** buddies; until we're in a committed relationship

and yes, if you had a physical relationship with a woman, I would be questionable about that too unless we had a relationship where we had threesomes; if you are COMMITTED to me, you have to be COMMITTED to me; that means I'm included in everything

as far as your situation goes, I think the big factor in finding a real relationship is going to be seeking a companion that is outside of your circle of friends . . . even if you've only had one night stands sporatically, if more than TWO of those guys hang out in the same circle, you are now carrying a scarlet letter and none of the other dudes in that circle is going to consider you GF material . . . that sounds harsh, but that is just the way things are

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah I think your right.

I mean, I was pretty depressed and let people use me in some instances. And I did feel like I lost a lot of the respect and integrity I'd had when I was still a virgin and all the other girls where at it like bunnies.

I don't think any of my friends see me as a scarlet letter type, but the one's I have slept with in the past do seem to think I'm available for them any time they're horny or drunk (which I'm not!), and so they try it on with me.

The guy I like at the moment isn't in my friendship group, and only knows me as a barmaid. I might have had a chance with him if he a) hadn't been TOLD I like him b) hadn't been told about this other guy I fooled around with who goes to the same bar and c) if I hadn't talked for hours with him about superheroes and movies, permentantly cementing myself as a tomboy...

Yeah, I can see where I'm going wrong now... I just don't know how to be a 'girl' girl. I only know how to be myself!

Any suggestions?

 

[DV8]

Yeah I think your right.

I mean, I was pretty depressed and let people use me in some instances. And I did feel like I lost a lot of the respect and integrity I'd had when I was still a virgin and all the other girls where at it like bunnies.

I don't think any of my friends see me as a scarlet letter type, but the one's I have slept with in the past do seem to think I'm available for them any time they're horny or drunk (which I'm not!), and so they try it on with me.

The guy I like at the moment isn't in my friendship group, and only knows me as a barmaid. I might have had a chance with him if he a) hadn't been TOLD I like him b) hadn't been told about this other guy I fooled around with who goes to the same bar and c) if I hadn't talked for hours with him about superheroes and movies, permentantly cementing myself as a tomboy...

Yeah, I can see where I'm going wrong now... I just don't know how to be a 'girl' girl. I only know how to be myself!

Any suggestions?

I actually don't think the tomboy thing hurt you in that case, I think the other things did . . . you should always be yourself no matter what; definitely be somewhat mysterious; definitely keep your sexual history guarded (not necessarily LIE when asked though) and never be too attainable; be a challenge, it brings out our hunter-gatherer instincts

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Is it wrong to tell a girl that the two of you should talk more in person? Or should you just keep quiet and privately decide to make the effort to talk to her more?

TBS, I gotta say, as a guy who actually has an achilles heel, my weak point is talking too much. I've got a big ego, and I love to talk.

So, what did I learn to do that helped me more than anything else?

I learned to keep my mouth shut, pause before answering, and say a whole let less, sometimes nothing.

Trying to talk to a girl more just seems like you are trying to cozy up to her more as a friend, which is a great way to end up in the friend zone.

Verbally, often with women, less is more. So talk less, and express more with body language. Google "alpha male body language", there is a good place to start. You're an ACTOR, that should be easy for you to pick up, and is really one of the best ways to communicate without using your mouth.

^ I would rather not use sites and just use my expierence as I go.

Then again its worth a shot. I had read some of that stuff on that website, too long to read everything. But what got my attention the most was the wingman stuff.

But what are you telling me I should really do SuperMike335? Be a playboy? Go after ton of women and try to score with them? Because thats actually my mind set now.

I’m glad you asked.

Most of the following is something I wrote out a while ago, with a few things altered to suit this site.

To answer the question, YES, you should go be a "playboy".

I think if you go and get laid a lot you will not regret it in old age. **** what every one of the moral high ground grabbing self-righteous tells you, no old man regrets the conquests of his youth.

Keep in mind that there really are women out there who are in school, or whatever going on in there lives who are not looking for relationships, but just sex with a hot man. Yes, these women are out there, and through experience you will learn how to select them, and what turns them on.

May way of looking at experience; Sure you can learn a lot through trial and error, its invaluable, BUT at the same time you will not be young forever, so you want to maximize your chances for success as soon as possible. That means at least having a manual to go off of before you go outside the box and make your own style (sometimes called swagger) which would then be more custom fit for your strengths and minimize weakness. Looking at it from the perspective of needing more practice however is excellent. If you got the balls to actually approach and get rejected by a lot of women, you have already won half the battles in the war.

Little story about me...

