Lord of the Advice: Return of the King of Relationships

[Dreadstar]

Oh man, I cant wait for the make up sex!
WOOHOO

 

[Erzengel]

I come from a fairly conservative family, at least on the touchy-feely side. In fact, touching someone is fairly looked down upon. I was scolded a lot at as a kid for intruding on personal spaces, so I thought being touchy feely was wrong. (It could be from something as minor as standing too close to someone.) So I usually play it very VERY safe when it comes to that. -shrug-

Well I have proximity issues unless it's attractive member of the opposite sex. And usually I make a joke, where I'm smacked flirtatiously and by then I know I'm in.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah I just read all that. Thought I might be high. I am high. So I read it a few times, and no, it's not the drugs. Welp, Dreadstar, that's um, more power to you bro.

Speaking as a woman, it would be really fun to have a girl friend who you can go panty-shopping with. Except this friend wouldn't be a girl and you'd be having sex with them.

It's like how women love their gay male friends!

Well I have proximity issues unless it's attractive member of the opposite sex. And usually I make a joke, where I'm smacked flirtatiously and by then I know I'm in.

My proximity issues are worse with attractive members of the opposite sex.

Oh wells.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I come from a fairly conservative family, at least on the touchy-feely side. In fact, touching someone is fairly looked down upon. I was scolded a lot at as a kid for intruding on personal spaces, so I thought being touchy feely was wrong. (It could be from something as minor as standing too close to someone.) So I usually play it very VERY safe when it comes to that. -shrug-

Yeah, I'm cool with physical contact. Don't have promixity issue with attractive people. Hot chicks can touch me as much as they want.

 

[DV8]

Yeah, I'm cool with physical contact. Don't have promixity issue with attractive people. Hot chicks can touch me as much as he wants.

so you like it when dude's touch you huh?

HA! had to capture that quote before you fixed it . . .

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

so you like it when dude's touch you huh?

HA! had to capture that quote before you fixed it . . .

Even worse, it should be "they", which isn't really close to either of those words lol.

 

[Anubis]

Well, "he" is in "they".....right up in the middle.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Yeah, I'm cool with physical contact. Don't have promixity issue with attractive people. Hot chicks can touch me as much as they want.

I have no issues with a steady boyfriend/Potential Husband touching me because that's all a part of being in a loving relationship. It's just all the creepy pervs that I have absolutely no attraction for that I smack in the groin with my ten foot pole.

I was thinking of this but the one trait I'd find the most appealing in a man is that they don't get myself and any members of my family hurt, maim and killed. One of the major tenets in my life is to live a pretty extended, naturally occurring life as God intended. A man devoid of forethought to his safety and the survival of himself and those around him, your typical Devil may care Thrill Seeker if you will, is not the sort of thing that instills confidence in me that I'll be safe. Let's face it in America there are a lot of very careless people out there who have no regard for security and sensibility.

 

[Anita18]

I have no issues with a steady boyfriend/Potential Husband touching me because that's all a part of being in a loving relationship. It's just all the creepy pervs that I have absolutely no attraction for that I smack in the groin with my ten foot pole.

I was thinking of this but the one trait I'd find the most appealing in a man is that they don't get myself and any members of my family hurt, maim and killed. One of the major tenets in my life is to live a pretty extended, naturally occurring life as God intended. A man devoid of forethought to his safety and the survival of himself and those around him, your typical Devil may care Thrill Seeker if you will, is not the sort of thing that instills confidence in me that I'll be safe. Let's face it in America there are a lot of very careless people out there who have no regard for security and sensibility.

You do realize that's like, the lowest standard for a partner anyone could possibly have, right?

 

[Godzilla2000]

You do realize that's like, the lowest standard for a partner anyone could possibly have, right?

Well yeah, but the way girls in my little city cling to these types of reckless guys you'd think half past lunacy was the norm. Where I live is a college town where we have more bars than should be in such a small town. It's all about drinking and getting blitzed. Some drunk kids wrapped themselves around a light pole in the city limits driving a 60 miles over the speed limit. For someone with as much self discipline and standards of proper conduct this self destructive behavior just royally annoys me.

