Return of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Bruce Banner]

So a friend of mine and I are starting to go out. Has anyone had any issues when they were dating somebody of a different race? I am not talking about problems with her or him because we are both fine on the issue. Has anyone had a issue when it comes to friends or family?

I won't let it get in my way, I just want to know has anything odd happened to you?

 

[AndThePickles]

So a friend of mine and I are starting to go out. Has anyone had any issues when they were dating somebody of a different race? I am not talking about problems with her or him because we are both fine on the issue. Has anyone had a issue when it comes to friends or family?

I won't let it get in my way, I just want to know has anything odd happened to you?

I've dated multiple men outside of my race, and my current boyfriend is black, and I'm white. After 6 years, I can tell you that we have always and do still get weird looks out in public, depending on where we are. My family loves him, and I think that in your case, hopefully your family will be cool with it, because things are harder when your family isn't cool as opposed to strangers.

My ex before Spoons was also black, and my non-blood related redneck uncle whom I hated anyways threatened to shoot that "n word" with a shotgun in the front yard at Christmas one year. That was a horrible holiday, and I haven't seen or spoken to my aunt's husband ever since. Good riddance.

The main annoyance in general is how outsiders think it's their business to make nasty comments. I remember when Spoons and I were in college, one afternoon he told me how a black girl that we both mutually knew came up to him and asked him if he thought black women weren't good enough for him. **** like that pisses me off.

On a whole, however, depending on where you live, interracial dating is so common that I really doubt you'll have much to worry about. The random nasty looks are easy to ignore, and certainly don't come from everyone.

 

[Erzengel]

I think my mother deep down wanted me to marry a Filipino which is ironic since she is mixed herself. But she has grown fond of Erzette. She has always shown the utmost respect and has never said anything bad about her.

I've never had issues from her family.

The only issue I had was one of the girls I dated before her. One time the mother of my ex asked her, "What if you 2 have children?" She was white.

Not saying racism doesn't exist up here, but where I live is such a melting pot, that it's normal to see mixed couples all the time.

 

[Anita18]

So a friend of mine and I are starting to go out. Has anyone had any issues when they were dating somebody of a different race? I am not talking about problems with her or him because we are both fine on the issue. Has anyone had a issue when it comes to friends or family?

I won't let it get in my way, I just want to know has anything odd happened to you?

My boyfriend is white (white as you can get, pretty much) and I'm Chinese. The only amusing things that happen are the looks we get when we go to an old-school Asian restaurant or grocery store. But luckily "white guy with Asian girl" is fairly common nowadays (and Caucasians are also discovering old-school Asian restaurants and grocery stores on their own), so it's not that unusual anymore.

My mom did ask, when I first told her I was dating someone, whether he was Asian. But it isn't a huge deal to her, just something she wanted to know. By this time, with my cousin married to a white guy, and my sister and I only dating white guys in our history, she figures it's kind of inevitable by now.

I've dated multiple men outside of my race, and my current boyfriend is black, and I'm white. After 6 years, I can tell you that we have always and do still get weird looks out in public, depending on where we are. My family loves him, and I think that in your case, hopefully your family will be cool with it, because things are harder when your family isn't cool as opposed to strangers.

My ex before Spoons was also black, and my non-blood related redneck uncle whom I hated anyways threatened to shoot that "n word" with a shotgun in the front yard at Christmas one year. That was a horrible holiday, and I haven't seen or spoken to my aunt's husband ever since. Good riddance.

The main annoyance in general is how outsiders think it's their business to make nasty comments. I remember when Spoons and I were in college, one afternoon he told me how a black girl that we both mutually knew came up to him and asked him if he thought black women weren't good enough for him. **** like that pisses me off.

On a whole, however, depending on where you live, interracial dating is so common that I really doubt you'll have much to worry about. The random nasty looks are easy to ignore, and certainly don't come from everyone.

Sorry to hear about those nasty comments ATP. That sucks, especially with the black women thinking that blacks should keep inside their own races. That and your crazy uncle. Having family drama is no fun.

Last I heard, my youngest cousin was dating a black dude. She hasn't told her parents. I think out of any of the races, Asians would have the most "issue" with blacks, but I also think that my family is smart enough to judge the person first. Like, wouldn't matter what race our SOs were as long as they were good people, had steady jobs (or at least were hard-working), and took care of us. I like to joke that my bf is practically Asian, he's so quiet and dorky.

