The Mental Health and Wellness Thread

[Spider-Aziz]

I'm thinking of keeping it to myself because my family worries. I don't want my mom to worry.

She'll worry more if you leave it until it gets worse.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

Been off work on vacation for like 2 weeks have to go back to work tomorrow need to get to bed have only about 6 hours and 14 minutes and I have to go back to work. The anxentiy, depression and stress I am felling now has I cant stand my job but am stuck because I have been trying to find a new job sense august of 2012 but cant find any thing. I dont buy the whole job market/un employment rate being good to be true no way or I would have found a new job years ago already.

What's your job?

 

[Mandon Knight]

This very sad story is turning into a terrible nightmare....

Jeremy Kyle: more TV show guests killed themselves, it emerges

 

[spiderman2]

What's your job?

Work at a grocery story and I am just sick of it. Cant stand my boss, ever thing in the store is like broken and they are to cheap to fix any thing, crazy understafted and its a really bussy store, and on top of being crazy understafted no one does there job, and that just makes things harder. So sick of having to do like 2 peoples job ever single day. That is only like half of it. I could go on and on. I fell like I am just going to explode ever day. Its taking all my strength to not just like cuss people out and get fired and I am not someone that cusses much. I have have basically been living on like no sleep has a result for like 6 years and its scaring me because has a result on living with like no sleep my memory is getting really bad and that scares me big time that at only like 30 I fell like I have no memory. I am not good at holding in emotions and I fell like the place is slowing killing me and having to try to pretend nothing is wrong day after day is driving me nuts. I am really afraid that things will not get better and I will be just stuck hating life for another like 30-40 years working and not being able to find any thing new. I fell like the last 7 years of my life have just been a waste and even though I am alive I fell like I am not living if that makes sense.

 

[Spider-Aziz]

Work at a grocery story and I am just sick of it. Cant stand my boss, ever thing in the store is like broken and they are to cheap to fix any thing, crazy understafted and its a really bussy store, and on top of being crazy understafted no one does there job, and that just makes things harder. So sick of having to do like 2 peoples job ever single day. That is only like half of it. I could go on and on. I fell like I am just going to explode ever day. Its taking all my strength to not just like cuss people out and get fired and I am not someone that cusses much. I have have basically been living on like no sleep has a result for like 6 years and its scaring me because has a result on living with like no sleep my memory is getting really bad and that scares me big time that at only like 30 I fell like I have no memory. I am not good at holding in emotions and I fell like the place is slowing killing me and having to try to pretend nothing is wrong day after day is driving me nuts. I am really afraid that things will not get better and I will be just stuck hating life for another like 30-40 years working and not being able to find any thing new. I fell like the last 7 years of my life have just been a waste and even though I am alive I fell like I am not living if that makes sense.

I was hoping to find a way to make this more pleasant, looks like I'll have to think harder.

 

[B]

This very sad story is turning into a terrible nightmare....

Jeremy Kyle: more TV show guests killed themselves, it emerges

Sad stuff, that TV show is an abomination, in the few times I've ever had the misfortune of watching it for any period of time Jeremy Kyle himself seems to be quite aggressive in getting to the truth or getting his point across. It's not only cringe worthy to watch him be so cheeky to his guests, but it looks to be quite humiliating if you're the one caught lying about something.. especially with him twisting the knife.

I wouldn't go as far as to blame Jeremy Kyle personally for those guests killing themselves, but he damn well wasn't helping.

 

[spiderman2]

I was hoping to find a way to make this more pleasant, looks like I'll have to think harder.

You mean trying to find the bright spot?

 

[Spider-Aziz]

You mean trying to find the bright spot?

No, trying to improve the quality of your work routine.

And good job on writing this post perfectly. May you progress further like this.

 

[TripleR]

So, I lurk on this site a lot, dont comment much, but I've recently been going through a hard time and kind of just need to vent a little and this seems like the right thread to do it in... fair warning, this might be a bit of a long post. Apologies in advance if this isnt the right place to post this or if I ramble too much...

Soooooo... I spent 3 and a half years happier than I've ever been in my life. I've been plagued with crippling depression, an awful family life, and constant rejection and low self esteem since I was a small child. Then I turned it all around, met the girl of my dreams, got away from my toxic family, and had an amazing living situation with some of my best friends sharing an apartment that my girl eventually moved into with me.

