G.I. Joe: How would you have done it?

[Kokoryu1]

Cobra is already established but is only known to the higher ups of select world powers and militaries.
Open: Dr.Burkhart, an outspoken detractor of the U.N and its Allies is traveling Europe on the Oriental express on a public relations tour trying to get the U.N. shut down. She is considered a traitor amongst the allied nations. Cobra agents are onboard, kill her guards and kidnap her to extract vital information, ransom and to let the world know who they are.

At a secret U.N Headquarters a meeting is called and we are introduced to Colonel Abernathy of the U.S Army. He's informed of who COBRA is and summarily appointed by the military leaders to be the new Commanding officer of the secret Global Intergrated Joint Operational Entity. He accepts, is promoted to General and is tasked with getting DR. Burkhart back. He heads out immediately and is greeted by his new driver, Israeli Sgt. Steinberg AKA Clutch. Clutch Drives him to US military base. Where they drive onto a secret elevator adn go 6 stories undr ground to a hidden base where he ( General Hawk) calls a meeting of his new team members and wastes no time in putting a plan in motion to get Dr. Burkhart. At this meeting you see Stalker, Scarlet Snake-Eyes, Rock and Roll, Breaker, Flash, Steeler, Short Fuze, Grunt, Grand Slam and Zap.

The scenes switch to a small island where CC has Dr. Burkhart in an old spanish fort strapped to some machines with Dr. Mindbender trying to extract some "Maguffin device" info from her. Outside the Joes are steathliy approaching the island but unbeknowsty to them CC Knows theyre coming and is ready for them with a welcoming party. The joes put theyre plan into action and assault the island from diferent points. Input gratuitous violence and combat scenes. Lots of explosions. Meanwhile Scarlett and Snakeeyes have managed to sneak into the fort and are close to extracting her. They breach the control room and go after Dr Burkhart. Elsewhere/ simultaneously CC has dispatched a decoy, to allow him to escape and to put his secondary plan into motion, who Stalker has picked up only to realize that its the Baroness he has in custody. They fight for a few seconds and she escapes after more troops come to her aid and seemingly to kill Stalker.

Back at the Castle Commander holds Burkhart hostage in front of Snake eyes and scarlett while secretly arming the nuke under the base. Snake eyes makes a move to stop CC and free Dr. Burkhart when cc Pushes her toward Snake Eyes shoots her in the back and tries to escape but is caught by scarlet and disarmed. Dr. Burkhart tells Snakeeyes and scarlet about the bomb. Blah Blah Blah the team escapes after realizing that CC has manged to slip out of his cuffs and is gone and as the castle blows up we cut to a small underground airstrip on another part of the island where a Rattler is warming up its jets and CC climbs into the gunners bubble with Baroness Piloting. He says to her. "Stage one was a success". "They fell for it". "Let's head to the real base". "We have a world to conquer". (Maniacal laughter). In the background on the other side of the island the Joe team is picking up casualties and rounding up prisoners. Hawk is on the beach giving and recieving reports of the battle. He turns to doc and asks how Stalker and Dr. Burkhart are doing. Scarlett walk up and appears a bit angry at CC getting away. Hawk says " You accomplished your mission here, there will be another time. We know what we are up against now, and knowing is half the battle". Roll credits.

Corny as it seems, it has all the earmarks of every hollywood blockbuster from the past few years. Aside from a cast This would work well given the proper Special effects and polishing. But that's just my opinion. And yes this is exactly what it seems.

 

[Anubis]

This is one of those movies you may have more fun watching during a matinee with people of all ages as opposed to a late showing with a bunch of fanboys. The kids will be much more enthralled and less prone to gripe.

Actually it's a good movie to go see drunk and or high so that you can gripe and mock it for it's utter s**tyness.

 

[Timstuff]

I didn't say anything about change. I've been watching movies long enough to know a s**t sandwich when I sees it.

I wasn't referring to you specifically, but rather the general fanboy attitude towards changes in adaptations. I don't believe that change, by matter of principle is grounds for claiming something is of bad quality, although a lot of fans do. I mean, just look at the Dragonball movie: there's PLENTY to point at with that movie to say how bad it sucks, and yet the first thing 90% of the fanboys jump on is "Goku is a White high school student? Nooooo!" Out of all the movie's problems, why is that the one they care about the most, even though it's the least relevant to the movie's quality?

