The Lord of the Advice: The Two Towering Relationships thread

[Anita18]

You know, maybe it doesn't have to do with me being open but other people being open to someone like me with such an unconventional view of the world. I'm just trying to be as patient as I possibly can, but God all the stress and unyielding mentality of some people that's making things hard on me. I have my own ways of doing things and people have to learn to accept that and work around it or just tell me the truth. I hate things dragging out and not knowing which way I should turn. As you might know and I have learned from personal experience some people can put up an act of being the nice guy for awhile before showing who they really are.

It goes both ways. And if you don't find what you're looking for, you just have to keep up the search. Not everyone is close-minded.

Oh I don't tend to be immediately attracted to someone either. I've never gone after a guy based on looks, it's always after getting to know them that I start to like them (which is why most of the time i've already been friend zoned by the time I realise I like someone).

I did try going for a good guy once. After everything that happened with my horrible ex, I dated this 'nice guy' for about 3 weeks.

And I really hated spending time with him by the end of it. Because he was really just too nice. He was boring. He fell for me way too fast, and treated me like I was amazing and I just totally wasn't into it.

I don't mean I hate being treated like i'm amazing

It's just, I don't want someone who looks at me in awe as though i'm much better and more exciting than they are. It's just kind of weird.

I just want a relationship where both people are on an equal level, and I really don't think that a 'nice guy' is ever really going to fit that, because i'm not a 'nice girl'

Fair enough. Might as well start dating a little earlier, before you figure out you might like them? What's it gonna cost, just a few dates. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But then maybe you wouldn't be friend-zoned so quickly?

 

[Erzengel]

I was immediately attracted to my fiance.

It can go either way.

I was told a story of how this pretty boy blonde boy really liked her but in the end she ended up with someone who was mixed, which she always had a thing for.

And vice versa, I always thought I'd end up with some dark haired light eyed person (Think Zooey Deschanel/Emily Blunt) and I ended up with someone who's half black and half white.

Hopeful, remember that we all have our specific wants in someone even physically, some times we get the things we want, other times we are introduced to things that maybe we didn't necessarily consider initially.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Fair enough. Might as well start dating a little earlier, before you figure out you might like them? What's it gonna cost, just a few dates. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. But then maybe you wouldn't be friend-zoned so quickly?

Yeah, it's certainly something i'm going to try and do when I move.

Trouble is, I really really suck at dumping people. I hate it

I was immediately attracted to my fiance.

It can go either way.

I was told a story of how this pretty boy blonde boy really liked her but in the end she ended up with someone who was mixed, which she always had a thing for.

And vice versa, I always thought I'd end up with some dark haired light eyed person (Think Zooey Deschanel/Emily Blunt) and I ended up with someone who's half black and half white.

Hopeful, remember that we all have our specific wants in someone even physically, some times we get the things we want, other times we are introduced to things that maybe we didn't necessarily consider initially.

Seriously, I have no physical 'wants'. I have no ideal 'look' in my head. And it shows in the guys i've fallen for. Everything from lanky balding guy with a beard, my ex who is basically Jamie Oliver in a fatsuit, and this last guy was ginger... GINGER!

It's all about the personality. That sparkle in the eyes that only comes with a guy who has the ability to playfully tease and an element of cockiness to their personality.

If a guy doesn't have that spark, there is absolutely zero attraction from me. If he does, doesn't matter what he looks like at all really.

 

[Anita18]

I was immediately attracted to my fiance.

It can go either way.

I was told a story of how this pretty boy blonde boy really liked her but in the end she ended up with someone who was mixed, which she always had a thing for.

And vice versa, I always thought I'd end up with some dark haired light eyed person (Think Zooey Deschanel/Emily Blunt) and I ended up with someone who's half black and half white.

Hopeful, remember that we all have our specific wants in someone even physically, some times we get the things we want, other times we are introduced to things that maybe we didn't necessarily consider initially.

To be fair, since we met on a dating site, of course I had to think he was cute before I messaged him. But there wasn't immediate fireworks and, "ZOMG I NEEED to be with this person!"

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

i dunno, it's pretty embarrassing. i just wanted to share my frustration for a moment.

You could always start your post off with "So I have this friend...", then you won't be implicated

Also, Erz, Anita, hopeful, and Optimus, thanks for the feedback. I'm definitely not at a point to do anything rash yet, I'm frustrated, but I still have hope that it's something that can be resolved. As far as the physicality goes, I think I may take a bit of Optimus' book and try to be a bit more aggressive - obviously it's a tight rope walk because I don't want to be too pushy, but I think he made a good point about trying to reason with her through logic, it's just not gonna work. I gotta just try something and see what happens.