We were together 3.5 years, barely a day apart, living together the last year and a half of it. I thought she was the one for me and she made me happier than I thought possible... then around Christmas time we split, our roommate moved back home, we lost the apartment, and because of circumstances I had to move a very far way away from the small bit of family I do value, all of my friends, and everything I know and love.

I've been living with family down south in what's basically a retirement community. After years on my own in a big city with my partner and my best friend, being smothered by a formerly absent parent with no one else around me is miserable. No matter how hard I try, I can't find or make friends or get a date to save my life. I try to keep my head up and do the right thing... cutting out drinking, trying to quit smoking, working and throwing myself into the gym, but when I have free time (which I have a lot of) I cant find the will to get out of bed.

I spend my free time trying unsuccessfully to sleep, sometimes I'm awake over 30 hours at a time because my mind is racing, and even after 5 months I still find myself crying over the girl who broke my heart every night. I dont know what to do, and I'm still so far away from getting a way back home, where I at least have my support system, feel comfortable, can get my independence back, and at least try to get back into dating. Every day is painful as i just go through the motions, and every night when I try to go to sleep I find myself repeating "I just wish I'd die already."

The whole experience has left me worse than I've ever been, and that's saying something, coming from a family of abuse, drug addicts, and multiple stints of homelessness. I'd almost rather have never been happy than to have had it, and have it ripped away from me all at once so suddenly. I've been homeless twice before, and as dramatic as it may sound, i preferred being homeless in my city than sleeping in my old man's office on a pull out couch in a retirement community with little options for work, friendship, and dating.

Apologies for the long post, and I dont expect anyone to be able to help me, but I guess I just had to get that off my chest...

 

[Flash525]

@TripleR , it's good that you've found the courage(?) to speak up on what you're currently feeling, and I/we can only but empathise with your situation. I haven't gone through anything like you've gone through myself, but I can only imagine how you must sometimes feel when you went from a toxic environment, to then having everything work out perfectly for a short while, for it to then go down the pan (so to speak).

Do you feel any better in yourself for opening up and sharing what you just have? Even if it is to a bunch of strangers?

You're no doubt still (trying to) adapt to the change of circumstances, and five months isn't really much time at all to get over someone you've been with for over three years. It's not entirely related but back last year I went on a couple of dates with the same girl, and even though nothing came of it, it took me a good three or four months to get her out of my head, so I can only imagine how you must be struggling.

If we take a look at your life for a minute, you've clearly stated that you've suffered with depression, had a horrid family life, and was constantly rejected and yet despite all of this, you (not anyone else) managed to turn your life around. If you've had the determination and ambition to do that once, I have no doubt that you have it within you to do that again, it just might not currently be the right time for you to do so.

The gym will obviously fill some of your time, but what else could you do, or what else do you think you may enjoy doing that you could give a go? Are you interested in any sport, maybe join a running club? Are you interested at all in card and board games? Are there any local events with that? Have you tried MeetUp.com? There's usually a vast selection of groups on there, even if they are just social.

I spend my free time trying unsuccessfully to sleep, sometimes I'm awake over 30 hours at a time because my mind is racing, and even after 5 months I still find myself crying over the girl who broke my heart every night. I dont know what to do, and I'm still so far away from getting a way back home, where I at least have my support system, feel comfortable, can get my independence back, and at least try to get back into dating. Every day is painful as i just go through the motions, and every night when I try to go to sleep I find myself repeating "I just wish I'd die already."

Do you actually want to be dead though, or do you just wish life would improve? If the latter, then you have the means to make that improvement.

Today might suck, tomorrow might suck even more, and next week might suck too, but next month, or even next year may be the best times of your life. I can't imagine you want to throw that away.

The whole experience has left me worse than I've ever been, and that's saying something, coming from a family of abuse, drug addicts, and multiple stints of homelessness. I'd almost rather have never been happy than to have had it, and have it ripped away from me all at once so suddenly. I've been homeless twice before, and as dramatic as it may sound, i preferred being homeless in my city than sleeping in my old man's office on a pull out couch in a retirement community with little options for work, friendship, and dating.

