So I just got back from my first concert and uh...

[Colossal Spoons]

I say: lie.

 

[Tangled Web]

Tell her that you humped some girl at a concert.
Who cares.

It's my Mom. I don't want her to get the impression that I have sexual needs and desires.

 

[Carter]

It's my Mom. I don't want her to get the impression that I have sexual needs and desires.

I used to think this way, but then I started to get concerned my mom might start to think I was gay.
So now I keep Maxim all over my room, invite girls over my house and have half naked pictures of women on my walls

 

[Colossal Spoons]

My mom found that out when my dad told her how he caught my first g/f hiding in my closet. Oh, fun times.

 

[Tangled Web]

I' always going to hide women from my mom. I already have a good plan. You see, my Dad works nights so if I ever need to take a girl to go have sex I'll go to my Dad's apartment and have sex there.

Also, next summer, I'm planning on getting a job at the video store (that no one goes to) so maybe I'll have sex there too.



That's assuming I'd ever be in that position. One thing is for sure, I'm not introducing a girl to my mom as a girlfriend ever.

I had a super werid moment with my mom last night.

Mom: Who's on Saturday Night Live Tonight?
Me: I think, and I'm hoping it's Natalie Portman.
Mom: Oh.
Me: Yeah.
Mom: You like Natalie Portman?
Me: I think that she is funny and a good actress.
Mom: Do you like her?
Me: I think she's funny?
Mom: Do you think she's pretty?
Me: I think she's a good actress I lrespect her work.

 

[Carter]

hahahahahaha
You should have just said she was a babe

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Your mom sounds like a creepy reporter.


P.S. Sex at work =

 

[Tangled Web]

I know where this stems from. I've been meaning to let this out but it may say alot about my nature.

Flashback

It was second grade, I really liked this girl (Hottie back then, not so much now) well, anyway, I told my parents. My dad and sister were proud. My mom was like, it's tough to describe, happy but sad at the same time.
I remember she said something like "I don't want any girld to take my baby from me."
So a combonation of that and the embarassment that goes with this, I've never told my parents anything about my love life ever again.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

So you're Bobby Boucher?

 

[Carter]

Foosballs the devil
Girls are the DEVIL!

 

[Tangled Web]

I was only like 5 years old. But still, I hate to give her the idea that I'm growing up. Life is just moving way too fast.

I don't want things to be awkward.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Aw, never heard of a pre-life crisis. You're progressing normally. In today's day and age, I'd half expect somebody your age to have a kid by now

 

[Tangled Web]

I don't want my mom to feel old because I do. She's starting to think of me as an adult. That makes me sad. Just five years ago I remember being scared of middle school and now I'm planning for college and feeling all kinds of sexual feelings.

I guess it is a pre-life crisis.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Well when you get to college, you'll get feel up on a woman's "sexual feelings"

 

[Sasquatch]

My mom found that out when my dad told her how he caught my first g/f hiding in my closet. Oh, fun times.

I remember back in high school... me and a friend were doing a project together. She was over at my house (just she and I) downstairs. We were getting bored so eventually a playful little ticklefest was born between us. I didn't mind this at all because she was as hot as the sun's core.
Anyway, I was tickling her and she was squeeling/screaming.

Fast foward a few days. I'm helping my dad with his business. DUring the course of the day he says to me, "So I walked in the house when you and Kim were working on your project. I only got so far and decided to go back outside. It sounded like you had her in ecstacy."
I was embarassed but laughing to hard to care. I told him how I wished it was true. He promptly shot me in the foot.

 

[Sasquatch]

Okay that last part about the shooting didn't happen

 

[Tangled Web]

I remember back in high school... me and a friend were doing a project together. She was over at my house (just she and I) downstairs. We were getting bored so eventually a playful little ticklefest was born between us. I didn't mind this at all because she was as hot as the sun's core.
Anyway, I was tickling her and she was squeeling/screaming.

Fast foward a few days. I'm helping my dad with his business. DUring the course of the day he says to me, "So I walked in the house when you and Kim were working on your project. I only got so far and decided to go back outside. It sounded like you had her in ecstacy."
I was embarassed but laughing to hard to care. I told him how I wished it was true. He promptly shot me in the foot.

Wait?! He thought you were ****ing that girl?

 

[Sasquatch]

Wait?! He thought you were ****ing that girl?

Indeed... which shocked me he didn't interrupt

 

[Tangled Web]

Indeed

He was ok with it? How old were you?

 

[Sasquatch]

He was ok with it? How old were you?

17 I think

 

[Colossal Spoons]

I wanna bang a chick so hard she laughs uncontrollably lol.

 

[Sasquatch]

I wanna bang a chick so hard she laughs uncontrollably lol.

Good luck with that! lol

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Oh, I'm gonna. I get to see the g/f in 3 weeks. I'll get to practicing lol

 

[Tangled Web]

17 I think

That sounds resonable, considering it was your dad.

Two years ago for health and careers I had to ask my Dad at what age it would be ok if I had sex. It was super awkward and he was like "Well, ertainly not now. Ummm. I guess sixteen, would be resonable" and then I just interupted him before he said anymore and I said, "I'll just put down marriage."

 

[Sasquatch]

Oh, I'm gonna. I get to see the g/f in 3 weeks. I'll get to practicing lol

Here ya go buddy.

http://whatisayimnotyourscape.com/