What the hell medication was it? That sounds horrid.
I think its unethical for a Doctor to do anything to a man that would hurt his ability to get and maintain an erection. Not unless not doing so would otherwise kill him, and its only for a very temporary period of time. If at all possible it should come along with a script for a PDE-5 lowering drug to balance out that side effect.
I think some doctors do not always look at the big picture or other options in medications. Some anti-depressants are interchangeable, yet some will cause impotence or inability to climax, while others can actually enhance things. If they are interchangeable in pharmacological use, why not use the one that won't hurt him there? That even goes for some blood pressure medications.
I see drugs that cause impotence to be an absolute last resort. Not the first thing the doc pulls off the shelf or that pops into his mind.
Unfortunately that is not always the case in how docs think. Some really are incompetent.
The ways that those issue alone could harm his self esteem could easily lead to other health issues, not to mention the loss of relationships etc...
TBH, I never pryed to much into his medication situation. I know it was mental issues, as there were times when we were living together in the first house with another guy when he got really withdrawn and apologised and said it was just because he was on new meds that made him feel really strange... but I didn't mind at all. I'd just come home with a movie, stick it on and he wouldn't have to say a word to me, we would just be comfortable chilling in silence
I don't know for sure, but I think it all has to do with the fact he nearly died. He was hit by a truck while working on the road in a high vis jacket, and broke his neck. He doesn't speak about it much, but he said he was lying there thinking he was going to die. And a couple of years ago we witnessed a kid being hit by a car, and he was really shaken up by it (the kid was okay in the end we think)... just the sound brought it all back to him.
So i'm guessing the medication might be for post traumatic stress, or some kind of anxiety/panic attack/depression situation that came as a result of that, or as a result of such a long time in hospital and then wearing one of those head cage things for ages.
Doctors can only advise - I always recommend for people to weigh the pros and cons of their medical care themselves. So it's not the doctor's fault he was on this medication IMO.
Some doctors really are quacks and hand out meds like candy. So it's then still up to the patient to find a good doctor.
At any rate, impotence can be caused by a lot of things. Unsure as to how his previous girlfriends handled it, but my bf could not perform when we initially tried. I'm not talking 2 or 3 times. I'm talking probably close to 10. I think he was nervous, since sometimes he'd insist on having a bit of wine to relax him. Not sure why, I'd already told him I was a virgin but maybe he really didn't want to mess it up. He has absolutely noooo trouble with it now ( it's the opposite problem if anything) , but just because someone can't get it up doesn't mean there's something actually physically wrong. Someone could just be nervous.
Don't even get me bloody started on doctors. I've still never forgiven my best mates doctor for prescribing him valium when he was 16... he's 23 now, and he's trying soooo hard to come off it, but it's insanely difficult.
But yeah, as much as the medication was affecting him, I also think because he'd failed a few times before and even had girls react kind of badly to that, he'd worked himself up about it and now just sort of expected failure every time. But like I said... I solved that problem
And you know what? I didn't even get any bloody thanks! If it weren't for me, he and the girl he went to Thailand with would probably not have succeeded. I gave him back his confidence!
Well... that second date went okay I guess. It was her choice of venue, and she chose a themed photograph gallery. Again, really good conversations and the such, and she actually had a long day on her own today with her classes (i'd know that) so she came in pretty tired. But came nevertheless and said she was glad she did it.
She tells me about this story by Virginia Woolf that she's reading about how the detached, mundane, boring morning gives way to a youthful and energetic night where people can connect, and that it was one of the reasons why she likes the whole idea of us going out.
There was a photo-booth there for the theme, but she seemed reluctant and I told her it was okay if she didn't want to do that. Do remember that this is still Bangladesh, a more or less conservative culture where any physical connection is regarded as the FINAL DEAL. Well... with most people anyway. And she's shy like that.
It was a lovely night, at least on my part. She seemed tired as hell but was yet nice enough to go through it. And yes, discussions. Open-ended suggestions (photographs helped a lot), but most of it seems already mutual since we've got a similar world-view.
One thing that bothers me still is that despite all the conversations and atmospheric settings, I get this feeling that she's just not into it. Like whenever we're together she doesn't give away any physical attraction towards me. Maybe she's good at hiding it I dunno. But that lack of emotional and physical "clickage" persists.
This girl is trying to convince herself that she's enjoying her time with me. And on my part, whenever I look into her eyes I feel bad that what I'd felt a month ago isn't there when she's with me. I should've asked her out back then.
Well why would she be going out with you if there was no interest?
I mean, maybe there's no immediate chemistry, but there is obviously intellectual connection and sometimes it just takes a while for that moment of 'huh, actually i'm finding him more and more attractive' to happen.