Although I have to say I never expected to be called a "perfect boyfriend", lol, hopeful you mind telling that to my girlfriend? lol.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Although I have to say I never expected to be called a "perfect boyfriend", lol, hopeful you mind telling that to my girlfriend? lol.

Just tell me where I can find her!

Seriously, she should so appreciate how patient and understanding your being. If she doesn't, she doesn't deserve you at all.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

You could always start your post off with "So I have this friend...", then you won't be implicated

Also, Erz, Anita, hopeful, and Optimus, thanks for the feedback. I'm definitely not at a point to do anything rash yet, I'm frustrated, but I still have hope that it's something that can be resolved. As far as the physicality goes, I think I may take a bit of Optimus' book and try to be a bit more aggressive - obviously it's a tight rope walk because I don't want to be too pushy, but I think he made a good point about trying to reason with her through logic, it's just not gonna work. I gotta just try something and see what happens.

The problem with "logically" trying to go for sex is there is nothing illogical about sex. If she has a vagina, and you have a penis then logic dictates you two can have sex. Even if you two hated each other. Furthermore, isn't this kind of an awkward sex story: we sat down and laid out the pros and cons, and then decided sex is a good decision so we walked single file into the bedroom and just had sex (that kind of sounds like a prostitute). It certainly never happens that way for me. Usually I'm just going for a kiss, and next thing you know...here we are.

Also, girls always have a good reason to say no to sex because they can get pregnant. So logically, until you're married, or ready to have kids, the answer for a woman could always be no. They want it because it feels so damn good, and that's not a logical reason to do something. Never is.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

The problem with "logically" trying to go for sex is there is nothing illogical about sex. If she has a vagina, and you have a penis then logic dictates you two can have sex. Even if you two hated each other. Furthermore, isn't this kind of an awkward sex story: we sat down and laid out the pros and cons, and then decided sex is a good decision so we walked single file into the bedroom and just had sex (that kind of sounds like a prostitute). It certainly never happens that way for me. Usually I'm just going for a kiss, and next thing you know...here we are.

Also, girls always have a good reason to say no to sex because they can get pregnant. So logically, until you're married, or ready to have kids, the answer for a woman could always be no. They want it because it feels so damn good, and that's not a logical reason to do something. Never is.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well I'm certainly not experienced enough to really know how to win that battle, I'm just gonna have to go for it and hope for the best.

Certainly was nice when I was with my ex, however, she was just in it for the sex (how I never got laid is... GAH!!! STUPID ME!!! lol), so I knew if I was gonna make a move, she was going to reciprocate. And whenever I made a move, she did reciprocate, and I got further with her than I did with any other girl.

I gotta figure out how to get my girlfriend's sex drive out of park.

 

[The Squirrel]

Nell you should consider just jumping ship, instead of trying to think of all the different ways you can trick this poor girl into having sex with you.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Well I'm certainly not experienced enough to really know how to win that battle, I'm just gonna have to go for it and hope for the best.

Certainly was nice when I was with my ex, however, she was just in it for the sex (how I never got laid is... GAH!!! STUPID ME!!! lol), so I knew if I was gonna make a move, she was going to reciprocate. And whenever I made a move, she did reciprocate, and I got further with her than I did with any other girl.

I gotta figure out how to get my girlfriend's sex drive out of park.

Nell you should consider just jumping ship, instead of trying to think of all the different ways you can trick this poor girl into having sex with you.

Nell, I got to say, this "relationship" does sound like every other girl you haven't been with. Just now with the word 'girlfriend' and 'boyfriend' tacked on. I mean like you said, you're basically still single, but you've still got this one-itis. Maybe she would have sex with you if she honestly felt like you could get it somewhere else. Right now she knows you have no other options, and you're still putting all your eggs in one basket. You have all this time in between seeing her, why not pursue other options? Like you said, you don't have to cheat, but maybe if you start talking to girls something will start to happen and then you can break it off.