When I first started this, I was only 20 years old (30 now). I had only had moderate success with women, at that point in my life, and it was all from trial and error. I was that guy who could talk to any girl, without fear taking over, so I had that going, but I still had no idea "what" to say, or do, or how to handle the number, or calling her (these days texting) etc...

When I joined the Army, one of the guys, a very experienced plaer, out with us on a weekend at a club, and he saw that I was the guy who would approach women, while all the other guys sat around a table staring. He was like a Sith lord looking for an apprentice.

Well, my buddy took me under his wing, because I had all the makings he was looking for in the perfect wingman. He taught me everything I needed to know. Not just about women, but life in general.

Well, there are other men out there like my friend, and thanks to the advent of the internet, lot of these players have been in the game for years, they have actually compiled data and found very interesting patterns of behavior, that if learned will allow you to get laid a lot, to select the right women, and all of the stuff in-between.

I was google searching one day, based on what I already knew, and found the online "game" community. I found there were others like that I had become, and some were far better than I was, miles ahead, because they would pick up knowledge from others and adapt it, fortifying themselves even more. One of these sites, my favorite I linked you to, because it has the most information on it, that I could find, and even goes into detail that suits long term relationships, and mistakes most men make in them too.

So what possible advantage can having had sex with a lot of women, and know how to pick up and get laid by a lot of women have in relationships? Simple answer: you will not be afraid of being single, nor fear the loss of a relationship.

Fear based relationships are the essence of defeat. There are no healthy fear based relationships, as when a man fears being single, he tends to smother his women in too much affection, or can become the ugly jealous and possessive type. His fear of loss of the relationship is what destroys him, and drives his girl away. The behaviors it causes I believe are the root of most relationship break ups. Not all certainly, but many that I have observed. Fear of loss of the relationship can also cause men to stay in a bad relationship longer than they should too.

The man who is not afraid of losing the girl always has a serenity about him. He is unfazed by things that would upset other men. That also makes him irresistible to women, and commands loyalty and respect in the inner dynamics of a relationship, and even from other men.

So yes, learn, read, google, everything you can on "game". Go out in the world and practice. Obviously use protection, but get laid with multiple women, at least until you feel you have no fear of losing any of them, or any fear of getting rejected or dumped.

The alpha male serenity could save your life.

For those who think that is a joke, how many times have you heard of or seen first hand a man go into a vicious downward spiral when he fails to get the girl he invested so much in?

Or when he gets dumped by a girl, he then tosses his whole life away, weather it be trying drugs, or too much drinking, or dropping out of school, or losing his job, or becoming an obsessed stalker and getting a criminal record? – and that is how horrifying it can be for these men who live in fear.

Fear of loneliness, fear of loss, fear of being stuck single in a grinding dry spell, these fears motivate the destructive behaviors after failure.

I wonder sometimes, as often the most successful men have the most success with women, if in fact it is not the other way around.

They stayed and continued to better themselves as men, because they never had to sacrifice their whole life over one woman. Some men will get into relationships at the wrong part of their life, and give up their very dreams, because they fear losing the girl they have right now.

Literally basing life long decisions that will negatively alter the rest of their lives on thrown away opportunity just to save the relationship with one girl right now who has a pretty face, because they fear if they lost her they would never get another one like her.

When a man has been with a lot of women, and knows what he is doing, and knows he can have another, just as beautiful as his last, or even a dozen of them, then he has serenity in the face of getting dumped, or rejected. One cannot even put a price on that.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

TBS, I gotta say, as a guy who actually has an achilles heel, my weak point is talking too much. I've got a big ego, and I love to talk.

So, what did I learn to do that helped me more than anything else?

I learned to keep my mouth shut, pause before answering, and say a whole let less, sometimes nothing.

Trying to talk to a girl more just seems like you are trying to cozy up to her more as a friend, which is a great way to end up in the friend zone.

Verbally, often with women, less is more. So talk less, and express more with body language. Google "alpha male body language", there is a good place to start. You're an ACTOR, that should be easy for you to pick up, and is really one of the best ways to communicate without using your mouth.



I’m glad you asked.

Most of the following is something I wrote out a while ago, with a few things altered to suit this site.

To answer the question, YES, you should go be a "playboy".

Dammit I should of tried to score with that chick I told you guys about instead of trying for a relationship. I mean she like older guys but proably has no problem having sex with a youngger guy.

Anyways SuperMike I'm not a hot looking guy, not saying i'm ugly but I'm not no guy with a six pack. But even ugly guys have proven they can pull women and score with them so I got a shot.

So after I read that post, what do you think should be my next step? Go out to bars and start talking to women?

