Official discussion on why "Nice Guys" have a hard time getting the girl.

[amazingfantasy15]

That's my problem.

Nearly every girl I have ever asked out has SAID yes, but when I try to make those plans official, they either do whatever it takes to get out of it, or just ignore me when I try to call.

The worst is this girl now that I know. When I began working with her like back in August, I asked her if she wanted to go out to grab lunch after work. She said yes. By the time work was over, and we were getting ready to go out, she backed out, but said that she wanted my number so that we could make it up.

Well I never heard from her, and everytime I'd see her at work, she'd make an excuse as to why.

I basically kept giving her attention until, well, I'm not going to lie. I'm still giving her attention. She has me wrapped around her finger, and it's pretty sad on my part. I know what's going on, but I still can't just stop it.

Everytime I try to talk to her, she always says it's not me, that she's interested and wants to hang out, but is always just busy. I've pretty much told her that I know that she isn't interested in me, and if that's the case, that's cool, but everytime I see her she always defends herself saying it's not me that she is still interested and still wants to go out, but she's just "too busy".

*sigh*

Dude you've been letting this happen since August!?!? Time to step up, be a man and start completely ignoring this girl unless you need to work with her on something at work. No more invites, calls, nothing. Worst part is you're probably missing opportunities with girls that will actually go out with you pining after this other girl.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Dude you've been letting this happen since August!?!? Time to step up, be a man and start completely ignoring this girl unless you need to work with her on something at work. No more invites, calls, nothing. Worst part is you're probably missing opportunities with girls that will actually go out with you pining after this other girl.

well i don't actually call her. i haven't called her since, well, probably around october or something, if even then.

it's really just when i see her at work or something, about once a week, and somehow it always comes up about us going out. she brings it up half the time on her own, and keeps doing little things to try to get my attention.

then i'll say something about how i know she's not interested, and i won't be seeing her, she gets mad and defensive about how she "doesn't know why i think she doesn't like me, because it has nothing to do with me", i roll my eyes, and don't see her for another week.

it's just that part when i do see her, how i let the conversation keep happening.

 

[Ahura Mazda]

If she really likes you, she will come after you if you stop paying so much attention to her.

 

[Erzengel]

She's an attention ****e.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Then maybe you are asking out the wrong types of girls. For each girl that strings you along, you should be asking out another 9 girls on top of that one.

and there's where my problem lies...

i'm not good at going up to random girls which i've never met, starting conversation, and then asking for a date.

i feel much more comfortable when i meet a girl through work, or school, or something like that where i'll be seeing the girl often, able to talk to her, get to know her, and then eventually ask her out.

it's not to say that i've never approached a random girl to talk to and ask out, i have done it, without any success, but it's really not how i feel comfortable approaching girls.

and that's my problem, yes, i know. i need to get over that.

 

[Erzengel]

and there's where my problem lies...

i'm not good at going up to random girls which i've never met, starting conversation, and then asking for a date.

i feel much more comfortable when i meet a girl through work, or school, or something like that where i'll be seeing the girl often, able to talk to her, get to know her, and then eventually ask her out.

it's not to say that i've never approached a random girl to talk to and ask out, i have done it, without any success, but it's really not how i feel comfortable approaching girls.

and that's my problem, yes, i know. i need to get over that.

I'm not talking about hanging out at train stations talking to random girls, but I do think you should put yourself more out there. If you aren't meeting women at work, maybe try joining some community, school, church group.

Or if you are still having trouble, try the internet (not myspace or facebook) websites.

 

[TheFuture]

and there's where my problem lies...

i'm not good at going up to random girls which i've never met, starting conversation, and then asking for a date.

i feel much more comfortable when i meet a girl through work, or school, or something like that where i'll be seeing the girl often, able to talk to her, get to know her, and then eventually ask her out.

it's not to say that i've never approached a random girl to talk to and ask out, i have done it, without any success, but it's really not how i feel comfortable approaching girls.

and that's my problem, yes, i know. i need to get over that.