 

[Kokoryu1]

Because Ripcord's ethnicity is SO IMPORTANT! I could understand if it were Duke, or if Roadblock/Heavy Duty was cast with a white guy, but it's RIPCORD! In the realm of TOP tier GI Joe characters, aside from maybe a few uber die-hard fans, who really includes Ripcord in that group?



Now, how about articulating why these changes will make the film bad. Because this mentality of "they change elements x and elements y, so that makes it bad" without offering ANY substantial reasoning for how the changes will make the film bad, it's getting old.

Its not that Ripcords ethnicity is so freaking important (after all I'm Black my godamned self)I just think Marlon Wayans is a Hacktor but as a G.I. Joe NUT (and damned proud of it) They have a ton of other black charaters he could have played. My big issue with this crap-tacular is as follows. None of it is source. That being said , Of course this movie will make money, Thats because most people dont know they're ass from they're elbows when it come to G.I. Joe. As is evident by some of the posts here. Or is it that there is a significant portion of the public that will take a cake shaped turd if its called choclate? Have I seen the movie , No. But I don't need to wait till I see the train to get off the freaking tracks. From the get go the casting is ass. The script was even worse. I read it. I also read the movie adaption paperback which was damn near verbatim, the script! You following me camera guy? cuz we can't do this all day. Elements of x and Y? When was CC an Doctor? When did Baroness become his sister? Why is Destro wearing a maskthat he uses to cover a disfigured face? For that reason why is CC wearing a plastic see thru mask? What else? Oh yeah That scene with Puke and *****cord running down the street dodging missles looked REALLLLLYY Familiar. OH THATS RIGHT We saw that scene in Transformers only it was Ironhide and Ratchet doing it. Do you SmeLLLLLLLLLL...... What the suck is cooking? I'm all for modernization and making some scripting concessions when neccesary, but change for NO reason is just stupid. If it ain't broke don't fix it. You want a prime example? read Robert Heinleins Dropship Troopers then look at that Buttfest of a movie. It'll piss you off. I'm not asking for a cover to cover translation, but is asking for something RESEMBLING the source material asking tooooo much? Are those substantial reasons enough for you?

 

[Anubis]

I wasn't referring to you specifically, but rather the general fanboy attitude towards changes in adaptations. I don't believe that change, by matter of principle is grounds for claiming something is of bad quality, although a lot of fans do. I mean, just look at the Dragonball movie: there's PLENTY to point at with that movie to say how bad it sucks, and yet the first thing 90% of the fanboys jump on is "Goku is a White high school student? Nooooo!" Out of all the movie's problems, why is that the one they care about the most, even though it's the least relevant to the movie's quality?

Cuz it's f**king stupid.

 

[M.E.H.Z.E.B]

This is one of those movies you may have more fun watching during a matinee with people of all ages as opposed to a late showing with a bunch of fanboys. The kids will be much more enthralled and less prone to gripe.

This isn't for the kids, though. A movie which sports a poster with the two female leads - one showing her ass, and the other her bosom - with the tagline 'Evil Never Looked This Good' is not for the kids.

I'm sure the kids will be enthralled, though.

 

[Timstuff]

Cuz it's f**king stupid.

You may think so, but the fact of the matter is that it wasn't what made the movie suck. It was just plain a piss poorly made film, so I don't get why the fans only seem to care about the changes from the cartoon. If the changes from the cartoon had been minimal but it was just as sloppily made, would the fans still have complained as fervently as they did?

 

[Anubis]

Yup, they would have. Cuz a bad movie is a bad movie.

The thing you need to understand is, theres nothing wrong with change. But there is something wrong with bad change. Making Goku a high schooler was clearly bad change. It's as bad as that idea of a Robin show, about Robin, before he became Robin.

