Twenty-six long, hard hours. That's one thousand, five hundred and sixty
minutes! That's ninety-three thousand, six hundred
seconds! And let me tell you this, I felt
every single second of it. I'm in a unique position to answer an age-old question. What hurts more - a kick to the balls or childbirth? Childbirth wins by a
painful mile. I'm sparing you the details, but - rest assured - it was one of the
worst experiences of my life.
So why can't I wipe the smile off of my face right now? 'Cause childbirth is followed by
the greatest experience of my life. There's no contest. Nothing has ever had such a
profound impact on me as this one moment did.
"It's a girl!" Dr. Lee announced. My smile was almost
literally a mile wide as he raised up this tiny child. I'm sure Eli was just as ecstatic, but I didn't take my eyes off my daughter for a
second. When I looked at her, something in me changed completely. I felt so uncontrollably moved by that moment.
Dr. Lee looks up at Eli.
"Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?" he asks the brand new father. Eli is so stunned that he can't offer a verbal response. He just moves over to Dr. Lee and takes what looks like a big pair of scissors. I watch as Dr. Lee places two clamps on the umbilical cord and shows Eli exactly where to cut. The look on Eli's face at that moment will always shine in my memory. He's never been so proud.
I'm so distracted that I temporarily get lost in my thoughts. The next thing I realize is Dr. Lee kneeling beside me, holding my child.
"Do you want to hold her?" he asks with the caring tone of a father. I can't nod fast enough. He chuckles slightly as he slips my daughter into my arms.
My daughter.
My daughter. I don't know if I'll
ever get over that. This is
my daughter. I gave
birth to this little thing in my arms. There is now
someone in this world that completely depends on me. That may sound like a lot of pressure, but
nothing can make me happier. I now have someone to love
unconditionally. And believe me, I
will love her. I will love her like no one else could.
"Have you thought of a name?" Dr. Lee inquires from the across the room. I see him leaning on the table, scribbling away at a notepad.
Eli and I look at each other. For the past month or so, we've been sitting around - thinking of possible baby names. After a lot of debate, we reached an agreement. If it was a boy, we were going to call him James Michael. If it was a girl...
"May," I announce. Eli puts a hand on my shoulder. Smiling, I state,
"May Delilah Drew." Since there's no ring on my finger, Eli agreed that the child should have
my last name. Besides, May Delilah
Drew flows a
lot better than May Delilah
Bradley. No offense to Eli, of course.
Dr. Lee dots the i's and smiles contently at Eli and I. He recognizes the look in our eyes. It's the same look in
every new parents' eyes. It's a look that expresses complete wonder - yet with a subtle nervousness. I thought the pregnancy was hard, but I now realize I was wrong. Dead
wrong. This is the hard part.
"I'll give you two a few minutes before I need May back to finish up," Dr. Lee explains. As he's walking out the door, he adds,
"Congratulations."
"May?" I whisper. May turns her head in the direction of my voice, but she can't even open her eyes yet. I don't think I've
ever seen a more adorable baby. And I
know all parents say that about their children. You never really understand until it's
your child in your arms.
"I'm your mommy," I continue,
"And I'm going to take great care of you. I promise. Look, we're in this together. It's you and me - no matter what."
Eli clears his throat. I smirk.
"Yes, this is Daddy. He's going to be there for us, too," I add while turning May in Eli's direction.
"I have to be honest with you, May. I have no idea what I'm doing. This is new to me. But I promise that whatever I do, I do it with you in mind." I sigh and gently caress May's little head.
"I don't know if I'm going to be winning any awards for Best Mother, but...I guess that's for you to decide, huh?"
It
is an intimidating prospect. I mean, I'm sure
every mother is worried sick in the beginning. But there's always the possibility that I'll screw up somehow. After all,
other mothers' lives aren't as complicated as mine. When I was out there, doing what I did, I only needed to think about
my head on the line. But if I...if something happens...what will May do? What if, for some reason, Eli isn't there either? Suddenly, my 'great responsibility' has grown significantly. I sometimes wonder when I'm going to hit my breaking point.
