The Temple of Doomed Relationships

[Erzengel]

Can't you "disable" it for the time being?

 

[bullets]

I think you can. Part of me still wants to leave it open but I guess the best thing to do is deactivate it. The other option is to put a cliff note about being in a relationship but neither one of us has really confirmed it yet. We talk on the phone and have been on two dates. The last one we wound up at her place and fooled around a bit but didn't go all the way.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Two dates is not a relationship yet, at least in my mind. You're still very much in the getting to know you phase. You've gotta be comfortable in the decision to take down the profile. I wouldn't make a footnote, if anything just try and not make it visible for the time being.

 

[Erzengel]

I think it's a little premature to do it if ask me before the post you just wrote. Now after learning that you've been on all of 2 dates, she has technically no right to ask you to do anything. You might have to talk to her about it if she starts assuming parts of a relationship after 2 dates.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

One piece of advice that is not hit on here much is the importance of non-verbal communication in attraction.

Women tend to be more natural at this than men, who often show a lack of confidence in how they sit or stand, or even use hand motions to talk when on a "date".

There are a lot of good websites that go into this, as well as some great youtube videos. Try using phrases such as "alpha male body language", or "sexy male body language".

Suggested homework for any guy here who wants to learn something that will help him more than any possible words he could say, and gives him something to be in control of if he is ever at a loss for words.

Most people are shocked when they find out that the biggest attraction mistakes they have made is as simple as leaning forward too much and having feet crossed and legs tucked under them when sitting, OR they are holding their arms in a protective fashion in front of themselves, head down, with feet close together and toes pointing inward, and other weak and submissive body language. There is no smooth talk that can save you from looking like you recently had an orchiectomy.

On the other hand there are men who succeed in spite of saying the dumbest things in front of women, because they have the other 90% of attraction down to an easy habbit in body language that displays a lot of testosterone.

 

[DV8]

I started seeing a girl on POF and already it's been implied she wants me to delete my profile. I feel like it's too soon. She's kind of limited with time because of school and being a single mom. So it's moving kind of slow and I still feel single. I told her I like to read the forums and that I deleted my other profiles on okcupid and match . She's also said she's done with online dating and deleted her account.

What does POF stand for? I deduced is an online dating site but just wondering..

Anyway, I don't think u should take your profile down just cuz she is...the whole point is to get to know chicks and spend time with multiple women to find out who and what u like the best...

 

[Erzengel]

Plenty of Fish.

 

[Erzengel]

Double posts.

 

[DV8]

oh ok . . . never heard of that one

 

[Erzengel]

I have had tremendous success with http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/ personally.

 

[DV8]

I have had tremendous success with http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/ personally.

this should be entertaining . . .

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

People do meet long time significant others at school. It is possible. But I remember how many "couples" in high school broke up before going to college so they could have fun. You're looking for a relationship and I'm sure that cuts your selections in school by at least half.

Yea.

I guess the other thing is - while yes, ideally I'd like to find someone that I could potentially see myself with for the long haul - I too, am not exactly sure what I want myself. Like, it's only been within the past couple years that I've actually gotten my life together and on track, and started to see real personal growth. I'm not necessarily looking for someone that's going to be my life's love. I think in all honesty, there's probably a lot of "looking for someone I can have fun with" in what I'm looking for to. And experiences so I can better recognize what it is I actually do want in a relationship.

Not having ever been in a serious relationship before, I'm not sure that I can honestly say for sure and for certain what it is I do want. How can I say I know what I want, in an area where I have no experience, and have no frame of reference to what I'm happy with?

I guess on one level, that's why I don't mind going after these younger girls. I guess that while yes, I'm looking for a relationship, I'm not necessarily looking for -the- relationship, if that makes sense.

As it is, I'm not sure exactly how to proceed with the girl that my friend pulled me away from. The night before, a bunch of us had gone out to dinner, and me and the girl sat at another table together. I bought her a drink, and I suggested some specific plans for us to do after returning from a trip I am going on. In the moment, she agreed - but now I'm not sure if it's worth following up on those plans or not.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I have had tremendous success with http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/ personally.

 

[Erzengel]

You have to be careful. There's a happy medium with a spontaneous proposal for a date and trying to schedule something after a return trip.

You should just say, hey I'll call you after I get back not try and schedule "specific" plans.

 

[DV8]

so I've been cast away into the friend zone by the "good girl" that I was really hoping to warm up to a relationship with; and I've continued kicking it with this model chick that boned Ocho Cinco way back when . . . the model chick kinda gets on my nerves sometimes, but she has an incredible wrok ethic, and while she is a little midguided at things, she is a really sweet girl deep down; she is always hinting at being (somewhat) exclusive, and while I don't like being forced into things, or enter into relationships for the simple cause of "being in a relationship", I'm thinking maybe I will try it out with her for a while . . .

 

[SpideyVille]

I mentioned a while back that I had a little crush on the girl that I would consider to be my best friend. This past weekend she drove me from NY to Rhode Island and back to see my dad who I haven't seen in 5 years. For me, that was something big that I wouldn't ever expect someone to do just out of the goodness of their heart unless they were getting something in return. Its things like this that she does that really makes me appreciate her more than anyone else because she's always willing to do things that no one else would and it surprises me how big her heart is and how she treats me sometimes.