What I think you should take away from this is that it has been an experience. It might not have ended well, but it was an experience all the same. It's things like this that build us, make us stronger, give us perspective. You've obviously got a challenge ahead of you, but I think you're capable of overcoming that and getting out on top. You've done it before. You just need to believe in yourself.

 

[Mandon Knight]

@TripleR, PM'ed you with offer of help & support, no obligation to reply or respond in any way, just know, as @Flash525 indicates there is help here and we want to help, Regards, Jim

 

[TripleR]

@TripleR , it's good that you've found the courage(?) to speak up on what you're currently feeling, and I/we can only but empathise with your situation. I haven't gone through anything like you've gone through myself, but I can only imagine how you must sometimes feel when you went from a toxic environment, to then having everything work out perfectly for a short while, for it to then go down the pan (so to speak).

Do you feel any better in yourself for opening up and sharing what you just have? Even if it is to a bunch of strangers?

You're no doubt still (trying to) adapt to the change of circumstances, and five months isn't really much time at all to get over someone you've been with for over three years. It's not entirely related but back last year I went on a couple of dates with the same girl, and even though nothing came of it, it took me a good three or four months to get her out of my head, so I can only imagine how you must be struggling.

If we take a look at your life for a minute, you've clearly stated that you've suffered with depression, had a horrid family life, and was constantly rejected and yet despite all of this, you (not anyone else) managed to turn your life around. If you've had the determination and ambition to do that once, I have no doubt that you have it within you to do that again, it just might not currently be the right time for you to do so.

The gym will obviously fill some of your time, but what else could you do, or what else do you think you may enjoy doing that you could give a go? Are you interested in any sport, maybe join a running club? Are you interested at all in card and board games? Are there any local events with that? Have you tried MeetUp.com? There's usually a vast selection of groups on there, even if they are just social.

Do you actually want to be dead though, or do you just wish life would improve? If the latter, then you have the means to make that improvement.

Today might suck, tomorrow might suck even more, and next week might suck too, but next month, or even next year may be the best times of your life. I can't imagine you want to throw that away.

What I think you should take away from this is that it has been an experience. It might not have ended well, but it was an experience all the same. It's things like this that build us, make us stronger, give us perspective. You've obviously got a challenge ahead of you, but I think you're capable of overcoming that and getting out on top. You've done it before. You just need to believe in yourself.

I honestly feel a lot better for just opening up and spilling all this. My best friend who's been a brother to me for over 10 years lived with us and knows how broken I am. He's been my hetero life mate (any Jay and Silent Bob fans here lol, just means we've spent almost all our time together for over a decade and got very close), but I try to keep the darkest parts of this to myself so I don't worry my friend.

@TripleR , it's good that you've found the courage(?) to speak up on what you're currently feeling, and I/we can only but empathise with your situation. I haven't gone through anything like you've gone through myself, but I can only imagine how you must sometimes feel when you went from a toxic environment, to then having everything work out perfectly for a short while, for it to then go down the pan (so to speak).

Do you feel any better in yourself for opening up and sharing what you just have? Even if it is to a bunch of strangers?

You're no doubt still (trying to) adapt to the change of circumstances, and five months isn't really much time at all to get over someone you've been with for over three years. It's not entirely related but back last year I went on a couple of dates with the same girl, and even though nothing came of it, it took me a good three or four months to get her out of my head, so I can only imagine how you must be struggling.

If we take a look at your life for a minute, you've clearly stated that you've suffered with depression, had a horrid family life, and was constantly rejected and yet despite all of this, you (not anyone else) managed to turn your life around. If you've had the determination and ambition to do that once, I have no doubt that you have it within you to do that again, it just might not currently be the right time for you to do so.

The gym will obviously fill some of your time, but what else could you do, or what else do you think you may enjoy doing that you could give a go? Are you interested in any sport, maybe join a running club? Are you interested at all in card and board games? Are there any local events with that? Have you tried MeetUp.com? There's usually a vast selection of groups on there, even if they are just social.

Do you actually want to be dead though, or do you just wish life would improve? If the latter, then you have the means to make that improvement.

Today might suck, tomorrow might suck even more, and next week might suck too, but next month, or even next year may be the best times of your life. I can't imagine you want to throw that away.

