Lord of the Advice: Return of the King of Relationships

[Erzengel]

Quick question, how old are you 2?

 

[knowsbleed]

All the more reason I'd try to tag along on one of these hang out sessions. You just have to figure out a way to bring it up without seeming obvious. If she says that she hung out with him again, maybe say something like, "I want to hang out with you guys". If she hesitates, then why is she hesitating? If not, and she is all for you 3 hanging out, it makes it less likely that she's trying to hide something. If you can get into that situation, a throw it on the table question of "so how did you two meet?" will get the ball rolling.

 

[TLH]

Quick question, how old are you 2?

I'm 24, she's 23.

All the more reason I'd try to tag along on one of these hang out sessions. You just have to figure out a way to bring it up without seeming obvious. If she says that she hung out with him again, maybe say something like, "I want to hang out with you guys". If she hesitates, then why is she hesitating? If not, and she is all for you 3 hanging out, it makes it less likely that she's trying to hide something. If you can get into that situation, a throw it on the table question of "so how did you two meet?" will get the ball rolling.

Clever, will have to try this.

 

[Schlosser85]

The trick is not being obvious that you're fishing for info though, because if you are, and she really is hiding something and smells that you're trying to find out, it could make her more secretive and harder for you to find out the truth.

 

[knowsbleed]

Ahhh... relationship games... I do not miss them.

 

[Erzengel]

The reason that I asked your age, is while 6 months isn't a LONG time. It's enough time to know the circle of your gf/bf.

If you haven't met some of them, it's not really an issue but if she's spending equal time, why wouldn't she already introduce you?

I don't mean to be putting all these doubts in your head however, I'm just thinking of stuff if I was in your position.

 

[TLH]

No that's fine, I appreciate it.

We don't do things with our friends. We don't have huge circles, she has a few friends she sees regularly (two girls and the one guy who is her ex) and I have the about the same (except no ex).

At this point I'm just going to have to trust it. If I get burned, it won't be my fault, and at this point I'm not prepared to ruin things/display distrust by trying to prevent something that is ostensibly unlikely to happen (romantic reconnection with her ex who she is adamant is just a friend).

Does this make sense? I mean, if it's going to fall apart, saying something in hopes it will act as a preventative measure isn't, in the long run, going to make a difference. This is either going to work out or it's not, so I'll have to take a leap of faith. I really do believe they are just friends, my only concern is they could unintentionally reconnect, that's pretty much it.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Wait, so she hasn't told you he was her ex... and yet you seem to know a lot about what happened there...

Where exactly did you get all this info? You mentioned you occasionally see her posts onTwitter, but that sounds a bit more like you've gone back through years of her Twitter...

FYI, I think when it comes to people hanging out with their exs, you have to like it or lump it. No, it's not easy. But you cannot tell another person who they can or cannot be friends with just because you are afraid/jealous.

 

[TLH]

Wait, so she hasn't told you he was her ex... and yet you seem to know a lot about what happened there...

Where exactly did you get all this info? You mentioned you occasionally see her posts onTwitter, but that sounds a bit more like you've gone back through years of her Twitter...

FYI, I think when it comes to people hanging out with their exs, you have to like it or lump it. No, it's not easy. But you cannot tell another person who they can or cannot be friends with just because you are afraid/jealous.

One of her friends on Twitter mentioned he was her ex and they had brief exchange about it, or else I never would have known.

Yeah I know, so I'm just going to leave it. Like I said, if this relationship is going to work out long-term (we're great together, so it can), I just need to get over worrying about her being friends with an ex.

 

[Erzengel]

Wait, so she hasn't told you he was her ex... and yet you seem to know a lot about what happened there...

Where exactly did you get all this info? You mentioned you occasionally see her posts onTwitter, but that sounds a bit more like you've gone back through years of her Twitter...

FYI, I think when it comes to people hanging out with their exs, you have to like it or lump it. No, it's not easy. But you cannot tell another person who they can or cannot be friends with just because you are afraid/jealous.

Sure you can.

Erzette started a new relationship with a girl, who I thought wasn't a good influence. Into drugs, and getting, digitally manipulated by her dealer in a seedy club she dragged Erzette to.

One of her friends on Twitter mentioned he was her ex and they had brief exchange about it, or else I never would have known.

Yeah I know, so I'm just going to leave it. Like I said, if this relationship is going to work out long-term (we're great together, so it can), I just need to get over worrying about her being friends with an ex.

I hope you are planning to have some sort of discussion?

The way you've explained your relationship so far, is there is a lack of affection, lying by omission and general communication problems.

Are you willing just to sweep everything under the rug because you don't want to rock the boat?

 

[TLH]

I hope you are planning to have some sort of discussion?

The way you've explained your relationship so far, is there is a lack of affection, lying by omission and general communication problems.

Are you willing just to sweep everything under the rug because you don't want to rock the boat?

Well this is an interesting tweet "wow that weed hit my body real hard last night, I feel like I'm melting"

She is SO not the type of person to do that, so now I'm questioning how well I even know her.

Good god, this is just going from bad to worse, especially since I'm assuming she had it with her ex. Just shoot me.

Yeah, I guess I'm going to have a very hard and awkward conversation with her tomorrow despite it being the last time I'll see her before she's gone. It will probably ruin things, but what the hell else am I going to do? I have to be true to myself...

But how the hell do I bring up my discomfort with things I shouldn't really know about. Ugh. I guess there is such thing as too much information.

 

[Erzengel]

When is she suppose to come back?

 

[TLH]

A few days into August.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't think it's a good idea to let her have it before she leaves. If you have a sizable fight, her away, might not be a good thing. I'd wait until she comes back.