 

[Anita18]

Well yeah, but the way girls in my little city cling to these types of reckless guys you'd think half past lunacy was the norm. Where I live is a college town where we have more bars than should be in such a small town. It's all about drinking and getting blitzed. Some drunk kids wrapped themselves around a light pole in the city limits driving a 60 miles over the speed limit. For someone with as much self discipline and standards of proper conduct this self destructive behavior just royally annoys me.

So what if the girls in your city clings to those kinds of guys? They can busy themselves with each other while you search out the safe ones.

Besides, if they really are as recklessly self-destructive as you say, Darwinism will take them out of the equation in due time...

 

[jaymes_e06]

Have you ever had so much sexual attraction to someone you pretty much almost hook up the first time you meet them in a public library? I actually copped a feel of ass yesterday and chickidee was down for it. I felt like a ****e tho so I had to stop it.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Besides, if they really are as recklessly self-destructive as you say, Darwinism will take them out of the equation in due time...

Well this is my manifesto right here that I just don't want anything to do with these Natural Selection Candidates right here, right now.


Anyways, was thinking of this while playing Skyrim of all things, but I've been thinking about how some people whom I've encountered, both male and female, who put up this illusion of perfection on the outside have really disappointed me that they're personalities on the inside just don't match up to their physical perfection. Right now I'm having a bit of an issue because I guess in an admittedly selfishly way I'm trying to get a guy to see that devoid of the Endorphin and/or Alcohol/Marijuana Induced goggles this girl he's hung up on isn't as great as he and she thinks they are. No one, especially me, is the very symbol of perfection in body and in mind. I just feel like with him he wants to recreate me into a clone of her because he thinks she's this absolute Goddess all women need to embody here on Earth and I just am not like that at all. I'm just a very plain, understated, bluntly honest, non-egocentric, humble person who is not interested at all in being the center of attention. I'm thinking that if he can't totally disconnect from her I'm just never going to feel comfortable because her ghost is just taking up too much space in his mind and I'll never measure up to that at all. I have always worked hard to dispel as I just totally cut loose all ties with people in my past, shutting them completely out off my life completely, especially because I feel they would be too intrusive hampering me having any sort of healthy, unharassed relationship with a man after that. I just don't want the baggage of past failed encounters to keep pestering me in the flesh. I just have this instinctual feeling that as much as he might protest I just don't feel like he's free of her and all the people that surround her. I guess all I really can do is tell him how I feel and let him choose what he wants to do. But all I know is that I just cannot tolerate being haunted by someone else's exes. It's just way too confining and suffocating for me to be in the shadow of someone else's ghost all the time. I just want to be the center of his universe, not an orbiting planet or moon easily forgotten. If I can't be his Number One then I just have to go and search for someone who can devote himself completely to me and not be so clingy to another woman he has a shaky relationship with.

*edit* Was just thinking of this too while joining the Lycanthropic members of the Companions in Skyrim, but it just bothers me when people get in my face and seem to think they have the right to tell me I'm being strange for just wanting to be a confidante and supporter for my man instead of becoming a main attraction. Truth is I place my family, like the kids, my mom, my boyfriends, etc. etc. as a higher priority than a frivolous, vain career. My goal is to be a support system and a well of wisdom and advice for those I love than to serve myself.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

lame as i am the best i did on a first date was kiss her hand goodnight. still, better than a hug right? RIGHT?

edit: actually, i don't get the hugs being a deal-breaker. it was a first date after all. people aren't sexual animals all the time.

I guess it's just all about how you see hugs.

Hugs are something that I give to people that I love and am totally comfortable with. My close friends, my mum and other older people in my life.

I would just feel so unbelievably awkward if a guy I don't know that well, HUGGED me at the end of a date... It suggests a level of closeness that i'm totally not that comfortable with, a mutual 'love' that I just don't have for that person yet.

Kissing on the other hand, is different. Because it's a sexual thing. It's an exploration of sexual chemistry. It's about feeling sparks, feeling 'hot', feeling passion.