 

[WillardNation]

When I used to live with my cousin (she's half native american, half white), she would tell me that if I ever brought home a white girl, she would kick both our asses. I was like, "*****, I'M white. Also, you're married to the whitest dude ever. "

 

[Hound55]

I've dated multiple men outside of my race, and my current boyfriend is black, and I'm white. After 6 years, I can tell you that we have always and do still get weird looks out in public, depending on where we are. My family loves him, and I think that in your case, hopefully your family will be cool with it, because things are harder when your family isn't cool as opposed to strangers.

My ex before Spoons was also black, and my non-blood related redneck uncle whom I hated anyways threatened to shoot that "n word" with a shotgun in the front yard at Christmas one year. That was a horrible holiday, and I haven't seen or spoken to my aunt's husband ever since. Good riddance.

The main annoyance in general is how outsiders think it's their business to make nasty comments. I remember when Spoons and I were in college, one afternoon he told me how a black girl that we both mutually knew came up to him and asked him if he thought black women weren't good enough for him. **** like that pisses me off.

On a whole, however, depending on where you live, interracial dating is so common that I really doubt you'll have much to worry about. The random nasty looks are easy to ignore, and certainly don't come from everyone.

I'm picturing Spoons strutting around campus Radio Raheem style pumping out Public Enemy's Fear of a Black Planet.

 

[terry78]

I'm picturing Spoons strutting around campus Radio Raheem style pumping out Public Enemy's Fear of a Black Planet.

That was back when he had the fro.

 

[gn6196]

I was married to a Black woman. (I'm Pueto Rican). It was never a problem but both families grew up in projects and were used to seeing other races.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

I was married to a Black woman. (I'm Pueto Rican). It was never a problem but both families grew up in projects and were used to seeing other races.

So, what you are implying here is that people who are mainly used to interacting only with their own race, have more chance of having funny attitudes about inter-racial relationships?
That is utter bs, and I think you know it. Either you know you are talking bs, or you don't have any respect for your family's intelligence.

 

[Hound55]

I don't know that it is utter BS...

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Automatically assuming that someone who has not had much contact with races outwith their own, would have some kind of problem with inter-racial relationships, or suggesting someone who had lived like that would, with there being no suggestion that they would have any kind of a problem, *that* is utter bs.

edit: I have not had much contact with folk outside my own race really, and if anyone suggested that I had a problem with inter-racial relationships, I would be furious, and I would very much like to know on what evidence they based that assumption on.

 

[gn6196]

So, what you are implying here is that people who are mainly used to interacting only with their own race, have more chance of having funny attitudes about inter-racial relationships?
That is utter bs, and I think you know it. Either you know you are talking bs, or you don't have any respect for your family's intelligence.

Maybe I didn't express myself or you misread what i wrote. I'm saying the experience of growing up in the same type of neighborhood reduced culture shock and enabled both families to accept each other. My marriage failed because of other factors.

 

[gn6196]

Automatically assuming that someone who has not had much contact with races outwith their own, would have some kind of problem with inter-racial relationships, or suggesting someone who had lived like that would, with there being no suggestion that they would have any kind of a problem, *that* is utter bs.

edit: I have not had much contact with folk outside my own race really, and if anyone suggested that I had a problem with inter-racial relationships, I would be furious, and I would very much like to know on what evidence they based that assumption on.

I applaud the way you think in that you would not have trouble with other races but you can't speak for everyone.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

No, I understood exactly what you were trying to say.

and I'll say it again, if anyone ever accused me of having such problems, I'd very much like to know what this accusation is based on.
Because, if no such evidence was forthcoming, I would just have to assume that people were conjuring horrible sh** up out of thin air to accuse me of, because there was no other behaviour of mine to chastise me with at that moment in time.

So, I would have to think that these folk just like getting their kicks winding me up and making me out to be a monster, whatever nasty sh** they can think up next.
And if folk kept accusing me of these things, and there was no evidence of it presented, I'd have to say I would take steps to completely cut myself off from that community for good, because things are now going beyond a joke and I'm not going to put up with it anymore.
Why on Earth would I want to be part of a group of people who accused me of things like that?

 

[Hound55]

Automatically assuming that someone who has not had much contact with races outwith their own, would have some kind of problem with inter-racial relationships, or suggesting someone who had lived like that would, with there being no suggestion that they would have any kind of a problem, *that* is utter bs.

edit: I have not had much contact with folk outside my own race really, and if anyone suggested that I had a problem with inter-racial relationships, I would be furious, and I would very much like to know on what evidence they based that assumption on.

"Automatically assuming", no. But that's not what you said. You said "more likely".

I don't think it is BS to say that people with little or no empirical data of other races via first hand experience would be MORE LIKELY to have an issue with interracial relationships.

People who have little first hand knowledge will always be more susceptible to buying into rumour, racial stereotypes and the fears that come with that than people who have first hand experience of people of other races.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I used to date a Vietnamese girl (I'm white) but I never had any problems from the racial element.