 

[Kokoryu1]

The 80's cartoon was made at the request of Hasbro to sell it's upcoming toyline that was in direct competion with the 3.75 Star Wars figures. Hama had little to do with that. While he was working for Marvel His original idea was to have a team of specialist lead by Nick Fury's son. Marvel passed on it. A little while later Hasbro came to Hama and we had the birth of one of Marvels top selling comics of the 80's and the ONLY comic to have ever had aired commercials for upcoming issuses.. Hama had his differences with Hasbro as they wanted him include Serpentor and Cobra La. He fought it for a while and included them in the comic but eventually they were taken out of the comic with the exception of Serpentor. Hama didn't even initially want Duke to be a part of the comic line. He felt Duke was a Hawk clone. Marvel continued to push and hence Duke came to be. This is just a little backstory since just about everyone believes the comic book and the cartoon went hand in hand storywise. They didn't. Now you know, and Knowing is........

 

[BlackLantern]

what about that Hasbro DTV Valor Vs. Venom that had the Joes saving General Hawk with paintball guns?? or are you one of those "only the comic matters" types??

 

[BlackLantern]

if Wayans was as big a gi joe fan as he claims, he would know better to take the part of Ripcord...his casting is the only REAL issue I have because ive never seen him in a semi serious role, much less an action role...Requiem for a Dream was YEARS ago

 

[KenK]

Its not that Ripcords ethnicity is so freaking important (after all I'm Black my godamned self)I just think Marlon Wayans is a Hacktor but as a G.I. Joe NUT (and damned proud of it) They have a ton of other black charaters he could have played. My big issue with this crap-tacular is as follows. None of it is source. That being said , Of course this movie will make money, Thats because most people dont know they're ass from they're elbows when it come to G.I. Joe. As is evident by some of the posts here. Or is it that there is a significant portion of the public that will take a cake shaped turd if its called choclate? Have I seen the movie , No. But I don't need to wait till I see the train to get off the freaking tracks. From the get go the casting is ass. The script was even worse. I read it. I also read the movie adaption paperback which was damn near verbatim, the script! You following me camera guy? cuz we can't do this all day. Elements of x and Y? When was CC an Doctor? When did Baroness become his sister? Why is Destro wearing a maskthat he uses to cover a disfigured face? For that reason why is CC wearing a plastic see thru mask? What else? Oh yeah That scene with Puke and *****cord running down the street dodging missles looked REALLLLLYY Familiar. OH THATS RIGHT We saw that scene in Transformers only it was Ironhide and Ratchet doing it. Do you SmeLLLLLLLLLL...... What the suck is cooking? I'm all for modernization and making some scripting concessions when neccesary, but change for NO reason is just stupid. If it ain't broke don't fix it. You want a prime example? read Robert Heinleins Dropship Troopers then look at that Buttfest of a movie. It'll piss you off. I'm not asking for a cover to cover translation, but is asking for something RESEMBLING the source material asking tooooo much? Are those substantial reasons enough for you?

You still haven't seen the movie. And probably won't, so why get so worked up in the first place.

I actually have read Starship Troopers as well as seen the film, and quite frankly, I love both, if not the film moreso. The book was great for what it was, but the movie was also enjoyable in the context of a film.

 

[BlackLantern]

and which source material??? I have yet to get a straight answer from a "real" fan on this....the 80's animated series by Sunbow, the animated series by DIC, the comics, Sigma Six, the various DTVs that Hasbro puts out (Valor vs. Venom, Spy Troopers) etc....there is a WIDE variety of source material

 

[xforce]

How would you have done an G.I. Joe movie instead?

Not at all.

A movie, set in the present, made after a comic made after a crappy cartoon show made after a set of hyper patriotic plastic toys is bound to fail with hard core fans of the toys/comics/cartoons.

I'm not a fan though, so chances are pretty good I'll enjoy the movie.

 

[TripXyDE]

just look at the Dragonball movie: there's PLENTY to point at with that movie to say how bad it sucks, and yet the first thing 90% of the fanboys jump on is "Goku is a White high school student? Nooooo!" Out of all the movie's problems, why is that the one they care about the most, even though it's the least relevant to the movie's quality?

because to sum up the common denominator of how Hollywood generally f%cks up already-established works, THIS ONE serves as the BEST & EASY-to-point-at example

You still haven't seen the movie. And probably won't, so why get so worked up in the first place.

