The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

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It depends on the girl and her understanding of why a guy could have problems with that.

If she's sexually inexperienced, she may well take it personally.

Honestly the best thing you can do, is let it be clear that it is YOUR problem. Make sure she knows it has nothing to do with her, and that you still enjoy sex even if you don't finish. The less you both focus on the 'ending' the more you can enjoy the 'journey' :)
Exactly! That's what I said. Hopefully she sees it that way, too. Because it does kind of put pressure on me to orgasm if she expects it all the time. And when that happens, I'll be too busy worrying about orgasm than the "journey" itself.
 
Thanks for that input, Anita. Because I feel like I'm in the same boat. lol And I'm young, so I would think it wouldn't take an hour or two to reach an orgasm. Sometime I don't even reach it, which makes my GF think she's not pleasing me. But she is, which explains why I'm still hard. Hmm
Granted, an hour is a friggin long time. My bf maybe takes 30 minutes average, and believe me, I can't go for 30 minutes of intercourse. I'm kind of a fragile flower in that respect. :o You just try different things instead. Intercourse is sort of the unimaginative default.

If you're both young, your gf still might think it's her "job" to make you orgasm (hint: it's not, and it's not your "job" to make sure she does either), and an hour of trying to help you along is a lot of work. She could be feeling frustrated with that.

We've found something that seems to work for both of us, even though any sexual hijinks will take us at least 30 minutes from start to finish. And then another 30 minutes for cuddling and/or napping. :funny:
 
Granted, an hour is a friggin long time. My bf maybe takes 30 minutes average, and believe me, I can't go for 30 minutes of intercourse. I'm kind of a fragile flower in that respect. :o You just try different things instead. Intercourse is sort of the unimaginative default.

If you're both young, your gf still might think it's her "job" to make you orgasm (hint: it's not, and it's not your "job" to make sure she does either), and an hour of trying to help you along is a lot of work. She could be feeling frustrated with that.

We've found something that seems to work for both of us, even though any sexual hijinks will take us at least 30 minutes from start to finish. And then another 30 minutes for cuddling and/or napping. :funny:
Yeah, tell me about it. lol After 30 minutes, I'm already kind of tired.
 
Yeah, tell me about it. lol After 30 minutes, I'm already kind of tired.
There have been times where we've been in one position for a while, he's been going at it like a rabbit and obviously waiting for me, but I'm not feeling it right then. I've literally had to tell him to stop so we can try something else. I can imagine how tired he's getting, but he never complains. He's cute. :funny:
 
There have been times where we've been in one position for a while, he's been going at it like a rabbit and obviously waiting for me, but I'm not feeling it right then. I've literally had to tell him to stop so we can try something else. I can imagine how tired he's getting, but he never complains. He's cute. :funny:
:word: Dang.

Well, on the bright side, less worry about pregnancy. So I guess it's all good for now. lol
 
:word: Dang.

Well, on the bright side, less worry about pregnancy. So I guess it's all good for now. lol
Well, of course he wouldn't complain. He's a computer nerd (looks it) and y'alls would joke he was lucky he was getting any at all. :oldrazz:

Yup, gotta think practically! I'm the queen of practicality. :awesome:
 
is it possible to be single by choice?
Of course. Priests are single by choice (and yeah, let's not go there). I think of myself as single by choice, but I date women, but I'm as of yet not exclusive. There's a couple of tight young college honies - erm - I mean, there's a couple of nice young ladies I'd like to get to know before I settle down.
 
Well, of course he wouldn't complain. He's a computer nerd (looks it) and y'alls would joke he was lucky he was getting any at all. :oldrazz:

Yup, gotta think practically! I'm the queen of practicality. :awesome:
Another question just popped up. What if an hour or more had passed, and both of you are exhausted, but neither you or your partner had reached orgasm? Would you just stop, or just keep going until the climax?
 
:word: Dang.

Well, on the bright side, less worry about pregnancy. So I guess it's all good for now. lol

Are you saying because your not ejaculating theres less chance of pregnancy, it should be noted that a man still releases sperm even if he does not ejaculate in a 'pre-come'. So i hope your both still using protection.

Just a heads up.:yay:
 
Another question just popped up. What if an hour or more had passed, and both of you are exhausted, but neither you or your partner had reached orgasm? Would you just stop, or just keep going until the climax?

If sex feels like a chore instead of fun, what's the point?
 
