Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[terry78]

Sooo...this is not involving a romantic relationship, but a work related one. I've never been in this situation before, and I feel terribly and don't know what to do.

To preface, I date and am friends with a lot of black people who make jokes involving stereotypes. So, I am around that sort of banter on a consistent basis. As a white woman, I am aware that the line gets blurred involving that sort of joking around, and I tend to avoid actually make those sort of jokes myself. But, in my thoughts, sometimes I can't help but jump to that sort of banter, and I'll even think of what so-and-so would be joking about if they were there. I dug myself into a bit of a hole earlier this week...I was recommending something to a black male coworker and recommended the watermelon flavor of it, and make a small crack along the lines of "not saying you should choose that one just because you're black."

My intent was completely joking and harmless, but he was definitely offended. And I think still is. I apologized and feel terrible...people in my office joke around constantly, but that was clearly not amusing to him. I don't know what to do

Yeah, that gets a little iffy, stupid as it may be. If you're so tight with them they technically shouldn't care, but you know how it is.

 

[Anubis]

You know something? I don't like Water Melon.

 

[Frodo]

I always air on the side caution. Unless I know the someone of the other race super well,( I mean, like , we're tight,) I don't go there because you never know how some one will react. Then again, I usually don't tell racial jokes , though I may every once and while pic fun at sterotypes about my liking chicken and my hair being nappy. Though, I don't like watermelon though. I do own bass guitar, though I haven't played it in ages.

 

[ComicChick]

You know something? I don't like Water Melon.

i'm eating watermelon right now!

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I make racial jokes, but like Frodo said, only with people I'm really tight with, and understand my intentions by it.

In fact, I had this discussion with my friend at work today. He's black (I'm white), and we were talking about our differences in upbringing (I'm from California where I was exposed to many different cultures and ethnicities from the word go, he's from Tennessee and has experienced racial bigotry first hand), and it led to a conversation about making racial jokes, and my different experiences with it living in both California, and now in Tennessee.

The conclusion of the conversation was pretty much just that - he and I are tight enough that racial jokes are just that - jokes - and they get dished from both sides. But it's because of how well we know each other that we're able to do that.

 

[AndThePickles]

I was pretty shocked by his getting upset at it, because judging by his other bantering, I would've expected a laugh and a smartass comeback. We joke around a lot. I will certainly never do it again in regards to ANYTHING race-related.

 

[LOBO3315a]

since when is Richmond hick?

Well, it was considered hick when I lived in Northern VA about 20 yrs ago or so. Maybe things have changed in that time.

 

[DV8]

I need to let this girl down gently . . . lol

 

[Erzengel]

Is this one of the 2 out of town lady friends you have been trying to see?

 

[Spider-Who?]

Well, it was considered hick when I lived in Northern VA about 20 yrs ago or so. Maybe things have changed in that time.

I live about an hour from Richmond and have a few friends and family members that live there. Like every city/county, it has its pockets of varying culture and demographics, though "hick" is not a reference I personally would make about any subdivisions of Richmond.

 

[DV8]

Is this one of the 2 out of town lady friends you have been trying to see?

no sir, this is a different girl; we went to see X-Men which was kind of a date I suppose, but it was the first time I met her in person, and she was . . . a little strange lol I met her on Facebook :~S she is kind of a stalker though; ps she also asked me to help her w/ some graphics which she's gonna pay me for, but I think she is just doing that to kind of stay close . . . idk

 

[AndThePickles]

no sir, this is a different girl; we went to see X-Men which was kind of a date I suppose, but it was the first time I met her in person, and she was . . . a little strange lol I met her on Facebook :~S she is kind of a stalker though; ps she also asked me to help her w/ some graphics which she's gonna pay me for, but I think she is just doing that to kind of stay close . . . idk

Ew, creepy. You only went to see a movie with her...I wouldn't feel obligated to let her down "gently." If she keeps being suggestive, tell her you aren't interested.

 

[DV8]

Ew, creepy. You only went to see a movie with her...I wouldn't feel obligated to let her down "gently." If she keeps being suggestive, tell her you aren't interested.

it WAS creepy . . . ps she asked me if I wanted to go on a vacation with her on the drive back to her house :~S

 

[Aesop Rocks]

The girl I like and I have a pretty weird history. I literally don't even remember who added who on Facebook, and her and I never really talked up until a few months ago. We just slowly started talking out of the blue via commenting on each others stuff and going for small talk before either of us had to run off to go do something. Recently, however, that has changed. She got mixed up with the wrong kind of people and she has all this drama directed at her. None of that phases me.