I actually have read Starship Troopers as well as seen the film, and quite frankly, I love both, if not the film moreso. The book was great for what it was, but the movie was also enjoyable in the context of a film.

but we've all seen the trailers, have read the inside reports, have read the synopsis & press releases for this movie. Sure there is a thin possibility that what you percieve from trailers may be different from the finished product. But FROM WHAT WE'VE ALREADY SEEN, we can make sound judgements and reasonable forecasts of that the movie would be.

So far, from what we've seen, it looks hopeless.
How can you fix what has already been in place
- The SILLY costumes
- The Cartoonish Weaponry (that missle filled with green goo just looks like it was straight off the TMNT cartoons... can you say OOZE?)
- The bad casting
- The Soap Opera backstory of the characters (there's a love story between Baroness & Duke?)
- And of course the Power Ranger Suits
- Dont get me started on the Headquarters that Cobra rented from the Gungans (can you read Jar-Jar?)
- Also there's the press release interviews where the actors EMPHASIZE that this is "not a war movie" I bet we'll also see a kind of action 80s cartoon style where despite all the gunfights, nobody really gets killed. There's a 50-50 possibility that we will never EVER even get to see Duke KILL somebody with a firearm!

 

[BlackLantern]

- The SILLY costumes

so guys running into battle with just sports jerseys (Bazooka) or a plain khaki shirt (Duke) is any better??

- The Cartoonish Weaponry (that missle filled with green goo just looks like it was straight off the TMNT cartoons... can you say OOZE?)

the nanotech missile, which is what that is, was a central plot point in the Image comics (Gi Joe Reinstated) and goofy weapons?? Have you seen the Havoc or the HISS Tank

- The bad casting

Ill give you that becuase the only two actors in there I like are Eccleston and Quaid

- The Soap Opera backstory of the characters (there's a love story between Baroness & Duke?)

There was a 3 or 4 part miniseries where the Joes were in an alternate Earth and there was a love story between Clutch and Barronness....during the animated series you always saw Destro and Baroness making out or getting caught making out

- And of course the Power Ranger Suits

someone here posted that they are in 2 sequences, in the whole film...let it go

- Dont get me started on the Headquarters that Cobra rented from the Gungans (can you read Jar-Jar?)

COBRA never had an underwater base.....EVER??

- Also there's the press release interviews where the actors EMPHASIZE that this is "not a war movie" I bet we'll also see a kind of action 80s cartoon style where despite all the gunfights, nobody really gets killed. There's a 50-50 possibility that we will never EVER even get to see Duke KILL somebody with a firearm!

If I recall, the comics are the only medium where characters actually died....in the animated series, every time a plane or tank blew up you would see a parachute or someone jumping out of the tank before it exploded....Joes got hurt, but that's about it...unless you count Duke getting a snake in the chest

 

[KenK]

because to sum up the common denominator of how Hollywood generally f%cks up already-established works, THIS ONE serves as the BEST & EASY-to-point-at example



but we've all seen the trailers, have read the inside reports, have read the synopsis & press releases for this movie. Sure there is a thin possibility that what you percieve from trailers may be different from the finished product. But FROM WHAT WE'VE ALREADY SEEN, we can make sound judgements and reasonable forecasts of that the movie would be.

So far, from what we've seen, it looks hopeless.
How can you fix what has already been in place
- The SILLY costumes

In comparison to most of the original GI Joe costumes? Dudes went into battle wearing sports jerseys and jean jackets with the sleeves ripped off! Don't even get me started on the helicopter pilot that wore a cowboy hat! Not to mention one of team member is a non-speaking ninja!

- The Cartoonish Weaponry (that missle filled with green goo just looks like it was straight off the TMNT cartoons... can you say OOZE?)

Again, in comparison to most of the weaponary seen in the original cartoon?!?!

- The bad casting

That one's fairly subjective, so I'll let you have it.

- The Soap Opera backstory of the characters (there's a love story between Baroness & Duke?)

I bet you wouldn't be saying jack s**t if the whole off again/on again between Scarlett and Snake Eyes was in the film.

- And of course the Power Ranger Suits

Power Rangers were spandex.

- Dont get me started on the Headquarters that Cobra rented from the Gungans (can you read Jar-Jar?)