Another question just popped up. What if an hour or more had passed, and both of you are exhausted, but neither you or your partner had reached orgasm? Would you just stop, or just keep going until the climax?

I think you both need (if you want to) try something else, i'm sure your aware women climax more easily if you warm the engine (so to speak) oral and other foreplay. If you've already done that, its probably time to stop after an hour, i can't imagine its comfortable for your partner by that point, or yourself.

I've not read the whole thread, but can you 'arrive' when your 'enjoying yourself'?
 
Granted, an hour is a friggin long time. My bf maybe takes 30 minutes average, and believe me, I can't go for 30 minutes of intercourse. I'm kind of a fragile flower in that respect. :o You just try different things instead. Intercourse is sort of the unimaginative default.

If you're both young, your gf still might think it's her "job" to make you orgasm (hint: it's not, and it's not your "job" to make sure she does either), and an hour of trying to help you along is a lot of work. She could be feeling frustrated with that.

We've found something that seems to work for both of us, even though any sexual hijinks will take us at least 30 minutes from start to finish. And then another 30 minutes for cuddling and/or napping. :funny:

Seriously, I WISH sex was over that quickly more often :( But i'd say half an hour was pretty average. Half an hour I can deal with.

It's when you've been at it for say 2 hours, mixing it up with foreplay, different positions etc, and the guys still going... that's when it gets a) uncomfortable and b) boring.

Especially because I've never finished for anyone but myself, so sex isn't all that great for me. Maybe if I had had multiple orgasms in that time, i'd be more inclined to keep going.

Another question just popped up. What if an hour or more had passed, and both of you are exhausted, but neither you or your partner had reached orgasm? Would you just stop, or just keep going until the climax?

Never ever keep going longer than you or your partner are enjoying it.

I learned the hard way, that if you do that, sex looses it's passion. It starts to feel more like you're excersizing than making love. And then the next time you go to do it... you're not excited for it, you're thinking 'ugh, I dunno if I can be bothered with this'.

There is nothing wrong with just stopping, gently kissing her on the forehead and saying 'I'm sorry hun, it's not going to happen tonight'.

If she's anything like me, she'll just be relieved :funny:
 
I usually go about a half an hour to forty minutes. I've definitely gone an hour, but over that I usually have taken some kind of break to draw it out.
 
Another question just popped up. What if an hour or more had passed, and both of you are exhausted, but neither you or your partner had reached orgasm? Would you just stop, or just keep going until the climax?
Sometimes it takes me a while even, but if I feel like I'll eventually get there and I'm still having a good time, I can keep going.

But when it's clear that nothing is really going on down there for whatever reason, then yeah, it's better to stop wasting you and your partner's time and energy. Orgasm is the natural release of sex, but it shouldn't be the goal. In fact, the harder you try, the more pressure you put on yourself, which makes it less likely. :oldrazz:

Are you saying because your not ejaculating theres less chance of pregnancy, it should be noted that a man still releases sperm even if he does not ejaculate in a 'pre-come'. So i hope your both still using protection.

Just a heads up.:yay:
Yup. Which is why I'm on BC. When I wasn't, we were using condoms every time even though he'd never ejaculated in me. So don't think of it as actual birth control, but just a bonus.

Especially because I've never finished for anyone but myself, so sex isn't all that great for me. Maybe if I had had multiple orgasms in that time, i'd be more inclined to keep going.
:csad: But it's so nice with a partner!

And, from experience, after you've had one, you become so sensitive that it's almost uncomfortable. :o
 
We're going on the second week of no visits. We had a serious talk last night and things seemed fine. And he said he was going to visit today. But now he isn't coming...again...and claims he will tomorrow. I've just about had it. I've straight out told him several times I'm lonely, I miss him, and I want him to come and visit me, but nothing is seeming to change. I may need surgery for God's sake! This is serious and I've told him so!
 
You can get away with her level of insanity if you're insanely hot. I know, I've been there personally.

Seriously sometimes the best advice is: be attractive, don't be ugly :D
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Another question just popped up. What if an hour or more had passed, and both of you are exhausted, but neither you or your partner had reached orgasm? Would you just stop, or just keep going until the climax?

I take a long time to finish. If I've been drinking, there's a very little chance of it happening at all. There's been plenty of times where we've just decided to call it a day.
 