What I think you should take away from this is that it has been an experience. It might not have ended well, but it was an experience all the same. It's things like this that build us, make us stronger, give us perspective. You've obviously got a challenge ahead of you, but I think you're capable of overcoming that and getting out on top. You've done it before. You just need to believe in yourself.

@TripleR

@TripleR , it's good that you've found the courage(?) to speak up on what you're currently feeling, and I/we can only but empathise with your situation. I haven't gone through anything like you've gone through myself, but I can only imagine how you must sometimes feel when you went from a toxic environment, to then having everything work out perfectly for a short while, for it to then go down the pan (so to speak).

Do you feel any better in yourself for opening up and sharing what you just have? Even if it is to a bunch of strangers?

You're no doubt still (trying to) adapt to the change of circumstances, and five months isn't really much time at all to get over someone you've been with for over three years. It's not entirely related but back last year I went on a couple of dates with the same girl, and even though nothing came of it, it took me a good three or four months to get her out of my head, so I can only imagine how you must be struggling.

If we take a look at your life for a minute, you've clearly stated that you've suffered with depression, had a horrid family life, and was constantly rejected and yet despite all of this, you (not anyone else) managed to turn your life around. If you've had the determination and ambition to do that once, I have no doubt that you have it within you to do that again, it just might not currently be the right time for you to do so.

The gym will obviously fill some of your time, but what else could you do, or what else do you think you may enjoy doing that you could give a go? Are you interested in any sport, maybe join a running club? Are you interested at all in card and board games? Are there any local events with that? Have you tried MeetUp.com? There's usually a vast selection of groups on there, even if they are just social.

Do you actually want to be dead though, or do you just wish life would improve? If the latter, then you have the means to make that improvement.

Today might suck, tomorrow might suck even more, and next week might suck too, but next month, or even next year may be the best times of your life. I can't imagine you want to throw that away.

What I think you should take away from this is that it has been an experience. It might not have ended well, but it was an experience all the same. It's things like this that build us, make us stronger, give us perspective. You've obviously got a challenge ahead of you, but I think you're capable of overcoming that and getting out on top. You've done it before. You just need to believe in yourself.

 

[FTCBIRDMAN]

I didn't know this thread existed. I'm glad I found it. Here is my tale of woe. About 6 years ago I started noticing pain all over my entire body. I went to the doctor as one does, but they could not find anything wrong after doing simple blood tests and an x-ray of my back looking for a spinal issue like a pinched nerve I guess. Fast forward 6 years and I am in agony. Every muscle, joint and inch of my body hurts. I've been to the doctor dozens of times. They have "guessed" fibromyalgia, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis and a general "myalgia". I've never had an actual diagnosis. I've been given multiple different kinds of medications none of which have any affect. So I'm dealing with all of this in late March of 2018 and my Grandfather falls ill. He was 85 and dealing with Parkinsons and had been in a decline but now he had gotten worse. As a family we called in hospice. The hospice folks informed us that he was nearing the end and advised us to hell make him comfortable. They provided us with morphine to give him every few hours. So we gave him the morphine every few hours as directed. He never woke up for 5 days before he passed. Never ate or drank anything. It was a Monday morning when we called hospice. That morning I made my Grandpa 2 eggs for his breakfast. He ate them up and told me how good they were. The next morning in between doses of morphine, he told me he loved me. It was the last thing he ever said to me. I feel so much guilt over how that was handled. Due to the morphine and not eating or drinking for 5 days, his death certificate reads "malnutrition". He basically starved to death. I've always felt responsible for it. Then a few months later, my dog of 12 years fell ill and we were forced to put her down. She died in my arms. It nearly broke me. A few short weeks after that one evening I went to check on my grandmother as she was now living alone and needed me to help with her dinner and groceries and things. I found her face down in the bathtub naked. She was trying to take a shower and fell. Her face was directly on the drain. I pulled her out of the tub and she didn't recognize me. She couldn't speak to me. She could only make noises as if she was in great pain. I called 911 and an ambulance came. They took her to the ER and it was explained that she had quite a bit of brain swelling. She had a tumor removed in 2000 and brain swelling was an issue we had been dealing with. It was so bad now that she could no longer recognize her family or communicate at all. They gave her a very high dosage of steroids and she started to come around but they informed us that she was going to need 24 hour care now. She told us she did not want to be in a home and she would just rather "go be with Grandpa." We decided the best course would be to bring her home and try our best to take care of her there. A few weeks of that and we began to realize it was impossible. She could not do anything for herself any longer. We decided the best course we be to put her in a nursing home so she could have the care she needed. The day we brought her there, she sobbed. She hated it there so much(she had to spend a few weeks there during her recovery from the brain swelling incident.) But we could no longer give her the care she needed. The next day she fell into some sort of coma. Hospice had to come in and again one of my beloved grandparents was given morphine for almost a week until she passed away. I was very close to my grandparents. They were the best people I ever knew and I don't understand what kind of a world or God if you will, would let something so horrible happen to such great people. And I am a farmer. We have had multiple fields flooded this season and do not know if we are going to get our crops in in time. Plus with the current crop prices, we could be in trouble. I just feel like I'm at my ropes end. Everything I feel seems to be misery. I can't seem to find anything resembling happiness. I'm in constant pain, I don't sleep and people I love are going away. I'd be lying if said I hadn't considered taking the easy way out. The only thing that keeps me from that is the people that I do still have. I lost my brother in a motorcycle accident in 2001. If I left, it would kill my family. So there is my war and peace length story. I'm glad I found this forum because I've never gotten all of that off of my chest before just now