I mean, I wouldn't dance with a guy at a club all sexy, then lead him to the corner of the dance floor and give him a good hug

Well maybe most first dates didn't occur within hours of meeting someone, but I do know that a lot of my first dates have come from, say, talking to a girl in class a few times, and then saying "can I take you to dinner this weekend". So there hasn't been a lot of time to really get to know each other yet - that's what the date is for.

Like I said, I see a first date as a "getting to know each other, see if there's a mutual interest / connection" more than a time to seal the deal.

I feel a girl should understand that if im taking her out, and buying her dinner, that my intent is romantic, and not to just be her "friend".

I can't think of any situation where a guy asks to buy someone dinner because he wants to be their friend.

Why do you have to know someone well before you kiss them?

Can't you just, you know... fancy them and wanna kiss them without knowing all that much about them at all?

My quickest were two instances where we were full on making out in 30 seconds to a minute of meeting each other. I hadn't even gotten a name yet. One was a college girl, and I'm pretty sure the other probably was as well.

Then I guess the next would be ten minutes.

Just like you say, there's this feeling and then here we go.

At uni, the girls and I used to have competitions to see how many guys we could snog in 10 mins. And we'd just dance around the club, wiggle at a guy, wrap hands around his neck, snog him... and then move onto a little bit further into the crowd and do the same again. I'd say we usually came back with at least 3 or 4 each

Kissing is just not something I take at ALL seriously.

Sex, is different. Sex I don't like doing with complete strangers (though I have had a few drunk hook ups i've regretted).

But kissing? Meh, I like having fun with that. Why?

Okay, this is getting a bit deep, but here goes: It makes me feel attractive.

It's like, I used to think no one found me attractive. Every picture I looked at myself, all I saw was this hideous face. Thought I was incapable of being attractive because I wasn't skinny like my friends.

But the more people I kissed as life went on, and the easier scoring a kiss became when I was out drinking, the more I started to realise that most guys do find me attractive on a basic level. That I have an average level of attractiveness at least. That i'm not ugly or fat. I am capable of getting a guy hot. I am 'sexy'.

And I LOVE being sexy. I love that powerful feeling it gives you. I am so incredibly glad I found that within myself, because it's now a huge part of who I am.

I don't kiss people at clubs so much anymore, because i'm a bit older now and don't go out quite as much. But if I was having a particularly bad time, like for example I ran into an ex and they called me an ugly ***** or something... I would have a few drinks, go to a club in a short skirt and low cut top, dance for a while, catch a guys eye, dance close up next to his body, snog his face off... and then leave him there, wound up enough to protest.

And that probably makes me a bad person

But it's my way of feeling confident. My way of feeling 'hot'.

So my girlfriend of 3 months has been going to a friend's place for him to help her out with a programming assignment for university (I have the same assignment), a couple of times in the past 3 weeks.

I'm an open minded guy so I was ok with this for the most part, I know how tough the assignment is and she's not quite as proficient as I am + we have a really tight deadline with lots of other work to do. She lives out of town and he lives in the same town as me, I've never seen him, but she always told me when she was gonna go.

Today when she called me to chat before she took the train I decided to surprise her and head to the station to meet up with her, maybe help her carry the laptop, you know, just to see her. As I'm walking towards the station I see her, a guy next to her, carrying her stuff. She sees me and looks more than a little startled, I walk across the street to meet up.

She says 'I was just thinking about you' with a big awkward smile, I say 'Really? Well, I called you like 3 times and sent you a message...', she says 'Oh I didn't see!'. I'm thinking, ok, that's possible after all, her cell's speaker is busted, she just has it set to vibrate and it's always in her handbag. Then she goes on to ask me how come I came, why I'm not working on the assignment etc. all the while she's obviously uncomfortable and unnerved. I'm thinking what the hell, I'm not exactly comfortable with this whole idea either, but I don't want to be a control freak, so I walk and talk with them part of the way and then the feeling of utter misery takes over completely and I tell her I'll hear her later and say goodbye, she says bye, they walk on, I walk home. All the time I'm thinking 'Damn, that guy seems VERY familiar...' The minute I got home I got a message from her saying 'Hey kitten, I'm so sorry I didn't even see the calls or messages'

As I got home I was trying to remember why he looked so familiar... and then it hits me like a freight train - a year ago I saw the two of them kissing in the university lobby. Needless to say, I've been feeling a mixture of blind rage and complete misery, only compounded by the fact that when I got home and turned on my computer I saw she was signed in to msn and idle. She stayed idle for 3 hours, now I'm not one to be paranoid, but that's a little bit odd considering he was supposed to be helping her with the assignment.