We're going on the second week of no visits. We had a serious talk last night and things seemed fine. And he said he was going to visit today. But now he isn't coming...again...and claims he will tomorrow. I've just about had it. I've straight out told him several times I'm lonely, I miss him, and I want him to come and visit me, but nothing is seeming to change. I may need surgery for God's sake! This is serious and I've told him so!
Sigh, I don't really know what to tell you.

It's up to you, how much longer you're going to stand this. Think about it - when you get better, you could very well resent him henceforth for ignoring you in your time of need. Do you want to go through a relationship holding something like that over his head? (Hint: it's not very healthy.)

Or go through the relationship knowing that he might very well flake out on you again in a similar situation? Cause that's not very healthy to carry around either, knowing that someone's a fair weather partner. It's like having a semi-deadbeat dad - only there for a good party times, leaves before he needs to express any dam responsibility. That's not being a real parent, the same way Ephraim isn't being a real partner to you.

Also, take care of yourself, okay? Healing from an injury can take time and patience, and stress obviously doesn't help either. Maybe it does if you're set on healing up so you can jump out of bed and kick his ass. :oldrazz:
 
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Sigh, I don't really know what to tell you.

It's up to you, how much longer you're going to stand this. Think about it - when you get better, you could very well resent him henceforth for ignoring you in your time of need. Do you want to go through a relationship holding something like that over his head? (Hint: it's not very healthy.)

Or go through the relationship knowing that he might very well flake out on you again in a similar situation? Cause that's not very healthy to carry around either, knowing that someone's a fair weather partner. It's like having a semi-deadbeat dad - only there for a good party times, leaves before he needs to express any dam responsibility. That's not being a real parent, the same way Ephraim isn't being a real partner to you.

I'm giving him this one last chance to redeem himself tomorrow. If he doesn't come and visit tomorrow as he's promised, that's it. And if the behavior resumes after tomorrow, hasta la vista. It's not like I'm expecting him to drop everything and spend every waking moment at my house taking care of me. I'd just like a little of his time. Because I'd visit him if he were in my place. That's just a fact of relationships. Supporting your significant other through times like this. Like I told him when I chewed him out on the phone tonight, "Why do you think 'in sickness and in health' is in the wedding vows? For ****s and giggles? It's part of what being in a relationship means"
 
I'm giving him this one last chance to redeem himself tomorrow. If he doesn't come and visit tomorrow as he's promised, that's it. And if the behavior resumes after tomorrow, hasta la vista. It's not like I'm expecting him to drop everything and spend every waking moment at my house taking care of me. I'd just like a little of his time. Because I'd visit him if he were in my place. That's just a fact of relationships. Supporting your significant other through times like this. Like I told him when I chewed him out on the phone tonight, "Why do you think 'in sickness and in health' is in the wedding vows? For ****s and giggles? It's part of what being in a relationship means"
To be fair, you're not married yet so he could be playing the part of the semi-deadbeat dad and thinking it's perfectly fine for his girlfriend's first relationship. IIRC, you thought of living together, no? Seems like a really good decision to hold off, because when you make the step of living together, guess who your employer is gonna call in case of emergency? Hint: not your mom living in another city. :o

But this kind of stuff DOES come up, even for otherwise healthy young people like us. And expecting the partnership to be more serious than a fair weather relationship and seeing what your partner really feels about it....that's not easy. :csad:

Nobody signs up to be the partner of a sick person, unless they're Mother Theresa. But once you're IN a relationship, the expectation is that you help them get better, not make them more upset.
 
To be fair, you're not married yet so he could be playing the part of the semi-deadbeat dad and thinking it's perfectly fine for his girlfriend's first relationship. IIRC, you thought of living together, no? Seems like a really good decision to hold off, because when you make the step of living together, guess who your employer is gonna call in case of emergency? Hint: not your mom living in another city. :o

But this kind of stuff DOES come up, even for otherwise healthy young people like us. And expecting the partnership to be more serious than a fair weather relationship and seeing what your partner really feels about it....that's not easy. :csad:

Nobody signs up to be the partner of a sick person, unless they're Mother Theresa. But once you're IN a relationship, the expectation is that you help them get better, not make them more upset.

I know we aren't married, I was just trying to make a point.

We already decided to hold off moving in together. He's moving in with his friend Brian within the next few weeks. So we'll have a little more privacy once he's no longer living in his grandparents' house.
 
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