I think this is a big reason why I kinda have feelings for her. She has shown me more genuine love in times when I don't even feel like I deserve it. She has also been the voice that is always there to fight for me when I can't do it myself. She's seen me at my worst and is always pushing me to be better. But the sad thing is this is why I would never try anything with her. Bad enough I have to hear about all of the guys she sees on the side, or how she just ran into an ex of hers that would make her give up everything just to be with him. But this is truly a rare case where the friendship alone is more valuable. Obviously I'm not sitting around waiting for her, and there have been times when she has let me down and I've gotten mad and wouldn't even talk to her, but I almost wish I could have what I have with her with someone else who would return the same romantic feelings.

 

[DV8]

I mentioned a while back that I had a little crush on the girl that I would consider to be my best friend. This past weekend she drove me from NY to Rhode Island and back to see my dad who I haven't seen in 5 years. For me, that was something big that I wouldn't ever expect someone to do just out of the goodness of their heart unless they were getting something in return. Its things like this that she does that really makes me appreciate her more than anyone else because she's always willing to do things that no one else would and it surprises me how big her heart is and how she treats me sometimes.

I think this is a big reason why I kinda have feelings for her. She has shown me more genuine love in times when I don't even feel like I deserve it. She has also been the voice that is always there to fight for me when I can't do it myself. She's seen me at my worst and is always pushing me to be better. But the sad thing is this is why I would never try anything with her. Bad enough I have to hear about all of the guys she sees on the side, or how she just ran into an ex of hers that would make her give up everything just to be with him. But this is truly a rare case where the friendship alone is more valuable. Obviously I'm not sitting around waiting for her, and there have been times when she has let me down and I've gotten mad and wouldn't even talk to her, but I almost wish I could have what I have with her with someone else who would return the same romantic feelings.

most of the time, you will never find a real friend like that so it's better to keep her in that position she's in already

 

[Anita18]

I think it's a little premature to do it if ask me before the post you just wrote. Now after learning that you've been on all of 2 dates, she has technically no right to ask you to do anything. You might have to talk to her about it if she starts assuming parts of a relationship after 2 dates.

Yeah two dates is definitely not a relationship. Someone asking you to be exclusive (to the point of telling you what to do) after two dates is someone to avoid, IMO.

My bf deleted his POF account a few weeks after he met me. He didn't tell me this. I tried to look for him, wondering if he'd changed his profile and I couldn't find him, since the profile had been deleted. Keep in mind, we weren't in an official relationship until months and months after, so deleting his profile might have been a little hasty at that time but he'd apparently found what he wanted. I didn't delete mine until we were actually exclusive. And no I didn't tell him either way.

Was riding the bus this afternoon with an older gentlemen who'd come from the same event I did (US Figure Skating Nationals) and started on skating, but then moved into marriage somehow. He'd been traveling in the 5 years since his wife of 37 years died, and he was telling me how wonderful marriage had been for the both of them. It was just kind of funny how he was trying to talk me into the idea of marriage, and it was funny how we both had the same idea about how a successful marriage worked - open, honest communication.

 

[SpideyVille]

most of the time, you will never find a real friend like that so it's better to keep her in that position she's in already

Yeah, I've mentioned how personality-wise, we are complete opposites and I would never have even imagined talking to a girl like her, let alone becoming so close to her. But somehow we made a good pair as friends because of how different we are. And I'd be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind that maybe she was the perfect one for me since life can be ironic like that.

But it's whatever. I'm not making any moves and don't plan to, although I do wish I could make it up to her because she really did do something that meant a lot to me and I just wish I could find a way to return the favor.

 

[Erzengel]

Quick question. If she put the moves on you would you be responsive?

 

[SpideyVille]

Part of me wants to answer quickly with a "Hells yeah!" .. but knowing myself it wouldn't be that easy. I'd probably hold back, though that might be my inexperience talking. I mean I did turn down eskimo kissing from a girl I liked.

 

[DV8]

eskimo kissing? wtf are you kids into these days? Lol

 

[Anubis]

Ear sex.

 

[SpideyVille]

eskimo kissing? wtf are you kids into these days? Lol

lol long story from a couple of years ago.

 

[bullets]

Two dates is not a relationship yet, at least in my mind. You're still very much in the getting to know you phase. You've gotta be comfortable in the decision to take down the profile. I wouldn't make a footnote, if anything just try and not make it visible for the time being.

I think it's a little premature to do it if ask me before the post you just wrote. Now after learning that you've been on all of 2 dates, she has technically no right to ask you to do anything. You might have to talk to her about it if she starts assuming parts of a relationship after 2 dates.

Thanks guys. I thought about it and decided to just leave it up for the time being. I can tell her I like to read the forums and try to act like it's a non issue. We haven't made our relationship official yet. So at least I can get away with it for now. It seems to be going well but I'm still uneasy about being with someone.

I have had tremendous success with http://www.meet-an-inmate.com/ personally.

hahah. I had no idea about this.