Recently, she did an extremely small gesture, she followed me on Twitter. Meaning really nothing to anyone else, but to me it was as if she finally started to really notice me. we continued the small talk for a while, but she was in a relationship at the time so I really didn't say anything. Then, her world seemingly came crashing down around her. Everything was just too much for her, and I could kind of tell. I finally got the courage to flat out what was wrong in a private message, and she told me. Oddly enough. We kind of had a thing to where we'd talk for a little bit online and stuff. She flat out gave me her cell # and told me "texting would just be better", so I started to text her. She opened up to me like no one else really has before, at least that's what she said anyways.

We didn't talk for about a week after that, I was kind of worried that she felt like I knew too much or something, so I just let it go and kind of just...gave up.

I was going to head to bed around 11 AM, my days and nights were (and still are) mixed up, but when I went to check my cell phone to see if I had remembered to set my alarm, I saw that she had sent me a PM on Twitter asking me if there was anyway she could call me. I knew it wasn't going to be good, and I was completely cool with it.

She called me and we lost track of time. The first time we ever talked to each other, we talked for 3 hours. That's never happened to me before.

 

[Erzengel]

I'd tread lightly. I mean, you haven't really said anything that showed that she maybe at all interested in you. Not to say she isn't. But to just take it slowly.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I'd tread lightly. I mean, you haven't really said anything that showed that she maybe at all interested in you. Not to say she isn't. But to just take it slowly.

Are you kidding Erz, she follows him on Twitter, she's friends with him on Facebook, that means she wants him really, really badly.

On a serious note, what did you talk about when you were actually on the phone (the other crap doesn't really count, you were just modern pen pals). Was it just her complaining more about her life? If you really want to pursue something you've got to man up and just ask her out on the phone, not texting, twitter or facebook, use your voice.

 

[Erzengel]

^
Ha.

Part of me wanted to say since you aren't really part of her life, you may have been an unobjective ear for her to either just complain to or be a sounding board.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I guess it really depends on what you all talked about. I had one girl in particular I remember that we always talked, and she always opened up to me about stuff, and it wasn't even over text or internet, it was face to face. I thought that she was interested in me, so I asked her out, and she acted like I raped her mom or something. I still don't quite understand her reaction - I asked if she wanted to go out for ice cream after our mid term that we had studied together for, and she looked at me like I was some kind of freak and never spoke to me again.

So yea, none of this means she is interested, but none of it means she isn't. The first time my ex and I talked on the phone, it was one of those long phone conversations (a bit longer than 3 hours... 6 hours talking on the phone with about 6 hours of texting before that), but then again over the phone conversation she flat out told me that she wanted me so...

Point is, the people above me are right, if you're interested you gotta make a move.

 

[AndThePickles]

Sometimes in those situations, the person is just glad to have an anonymous person to vent to, as well. It sounds like that's mainly what she's doing based on your post.

 

[WillardNation]

The girl I like and I have a pretty weird history. I literally don't even remember who added who on Facebook, and her and I never really talked up until a few months ago. We just slowly started talking out of the blue via commenting on each others stuff and going for small talk before either of us had to run off to go do something. Recently, however, that has changed. She got mixed up with the wrong kind of people and she has all this drama directed at her. None of that phases me.

Recently, she did an extremely small gesture, she followed me on Twitter. Meaning really nothing to anyone else, but to me it was as if she finally started to really notice me. we continued the small talk for a while, but she was in a relationship at the time so I really didn't say anything. Then, her world seemingly came crashing down around her. Everything was just too much for her, and I could kind of tell. I finally got the courage to flat out what was wrong in a private message, and she told me. Oddly enough. We kind of had a thing to where we'd talk for a little bit online and stuff. She flat out gave me her cell # and told me "texting would just be better", so I started to text her. She opened up to me like no one else really has before, at least that's what she said anyways.

We didn't talk for about a week after that, I was kind of worried that she felt like I knew too much or something, so I just let it go and kind of just...gave up.

I was going to head to bed around 11 AM, my days and nights were (and still are) mixed up, but when I went to check my cell phone to see if I had remembered to set my alarm, I saw that she had sent me a PM on Twitter asking me if there was anyway she could call me. I knew it wasn't going to be good, and I was completely cool with it.

She called me and we lost track of time. The first time we ever talked to each other, we talked for 3 hours. That's never happened to me before.

Until you actually meet in real life, none of this means anything. Sorry, but true.

 

[Anubis]

Well, unless there was phone sex. Was there phone sex?

 

[Aesop Rocks]

haha no there wasn't

 

[Anubis]

Well than what Willy Nat said.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

I mean guys, she wants to hang out. Like, what's the deal with that?

 

[Anubis]

Do you wanna hang out with her?