Yes everyone moves at their own pace. I'm sure people move faster than I do as well as slower than I do. I'm not saying that mine is the correct speed, just the speed that I'm comfortable and had success in. But that also has to do with who I am and what I'm looking for in another person.
Honestly, Nell, would you really push a girl off you if she initiated a kiss on the first date because you feel they are going too fast for you?
Well you kinda have to have some sort of intimacy to kinda know if you have no sexual chemistry.
And I hope I'm not misinterpreting Hopeful, but when I hear sexual chemistry, then I think of sexual compatibility. Something you didn't find out about in your ex.
See I don't think of relationships in terms of steps. I think of it as what feels right now. Does it feel right to kiss them, does it feel right to invite them over? If it's the 1st or 4th date so be it.
Would I push a girl off me if she tried to kiss me on the first date? Absolutely not. I think I had even mentioned it in a previous post that if the first date just went that well, and it was that clear, then yea, I'd do it. But I've never been on a first date, even with my ex, where it was
that clear from the get go, and we just had to kiss each other.
The only time I could say something like that happened was probably with my first "ex", the girl that I worked with that I had a fling with who was cheating on her boyfriend with me. After a night on the phone literally for like 9 hours, and expressing our feelings for each other, the next time we saw each other at work we were making out in the break room. So okay, I had that kind of situation happen once where the two of us just knew we wanted each other, and it was gonna happen. But also, that was a weird situation of a forbidden work flight where she was cheating on her boyfriend.
But as far as actual dates go, I've never been on a first date where it felt right to kiss on the first date. Maybe that's because the girl I was on a date with wasn't feeling it so she didn't give the signals, maybe it's because I misread the signal or was too scared, or maybe it was just because the girls that I've been on those dates with weren't ready to kiss on the first date.
As far as the sexual chemistry thing, that's probably just different definitions of the term. While my ex and I never developed a sexual relationship, we did have physical affection, it wasn't where I wanted it to be, but it wasn't completely hands off like the perception of it has been in this thread.
I guess I just don't see kissing as step 4. I see kissing as a part of step 1.
But then i'm a complete create of impulse. If I fancy a guy, and we've been on a succesful date and flirting back and forth and laughing and catching each others eyes and stuff... I'm gonna want to kiss him. Because that's what you want to do to someone you have the hots for (among other things
).
And it's awesome. I don't wanna end the night wondering if the other person finds you attractive too/enjoyed themselves. I wanna end the night KNOWING they feel it too. Knowing it by how into the kiss they were. Knowing it by what kind of kiss it was, how long a kiss it was, whether they tried for anything else, whether they lingered when you pulled away etc etc.
If I don't feel attracted enough to the guy after the first date to wanna kiss him... well that means i'm totally turned off by him. Because i'm not exactly all the picky about who I kiss. I like kissing. It's fun.
I was more just talking about whether or not the other person 'turns you on' and gets your motor running. You know, Sparks.
Being incompatible in the bedroom is something that certainly can be a problem, but if you're both attracted to each other it can be worked on. You can teach each other what you like.
I wouldn't count kissing as "step 4" either, I was mainly just throwing an example out there.
I get what you're saying about not wanting to wait, and all of that, and I think that's great, I'd love to find a girl like that to date that pushes all the games aside and is just like "hey, I'm into this, let's do it"!
I guess I'll just state again - I'm not against kissing on the first date if it feels right, and I agree with the mentality that a relationship is less about steps and more about going with the flow when it's right. But I do believe that there are steps within that natural flow. I mean, when you first see a girl, step 1 is physical attraction, you shouldn't be falling in love with her planning out the rest of your life with her at that point (
).
I just don't think that
not kissing someone on the first date is a sign that one or both parties aren't into each other. But I guess for some I guess it could be.
I will say this, this subject has maybe given me an answer to something I've been wondering about.
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