Lord of the Advice: Return of the King of Relationships

[Dreadstar]

It feels like fling girl might chat after
she returns from her weekend away with her friend. She is going away this weekend with a girlfriend.

So, I guess I wait until next week and see if she will text me. THAT seems pretty cold to me, no wonder she is single, no wonder she took down her profile down from the site, she is one screwed up chick!

It seems to me, adults would sit down and talk, not send some big long text message full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

What the hell is this chicks problem? Should I wait until Monday or Tuesday to text her?

 

[Erzengel]

What's been your longest relationship?

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

So my girlfriend of 3 months has been going to a friend's place for him to help her out with a programming assignment for university (I have the same assignment), a couple of times in the past 3 weeks.

I'm an open minded guy so I was ok with this for the most part, I know how tough the assignment is and she's not quite as proficient as I am + we have a really tight deadline with lots of other work to do. She lives out of town and he lives in the same town as me, I've never seen him, but she always told me when she was gonna go.

Today when she called me to chat before she took the train I decided to surprise her and head to the station to meet up with her, maybe help her carry the laptop, you know, just to see her. As I'm walking towards the station I see her, a guy next to her, carrying her stuff. She sees me and looks more than a little startled, I walk across the street to meet up.

She says 'I was just thinking about you' with a big awkward smile, I say 'Really? Well, I called you like 3 times and sent you a message...', she says 'Oh I didn't see!'. I'm thinking, ok, that's possible after all, her cell's speaker is busted, she just has it set to vibrate and it's always in her handbag. Then she goes on to ask me how come I came, why I'm not working on the assignment etc. all the while she's obviously uncomfortable and unnerved. I'm thinking what the hell, I'm not exactly comfortable with this whole idea either, but I don't want to be a control freak, so I walk and talk with them part of the way and then the feeling of utter misery takes over completely and I tell her I'll hear her later and say goodbye, she says bye, they walk on, I walk home. All the time I'm thinking 'Damn, that guy seems VERY familiar...' The minute I got home I got a message from her saying 'Hey kitten, I'm so sorry I didn't even see the calls or messages'

As I got home I was trying to remember why he looked so familiar... and then it hits me like a freight train - a year ago I saw the two of them kissing in the university lobby. Needless to say, I've been feeling a mixture of blind rage and complete misery, only compounded by the fact that when I got home and turned on my computer I saw she was signed in to msn and idle. She stayed idle for 3 hours, now I'm not one to be paranoid, but that's a little bit odd considering he was supposed to be helping her with the assignment.

Half an hour ago I get an SMS on my cell, she says 'What are you doing?', then five minutes later before I even got a chance to write up an answer I get another one 'You're not answering '. Now that looks like a sign of desperation, maybe fueled by guilt? I answer that I'm working on the project, ask her how it's going over there. She answers back that she's working too (with a '' again) and asks me whether I would be up for meeting her later, in two hours. I tell her 'Sure, ring me up when you're done'.

Here's the deal, I feel miserable, kinda betrayed but I'm faking that I'm ok with it through my messages, after all I could be overreacting. But if I do meet up with her I don't think I'll be able to hide how angry and disappointed I am.

Any thoughts, advice, anything?

BTW, I'm 23, She's 22 and he's 26 or so.

 

[Erzengel]

C O M M U N I C A T I O N I S K E Y

Go meet with her and just say, hey, I thought that guy who was with you was familiar and I remember, I saw you with him last year. Tell her you trust her, however, you are a little uneasy and just see where the conversation goes. Just remember to keep calm and try not to blow a gasket.

 

[TerryMcGinnis]

I'll try to do that. But you know what pisses me off the most? The fact that she's shown signs of jealousy, let me know of it verbally, when I even take a passing glance at some other girl/woman - and here she is, spending a long evening at a guy's place, who may even be her ex for all I know, but that's not something she'd even mention to me. I go out of my way now to avoid too much time alone with other women, because I know how hard she would take it. I assure you, if the roles were reversed, she'd blow more than a gasket, it'd be like Hiroshima all over again - but here I am, terribly uninformed about something that's a pretty big deal if you ask me.