Also you can use this month to see how she treats you and this relationship.

 

[TLH]

I don't think it's a good idea to let her have it before she leaves. If you have a sizable fight, her away, might not be a good thing. I'd wait until she comes back.

Also you can use this month to see how she treats you and this relationship.

Makes sense. Tomorrow I might at least casually ask about her "friend" just to see how she reacts, but nothing major or obvious.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Did I mention she doesn't know I know she hangs out with her ex as a friend? Once in a while I read her twitter and that's how I know. She hasn't actually told me he's her ex, and when I know they've hung out, she just says "oh I was with my friend last night and we saw the Avengers" etc... and I'd ask "which friend" and she'd say "Adam" ... very non-chalant, so maybe there is nothing to it, evidently she feels no need to specify their history, maybe it signifies it truly is platonic for her? I mean they haven't seen each other very much in the last few years after the break up and then he moved away for a few years of university. So how does this change things in your opinions?

Well, my advice is hire a private detective to snoop into her life. He'll have more time and resources than you do to work on this project because you obviously don't want to talk to her about anything and just want to snoop it out.

There's two big problems in your relationship that I see, mistrust and communication. You need to stop denying that you don't trust your girlfriend, you wouldn't be threatened by the ex if you did trust her, it takes two to tango. As for communication, you guys seem to suck at it, you're not getting what you need our of the relationship and now don't trust her because you won't talk to her about important issues. Yeah, it might lead to some awkward conversations, but their conversation you have to have if you want any chance at a good relationship. All the info you're getting on this ex is 140 characters at a time, not good.

 

[knowsbleed]

DO NOT... hire a PI.

 

[Erzengel]

Unless it's Magnum PI.

 

[knowsbleed]

I never watched enough Magnum to make a joke out of that... but man, hiring a private investigator is extremely too extreme. They're not even married.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Don't hire a PI unless you want the most stalkerish boyfriend of all time award.

 

[TLH]

Why the hell would anyone ever do that? Clearly amazingfantasy15 was just joking.

I'm going to talk to her.

 

[Anita18]

Actually that would make me more suspicious.

Omission is still lying.

If there's no history, then there's no big deal, and saying "friend" instead of saying Adam right off the bat, could be a deliberate way she doesn't want to piss you off, start an argument, etc.

I'm not insinuating that there's no funny business going on. And I'm sure the debate of whether exes can be friends can go on and on. But out of respect for you, she shouldn't be spending equal time with the both of you and she should be upfront with her history.

Right, that's the main issue here. It's not that he's her ex. He could be any random male friend (where the outcome might eventually be the same), but the fact that she's spending equal time with you and that friend means that you're not especially high on her list of social priorities.

One of her friends on Twitter mentioned he was her ex and they had brief exchange about it, or else I never would have known.

Yeah I know, so I'm just going to leave it. Like I said, if this relationship is going to work out long-term (we're great together, so it can), I just need to get over worrying about her being friends with an ex.

It's not that she's friends with an ex. It's about how important you are to her.

Well this is an interesting tweet "wow that weed hit my body real hard last night, I feel like I'm melting"

She is SO not the type of person to do that, so now I'm questioning how well I even know her.

Good god, this is just going from bad to worse, especially since I'm assuming she had it with her ex. Just shoot me.

Yeah, I guess I'm going to have a very hard and awkward conversation with her tomorrow despite it being the last time I'll see her before she's gone. It will probably ruin things, but what the hell else am I going to do? I have to be true to myself...

But how the hell do I bring up my discomfort with things I shouldn't really know about. Ugh. I guess there is such thing as too much information.

Twitter is 100% public, unless they're direct messages. If she wanted them to be private (and not want you to know about them at all), she would have that conversation with that friend through direct messages. She didn't. It's not snooping like breaking into someone's email account.

She'd have to be an idiot to think that it was impossible for you to find them, ESPECIALLY if she knows you know her Twitter handle. As it is, it seems like she's assuming YOU'RE the idiot for not being able to check up on what she's doing without her telling you.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Why the hell would anyone ever do that? Clearly amazingfantasy15 was just joking.

I'm going to talk to her.

Yeah, the PI part was a joke, the other stuff wasn't though.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well this is an interesting tweet "wow that weed hit my body real hard last night, I feel like I'm melting"

She is SO not the type of person to do that, so now I'm questioning how well I even know her.

It sounds like she's tried to keep you seperate from her life.

And as much as I understand that to a certain degree, it means she's not sharing all of herself with you. She's not being who she really is with you.

What do you usually spend your time together doing? Have you ever been out with her friends, in her 'world'. I know you said you both only had a couple of friends, but I'd still wanna meet those people because you learn so much about a person from the people in their life and the way they interact with them. It's like seeing them in their 'natural' state.

 

[TLH]

It sounds like she's tried to keep you seperate from her life.

And as much as I understand that to a certain degree, it means she's not sharing all of herself with you. She's not being who she really is with you.

What do you usually spend your time together doing? Have you ever been out with her friends, in her 'world'. I know you said you both only had a couple of friends, but I'd still wanna meet those people because you learn so much about a person from the people in their life and the way they interact with them. It's like seeing them in their 'natural' state.

We usually go to one of our houses, or to the movies. Sometimes things like the zoo or go to "trendy" places downtown to walk around/talk/shop/have dinner etc.

No, we haven't been in each other's worlds, but she's still not the type to do that. I know she was freaking out because Italy won yesterday and maybe she wound up at some celebration where weed was involved, like with her ex...who is also Italian. I should mention I am too.