You're complaining about the look of a terrorist organization's underwater headquarters? Really?

-Also there's the press release interviews where the actors EMPHASIZE that this is "not a war movie" I bet we'll also see a kind of action 80s cartoon style where despite all the gunfights, nobody really gets killed. There's a 50-50 possibility that we will never EVER even get to see Duke KILL somebody with a firearm!

Why must the sole purpose of gunfire be the kill someone? God forbid they just want to disable a vehicle (like Snake Eyes trying to shoot out the tires on the SUV in the Paris chase scene). Maybe they'll just settle for wounding an enemy, or just incapacitate them. Police have used non-lethal weaponary in real life in a number of situations, even when the assailant they're taking down has a more deadly firearm.

And no, a GI Joe movie shouldn't be a "war movie". Not in the sense of a war movie like Saving Private Ryan or Apocalypse Now. The property (at least since the 80s, 'cause the 60s dolls were just dolls without any backstory) has always been extremely escapist in its depection of a military force fighting a terrorist organization. I don't care how many of the comics (that the majority of people familiar with GI Joe in general don't give two rat s**ts about!) you throw at me to claim otherwise.

 

[mr. peasant]

- And of course the Power Ranger Suits

Actually, powered exoskeletons are something the military (along with other engineering fields) are actively researching.

- Also there's the press release interviews where the actors EMPHASIZE that this is "not a war movie" I bet we'll also see a kind of action 80s cartoon style where despite all the gunfights, nobody really gets killed. There's a 50-50 possibility that we will never EVER even get to see Duke KILL somebody with a firearm!

There are very few PG-13 movies where audiences actually see on-screen deaths of human characters. If you want implied, the Paris chase scenes have many deaths implied based on the number of explosions and flying vehicles.

 

[KenK]

Actually, powered exoskeletons are something the military (along with other engineering fields) are actively researching.

MARTY!!! If you were to shatter a fanboy's view of reality, you risk creating a major paradox! The disruption of the space-time continuum could destroy the entire universe! Of course that's only the worst case scenario. The disruption would probably be localized to our own galaxy.

There are very few PG-13 movies where audiences actually see on-screen deaths of human characters. If you want implied, the Paris chase scenes have many deaths implied based on the number of explosions and flying vehicles.

I know, right?!? That whole scene in Paris looks like it's gonna have serious collateral damage!

 

[TripXyDE]

so guys running into battle with just sports jerseys (Bazooka) or a plain khaki shirt (Duke) is any better??

yes. next question....

someone here posted that they are in 2 sequences, in the whole film...let it go

how can i let it go, if it remains in the film?

If I recall, the comics are the only medium where characters actually died....in the animated series, every time a plane or tank blew up you would see a parachute or someone jumping out of the tank before it exploded....Joes got hurt, but that's about it...unless you count Duke getting a snake in the chest

Wow! Those LUCKY Joes!

There was a 3 or 4 part miniseries where the Joes were in an alternate Earth and there was a love story between Clutch and Barronness....during the animated series you always saw Destro and Baroness making out or getting caught making out

the nanotech missile, which is what that is, was a central plot point in the Image comics (Gi Joe Reinstated) and goofy weapons?? Have you seen the Havoc or the HISS Tank

COBRA never had an underwater base.....EVER??

you can argue that it's okay if there's gonna be a giant voltron-like robot in there, or that it's okay if storm shadow's katana can easily cut through large temple pillars with one slash, or if there's some sort of power rangers armor that appeared in something like Sigma$heeet....

but you see, lemme put this in comparison, it's like saying it's ok for the Schumacher Batman & Robin movie to have a Mr. Freeze that makes dumb jokes & have silly henchmen coz that has happened in the Batman comics or in the cartoons

when you talk about HAVOC or HISS tanks or Cobra having an underwater base, it's like saying that it's ok to have a Batman movie with a Batmite or maybe one of his comedic villains from the 70's, or a Batman that has a Bat-Raygun in his utility belt.

We all want to have a great GI JOE movie (not unless maybe if we are to listen to the fans of Sigma$heeeet)...
When a movie adaptation is to be made, we want ALL THE GOOD ELEMENTS to be present & ALL THE NEGATIVE ELEMENTS to be DELETED.