Don't give up yet
He sounds like the Man of Steel to be honest
I say give it a go. Hell, I ought to take pointers from him and be that "man of few words" and be able to make people laugh. Never really had a good sense of humour to throw around.
As for Thailand... any chance of talking him out of it?
Oh he has his bad points.
Ever since his accident he hasn't had to work because he got a big big payout (obviously, he had a broken neck, it's a huge deal). But he got into a real rut, and he was drinking all the time, partying all the time.
He kind of became completely oblivious to what was going on around him, became so thoughtless in regards to me, and I ended up having a nervous breakdown because of the situation we were living in. We only had a tiny flat and I had a 9-5 job that I hated, and he'd have friends over, drunk and loud, on weeknights, and had absolutely no regard for the fact I couldn't sleep. The first few times I knocked politely on the door. Then I started shouting at people. Finally I used to just lie in bed either gritting my teeth or crying. I'd wake up in the morning to find I had to climb over people to get out my front door. Or that someone had thought it was a good idea to use my smoothie maker to wizz up mince, or that there was a cage with rats in outside my door that we were apparently looking after now.
It was complete hell for a while there.
Before he decided to go back to Thailand again, we were talking about the possibility of him moving to Bristol with me... but I just don't know if he's changed enough for it to be a wise idea to repeat that situation.
And no, it is definitely too late to change his mind. His best friend has bought a ticket too, and he wouldn definitely not let him down now.
Maybe i'll catch him next time around
Just make sure he doesn't make it with any girls that are actually dudes over there.
That actually happened to him. His exact words were 'I felt something pressing against me that shouldn't be, I excused myself, paid the nice man, and got the heck out of there'
Go for the hand hold. My girlfriend said she was really happy I did that on our second date. It's little, but has a good amount of meaning, it's crosses the physical barrier, but isn't as intense as a kiss. If she doesn't pull away though, you've got a good indication you're okay to kiss her.
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Totally agree with this. Hand holding is such a sweet and simple gesture. I'd absolutely love a guy to hold my hand on a second date
Which is why it seems odd to talk about sleeping with someone on the first, second or third date etc. It's like asking for your paycheck before you've even gotten the job or done any work.
And it's why asking someone to be your gf/ bf before you've even gone on a date is extremely premature
Someone might hint at an interest in you, but you still have to attend the interview. One can't say "but she already gave the impression she was interested," and then be expecting any kind of obligation from her.
In Daniel Thompson's case, the girl he messed up with was effectively only scheduling an interview with him at best. Maybe not even that. It might even be more like just sending in his resume/ CV/ application form, and then Daniel demanding to know why the interview hadn't taken place yet.
In Daniel Thompson's defense, I suppose what he's experiencing is like an employer saying 'Hey, I know you want the job, but why don't you come over and we'll just casually chat while I figure out if there is a position open for you... you happy to just hang on with no promise of even an interview while I do that?' and then having them not even show up to the casual chat.
You just wanna know if there is a position open, or if you should move on.
I don't know about that. I've come across some girls who are getting lots of attention from guys, but then they might say to those they don't want to even entertain that they would rather remain just friends. But the thing is that I've never suggested otherwise or to progress beyond that stage yet. I just want the chance to "interview" and don't even know if I would like them or not. It seems a huge overreaction to say "I just want to be friends" if you just suggest grabbing a coffee together. Talk about jumping the gun.
And I don't think these girls are low on confidence. They have lots of dates every week, although perhaps they think of each of these dates as potentially leading to marriage when it could really just be a series of "interviews" before any relationship.
I think it's more that some of these girls simply do not even want to know me or anything about me, as they will completely blank me out and not even bother to engage in a conversation as if I'm not worthy enough to even acknowledge. That is the kind of behaviour that can lead to damaging one's confidence.
It's literally like an employer picking up your resume/CV (if it has a photo attached to it) and tossing it straight in the trash because they don't like your photo, not because they've even read it or looked to see what qualities you might have that might make you suitable for the job.
In fairness, I won't go for a coffee with someone unless I see the possibility for a relationship.
I've said no to a fair few guys, some of which were just old guys hitting on me because i'm the barmaid, and they are always like 'Oh I didn't mean it like a date, just thought it'd be nice to hang out and have a conversation cause your a really fun interesting person'...
Well newsflash... that IS a date. It means you are interested in me, and if the date went well, you'd want another date. You can pretend you mean it completely platonically all you want... but you don't.
It's not a marriage proposal... but it is a declaration that you're interested in the person. And if i'm not interested back, I won't go for coffee. Simple as.
With all the intentional display of interest or lack of it, the back-and-forth tease and game, and yeah, all those crazy rules that people keep telling me about. By the time it grows into a relationship all that superficial b.s. BETTER NOT be there. 
(okay not quite but it's not as universally accepted as it is elsewhere).
That just means going out somewhere special like you want to impress someone you're dating.
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