Half an hour ago I get an SMS on my cell, she says 'What are you doing?', then five minutes later before I even got a chance to write up an answer I get another one 'You're not answering '. Now that looks like a sign of desperation, maybe fueled by guilt? I answer that I'm working on the project, ask her how it's going over there. She answers back that she's working too (with a '' again) and asks me whether I would be up for meeting her later, in two hours. I tell her 'Sure, ring me up when you're done'.

Here's the deal, I feel miserable, kinda betrayed but I'm faking that I'm ok with it through my messages, after all I could be overreacting. But if I do meet up with her I don't think I'll be able to hide how angry and disappointed I am.

Any thoughts, advice, anything?

BTW, I'm 23, She's 22 and he's 26 or so.

I have one question.

If you're both doing the assignment, why couldn't YOU help her with it?

I come from a fairly conservative family, at least on the touchy-feely side. In fact, touching someone is fairly looked down upon. I was scolded a lot at as a kid for intruding on personal spaces, so I thought being touchy feely was wrong. (It could be from something as minor as standing too close to someone.) So I usually play it very VERY safe when it comes to that. -shrug-

I'm like the opposite. My mum was such a warm, affectionate and touchy feely person. Hugs and kisses all the time. Hair stroking, hand stroking, massages etc.

 

[lixdexia]

poor terry. ***** is ****ing around on you, time to cut straps. be cool about it, but move on and find some new women-ladies.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I have come to the conclusion that human contact is something I shouldn't be having. I'm throwing my hands in the air and just giving up because too many people have been acting way too weird when I mention particular crushes I have. If living like a hermit is what I have to do to just not be so stressed out that's what I'll do. Seriously, it might be the way my mind works but people are confusing me, even my own family members. I feel like yelling "STOP THE INSANITY!" at the top of my lungs right now. In fact that's what I'll do.

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

So I met up with her last night, 1 in the morning, she was in a sour mood, said she even cried on her way over here. Said she called her brother to pick her up but he yelled at her and told her he's sick of being her cab and that she should get home however the **** she can, then she called her dad and he was pretty pissed too (I'd drive her home, but I don't own a car). Then she said the guy who was supposed to be helping her was cranky and mad as well, said that some girl called him asking him to go out with her that night but he said he couldn't so the girl flipped and he'd been moody all night, which made her feel like dead weight. She said 'I don't know what's going on today but everyone seems to be mad at me for some reason...' with a very sad face.

I'm not one to kick people when they're down. Basically, as miserable as she looked and felt I couldn't bring myself to 'lay down the law', so I just comforted her, hugged her and kissed her. We laughed a little bit, walked to a bench where it was dark and soon things got pretty hot and heavy. Afterwards her dad came and picked her up, I went home, later we talked for an hour or so on the phone saying how much we love each other.

I have one question.

If you're both doing the assignment, why couldn't YOU help her with it?

I offered early on but she wouldn't take me up on it, she says that she doesn't want to feel like she's using me, or that I should be helping her with uni assignments just because we're together (earlier in our relationship there was a nasty rumor floating around that she hooked up with me just for me to help her with this specific assignment, but she never asked me to help her with anything, actually she did more of the helping with other work). It's a huge programming assignment, takes weeks to complete. By now we're not in the same phase of it anymore, I work at a much faster pace and she'd feel like she's slowing me down. This guy's basically doing most of the actual work and just explaining it to her, that's something I for sure wouldn't be able to do based on our deadline. Plus, there's the small issue of us not being able to keep our hands off each other, so very little actual work would have been done that way, we tried this with other assignments.

poor terry. ***** is ****ing around on you, time to cut straps. be cool about it, but move on and find some new women-ladies.