 

[Flash525]

We're in 2019 and people still can't factor in the ability of paragraphs to such long posts. @FTCBIRDMAN , should you reply, please please please break it down a bit!

In any case, you're dealing with quite a here, from your own physical pain, the death of your grandfather, you brother, your dog, and (regrettably) your grandmother may soon be on her way out too. All this going on in your life as well as your farms being ruined by the weather. It's no surprise you're at your wits end.

It is however good (I think) that you realise what you'd be leaving behind if you did decide to take your own life and end it all. Presumably you can't, or don't want to talk to your family about your feelings at this time for fear they'll worry about you if they've already got so much going on themselves, what with the loss of loved ones and the farm.

You cannot blame yourself for the malnutrition of your grandfather; you were following the advice of healthcare professionals, and so if anyone is at fault (and I don't use that term to imply actual intent) then it would be them. It's a catch-22 situation I suppose, as healthcare have to deal with so many people who are old, frail, unable to cope on their own, that quite often the bare minimum seems to be done because it's simply easier on them. Little are they aware at the time that one day they'll be in a similar situation.

What you should take away from your situation with your grandfather is that you know he loved you - he said as much before he passed, and you've no doubt some great memories of the two of you to take with you on your journey through life. Hold them close, and remember him through them, rather than his final days.

The situation with your grandmother is tricky too, but necessary. She doesn't want to be in a nursing home, and I can totally respect that. Many people (once they reach a certain age, or situation) wish to die on their own terms, in their own favoured surroundings; a nursing home isn't one of those. As horrible as it sounds to say, a nursing home (or somewhere similar) is a place for retired people to go and ... well, wait for their time to come.

It's a horrible situation really, but it's a necessary evil. If you choose otherwise, you're essentially dedicating your life, and the life of others to care for someone when you respectfully have your own lives to lead. If everyone forever cared for someone else, nobody would have a life of their own. There is no fault on you here, it's just one of those things that we're powerless against.

As for your physical discomfort and/or pain. Short of insisting on more tests, or maybe seeing a physiotherapist, or something along those lines, there's not much that can be done on your own terms.

 

[FTCBIRDMAN]

Thanks for your reply but you could have left out the part about paragraphs. When you read my post, was that something that seemed like a concern of mine? I don't think people in the depression /suicide thread need to be lectured on how their posts are written. It takes a lot of courage to post something about considering suicide. The important part is that people feel like this is a safe area to post something that maybe they can't even speak to friends and family about

 

[Mandon Knight]

Thanks for your reply but you could have left out the part about paragraphs. When you read my post, was that something that seemed like a concern of mine? I don't think people in the depression /suicide thread need to be lectured on how their posts are written. It takes a lot of courage to post something about considering suicide. The important part is that people feel like this is a safe area to post something that maybe they can't even speak to friends and family about