There's nothing wrong with that. I don't approach random girls and I've never had problems attracting a girl. The workplace and college are my two primary sources of meeting people. Why? Because we have common interests (work or college related) and we build up a rapport and eventually either one of us will end up asking the other one out.

From observation approaching random girls only works for those who have the gift of the gab and who are persistent. I've seen plenty of confident but perhaps naive and unassuming blokes approach a girl in a club/shop/restaurant only to be told in no uncertain terms to drop dead. I'd never give any the opportunity or satisfaction of saying that to me.

 

[Erzengel]

I'd never give any the opportunity or satisfaction of saying that to me.

You almost sound like you have a sense of pride because of it.

I think you are making too much about it. I mean there's no harm of it unless you have a really fragile ego and you can't let things slide over you. I wold never let it effect me personally.

 

[terry78]

The minute you stop focusing so much on the women is the exact time they start to gravitate towards you...ambiguity and indifference they can sense.

 

[TheFuture]

You almost sound like you have a sense of pride because of it.

Of course I do, I've seen plenty of guys being humiliated in a way that was totally uncalled for and downright rude. Why would I bother with giving someone an unjust ego-boost when my way of doing things already provides me with dividends?

I think you are making too much about it. I mean there's no harm of it unless you have a really fragile ego and you can't let things slide over you. I wold never let it effect me personally.

As I said, I see it less about me having a supposed fragile ego and more to do with not giving someone an unjust ego boost by humiliating me just so she can look good in front of her friends.

 

[Erzengel]

But you are assuming that most girls get some sort of jollies for turning down and enjoy humiliating them, when most times it's them making an excuse or just politely turning them down.

 

[TheFuture]

But you are assuming that most girls get some sort of jollies for turning down and enjoy humiliating them, when most times it's them making an excuse or just politely turning them down.

It's a game of russian roulette in my opinion. There are women who will turn around and say "sorry but I'm a girls night only" or "I have a boyfriend" or "sorry but you're not my type" and that's fine. It would be wonderful if every woman was as polite as that in clubs/restaurants etc etc.

But they aren't all like that. You are just as likely to run in to a polite person turning you down as you are running into someone who'll say "not if you were the last male on earth" or "I wouldn't touch with a bargepole" or "do I look THAT desparate?"

I don't be believe that in such volatile environments women will "most times" politely turn one down. It's a game of roulette, a game I don't feel or have the need like playing and as I said my way has never let me down.

Plus, I'm from Ireland, don't you know the women are ruder over here?

Originally posted by terry78
The minute you stop focusing so much on the women is the exact time they start to gravitate towards you...ambiguity and indifference they can sense.

 

[Goddessreicho]

I have a question. It looks like those single guys who are looking for girls, are looking in places like bars, or work, or worst of all club like places.

Just a hint, those are all bad ideas. Really Awful.

Why don't you try places where the girl doesn't have the opportunity to be an egotistical superficial witch. Great places to meet people who have no option to be their honest selves:
Grocery Stores (everyone has to eat sometime)

Book stores (like the above check out what their purchases are, it says alot. Also if your prospective date doesn't read or eat, well then your after skinny ******ed b****ches and you're whining about nothing)

Parks (Jogging, Dog walking, bike riding) for obvious reasons




















Have you ever asked a single hetero female friend where and how to pick up girls? Duh, that's what their there for!

 

[amazingfantasy15]

It's a game of russian roulette in my opinion. There are women who will turn around and say "sorry but I'm a girls night only" or "I have a boyfriend" or "sorry but you're not my type" and that's fine. It would be wonderful if every woman was as polite as that in clubs/restaurants etc etc.

But they aren't all like that. You are just as likely to run in to a polite person turning you down as you are running into someone who'll say "not if you were the last male on earth" or "I wouldn't touch with a bargepole" or "do I look THAT desparate?"

I don't be believe that in such volatile environments women will "most times" politely turn one down. It's a game of roulette, a game I don't feel or have the need like playing and as I said my way has never let me down.

Plus, I'm from Ireland, don't you know the women are ruder over here?