That is why, if we take Nolan's Batman as example, we see Nolan including the gritty aspects of Gotham, the tragedy and inner conflict of Bruce, the scary madness of the Joker, while we see some things being deleted such as A kid sidekick in yellow cape & green underwear, or a Jokermobile.

If we take into consideration that this is a movie that is aimed PURELY to MAKE MONEY, I will agree to that. But one cannot deny that this both a bad adaptation, and just a rotten movie.

 

[BlackLantern]

yes. next question....


how can i let it go, if it remains in the film?


Wow! Those LUCKY Joes!



you can argue that it's okay if there's gonna be a giant voltron-like robot in there, or that it's okay if storm shadow's katana can easily cut through large temple pillars with one slash, or if there's some sort of power rangers armor that appeared in something like Sigma$heeet....

but you see, lemme put this in comparison, it's like saying it's ok for the Schumacher Batman & Robin movie to have a Mr. Freeze that makes dumb jokes & have silly henchmen coz that has happened in the Batman comics or in the cartoons

when you talk about HAVOC or HISS tanks or Cobra having an underwater base, it's like saying that it's ok to have a Batman movie with a Batmite or maybe one of his comedic villains from the 70's, or a Batman that has a Bat-Raygun in his utility belt.

We all want to have a great GI JOE movie (not unless maybe if we are to listen to the fans of Sigma$heeeet)...
When a movie adaptation is to be made, we want ALL THE GOOD ELEMENTS to be present & ALL THE NEGATIVE ELEMENTS to be DELETED.

That is why, if we take Nolan's Batman as example, we see Nolan including the gritty aspects of Gotham, the tragedy and inner conflict of Bruce, the scary madness of the Joker, while we see some things being deleted such as A kid sidekick in yellow cape & green underwear, or a Jokermobile.

If we take into consideration that this is a movie that is aimed PURELY to MAKE MONEY, I will agree to that. But one cannot deny that this both a bad adaptation, and just a rotten movie.

I did not know too much about Mr. Freeze prior to Batman :TAS where he is a very solemn character....my point being is that with the variety of source material it's a lot like a Chinese Buffet, you have to pick and choose what to include....as a fan of movies, in general, I like to give any movie a fair shake....the issue with this is that you have fans saying "Only the 80's animated series" matter or "only the comic matters" and I think thats being narrowminded....and when I was talking about tanks and jets exploding I was talking about COBRA troops, every time you'd see a Rattler or HISS tank get blown up you'd see a little parachute or a Crimson Viper jumping out of the tank....Valor Vs. Venom was pretty ****ing goofy...General Hawk got turned into a minotaur/snake type thing and the Joes saved him with paintball guns

 

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

Its not that Ripcords ethnicity is so freaking important (after all I'm Black my godamned self)I just think Marlon Wayans is a Hacktor but as a G.I. Joe NUT (and damned proud of it) They have a ton of other black charaters he could have played.

None of whom are in this movie.

 

[Bug-Eyed Earl]

I don't have a problem with some changes, but others seem to be "**** you" changes- designed with that intention and intended to illicit that response in kind.

1. Baroness is an American who marries into nobility? **** you

2. She was engaged to marry Duke? **** You.

3. Her brother becomes Cobra Commander? **** you.

4. She's evil because of mind control? **** you

5. She seemingly only loves Destro because of that? **** you.

6. You acknowledge the idea of a Scarlett/SE romance before hooking her up with Ripcord? **** you.

 

[protocida]

This is getting fiercy...

 

[Raiden]

I wasn't referring to you specifically, but rather the general fanboy attitude towards changes in adaptations. I don't believe that change, by matter of principle is grounds for claiming something is of bad quality, although a lot of fans do. I mean, just look at the Dragonball movie: there's PLENTY to point at with that movie to say how bad it sucks, and yet the first thing 90% of the fanboys jump on is "Goku is a White high school student? Nooooo!" Out of all the movie's problems, why is that the one they care about the most, even though it's the least relevant to the movie's quality?

Interesting that you bring up Dragonball: Evolution, because I think G.I. Joe is very similar to that movie in terms of getting the characterization wrong from the source material, and looks cheesy with fake-looking CGI.