I know, I
know. I'm just
overreacting. But hey, I'm a mother. It's in the job description.
"Even if something happens to Mommy, I'm never going to let anything bad happen to you, May," I promise my daughter. I hold her a little tighter.
"For the first time in my life, I mean every word."
Eli taps me on the shoulder.
"Can I--?"
I nod fervently.
"Of course!" I reply emotionally. I lift up May, and Eli gently takes her from my arms. With a sly smirk, I mutter,
"Daddy."
Eli sticks out his tongue and then looks down at May. I can
tell that he's just as excited - and nervous - as I am. I take this opportunity to lean my head back and close my eyes. It's been tough, but it's been
worth it. In retrospect, I wouldn't go back and change a
thing. May makes everything okay. May makes all of the 93,600 seconds
blissful - in the end.
Eli and I both turn at the sound of an opening door. Don't tell me that Dr. Lee is back already! I know he only needs May for a minute, but I don't
ever want her to leave my sight. I need to take
care of her - through anything and everything. My fears are calmed when I see that it's just a nurse. She's carrying a large floral arrangement.
...Who knows we're here? Unless Eli called someone while I was in labor, nobody should know. Which reminds me that I have to call Anton right away. Besides, even
if someone knew I went into labor, how would they know that I gave birth? That only happened
minutes ago - and there certainly wasn't time to contact anyone.
"Flowers? From who?" I ask the nurse.
She looks down at the flowers, then back up at me. She shrugs.
"I don't know," she admits. As she places the flowers next to my bed, she searches for a few more moments. She pops back up with something in her hand.
"Here. There's a card!"
I take the card from her hand.
Congratulations.
Hope to see you and the kid soon.
-Dad
Maybe I'm too tired, but the card only confuses me further. 'Dad?' The only 'Dad' I've ever known is Richard Parker, and he doesn't even know I exist. There's only one logical conclusion.
"I think these flowers were sent to the wrong room," I tell the nurse as she's leaving.
She shrugs. "I don't think so..."
Whatever. Free flowers. I'm too tired to complain anyway. Besides, I deserve flowers just as much as any other new mother. Maybe that's wrong of me to think, but I could care less right now. If this other girl doesn't get her flowers, her dad will send some more. I might as well enjoy the hospital's little mistake. God, I'm really tired.
"Knock, knock?"
Dr. Lee enters the room, holding his notepad. He smiles and gives an apologetic look. "Hate to do this to you, but...you know procedures," he explains jokingly. I watch as a different nurse comes in and takes May. My heart breaks a little as my daughter leaves the room. I've only seen her a couple minutes, and I already can't stand to be apart from her. "Mr. Bradley, do you think it'd be okay to let our new mother get some rest?" Dr. Lee asks rhetorically.
Eli nods. "She's earned it," he admits.
"If you want, you can go right down that hallway and keep an eye on your daughter," Dr. Lee states with a wink. Eli grabs my hand for a moment before leaving the room. Now the two most influential people in my current life are gone. I can tell that these are the hormones talking, but still...it's sad. Dr. Lee smiles at me before announcing, "I mean it: Get some rest. Lord knows it'll be in short supply in the coming weeks."
I roll my eyes and laugh nervously. It's not going to be easy, but nothing ever has been for me. And I'm okay with that. As we all know, I've never been one to shrug off responsibility - not anymore, that is. And while this may be a whole different kind of responsibility than what I'm used to, I think I'm up to it. Could raising a child really be harder than fighting any given superbaddie?
"I'm going to be okay, right, doctor?"
Nodding, Dr. Lee answers, "You're going to be fine."
Looking at the white ceiling above me, I barely mutter, "I hope so." And before I can know what's coming over me, my heavy eyelids slam shut, and I drift off to a calmer world. It's only a short reprieve from reality. My new reality.
It's a brand new day.