Maybe, but then again that very well may be wrong. I know her close friends pretty well now and from what I've gathered she didn't have many relationships in the past (lower single digits) and she just doesn't strike me as the type to be doing something like that, especially considering how warm, affectionate and genuinely attracted she acts towards me. She tells me she loves me and that she's crazy about me all the time, which according to her is not something to be taken lightly. I mean, she'd really have to be a serious piece of work to act towards me the way she does and still be doing something behind my back.

So she went again today, supposedly for the final time and she said she'd be going home earlier and that we'd meet up again in the evening when she's done. Just now I got a message saying 'Hey kitten, we have some problems so I'll have to stay longer than intended Can we meet up later then? '

And here I am feeling like crap again. It could all be in my head, but it seems like too many signs to ignore, then again I really really want to trust her, she hasn't given me reason not to yet.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I have come to the conclusion that human contact is something I shouldn't be having. I'm throwing my hands in the air and just giving up because too many people have been acting way too weird when I mention particular crushes I have. If living like a hermit is what I have to do to just not be so stressed out that's what I'll do. Seriously, it might be the way my mind works but people are confusing me, even my own family members. I feel like yelling "STOP THE INSANITY!" at the top of my lungs right now. In fact that's what I'll do.

I'm pretty sure I've seen you "throw up your hands and give up" at least twice a week for the past year in this thread.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I just hope she's looking in a mirror when she starts yelling "STOP THE INSANITY!!!"

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I really just do not care.

 

[Dreadstar]

Namaste!

I see the inner light that shines within you!

 

[Anita18]

Anyways, was thinking of this while playing Skyrim of all things, but I've been thinking about how some people whom I've encountered, both male and female, who put up this illusion of perfection on the outside have really disappointed me that they're personalities on the inside just don't match up to their physical perfection. Right now I'm having a bit of an issue because I guess in an admittedly selfishly way I'm trying to get a guy to see that devoid of the Endorphin and/or Alcohol/Marijuana Induced goggles this girl he's hung up on isn't as great as he and she thinks they are. No one, especially me, is the very symbol of perfection in body and in mind. I just feel like with him he wants to recreate me into a clone of her because he thinks she's this absolute Goddess all women need to embody here on Earth and I just am not like that at all. I'm just a very plain, understated, bluntly honest, non-egocentric, humble person who is not interested at all in being the center of attention. I'm thinking that if he can't totally disconnect from her I'm just never going to feel comfortable because her ghost is just taking up too much space in his mind and I'll never measure up to that at all. I have always worked hard to dispel as I just totally cut loose all ties with people in my past, shutting them completely out off my life completely, especially because I feel they would be too intrusive hampering me having any sort of healthy, unharassed relationship with a man after that. I just don't want the baggage of past failed encounters to keep pestering me in the flesh. I just have this instinctual feeling that as much as he might protest I just don't feel like he's free of her and all the people that surround her. I guess all I really can do is tell him how I feel and let him choose what he wants to do. But all I know is that I just cannot tolerate being haunted by someone else's exes. It's just way too confining and suffocating for me to be in the shadow of someone else's ghost all the time. I just want to be the center of his universe, not an orbiting planet or moon easily forgotten. If I can't be his Number One then I just have to go and search for someone who can devote himself completely to me and not be so clingy to another woman he has a shaky relationship with.

*edit* Was just thinking of this too while joining the Lycanthropic members of the Companions in Skyrim, but it just bothers me when people get in my face and seem to think they have the right to tell me I'm being strange for just wanting to be a confidante and supporter for my man instead of becoming a main attraction. Truth is I place my family, like the kids, my mom, my boyfriends, etc. etc. as a higher priority than a frivolous, vain career. My goal is to be a support system and a well of wisdom and advice for those I love than to serve myself.

So...you're attracted to this loser who's so clueless that he's hung up on some dumb girl who won't give him the time of day, and he won't give you the time of day until he gets over her. Just what exactly do you see in him again?