 

[Erzengel]

I use smoke and mirrors and slight of hand myself.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Ok so this girl asked me out, and she's really cute. She's a fair bit older than me which bothers me in the long term, but I said on our first date I am just having fun right now and not looking to settle down. So really I never was trying to date just her, in fact I've been pretty actively texting and messaging other girls on a daily basis. So third date we finally had sex, and really I'm just not feeling it. I have nothing else going on, but if I did I'd probably drop her shortly thereafter. After we had sex she got very clingy, and actually sent me a drunk text saying "now you've gotten what you wanted" promptly apologizing by saying "sorry, I know how guys are". I was pretty frank about telling her I wanted to get laid, and I'm willing to spend a bit of time with her. She likes to cook me dinner, and that's all very nice, but at her age and mine there is no long term here. She's nearly a decade my senior, and if this is fun I'm fine with it, but I'm dating around and for a long term that is a sticking point for me. With all the cooking, and talking about how I need to [BLACKOUT]give her oral sex[/BLACKOUT] to keep her around, or when she talks about former boyfriends (and girlfriends) she was with a long time it seems like she's looking for something I'm not. She's sweet, I'd like to have fun as long as that's what it is but her little all day text freak out (she texted me for a long while, and I kind of tried to be quick with her, so then she called me, and I'm thinking "look, stop annoying me...geez") after sex where she dumped all her sex anxiety on me really makes me think she wants me as a boyfriend - yeah, I don't want that. Probably ever. I felt like I made myself crystal clear, so maybe I need to just cut this one loose.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Ok so this girl asked me out, and she's really cute. She's a fair bit older than me which bothers me in the long term, but I said on our first date I am just having fun right now and not looking to settle down. So really I never was trying to date just her, in fact I've been pretty actively texting and messaging other girls on a daily basis. So third date we finally had sex, and really I'm just not feeling it. I have nothing else going on, but if I did I'd probably drop her shortly thereafter. After we had sex she got very clingy, and actually sent me a drunk text saying "now you've gotten what you wanted" promptly apologizing by saying "sorry, I know how guys are". I was pretty frank about telling her I wanted to get laid, and I'm willing to spend a bit of time with her. She likes to cook me dinner, and that's all very nice, but at her age and mine there is no long term here. She's nearly a decade my senior, and if this is fun I'm fine with it, but I'm dating around and for a long term that is a sticking point for me. With all the cooking, and talking about how I need to [BLACKOUT]give her oral sex[/BLACKOUT] to keep her around, or when she talks about former boyfriends (and girlfriends) she was with a long time it seems like she's looking for something I'm not. She's sweet, I'd like to have fun as long as that's what it is but her little all day text freak out (she texted me for a long while, and I kind of tried to be quick with her, so then she called me, and I'm thinking "look, stop annoying me...geez") after sex where she dumped all her sex anxiety on me really makes me think she wants me as a boyfriend - yeah, I don't want that. Probably ever. I felt like I made myself crystal clear, so maybe I need to just cut this one loose.

Some females can handle casual relationships, the majority can't though. Not really.

It doesn't sound like this woman can at all. It sounds like she's completely ignoring the fact you said this isn't a relationship and trying to pretend it is anyway.

I'd get out of it. It could get sticky.

 

[Anita18]

Some females can handle casual relationships, the majority can't though. Not really.

It doesn't sound like this woman can at all. It sounds like she's completely ignoring the fact you said this isn't a relationship and trying to pretend it is anyway.

I'd get out of it. It could get sticky.

Many older women are looking to settle down and have families. Obviously not all, but even my sex-crazed friend had her hormones kick in by 30 and subconsciously wanted babies, even though she knew perfectly well she never wanted kids ever. She shut up that inner voice well enough to keep using condoms, and no kids yet still!

Optimus, it's clear what you want to do. So go out and do it.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Some females can handle casual relationships, the majority can't though. Not really.

It doesn't sound like this woman can at all. It sounds like she's completely ignoring the fact you said this isn't a relationship and trying to pretend it is anyway.

I'd get out of it. It could get sticky.

Many older women are looking to settle down and have families. Obviously not all, but even my sex-crazed friend had her hormones kick in by 30 and subconsciously wanted babies, even though she knew perfectly well she never wanted kids ever. She shut up that inner voice well enough to keep using condoms, and no kids yet still!

Optimus, it's clear what you want to do. So go out and do it.

Yeah, I'm sleep walking through it anyways. I really was hoping she'd play this cool, and I would've been fine flirting a bit but she just gave me angst right off the bat and that's a bad sign. I'd like to give her a second chance but I'm pretty sure she needs to start dating guys her own age. We've gone over a bit of her sexual history and it sounds like she goes after younger guys and it doesn't work out.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Yeah, I'm sleep walking through it anyways. I really was hoping she'd play this cool, and I would've been fine flirting a bit but she just gave me angst right off the bat and that's a bad sign. I'd like to give her a second chance but I'm pretty sure she needs to start dating guys her own age. We've gone over a bit of her sexual history and it sounds like she goes after younger guys and it doesn't work out.

I'll never understand that. I can't even imagine going out with a guy a year younger than me... that's probably weird, but it's true, it gives me the heebie jeebies.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I'll never understand that. I can't even imagine going out with a guy a year younger than me... that's probably weird, but it's true, it gives me the heebie jeebies.