 

[Lily Adler]

And I'm a bit of a maroon. I thought decaf was a euphemism for something naughty.

Oh you!

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Dammit I should of tried to score with that chick I told you guys about instead of trying for a relationship. I mean she like older guys but proably has no problem having sex with a youngger guy.

Anyways SuperMike I'm not a hot looking guy, not saying i'm ugly but I'm not no guy with a six pack. But even ugly guys have proven they can pull women and score with them so I got a shot.

So after I read that post, what do you think should be my next step? Go out to bars and start talking to women?

Yes, your looks don't really matter so much, but there are things you can do to maximize your appearance.

Bars are not a good place to go, and you can do well even avoiding them completely.

If I were you I would do some research first. Take a couple days and study up on game.

There is also one guy that I have read from, and cheesy as it may sound, Paul Janka KNOWS his ****. To the point where reading his stuff may in fact be a shortcut, if there ever was one.

Google him. Oh heck here is a quick link. http://www.attractionformula.com/?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=productspage&utm_campaign=link

You don't have to, but I highly suggest you buy, or download, his attraction formula.

Oh, and I'm NOT in any way shape or form being paid to tell you that.

Closest thing to a starter kit I've ever seen.

Also, no matter how much you have learned and how much success always keep learning.

 

[Erzengel]

I was under the assumption that Daniel Thompson is too young to go to the bar scene.

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Yes, your looks don't really matter so much, but there are things you can do to maximize your appearance.

Bars are not a good place to go, and you can do well even avoiding them completely.

Oh, and I'm NOT in any way shape or form being paid to tell you that.
If I were you I would do some research first. Take a couple days and study up on game.

There is also one guy that I have read from, and cheesy as it may sound, Paul Janka KNOWS his ****. To the point where reading his stuff may in fact be a shortcut, if there ever was one.

Google him. Oh heck here is a quick link. http://www.attractionformula.com/?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=productspage&utm_campaign=link

You don't have to, but I highly suggest you buy, or download, his attraction formula.

Closest thing to a starter kit I've ever seen.

Also, no matter how much you have learned and how much success always keep learning.

I mean I'm just saying you in the bar for some drinks and women walk in and you decide you want to talk to them. Whats the harm in that? Where do you think are the best places to go to pick up women?

 

[Daniel Thompson]

I was under the assumption that Daniel Thompson is too young to go to the bar scene.

I'am but I find ways in....

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I was under the assumption that Daniel Thompson is too young to go to the bar scene.

I've never been a big fan of the bar scene anyway.

Some clubs can be good venues, and there are specific techniques that fit them, but they are 100% unnecessary.

The same girls who go to clubs and bars still buy groceries. Therefor the grocery store can be just as good of a place.

Bars are highly overrated.

 

[Erzengel]

My point that DT's posts just came off as someone who was still in high school or barely out of it.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Dammit I should of tried to score with that chick I told you guys about instead of trying for a relationship. I mean she like older guys but proably has no problem having sex with a youngger guy.

Anyways SuperMike I'm not a hot looking guy, not saying i'm ugly but I'm not no guy with a six pack. But even ugly guys have proven they can pull women and score with them so I got a shot.

So after I read that post, what do you think should be my next step? Go out to bars and start talking to women?

Look, just be confident, and don't beat around the bush when you talk to people. I can promise you; there is no routine on a website that's going to be able to anticipate how the next girl(s) you talk to will react. Part of being confident is ignoring what other people say about you or others, especially in deference to what you're going to do.

Also, don't get it in your head that you need to bang every girl. Definitely train yourself to be discriminant, it's an attractive quality.

 

[DV8]

Dammit I should of tried to score with that chick I told you guys about instead of trying for a relationship. I mean she like older guys but proably has no problem having sex with a youngger guy.

Anyways SuperMike I'm not a hot looking guy, not saying i'm ugly but I'm not no guy with a six pack. But even ugly guys have proven they can pull women and score with them so I got a shot.

So after I read that post, what do you think should be my next step? Go out to bars and start talking to women?

ALWAYS bone first; "wife them up" later . . .

 

[Daniel Thompson]

Well I'am barely out of high school, I'm 2 years removed from graduating high school, as I said I'am 20 years of age but the bars in my neighborhood do not card so I can get in plus I look older then my age.

Optimus Prime Thanks for the advice, and DV8 yeah now I finally realize that. I'm not a club person, rather go to the bar and have a few drinks and chill talking to people. And lol grocery shopping while talking to females, I'm 20 man not 30 lol.