If you're trying to paint yourself as superior to such people, you're having some trouble. Instead, your descriptions paint yourself as subservient to the people that you hate. "If only they understood, if only he could see me as special, etc etc." Just say, "Screw 'em all!" and leave them in the dust.

If you position yourself as subservient to everyone you describe as losers, nobody will respect you and that's why you get the experiences you do.

Okay, this is getting a bit deep, but here goes: It makes me feel attractive.

It's like, I used to think no one found me attractive. Every picture I looked at myself, all I saw was this hideous face. Thought I was incapable of being attractive because I wasn't skinny like my friends.

But the more people I kissed as life went on, and the easier scoring a kiss became when I was out drinking, the more I started to realise that most guys do find me attractive on a basic level. That I have an average level of attractiveness at least. That i'm not ugly or fat. I am capable of getting a guy hot. I am 'sexy'.

And I LOVE being sexy. I love that powerful feeling it gives you. I am so incredibly glad I found that within myself, because it's now a huge part of who I am.

I don't kiss people at clubs so much anymore, because i'm a bit older now and don't go out quite as much. But if I was having a particularly bad time, like for example I ran into an ex and they called me an ugly ***** or something... I would have a few drinks, go to a club in a short skirt and low cut top, dance for a while, catch a guys eye, dance close up next to his body, snog his face off... and then leave him there, wound up enough to protest.

And that probably makes me a bad person

But it's my way of feeling confident. My way of feeling 'hot'.

Huh, I'd never heard of someone's viewpoint on kissing being quite that way. Intriguing...

From what I've heard, kissing is usually seen as more intimate than sex. My promiscuous friend loved having sex with men she just met, but she wouldn't kiss them.

I'd never go quite that far to feel attractive. All I have to do is wear shorts and then I get catcalls... Mission accomplished!

I'm like the opposite. My mum was such a warm, affectionate and touchy feely person. Hugs and kisses all the time. Hair stroking, hand stroking, massages etc.

Oh, it's different with family. We did hug and stuff, but whenever we went out with people, we were always supposed to respect personal space. So now I go overboard with it.

So she went again today, supposedly for the final time and she said she'd be going home earlier and that we'd meet up again in the evening when she's done. Just now I got a message saying 'Hey kitten, we have some problems so I'll have to stay longer than intended Can we meet up later then? '

And here I am feeling like crap again. It could all be in my head, but it seems like too many signs to ignore, then again I really really want to trust her, she hasn't given me reason not to yet.

If you feel like crap, you have to tell her. If you repress it, you'll start to second-guess everything she does while pretending to her face that everything is okay with you. It'll start to leak out, and when the levee breaks, she'll be left wondering WTF happened. Nip that stuff in the bud right away.

 

[Dreadstar]

SO I was texting the comic chick and she we were talking about past relationships and she said she is kinda digging the single life because she can do what she wants when she wants.

As soon as she said that I STOPPED texting her!!!!!

Is she not saying that she is not interested in a relationship right now? …. AND THERE goes all the attention I will give comic chick!!!!!!

 

[The Guard]

I'm not one to kick people when they're down. Basically, as miserable as she looked and felt I couldn't bring myself to 'lay down the law', so I just comforted her, hugged her and kissed her. We laughed a little bit, walked to a bench where it was dark and soon things got pretty hot and heavy. Afterwards her dad came and picked her up, I went home, later we talked for an hour or so on the phone saying how much we love each other.

See...this is one of those times when you more or less have to find the will to ignore how "sad" she is, and how everyone's mad at her (there are probably reasons for it) and discuss what's going on, and what went on. It kind of sounds like she used how bad her day was as an excuse to avoid a confrontation/discussion of a serious issue.

 

[Anita18]

SO I was texting the comic chick and she we were talking about past relationships and she said she is kinda digging the single life because she can do what she wants when she wants.

As soon as she said that I STOPPED texting her!!!!!

Is she not saying that she is not interested in a relationship right now? …. AND THERE goes all the attention I will give comic chick!!!!!!

You weren't actually considering a serious relationship with a teasing girl 25 years your junior, were you?