I can handle older, as long as we're about the same age. I dated 30, and 30 was fine because I'm 27, so I'm not that far off. I just really hate how so many times I've been like [literally in these words] "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" and somehow that comes out sounding like "I AM looking for something serious, even though I've said explicitly I'm not and never hinted anything to the contrary...but no, seriously, start smoothering me right away after sex because that's what I meant when I said fun".

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I can handle older, as long as we're about the same age. I dated 30, and 30 was fine because I'm 27, so I'm not that far off. I just really hate how so many times I've been like [literally in these words] "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" and somehow that comes out sounding like "I AM looking for something serious, even though I've said explicitly I'm not and never hinted anything to the contrary...but no, seriously, start smoothering me right away after sex because that's what I meant when I said fun".

It's because everyone thinks that they somehow know you better than you know yourself. You 'say' that you don't want a relationship, but they KNOW that you really do want one, your just afraid of commitment or trying to play it cool or something.

People convince themselves to see 'signs' that suit how they WANT to see things, and choose to let those signs be more 'true' than you're actual words. As though words simply mean nothing, because you're lying, obviously

And yeah, it's pretty annoying.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It's because everyone thinks that they somehow know you better than you know yourself. You 'say' that you don't want a relationship, but they KNOW that you really do want one, your just afraid of commitment or trying to play it cool or something.

People convince themselves to see 'signs' that suit how they WANT to see things, and choose to let those signs be more 'true' than you're actual words. As though words simply mean nothing, because you're lying, obviously

And yeah, it's pretty annoying.

Let this be a lesson to friend-zoned guys. This is how the girl feels lol.

"If you had to be married; being married to a guy would be great. Could you imagine saying something, but having the words you said interpreted exactly the way that you intended your words to be interpreted?" - Greg Giraldo (RIP)

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, I'm sleep walking through it anyways. I really was hoping she'd play this cool, and I would've been fine flirting a bit but she just gave me angst right off the bat and that's a bad sign. I'd like to give her a second chance but I'm pretty sure she needs to start dating guys her own age. We've gone over a bit of her sexual history and it sounds like she goes after younger guys and it doesn't work out.

That's kind of stupid, especially if she wants to settle. A lot of younger guys are still playing the field. Maybe she thinks younger guys are more fertile and when you eventually got married, she could get to making babies right away?

It's because everyone thinks that they somehow know you better than you know yourself. You 'say' that you don't want a relationship, but they KNOW that you really do want one, your just afraid of commitment or trying to play it cool or something.

People convince themselves to see 'signs' that suit how they WANT to see things, and choose to let those signs be more 'true' than you're actual words. As though words simply mean nothing, because you're lying, obviously

And yeah, it's pretty annoying.

And it's really stupid, especially for someone who's older. The more I get acquainted with "the real world," the more I'm convinced age =/= maturity. I mean, on the whole, it can, but there are be REALLY strong examples to the opposite.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

That's kind of stupid, especially if she wants to settle. A lot of younger guys are still playing the field. Maybe she thinks younger guys are more fertile and when you eventually got married, she could get to making babies right away?


:

Oh no. I don't think that's it at all. She acts and even looks younger (she definitely shows it in her face a bit), much younger than her age. So I think she is going for guys of the age she's acting like. She's never explicitly said babies, but she does wedding cakes and I think she wants to settle down, at least with like a guy she can be with. It isn't me. Like you say I play the field, and she can't honestly keep me from the next twenty year old. That'd freak her out I can already tell. Plus the sex was real dull for me. I got kind of bored by it but I think it probably is just my lack of emotion towards her.

She also talked about her last boyfriend (29) of six months. I'm thinking six months?!? It's a waste of her time to spend six months with a 27 year old who talks to girls mostly younger than her and him.

She even said something telling when she asked me out: "I bet you have a girlfriend". She's already well aware of how easily I'd run from the get go. She knew I was young and was bracing herself for that.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Here's some food for thought to certain individuals stalking me that lurk here who know who they are: I'd rather rely on my expansive imagination instead of submitting myself to yet another disappointing psychological and sexual relationship. Just accept it and move on.

 

[Mrs. Sawyer]

 

[Godzilla2000]

No, it's not a cool story for me at all. It's a s****y story because I'm fed up with jealous little girls attacking me or getting their friends, family and friends of their family to attack me when what they should be doing themselves is act like mature, well adjusted people and talk to me in person like human beings, not act violently and bullyish like wild animals during mating season. And I'm not a bro.