 

[Erzengel]

In the end it's all trial and error, I've said in this thread about dating that ask 100 girls out, and one of them will say yes. But you do have to put your best foot forward, don't be a slob, act confident, and if a girl says no, don't focus on it and say, well maybe I should try and go the friend route. No, dust yourself off and move on to the next. Also, you're 20 years old, you should be in school no? There should be tons of girls there.

 

[DV8]

TBS, I gotta say, as a guy who actually has an achilles heel, my weak point is talking too much. I've got a big ego, and I love to talk.

So, what did I learn to do that helped me more than anything else?

I learned to keep my mouth shut, pause before answering, and say a whole let less, sometimes nothing.

Trying to talk to a girl more just seems like you are trying to cozy up to her more as a friend, which is a great way to end up in the friend zone.

Verbally, often with women, less is more. So talk less, and express more with body language. Google "alpha male body language", there is a good place to start. You're an ACTOR, that should be easy for you to pick up, and is really one of the best ways to communicate without using your mouth.

this was some solid advice . . .

 

[amazingfantasy15]

so I've been talking to this girl for a while now; emailing her everyday (we work together) I text her sometimes; we get along great and have great convos; she is a chick I could really see myself committing to; but she just got out of a 7-year relationship; this is the ONLY dude she's EVER been with; she moved out about a month and some change, and we were planning on going on a date to get some pizza this weekend

well today she basically says she just wants to be friends; that we can hang out and stuff, but that's as far as she wants to take it

I respect her honesty, but I'm really not interested in doing that Lol . . . it sucks cuz while I am more than happy to take it slow with her, I am not interested in just being friends (in the long run)

I will probably cancel the date and gradually stop talking to her Lol

The most you can hope for is a rebound from her. You'll never have a long term relationship. You just crossed paths at the wrong time.

We're friends...but she knows I like her and we flirt regularly. Being in such a big school and only one class makes it kind of hard for us to really associate outside of class, and since the only kind of talking we do in that class is either bantering or part of a scene, it gets frustrating at times where the side of her I think I like the most only comes out when we're texting. Which isn't anyone's fault, because again, we don't see each other much, but still...

I sort of did bring it up - but not in a creepy way. I just said that I "noticed we text a lot more than we talk face-to-face" but I said it in a joking way. She brought up that we only have one class together and then I brought up the possibility of hanging out outside of school together at one point.

Maybe we'll get there eventually.

Why haven't you asked her out? Do not ask her to hang out, ask her to go out, it's a very small difference in language, but friends hang out, possible romantic partners go out. This needs to happen soon, it actually should have already happened. Most "friend-zoning" is due to the guy waiting too long to ask the girl out. Let the friendship grow out of a relationship, it's so much more difficult to let a relationship grow out of a friendship.

 

[DV8]

In the end it's all trial and error, I've said in this thread about dating that ask 100 girls out, and one of them will say yes. But you do have to put your best foot forward, don't be a slob, act confident, and if a girl says no, don't focus on it and say, well maybe I should try and go the friend route. No, dust yourself off and move on to the next. Also, you're 20 years old, you should be in school no? There should be tons of girls there.

yeah, Erz always gives some solid advice

NEVER think that by entering the friend zone, you will one day be able to bone a chick that has turned you down; I make my intentions very clear; and I already have plenty of great friends Lol

 

[DV8]

The most you can hope for is a rebound from her. You'll never have a long term relationship. You just crossed paths at the wrong time.

yeah, I'm going to be kind of a dick to her for a while and see how that works . . . most likes like being treated like ****; or at least they respond better when you do that Lol

 

[Daniel Thompson]

In the end it's all trial and error, I've said in this thread about dating that ask 100 girls out, and one of them will say yes. But you do have to put your best foot forward, don't be a slob, act confident, and if a girl says no, don't focus on it and say, well maybe I should try and go the friend route. No, dust yourself off and move on to the next. Also, you're 20 years old, you should be in school no? There should be tons of girls there.

I do not go to college, I went to trade school and there was tons of females but I only had focused on 1 . But I will not make that mistake ever again. After what happened I'm not even looking for a relationship now, just scoring with women is my interests now.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I do not go to college, I went to trade school and there was tons of females but I only had focused on 1 . But I will not make that mistake ever again. After what happened I'm not even looking for a relationship now, just scoring with women is my interests now.

This whole thing is started to sound like the 40 Year Old Virgin. Can't wait to hear how the waxing goes. Also, make sure to look for an Adam's Apple when SuperMike sends you a hooker Daniel.

 

[DV8]

This whole thing is started to sound like the 40 Year Old Virgin. Can't wait to hear how the waxing goes. Also, make sure to look for an Adam's Apple when SuperMike sends you a hooker Daniel.

just watched that the other night