Maybe they aren't ruder, just more drunk.

 

[Spider-Nerd]

I have a question. It looks like those single guys who are looking for girls, are looking in places like bars, or work, or worst of all club like places.

Just a hint, those are all bad ideas. Really Awful.

Why don't you try places where the girl doesn't have the opportunity to be an egotistical superficial witch. Great places to meet people who have no option to be their honest selves:
Grocery Stores (everyone has to eat sometime)

Book stores (like the above check out what their purchases are, it says alot. Also if your prospective date doesn't read or eat, well then your after skinny ******ed b****ches and you're whining about nothing)

Parks (Jogging, Dog walking, bike riding) for obvious reasons




















Have you ever asked a single hetero female friend where and how to pick up girls? Duh, that's what their there for!

^ain't it the truth. You don't meet "nice girls" at bars or clubs. You meet stuck up girls who are interested in hooking up there, but are pretty selective at times.

Best places to meet girls? bookstores, coffee shops, class, weddings, These are the places where you'll meet a potential girl friend. You'll never meet a girl friend at a bar or club. That's just not the place "nice girls" go to meet people

 

[Erzengel]

You'd would think if they were more drunk, they'd be more susceptible.

 

[TheFuture]

I have a question. It looks like those single guys who are looking for girls, are looking in places like bars, or work, or worst of all club like places.

Just a hint, those are all bad ideas. Really Awful.

Yep spot on.

Maybe they aren't ruder, just more drunk.

Stereotyping are we?

Ah hell, considering the day I'll let you away with it.

You'd would think if they were more drunk, they'd be more susceptible.

Over here, drunk=louder and more obnoxious.

 

[Goddessreicho]

^ain't it the truth. You don't meet "nice girls" at bars or clubs. You meet stuck up girls who are interested in hooking up there, but are pretty selective at times.

Best places to meet girls? bookstores, coffee shops, class, weddings, These are the places where you'll meet a potential girl friend. You'll never meet a girl friend at a bar or club. That's just not the place "nice girls" go to meet people

Thank you. Yes POTENTIAL GIRLFRIENDS are located in places where you'd meet women who are not incredible insecure, independent, and who can already show they are mature enough to take care of more than themselves. If you want to meet an educated woman who can cook, take some classes or hang out in the produce section.

If you want to meet sleezy stuck up anti-****es (you know c**k-teases) keep going to bars and clubs on weekends.

You'd would think if they were more drunk, they'd be more susceptible.

See, you have to go at this smartly. Same thing for women. This advice goes to anyone in any race or class. Get your priorities straight! If you think that a hot girl/guy is super important, THEN JOIN A GYM! If your broke, start jogging at a park where hot people go. Being attrative means keeping in shape...DUH, and look at that, now you'll have something to talk about when not having sex.

If want to date a "save the world" girl, go sign up for Green Peace or Habitat for Humanity.

If there's a girl you want to be with at work, TALK TO HER!, Not at her, TO her. That means, ask a question, shut up, and let her blab to you. Try and catch key phrases, and then comment on them. Do do the usual, favorite band/food/movie speial. That says, I want to get in your pants and she knows that.

 

[Erzengel]

See, you have to go at this smartly. Same thing for women. This advice goes to anyone in any race or class. Get your priorities straight! If you think that a hot girl/guy is super important, THEN JOIN A GYM! If your broke, start jogging at a park where hot people go. Being attrative means keeping in shape...DUH, and look at that, now you'll have something to talk about when not having sex.

If want to date a "save the world" girl, go sign up for Green Peace or Habitat for Humanity.

If there's a girl you want to be with at work, TALK TO HER!, Not at her, TO her. That means, ask a question, shut up, and let her blab to you. Try and catch key phrases, and then comment on them. Do do the usual, favorite band/food/movie speial. That says, I want to get in your pants and she knows that.

I agree with everything except a "save the world" girl, I wouldn't join anything I didn't believe in, in order to meet someone.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I agree with everything except a "save the world" girl, I wouldn't join anything I didn't believe in, in order to meet someone.