Write however you wish to write @FTCBIRDMAN, you'll be heard, you'll be listened too, your courage is one that is never to be on your own in this thread. This is a platform of safety, above all, here. Glad you found it and glad you found the strength to write, I can only speak for myself, but it's not about answers being found in early stages, it's about finding the strength to open up and know there is a line of acceptance at the other end and I can speak from experience when I say @Flash525 is a decent guy, he won't have meant bad meaning from how he wrote what he did by way of how you presented, you present how you want too and we'll help and support all we can, Regards, Jim (MK)

 

[Flash525]

Thanks for your reply but you could have left out the part about paragraphs. When you read my post, was that something that seemed like a concern of mine? I don't think people in the depression /suicide thread need to be lectured on how their posts are written. It takes a lot of courage to post something about considering suicide. The important part is that people feel like this is a safe area to post something that maybe they can't even speak to friends and family about

I apologise if you feel I was overly critical, that wasn't my intention. I replied to you in an attempt to help.

That said though, whilst paragraphs weren't a concern of yours, breaking up your concerns not only makes it easier for us to read (and respond too) but may allow you to break them up into more manageable problems yourself. I was happy to reply to you when I did, but it took me a bit of time to sieve through your post. I'm thinking if it was more structured on here, it may then be more structured in your head, and that's a win for everyone. That's all.

 

[FTCBIRDMAN]

I appreciate the apology. I just don't think this is the place to be critical about how posts are written. The important part is that they are written in the first place. On a normal thread I could understand it. This is the one place where I think we can hold back on criticism of that type. That's all I'm saying

 

[Flash525]

I appreciate the apology. I just don't think this is the place to be critical about how posts are written. The important part is that they are written in the first place. On a normal thread I could understand it. This is the one place where I think we can hold back on criticism of that type. That's all I'm saying

And that's perfectly fine you thinking that; I just think it makes it easier (on everyone) if posts are structured, that's all. It wasn't meant to be a reflection on you.

It's good (for you) to unload, and presumably you did because you wanted feedback (or maybe you didn't - maybe you just needed to unload) but sometimes feedback is restricted or delayed if the original content is blocked up like it was.

Sorry, I'm not trying to tell you how to say your piece, I'm only trying to explain the benefits to paragraphs for all concerned. I completely understand why you haven't used them, especially if you just wrote to get it out of your head and on here; a little structure however helps us read and understand, and may even give you some self insight too.

If you feel like unloading more, pretty sure me and @Mandon Knight (and maybe others) will be about, otherwise I hope the feedback provided thus far is enough to comfort you; paragraph criticism aside.

 

[Abishai100]

Addressing Community Windows

Actually, links between autism and depression have been explored in good detail recently by passionate neuropsychologists in New York and San Diego working to balance medical discoveries with patient-care issues related to community views/windows(!).

It seems there's much potential in harnessing community/personnel resources to address what patients/individuals actually need from their social environments. More and more care-givers talk about the value of teaching/education in the facilitation of productive/stimulating environments.

We might consider therefore the opportunities parents/friends of individuals suffering from depression and other lifestyle-limiting mental experiences have in creating brain-enriching outings (perhaps this summer!) designed to help patients embrace community arenas (e.g., amusement parks, public beaches) and socializing as a creative podium of 'fitness.'


====

AUTISM PATIENT: Why do you want to take me to a water-park?
CARE-GIVER/FRIEND: I think you'll love Dorney Park!
PATIENT: I don't want to socialize...
FRIEND: The summer air, rides, and pools will energize you!
PATIENT: I worry about crowds...
FRIEND: A Dorney Park summer can be...dioramic.
PATIENT: Let me look at photos of the park first!
FRIEND: We can find them together on the Internet.

====

 

[spiderman2]

I just wish I could die I just fell done.

 

[jmc]

You're not done, you just need to find a purpose. A goal to strive for and achieve.

 

[Iceman]

I just wish I could die I just fell done.

As jmc said, you’re not done mate. You don’t have to meet any particular external standards to have a good life, and even having small goals and trying to meet them can change everything. No need to get to the top and achieve everything for life to have meaning and be enjoyable.

I’ve seen you post about games and superhero films and in the fitness thread, and that is contributing and making other people’s lives (like mine) better, regardless of what might be going on outside of that. Please keep doing that.

 

[spiderman2]

As jmc said, you’re not done mate. You don’t have to meet any particular external standards to have a good life, and even having small goals and trying to meet them can change everything. No need to get to the top and achieve everything for life to have meaning and be enjoyable.