Then again, I was also living in San Jose, CA when her and I were dating, and San Jose has a huge Vietnamese population, so there was really nothing considered "odd" about the situation.

 

[Bruce Banner]

Thanks you guys for the input.

I have been wondering what type of stuff would I see, I did expect odd looks from people at times. I have caught a few smiles in our direction as well this weekend.
I am still concerned about saying anything to my older relatives in my family, but they are not going to meet/know anytime soon.

 

[LOBO3315a]

I was married to an African-American woman for 13 years, and we lived in GA, the whole time we were married. My family was okay, with it, once the initial shock of it wore off. We did receive strange looks, and random comments from strangers about 'zebras' from time to time. One of the funniest things that would happen was African-American men walking up to her, and coming on to her, with me standing right next to her. They would assume, just because I was Caucasian, I wasn't with her.....LOL.

Regardless, if you care for each other and respect one another, and KEEP COMMUNICATING, you'll do fine. Ignore the idiots who have a problem with it.

 

[AndThePickles]

I have caught a few smiles in my our direction as well this weekend.

One of the really nice things I discovered about interracial dating is that there is an unspoken comraderie between interracial couples, in general. Whenever my boyfriend and I see another couple out in public they always meet eyes with us and smile.

My dad also told me one year when we were all at a Renaissance Festival that when another interracial couple saw us happily frolicking they looked at each other and stood up straighter and were visibly happier. That warmed the cockles of my heart

 

[ComicChick]

One of the really nice things I discovered about interracial dating is that there is an unspoken comraderie between interracial couples, in general. Whenever my boyfriend and I see another couple out in public they always meet eyes with us and smile.

My dad also told me one year when we were all at a Renaissance Festival that when another interracial couple saw us happily frolicking they looked at each other and stood up straighter and were visibly happier. That warmed the cockles of my heart

 

[mrvlknight21]

One of the really nice things I discovered about interracial dating is that there is an unspoken comraderie between interracial couples, in general. Whenever my boyfriend and I see another couple out in public they always meet eyes with us and smile.

My dad also told me one year when we were all at a Renaissance Festival that when another interracial couple saw us happily frolicking they looked at each other and stood up straighter and were visibly happier. That warmed the cockles of my heart

Well if I ever see you guys, that wont happen. First Im going to call you names and when Spoons comes at me, Im going to choke him out!

































Not serious. I love you guys. I hope I can treat you both to a burger one day! Havent spoken to you in a while, so I decided to poke a little fun at your expense.

 

[AndThePickles]

Well if I ever see you guys, that wont happen. First Im going to call you names and when Spoons comes at me, Im going to choke him out!



Not serious. I love you guys. I hope I can treat you both to a burger one day! Havent spoken to you in a while, so I decided to poke a little fun at your expense.

Hahahaha, amazing I would pay to see that!!

I want a bacon cheeseburger with lettuce, tomato, and mayo

 

[Bruce Banner]

One of the funniest things that would happen was African-American men walking up to her, and coming on to her, with me standing right next to her. They would assume, just because I was Caucasian, I wasn't with her.....LOL.

Regardless, if you care for each other and respect one another, and KEEP COMMUNICATING, you'll do fine. Ignore the idiots who have a problem with it.

I feel like that scenario will happen eventually. Communicating does not seem to be a problem. There is a lot of quirky banter. I am surprised myself as to how vocal I have been, I am rather withdrawn from what others say.

One of the really nice things I discovered about interracial dating is that there is an unspoken comraderie between interracial couples, in general. Whenever my boyfriend and I see another couple out in public they always meet eyes with us and smile.

My dad also told me one year when we were all at a Renaissance Festival that when another interracial couple saw us happily frolicking they looked at each other and stood up straighter and were visibly happier. That warmed the cockles of my heart

^That is a nice story. Seeing interracial couples is kind of rare around Richmond, VA. I have not been focused on dating in awhile because of class, I just hope things remain as peaceful as it has been. I can't handle anymore stress but I have a feeling she wouldn't cause any of it.

 

[Frodo]

I guess reaction to interracial dating really does very depending on where you are. Here in Los Angeles California , no one cares because its just apart of life. No one says anything racist to interracial couples , at least not loud enough for anyone else to hear . If you did ,you'd be the odd one out and you'd be lucky if anyone would want anything to do with you after that. There's so much variety in terms of the types of women out hear that I full take advantage of it. Plus, I don't care about the race issue anyway. If you're a woman , you're alright with me.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Yeah, Richmond is pretty hick. You'll have your work cut out for you, there. Capital of the Confederacy and all.