 

[Erzengel]

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

You'd be surprised how subconsciously and sometimes consciously hypocritical people can be.

 

[Anita18]

You're weird.

I've done it within hours of meeting.

There's instant chemistry, plus a few drinks shared.

Also I'm funny, charismatic and witty.

I really can't blame myself.

I come from a fairly conservative family, at least on the touchy-feely side. In fact, touching someone is fairly looked down upon. I was scolded a lot at as a kid for intruding on personal spaces, so I thought being touchy feely was wrong. (It could be from something as minor as standing too close to someone.) So I usually play it very VERY safe when it comes to that. -shrug-

It feels like fling girl might chat after
she returns from her weekend away with her friend. She is going away this weekend with a girlfriend.

So, I guess I wait until next week and see if she will text me. THAT seems pretty cold to me, no wonder she is single, no wonder she took down her profile down from the site, she is one screwed up chick!

It seems to me, adults would sit down and talk, not send some big long text message full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

What the hell is this chicks problem? Should I wait until Monday or Tuesday to text her?

What the hell is your problem that you're so wound up over this? Just chill. If you want to text her to say that you feel bad about the blow up (or still mad about it, whatever), do that whenever you want. Or you can be nice and say you hope she had a good trip, etc.

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

You'd be surprised how subconsciously and sometimes consciously hypocritical people can be.

Yuppers!

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I'll try to do that. But you know what pisses me off the most? The fact that she's shown signs of jealousy, let me know of it verbally, when I even take a passing glance at some other girl/woman - and here she is, spending a long evening at a guy's place, who may even be her ex for all I know, but that's not something she'd even mention to me. I go out of my way now to avoid too much time alone with other women, because I know how hard she would take it. I assure you, if the roles were reversed, she'd blow more than a gasket, it'd be like Hiroshima all over again - but here I am, terribly uninformed about something that's a pretty big deal if you ask me.

Maybe it's not what you think, I dunno, I'm not Nostradamus (although I'm not gonna lie and tell you this is all in your head either - it isn't). Like Erz said, you'll just have to talk to her about it. Mention where you know the guy from because it's important you say something about seeing that.

 

[Dreadstar]

Ok, boys and girls, I figured it all out! It took awhile, but I got it! That last message was a test! She wanted me to message her and apologize and tell her that I did not mean to being her down.

So I did that. Waited until this afternoon, which I mentioned (the entire time to cool off thing) Told her how sorry I was, never my intention to bring her down. She apologized too but I told her she has NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT! ITS ALL MY FAULT AND I AM GOING TO MAKE IT up to you in a big way! I told her I wanted her to know how I felt so she could enjoy her weekend with her friend. And now we are going to make up. Dodged a bullet there, the noose was around my neck, all that was left was to kick the chair. Its funny, she said what Anita said, "we are more alike than we think!"

 

[DV8]

Terry McGinnis, your situation definitely sounds a little fishy to me; your girl sounds like she has a guilty conscience about something . . . that's not to say she's definitely cheating on you but she's hiding something; the accusations of cheating are either guilt or insecurity; but you definitely need to confront her about the dude and you having seen her kissing him; let her know you need to know the truth . . . she needs to keep it real with you

 

[Erzengel]

Ok, boys and girls, I figured it all out! It took awhile, but I got it! That last message was a test! She wanted me to message her and apologize and tell her that I did not mean to being her down.

So I did that. Waited until this afternoon, which I mentioned (the entire time to cool off thing) Told her how sorry I was, never my intention to bring her down. She apologized too but I told her she has NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT! ITS ALL MY FAULT AND I AM GOING TO MAKE IT up to you in a big way! I told her I wanted her to know how I felt so she could enjoy her weekend with her friend. And now we are going to make up. Dodged a bullet there, the noose was around my neck, all that was left was to kick the chair. Its funny, she said what Anita said, "we are more alike than we think!"