I’ve seen you post about games and superhero films and in the fitness thread, and that is contributing and making other people’s lives (like mine) better, regardless of what might be going on outside of that. Please keep doing that.

I just need a new job and I am so sick of looking and just have a hard time staying motivated and just fell defeated. 7 years I have been hating my job and been trying to find something else but no matter what I do cant get a job darn it. My current job is killing my health. I have basically been living on no sleep for like 7 years and it makes my heart burn a lot worse. I am craving sugar like 24/7 because of the stress and makes it really hard to not give in and east sweats and when I do I tend to eat a lot in a short time. The lack of sleep is destroying my memory I have like no short term memory any more. I just dont known what to do just fell 100% trapped and like I have zero control.

 

[jmc]

I just need a new job and I am so sick of looking and just have a hard time staying motivated and just fell defeated. 7 years I have been hating my job and been trying to find something else but no matter what I do cant get a job darn it. My current job is killing my health. I have basically been living on no sleep for like 7 years and it makes my heart burn a lot worse. I am craving sugar like 24/7 because of the stress and makes it really hard to not give in and east sweats and when I do I tend to eat a lot in a short time. The lack of sleep is destroying my memory I have like no short term memory any more. I just dont known what to do just fell 100% trapped and like I have zero control.

I'm going to provide some tough love here as someone who's gone through **** like this. First things first, you need to get your health in order. Cut out the sugar immediately, and when I say immediately I mean as of right now. Not in a few days, not next week, not when you feel 'ready', do it now. A few years ago I went through a depression and a big part of what was screwing me over was what I was eating. You're using this junk food as a means to give your brain a dopamine hit because you're looking for something to make you happy, which in turns is affecting your body making you miserable, which in turn makes you turn to bad food again because that provides a brief dopamine hit. It's a vicious cycle.

First thing tomorrow, throw out every piece of bad food you have in your environment, go down to your local supermarket and by a bunch of fresh produce. Leans meats and vegetables, eggs, a little bit of dairy, and stay away from all grains. Right now your body is hooked on artificial flavours, and that is screwing with your mind. The sugars are also causing your sleeplessness because they providing too much energy in your system. This is going to be your first step.

Next - your sleep. You need to work out a proper sleep schedule. You need at least 7-8 hours of sleep per night. Once you've workout your schedule here's what you need to do. One hour before your scheduled sleep time turn off all your electronic devices, phone, computers, tablet, TV, whatever it is, and turn off as many lights in your house as you can. Artificial light reduces the production of melatonin which is needed for sleep. This will start to teach your body that your bedtime is approaching. On top of that, sit in bed and read something, a book, a magazine, whatever. Reading at night with a low light will start to tire your eyes. If there's any issues with noise in your environment buy some ear plugs to eliminated the sound. Work out your sleep schedule and stick to it.

Third - exercise. You have to schedule time to work out. You don't have to become a gym junkie, you've just got to find enough time throughout the day to fit in 30-45 mins of exercise. If you can't do it all in one session, sprinkle it throughout the day in 5-10 mins sessions. Spend 5 mins doing pushups, 5 mins doing squats, then come back in 2-3 hours time and do 5 mins of lunges, 5 mins of star jumps, etc. Watch this dudes youtube channel: ATHLEAN-X™

Before you can do anything about your job, you have to clean these other areas up first. Your job may suck and you may want to find something better, but until you fix this other stuff first changing jobs isn't going to magically solve your problems. You have to do this do this other stuff first. Right now you are in a cycle, and if you don't actively try to break it now you're going to continue on ****ing up your health and sanity. We can't change it all at once, we have to pick and choose our battles one at a time. If you do these small steps first, you will start to feel better about yourself, which in turn mean your chances for improvement across other areas of your life will be enhanced, including your work.

You are not trapped, you just don't have the tools to work your way out of the problem. Right now, I'm giving you the tools. You have to start small and work your way up, and you have to say to yourself this is a long term plan. The plan, and I want you to write this down and stick it on your wall in big black letters - find a new job. But you've got to do this other stuff first. You're no good to a new employer if you haven't sorted this other stuff out first. This won't be solved overnight. You have a choice right now. Continue on this path, or start breaking the cycle. Do this now.