Which is exactly why I don't go to church to meet girls.

I've had plenty of people tell me "you should go to church, you'll meet girls there", and I'm like "yea, but I don't believe in the church. Wouldn't that just piss God off that I'm going to church, not for him, but for my own personal gain?"

 

[DV8]

and there's where my problem lies...

i'm not good at going up to random girls which i've never met, starting conversation, and then asking for a date.

i feel much more comfortable when i meet a girl through work, or school, or something like that where i'll be seeing the girl often, able to talk to her, get to know her, and then eventually ask her out.

it's not to say that i've never approached a random girl to talk to and ask out, i have done it, without any success, but it's really not how i feel comfortable approaching girls.

and that's my problem, yes, i know. i need to get over that.

aw man . . . yeah, everytime you even let her bring that up, it's giving her exactly what she wants . . . attention

if it comes up again you need to be like: "seriously, I haven't even called you since October . . . I don't even care anymore!" but you really have to MEAN it; you really have to not care; chicks can tell the difference if you really do, and are just saying it . . .

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

But they aren't all like that. You are just as likely to run in to a polite person turning you down as you are running into someone who'll say "not if you were the last male on earth" or "I wouldn't touch with a bargepole" or "do I look THAT desparate?"

"I wouldn't touch with a bargepole"
Response: "That works out perfectly, because I don't want you to touch me with a pole, I want you to touch me with your hands. And possibly your mouth.

"do I look THAT desparate?"
Response: "Yes"

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

aw man . . . yeah, everytime you even let her bring that up, it's giving her exactly what she wants . . . attention

if it comes up again you need to be like: "seriously, I haven't even called you since October . . . I don't even care anymore!" but you really have to MEAN it; you really have to not care; chicks can tell the difference if you really do, and are just saying it . . .

I guess I've just been giving her the attention and going along with it for so long it'd be obviously fake if I busted out the "I haven't called you since..." I don't care card.

If I said "I haven't called you since October, I don't even care anymore" she could just as easily say "you've been trying to get me to call you up through last week"

 

[Goddessreicho]

The whole point of that post was that IF you wanted a "save the world" kinda girl then go to a place where they are and be prepared. If you don't want that kind of girl, fine. Don't go. Don't go to church if you don't want a church girl, SAME THING APPLIES TO A PARTY GIRL.

If your at a crappy job, but find a girl there with zero ambition, leave her ALONE. She will not be good in the long run.

You can't expect the perfect girl to be the one nearest to you was the point I was trying to make, but obviously failed. Bummer.

It just seems like thread is a classic case of wanting a lady on your arm and a skank in bed, but then guys complain when the skank can't cook or clean and is a spoiled ignorant brat who is completely self absorbed in superficial things, but no one is ready to admit that that's why she's there in the first place.

Guys generally need to LOOK DEEPER and be patient for a relationship with any substance, if you don't want that then by all means, rush things to get laid and don't complain when nothing works out, not even the getting laid part.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

The whole point of that post was that IF you wanted a "save the world" kinda girl then go to a place where they are and be prepared. If you don't want that kind of girl, fine. Don't go. Don't go to church if you don't want a church girl, SAME THING APPLIES TO A PARTY GIRL.

If your at a crappy job, but find a girl there with zero ambition, leave her ALONE. She will not be good in the long run.

You can't expect the perfect girl to be the one nearest to you was the point I was trying to make, but obviously failed. Bummer.

It just seems like thread is a classic case of wanting a lady on your arm and a skank in bed, but then guys complain when the skank can't cook or clean and is a spoiled ignorant brat who is completely self absorbed in superficial things, but no one is ready to admit that that's why she's there in the first place.

Guys generally need to LOOK DEEPER and be patient for a relationship with any substance, if you don't want that then by all means, rush things to get laid and don't complain when nothing works out, not even the getting laid part.

Goddess, I knew what your point was, I was just responding to Erz' comments about not going someplace you don't believe in to find girls.

It wasn't a commentary on your point.