Hello?

Is this thing on?

 

[Anita18]

Ok, boys and girls, I figured it all out! It took awhile, but I got it! That last message was a test! She wanted me to message her and apologize and tell her that I did not mean to being her down.

So I did that. Waited until this afternoon, which I mentioned (the entire time to cool off thing) Told her how sorry I was, never my intention to bring her down. She apologized too but I told her she has NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT! ITS ALL MY FAULT AND I AM GOING TO MAKE IT up to you in a big way! I told her I wanted her to know how I felt so she could enjoy her weekend with her friend. And now we are going to make up. Dodged a bullet there, the noose was around my neck, all that was left was to kick the chair. Its funny, she said what Anita said, "we are more alike than we think!"

I can't wait to see how this relationship develops further. Glad you worked it out.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I can't wait to see how this relationship develops further. Glad you worked it out.

Me too, I feel really sorry for this girl, she probably wants to make it work, but Dreadstar just has so little confidence in himself that it must be insane trying to make it work.

 

[Anita18]

Oh, Dreadstar, is fling girl the same girl who encourages your particular underwear tastes?

Cause if you let that one go, you're a right idiot. Sometimes you just gotta find someone who accepts your weirdest traits and then let everything else slide.

 

[Dreadstar]

Oh, Dreadstar, is fling girl the same girl who encourages your particular underwear tastes?

Cause if you let that one go, you're a right idiot. Sometimes you just gotta find someone who accepts your weirdest traits and then let everything else slide.

Yes, she knows and encourages my panty wearing and womens jeans! In fact, she said I should change the boring old white nylon panties with some feminine floral ones with lace! WOOHOO I am ALL over that! t: She also said we are going to have to get me some womens jeans with bling!

 

[Erzengel]

Attention Dreadstar!!!

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR LONGEST RELATIONSHIP!!!

 

[Dreadstar]

a little over one year, so thats why I ask what I do! OK? Now you understand… All my relationships have been less than one year except one. And the one year one was with a LOON, so I knew it was going to end!

 

[Dreadstar]

Me too, I feel really sorry for this girl, she probably wants to make it work, but Dreadstar just has so little confidence in himself that it must be insane trying to make it work.

OMG! This made me LOL!

because its true!

 

[Anita18]

Yes, she knows and encourages my panty wearing and womens jeans! In fact, she said I should change the boring old white nylon panties with some feminine floral ones with lace! WOOHOO I am ALL over that! t: She also said we are going to have to get me some womens jeans with bling!

Then don't f*** this one up, okay?

 

[Dreadstar]

Then don't f*** this one up, okay?

I am trying not to, but sometimes I do stupid things! (note to self, no more texting endless profanity about anything!)

Honest to God I dont know what the hell I am doing half the time!

 

[DV8]

wait?? women's panties?? women's jeans with bling?? I'm out this piece Lol

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah I just read all that. Thought I might be high. I am high. So I read it a few times, and no, it's not the drugs. Welp, Dreadstar, that's um, more power to you bro.

 

[Erzengel]

He mentioned it in another thread......

 

[DV8]

Yeah I just read all that. Thought I might be high. I am high. So I read it a few times, and no, it's not the drugs. Welp, Dreadstar, that's um, more power to you bro.

 

[Anita18]

I am trying not to, but sometimes I do stupid things! (note to self, no more texting endless profanity about anything!)

Honest to God I dont know what the $#@! I am doing half the time!

Well my longest relationship prior to this one was 1.5 years and frankly we should have broken up earlier.

You just gotta chill. Don't freak out. She has her own motivations and thoughts and beliefs, you have to hear them out before you get all crazy about stuff. Also, a cooling off time is always a good idea.